God, the Devil, and Bob 1.13 - Bob Gets Involved

Plot: Bob comes home to Donna rehearsing for Arsenic and Old Lace, and finds Andy's lnchbox in the trash with a profanity written across. Bob is outraged, and decides to take action against this appalling behavior. But yelling at the school (literally, he stands in the parking lot and shouts at an empty building) after hours accomplishes nothing. God's suggestion to look within whistles in and out. The Devil gets Bob to call into a radio show he's hosting, as a way to unite Bob with other like-minded imbeciles.

The group's initial attempt to keep rap music away from children runs up against the fact CDs are expensive (oh, that dates this episode). But here's the Devil again, presenting himself as a classy evil, willing to donate a check for 50 grand. Bob spends it on night vision goggles, and then his group set their sights on Donna's play. Which forces the actors to try and stage the play secretly, only for the Devil to tip off Bob's group. And just when the theater seems ready to erupt in violence, Kevin Bacon arrives to defuse the situation with dancing.

None of which solves the problem of the word scrawled on Andy's lunchbox, now also painted in big letters on the backyard fence.

Quote of the Episode: Smeck - 'What if Bob restores order and morality to Detroit?'

Smeck Smacks: 5 (32 overall).

Other: The arrival of Kevin Bacon (and subsequent quick departure) is random, but I at least enjoyed the secret of why he would continually show up to ruin the Devil's plans.

Also, Bob tries to intimidate God in the men's room at the bar to learn who wrote on Andy's lunchbox. Which takes a certain amount of chutzpah, considering God's track record towards people who defy him. Along those same lines, Bob trying to justify his taking that check from the Devil. Calling God an idealist, while describing himself as a realist, a consensus builder.

God did use the airbag to punch him, though. A week after he used a table to do the same thing. He's real fond of that plausible deniability stuff.

Although Bob was surprisingly serious about this, in his clumsy, misguided way. Even when Donna told him he was no longer invited to the cast party, and they got a keg. I thought for sure missing out on beer would get him to reconsider, but no. A man's quest to protect his son from anyone's swearing other than his own supersedes alcoholism.

Bob's pal Barry wants the schools to stop educating kids so they can't take his and Bob's jobs. Instead, the kids will do all the crappy work, and then they can stop the immigrants. Sounds like Barry's got a future in the Republican Party.

Not a strong episode to end on, but there you have it. When I started this rewatch, it had been long enough since I'd watched the show that I figured I'd enjoy one or two episodes - "The Devil's Birthday" most likely - and the rest would be a disaster. But it turned out to be more enjoyable than that. The subplots are weak, often with no resolution or one that's tossed in at some point. They come off as strictly filler, which suggests the A plot is too weak to carry the episode. But there are almost always a few decent gags or lines in each episode, so that's not too bad.

After 5+ years and 7 different shows, I'm going to take a break from the episode rundowns. Come back next Sunday to learn what's going to be taking over!

God, the Devil, and Bob 1.12 - God's Girlfriend

Plot: The Allman family is on their annual vacation to a lakeside resort. Andy's excited to swim out to the floating dock in the middle, while Megan's excited about the boys present (but not about wearing sunscreen to Donna's regret).

Unfortunately for Bob, God has shown up, and unfortunately for Him, his ex, Sarah, is there, too. God ditched her in Paris, and so things are awkward. The Devil is behind it, of course, hoping to cause mischief in Heaven while God's distracted. He's heading up there to grab some souls. But no Richard Nixon! Heaven involves a lot of paperwork, though.

And so there are two opposing, incompetent forces trying to get involved in God and Sarah's eventual, tentative rekindling. On the one side, Smeck is trying to nudge them together on the Devil's behalf. On the other, Bob is trying to break them up, because if God's busy with Sarah, who will Bob pray to for stuff? I assumed his bookie, or Donna's family, but apparently there are no other options.

Quote of the Episode: Bob - 'What kind of a god raids another man's hospitality bar? Those Cokes are 3 bucks each.' God - 'I know, I'm a wrathful God.'

Smeck Smacks: 3 (27 overall).

Other: Andy did make it out to the raft. And Megan did get sunburned. The Devil only managed to get the paperwork for one soul completed, and you can guess who they tried to foist on him.

The idea of Nixon being in Heaven was the most surprising thing in this episode, at least until the Devil mentioned he had already refused Nixon the first time around, because he ruins everything for everyone else down in Hell.

Well, maybe the idea of Heaven being such a stickler for paperwork. I'd always figured a more laissez-faire approach once people were in. I guess the relaxed atmosphere is thanks to the hard work of the many angels behind the scenes.

God took relationship advice from an episode of Mr. Ed. I've seen less qualified people touted as experts on things.

Ultimately, God's married to the job, so those two crazy kids agreed to go their separate ways. To the extent that's possible with one-half of the couple being an omniscient being. He just loves everyone too much to delete their voicemails and focus on just one person. Which I notice doesn't stop him from showing up to ultimately ruin Bob's life with stupid tests.

God, the Devil, and Bob 1.11 - Bob's Father

Plot: Bob's father is near death, but it hasn't softened him any. Which means Bob's attempt to settle unresolved issues does not go well. Bob gets frustrated, tells his father to go to Hell, and storms out. Then his father dies (after mimicking the EKG flatlining as Bob turned away). Bob asks God to bring him back, and God declines.

Back home, Bob is depressed and seeks out the Devil, hoping to be allowed to speak with his father's soul in Hell. As it turns out, his father didn't end up in Hell, though Bob does run into Che Guevara, twice. Confronted with the idea God allowed his asshole of a father into heaven, Bob declares morality to be irrelevant and embraces chaos. Disobeying traffic laws, stealing a sports car and leading the police on a merry chase, mooning nuns. He ends up in his favorite bar, where God is waiting. They chat, and God makes a somewhat questionable analogy to explain Bob's father's actions, before giving Bob a chance to speak with his father one last time.

There's also a sporadic subplot about Megan finding a dog in the park, fighting with her mother about whether she gets to keep it, and then struggling to make it mind her. It exists mostly so they can make a joke where Megan (as she details her frustrations) unwittingly describes exactly how Donna feels in dealing with Megan.

Plot: Che - 'Has Communism triumphed?' Bob - 'No, it's failed all over the world! There's a chihuahua doing an impression of you in a Taco Bell commercial!' Che - 'I live on!' 

Smeck Smacks: 2 (24 overall). Devil dropped a couple organs on him. I got the numbers on this screwed up like two episodes in, and I'm not sure whether I've straightened things out.

Other: The quote was the second time Bob encountered Che, when he was too pissed to lie. The first time, he told him that Communism had indeed triumphed. Che seemed pretty pumped either way, but I imagine after however many years of shoveling whatever he was shoveling into those furnaces, any news about the living world might have been welcome.

The Devil invented those difficult to open bags of airline peanuts. Also, he made up Purgatory. And "the light" you aren't supposed to go into is God's porch light. Which he now has to leave on all the time, and it attracts moths. Heaven has moths? I don't know. Bob's dad says the bars in Heaven are always open and you never have to go to the bathroom. So who knows what's up there.

I need to watch that episode of King of the Hill where Cotton dies, see if he was shittier to Hank than Tom Allman was to Bob here. It'd be close, but I don't think Cotton faked flatlining, and Bob didn't have Donna there to have his back (as I recall, Peggy told Cotton to hurry up and drop dead, which the old fucker deserved).

The service is a miserable affair, because the pastor giving the eulogy can't even get Tom's name right. That's the worst, get some schmuck up there doesn't know a damn thing about the person they're speaking of. That happened with one of my great uncles, my grandmother was so angry about it.

So, God's explanation about Tom is this image of a series of fathers in a line, each one passing a punch down to their sons. The idea is to pass down a softer punch, and supposedly Tom did that. I'm not super-impressed with an explanation for abusive parents that itself involves violence. It's still a punch, at least until you reach the point the father doesn't strike his child. God does acknowledge that Bob is right to be angry, though he also says it's his job, not Bob's, to forgive Tom. Which doesn't seem terribly relevant at first glance; whether God forgives Tom Allman or not doesn't resolve anything for Bob. But God does say it isn't Bob's job to forgive. Which means he isn't required to. He can choose to forgive if he wants, or not. His call. God, presumably has to forgive, in spite of Tom's actions.

God, the Devil, and Bob 1.10 - There's Too Much Sex on Television

Plot: Bob just wants to enjoy the scantily-clad ladies trying to sell beer on his new 60-inch TV, but God's got an assignment: Do something about all this sex on TV. God's not against sex, but he wants it to be a healthy expression of positive emotions or some crap. I was writing something down during that part. Bob, lacking any better ideas, decides to write a letter to the networks. The Devil magically adds some aphrodisiac to Donna's coffee, but once she and Bob are upstairs, the Devil whispers things to her about how Bob doesn't really care about her, and no sexy time tonight. Bob returns to the letter, and what was previously a relatively calm request, turns into a rant about the myth of "easily available sex" TV peddles, accompanied with threats of violence against the readers.

As you might expect, this fails to produce results, nor does it satisfy God. So Bob flies to Hollywood to try and meet with the execs. Where the Devil has Sarah Michelle Gellar (the actress isn't named directly, but she's voicing the character) waiting to try and seduce Bob in exchange for career help and eesh, that's not great. Fortunately for everyone Killjoy God shows up in Bob's motel room and Bob shoves her out the door. Then he tells God he should have done a better job creating Bob if he expected better results. Fair point.

Back in Detroit, Bob notices there's going to be a news report about gratuitous sex on a 6 p.m., and wonders if perhaps the omniscient being wasn't on to something. Bob tries to sub in a copy of Heidi from his home video collection, but it turns out he taped over it when Donna temporarily lost her mind and let him videotape them having sex on his birthday. Which successfully gets much of the city to turn off their TVs, so they can engage in wholesome activities like listening to one of them play the piano.

Quote of the Episode: Devil - 'If you take sex off TV, it will just go on the Internet. Then only wealthy people will get it. Porno only for the rich? Is that what you want Bob?'

Smeck Smacks: 2 (22 overall).

Other: The perhaps one saving grace with the whole thing with That Actress trying to seduce Bob is that the Devil seems terrified of her when she gets furious. Which makes it seem somewhat less like him preying on her desire for a big career, and more like she's trying to use his desperation to her advantage. That's the best I got.

This show gives the impression it is incredibly easy to break into studio lots and TV stations. Bob gets into the studio by just climbing over a fence and then simply outruns the security guard to reach the network execs. Who are sacrificing a goat to some idol for their fall lineup. He seemingly just walks into the TV broadcast booth and subs out their expose tape for the Heidi one. No questions asked.

The reactions of Mike, Barry, and Barry's date Louise in the bar as they see the tape broadcast are pretty good. 

There was a subplot about Megan wanting to go to a Hole concert, and Donna making a list of requirements she had to meet. By the time Megan met them, Donna was near death, and was seemingly not going to uphold her end of the bargain. She did though, but after she drops them off at the concert in a near-daze, it kind of peters out. Mostly there to fill space, I guess, rather than connect thematically.

God, the Devil, and Bob 1.9 - Bob Gets Greedy

Plot: Money's a little tight in the Allman house. Perhaps Bob should go to the strip club less often. Or the bar. Still, it's hard to begrudge him taking Megan to enjoy a night of heckling the Chicago Blackhawks. Naturally, God has to show up and ruin everything by telling Bob to do some volunteer work. Bob comes home to the Devil in his chair, ready to tell him all charity work in a scam, and to leave his Palm Pilot behind. Which just so happens to have the scores for upcoming sporting events.

You see where this is going. Bob begins raking it in by gambling, and continues to not do charity work, to God's annoyance. When Donna finds out, she is. . . completely OK with it. She only hates his gambling when he's losing. Well it's about time that Donna gets a turn being a bad example. Why should Bob hog all the fun? The two take a trip to beautiful Windsor, Ontario, where Bob finally twigs to the idea perhaps the Devil has ulterior motives, like getting Bob's soul in exchange for all this help. So Bob smashes the Palm Pilot, thwarting the Devil.

Or not, because the Devil can obviously recreate the thing and leave it for Donna to find, so that she'll place a wager on the game that will clinch a playoff spot for the Red Wings. Which leaves Bob in the unenviable position of having to make sure the Red Wings lose. Which does provide him an opportunity for charity work, though it might be court-ordered, so I'm not sure that counts. God seemed cool with it.

Quote of the Episode: God - 'Oh, I've outwitted Bob Allman. You'll forgive me if I don't do an end zone dance.'

Smeck Smacks: 1 (20 overall).

Other: In addition to Smeck being forced to eat a clipboard for making the Devil do paperwork, there was an awkward moment where the two of them were watching Bob and Donna seal their fate, and Smeck misread the situation, and tried to snuggle up with the Devil. Very awkward, but at least no violence.

So Bob saves Donna by first running on the ice, then runs back into the stands and makes his way on top of the Jumbotron, unhooking it and causing it to crash into the ice. Which causes the Red Wings to forfeit, rather than have to finish the last 2 seconds of the game (that they were leading by three goals). Uh-huh.

One suspects the writers don't know a hell of a lot about sports. Which should have been obvious when they were trying to get us to feel like it was a big deal for the Red Wings to make the playoffs. One, it's hockey, more teams make the playoffs than don't, just like in the NBA. Big whoop. Two, they're the freaking Red Wings. Aren't they the NHL's version of the Lakers, or the Yankees? What, I'm supposed to feel bad they had a rough decade or something? Oh, boo-hoo, cry me a fucking river.

Bob ends up in jail, of course, and Donna neglects to use their remaining winnings to pay his bail. Then someone puts a hand on his shoulder, and Bob warns them he's not a considerate lover. The owner of the hand is God, who replies that he knows, he's heard Donna's prayers. Kicking a man while he's down, God? What am I saying, God's always kicking people when they're down.

Although we learned from Mike that Bob at one point resorted to selling his blood in a parking lot when he was sure he "couldn't lose". If you waited for a moment Bob wasn't down to make a joke about him, you'd never have a chance.

While they were in Canada, Bob takes some time to bet on a bizarre sport involving golf carts, polo mallets, and ham. I think it's basically polo for people who hate horses, but also don't like water. Or round objects. Could be interesting viewing at 2 a.m. if you were drunk.

Bob's volunteer work ends up being the guy at the dunk tank. Except, having apparently cost the Red Wings a playoff spot, everyone just throws the ball at Bob, rather than the target. Given Bob's cries of pain, they were doing pretty well, too. The Tigers should probably have some scouts there making contract offers.

God, The Devil, and Bob 1.8 - Lonely at the Top

Plot: God catches Bob nailing his neighbor's garage door shut, as payback for the neighbor's leaves landing in Bob's yard. Bob doesn't take kindly to God criticizing him, and implies God doesn't know what it's like for the Average Joe. So he has no one to blame but himself when god shows up at his job the next day as Arthur, from the Ypsilanti plant. Where he proceeds to piss off all Bob's coworkers by actually doing his job, rather than just screwing around all day.

Then he invites himself to Bob's for dinner, and uses his powers to override Donna's free will to let him stay the night. He does help Megan sort through some friendship issues. I thought the kids were the Devil's from ages 13-20.

Having ruined all other facets of Bob's life, God decides he wants to be on the company softball team. Too bad he sucks. But he's still able to convince Bob to let him bat in the biggest moment of the game, and then fails miserably. Having now guaranteed Bob will be murdered at work tomorrow for not pinch-hitting for his savior, God finally admits that he just wanted a chance to hang out with some people, like he used to do in the old days. Bob understands a little better, but still draws the line at letting God come in for dinner again.

Also, while all this was going on, the Devil first tried to commit acts of depravity. But without God trying to work against him, there was no challenge. So then he tried teaming up with Bob to get God to get back to work, and having failed at that, then decided to try and do good himself. His attempts at horticulture were. . . not so successful, depending on how you'd want to measure that.

Quote of the Episode: Devil - 'This is rock bottom Smeck. The Creator of the Universe is adjusting his cup.'

Smeck Smacks: 0 (18 overall).

Other: Eddie Harris in Major League once raised the question of whether Christ can hit a curveball. We may not know about him, but it isn't looking good for his dad.

Not a good look for God that he messed with Donna's free will twice. Especially considering that even the Devil, when he was trying to score with her while disguised as Bob last week, didn't do that. Even when Donna didn't do what he wanted, and he was reduced to pleading with her (unsuccessfully), he still didn't mess with her free will. And he's supposed to be the King of All Evil, although he really comes off more as a rebellious teen here. Once God isn't paying attention, he has no idea what to do with himself.

Anyway, between abusing his power to overstay his welcome, and cheating repeatedly at Chutes and Ladders, it's not hard to see why people stopped wanting him around. He also dropped a tree on Charlie, one of the guys at the factory, so he could play third base. Then tried to deny it. That's without even getting into what God admitted to Bob, that he used to come visit in the old days, but then he'd lose his temper over something and, well, there's a reason the phrase, "Go Old Testament on their asses" exists. God's like that guy who's OK until you get a few beers in him, then you gotta watch out or he does crazy shit. As Bob mentions to Donna when she comments on Arthur's peculiar sense of humor, ask Job.

When the Devil is trying to decide what unspeakable act he should commit while God's not minding the shop, Smeck uses the idea of Tony Danza on Broadway as an example. Via Google, I learn that is actually a thing that exists. I'm guessing it was horrible? I'm not the person qualified to judge, even if I were willing to view it.

The Devil did get the DH installed in the National League, which is truly his lowest moment.

God, The Devil and Bob 1.7 - Bob Gets Committed

Plot: Bob is rescued from a night spent taking care of measles-ridden Andy by Donna, so that he can resume his planned trip to the strip club with Mike and Barry. But God is waiting in the parking lot with an assignment. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.

God asks Bob to deface a billboard by writing "SMILE" on it. The highway patrolman is surprisingly understanding, until the Devil uses a homunculus to make Bob assault the cop. Bob's arguing in the back of the patrol car with "the Devil" gets him a trip to Grassy Knoll Asylum. While Bob tries to devise an escape with the help of the other patients, the Devil assumes Bob's identity. Two things go wrong for the King of All the is Evil: One, Donna is entirely resistant to his attempts to charm, command, plead her into sex. Two, the Devil is apparently not immune to measles. And during the course of Donna caring for "Bob", the Devil falls for her.

How's Bob going to get the Devil out of his bed? Maybe with a little help from the musical library of Tony Orlando.

Quote of the Episode: Smeck - 'This is so cool. Why don't we do this more often?' Devil - 'Because it's cheap, Smeck. We're better than this.'

Smeck Smacks: 1 (18 overall).

Other: Smeck likes Stratego, which I remember seeing ads for in '90s Marvel comics, but have never played. The ads featured would-be alien invaders who think it is the key to Earth's defenses. The alien infiltrator was so proud he'd brought it back to his bosses. Boy, will his face be red when it turns out Earth's defense strategy is, "argue among ourselves, maybe throws some nukes at the problem."

One of the patients, named Fred, introduces himself to Bob while dressed up as a doctor. The orderly arrives swiftly to take back the clipboard and lab coat. And a fish-shaped Jell-O mold. I'm not clear on why Fred had that, but I'm also not clear on why they made him give it up. Maybe the thought of making Jell-O brings him joy. Let Fred have his joy!

God brought the Devil a ficus while he was sick, which ended up with the Devil grumbling about wanting a plumeria. He did take it with him back to Hell. I can't imagine it'll do well in that dry climate.

Andy saw through the Devil's disguise immediately, although he believed Megan when she said Dad was a pod person, so he wasn't quite in target. Splashing Bob with the bucket of water mixed with chemicals was a good try, though.

The Devil wound up being right that God making Bob deface that billboard was just the opening move in a larger plan. The balloon Bob stole had a smiley face on it, and it briefly lands right on top of the billboard. Which makes people stop and notice and be happy. I'm confused by this world where cars stopping on the freeway to gawk at something on the side of the road doesn't prompt angry honking and profanity from the vehicles behind them.

The patients end up taking the balloon back to the hospital, which is good, I guess? The show doesn't pretend like they just magically got over their troubles because Bob let them come with him. Or that they aren't aware of the fact they have a condition? I'm not sure what Bernie's was, although he understood immediately when said the Devil was after his family.

It was nice that Bob, having returned home and driven the Devil out, immediately got suspicious when Donna mentioned he'd been in bed a lot recently. 'Cause then he started trying to figure out if she and "Bob" got up to anything, and Donna got to make a few cutting remarks in the direction of his sexual prowess and intelligence. I'm sure she'd been consciously holding back while he was under the weather.

God, The Devil, and Bob 1.6 - God's Favorite

Plot: God is toying with plans for a new universe, and has gotten caught up in it enough to stand up the Devil for both handball and golf. So inconsiderate. Back in the realm of mortal concerns, Megan is complaining that the family never does anything together. However, Donna's attempts to promote family activities only draw Megan's scorn.

Bob has become convinced that as God's prophet, he is the recipient of good fortune. Like his toast landing butter side up. This belief gains strength when God casually refers to Bob as his special guy while visiting him in the shower. After surviving a mishap at work with a bolt gun and a smelter, Bob is certain he is indestructible. The Devil, dropping by to pump Bob for info on God's plans, pretends that Bob is correct about the position of "God's Favorite".

While a visit to Fun Freddie's Family Fun Center allows Megan and Donna to bond over gory arcade games and a shared hatred of forced family togetherness, it also gives Bob the chance to be extremely fortunate against a would-be mugger. Which convinces him to try skydiving. . . without a parachute. Which is when God finally steps in and helps Bob understand everyone is his "special guy", and Bob better hope the other divers parachutes can handle a hitchhiker.

Quote of the Episode: Bob - 'Wow, beer makes it worse. I don't want to live in a world where beer makes it worse.'

Smeck Smacks: 8 (17 overall). Again with the golf clubs. The Devil spends almost as much time on the golf course as Trump.

Other: So God's first pitch for a new universe is one with just four elements: hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, and cork. Bob's hung up on cork not being an element, but he has to understand, new universe. Cork can be an element there if it wants to.

His second pitch is a world made entirely of water, which, setting aside the Waterworld joke Bob makes, is the entire universe made of water, or is there only one planet in this entire universe? If he's focusing on just one planet, he probably is getting to caught up in details.

By the third pitch, which he's created a model of the Solar System for, God has eliminated France, and placed marsupials as the dominant species. Mankind is in the food chain somewhere.

The Devil, desperate to prove he should be included in the new universe, pitches Bob the idea of itchy lava as proof of his capacity for good ideas. I guess if he's talking about a universe where the sensations of burning and itching are now the same, he might be on to something.

I never had a party at one of those family fun center, Chuck E. Cheese's, whatever. I may have gone to someone else's party at one once. TV always portrays them as awful places. Garish color schemes and florescent lights, but still strangely dark. Everything is kind of rundown and greasy looking. I've seen some bowling alleys like that, you didn't want to touch anything.

Bob decided to skydive because Andy was inspired to try tightrope walking on the powerlines after Bob's deft disarming of the mugger. By skydiving, Bob was being responsible by doing his stupid risky crap where Andy wouldn't see it, you see. Parent of the Year, obviously.

God, The Devil, and Bob 1.5 - Neighbor's Keeper

Plot: While Donna struggles with self-doubt over returning to college, God tasks Bob with saving the marriage of the Bickmans across the street, after their most recent public shouting match. A task Bob has no idea how to accomplish, and tries to avoid until God takes TV from him. Which is really when the Devil should have swooped in and offered a premium cable package in exchange for Bob's soul, but missed opportunities.

This drives Bob to take the direct approach: Knocking on the door and telling Stacy Bickman to stop committing adultery, which causes her to start bawling on the front lawn. Soon though, Bob has become a confidant, helping Stacy when she starts wanting to sleep with other guys. Naturally, he's ignoring Donna through all this. The Devil makes a play to get Bob all fired up (or sauced) and convinced he missed out on all sorts of sexual conquests because he got tied down with Donna, and then dumps him on Stacy's door. Bob manages to resist the urge to do something stupid, and is feeling pretty good, but he still hasn't "fixed" the marriage. And it finally occurs to him he should perhaps get the husband involved in this. Which requires handcuffs, but has at least temporarily produced results.

Quote of the Episode: God - 'You have more talents than you know, Bob.' Bob - 'No, I don't. I can rebuild a V-8, I know pig Latin. After that, the list drops off pretty fast.'

Smeck Smacks: 0 (9 overall).

Other: There were a lot of quotes in this one I considered using. One was God essentially complaining that people think he's unknowable because they don't listen when he makes clear requests. He doesn't explain what we do when the requests contradict each other, I guess we're supposed to figure it out. Anyway, point was, he made that complaint while helping himself to more of Bob's Pop-Tarts, so I appreciated the nod to his previously established love for toaster pastries.

That conversation also taught us God was nearly married once. I thought this was a reference to an episode we haven't reached yet, but no, he meant Julie Newmar. Sure God, you were gonna marry Julie Newmar. You and at least 4 million other delusional men and women.

Stacy's husband names his fists. He named them Butch and Lupe, which is just awful. Stacy should divorce him and sleep with as many people as she wants based on that alone. Actually, there's one moment where she admits to Bob she feels she can only express affection sexually. Which is kind of sad, that she feels words or other actions won't be believed. Or does she think those other things are hollow?

Bob does eventually realize that he's ignoring Donna the way Stacy was also being ignored, and actually helps her pinpoint the cause of her anxiety over picking a major. That she felt this was her one shot to make this choice, and she was afraid of making the wrong one. Which was the fear the Devil tried to play on in Bob, how many women he might have missed out on because he and Donna ended up together. Remarkably insightful for Bob. Granted, it was 50-50, since his fallback answer for her anxiety was PMS.

The episode opened on the Devil and God bowling, God for Grace Temple Beth Shalom St. Mary's Royal Oaks Buddhists, and the Devil for Microsoft. Although I didn't see any other teammates. Hardly matters, God bowls nothing but strikes, and the Devil was getting stuck with 7-10 splits. It's hard for me not to think God was cheating. We found out last week with the croquet game he plays to win. Plus, he was being so mock-supportive. "Oh, I really thought you were going to pick up the spare." That would just be infuriating to deal with.

God, The Devil, and Bob 1.4 - The Devil's Birthday

Plot: God forgets the Devil's birthday. Combined with the lackluster party his employees in Hell throw (and which he has to share with Helen from Accounting), the Devil falls into a depression, and decides to teach God a lesson. By removing all evil from the world.

Sounds pretty great, right? Donna stops objecting to Bob attending a bachelor party, she and Megan stop fighting over whether Megan can attend a slumber party at a boys' house, crime vanishes and world peace kicks in. But it also means all the music is cheerful, everyone has a near rictus grin plastered to their face, and worst of all, no strippers or beer at the bachelor party! God isn't too pleased either, since it's removed any struggle for people to be good, and sends Bob to Hell to get the Devil back on the job. Bob finds that the Devil, who had been planning to remodel Hell but made the mistake of calling in Martha Stewart to assist, has lost control of Hell entirely. Now he whiles away his time painting sad clowns.

Bob is able to get the Devil and God together with the old trick of inviting them to an event without letting them both know the other will be there. Quite how that works on omniscient God I don't know, but he also keeps forgetting the Devil's birthday, so omniscience ain't what it used to be. Bob utilizes some court-ordered therapy to help the two patch things up, and evil returns to the world. Now the Hug Across America will never be finished.

Quote of the Episode: God - 'Without evil in the world, being good is meaningless. It's like when the Houston Rockets won the championship while Jordan was off playing baseball - big whoop.'

Smeck Smacks: 4 (9 overall). I wasn't going to count each self-inflicted golf club to the face as separate smacks, but I counted the snare and the jackals as two, so I guess I need to be consistent.

Other: When Bob expresses reservations about going to Hell, God tells him that he's been to Branson, Missouri, and it isn't that different. If that's true, Hell is worse than I imagined.

The Martha Stewart thing doesn't really go anywhere. I assume the Devil ousted her once he got his mojo back, but I don't know. Maybe he just started a new Hell somewhere else.

Based on his difficulty in expressing how much the Devil's betrayal hurt him, God is apparently not good at communication. Which is not a surprise given the many contradictory statements in the book's purporting to be his word.

The most terrifying part of the world without evil was that inanimate objects came alive. Seriously, Bob got to work and everyone on the assembly line was whistling, all perfectly in sync. Including the whistle that signals the end of the day. And the factory was doing that happy bouncing thing you see in old cartoons where every single thing is happy. I don't quite track how that works, but there you go: Evil protects us from all our stuff whistling and bouncing all the time. Be grateful for evil, children.

A world without evil apparently translates to a world where everyone is nice and happy, which, yeah, no. You can be good without being nice, or happy. I do it all the time. I don't think the chemical imbalances that cause depression are going to magically disappear when evil does. Unless we're arguing that those chemical issues are caused by actual demons, and c'mon, we aren't in the 1100s here. I'm not looking to burn you at the stake for telling me the geocentric universe concept is a load of hooey.

This is the episode I remember the most, probably because of the part where Bob gets them together and tries to get things hashed out over a game of croquet. Only for God and the Devil to lay waste to Bob's back yard over the course of the game. Plus, God sending Bob to Hell, the Devil painting sad clowns, the Hug Across America ("heading towards us at the speed of love!"), the happy building. This one stuck with me, for whatever reason.

God, The Devil, and Bob 1.3 - Date From Hell

Plot: While God tries to lift the spirits of the community with various cheesy acts like double rainbows and unseasonably pleasant weather, the Devil stews over Bob's lack of fear and respect for him. The final straw comes when Bob dismisses him as annoying and kicks him out of the car. The Devil's revenge comes in the form of Jordon, a 13 year old boy at Megan's school she's interested in. As it turns out, Jordon is the Devil in disguise, something only Bob is aware of. Which makes all his attempts to keep Megan from dating him come off as either a) crazy, or b) typical Dad not being able to accept his little girl growing up stuff. As it is, Bob is no match for Megan by herself, let alone with Donna running interference.

Ultimately, the Devil abandons his hopes of getting Megan to surrender her soul to Evil in the face of the reality that 13 year old girls are too depressing for even the Prince of Darkness to deal with. And so Megan deals with her first time being dumped, and with her dad tackling a different boy and stuffing garlic down his throat in front of everyone. Ah well, I'm sure her therapist will be able to help her out in 30 years or so.

Quote of the Episode: God - 'The trick is to inspire without being too heavy-handed. That way the atheists don't feel left out.' Aw gee God, you're the swellest.

Smeck Smacks: 0 (7 overall).

Other: At one point, Bob asks God the question I imagine most people would get around to at some point: Why is there evil in the world? God's response is apparently deeply moving, but we don't hear it because a train goes by at the moment at drowns out everything except '. . . like a cork circling the drain.' Extrapolate from that what you will.

The most disturbing part of the episode is when God, while discussing how he wanted beings in this universe to have free will, casually mentions he originally made a universe of puppets. Then he got bored with it, and it collects dust under his bed. That's kind of terrifying. Imagine being the group of multiversal explorers who stumble into that world. Full of people sitting there, dead to the world, waiting for someone to manipulate them. Well, I know what's going to be in my nightmares for awhile.

One of God's gifts to Detroit was for one day, service at the DMV was both swift and friendly. I don't think I've really had bad experiences at the DMV. The lady who did my driver's test was kind of harsh, deducted points for some real petty bullshit, and as my dad noted, she wore her dark cop sunglasses for the test on a cloudy day, so definitely taking herself too seriously, but I passed, so I guess she can gets her kicks however she wants. But other than that, I haven't experienced worse service there than at most any other understaffed government building.

Anyway, the point was the DMV had a mascot called Mr. Motor, which was David Caruso. Which means this was after he inexplicably left NYPD Blue thinking he'd be a big movie star, but before he bounced back by removing sunglasses as he uttered ridiculous lines on CSI Miami. But I remember a lot of people making jokes about him back in the day. Kyle on South Park shouting to Ike, 'Do your David Caruso impression!' and Ike jumps out of a spaceship and plummets to the Earth.

Last week, I discussed the weird poster Andy had of the car with him standing in front of it. Megan, on the other hand, has herself a Nietzsche poster. That could mean a lot of things I suppose. What did he say about self-justification? Doing terrible things but it's OK because you did them, while it's not OK when someone else does them? I think the breaking point for the Devil was when she was going on about someone talking about her behind her back, but that person was only doing so because Megan had been talking about her, but oh Megan had to say those things.

It's amazing any teenager survives to adulthood without being murdered by their parents.

God, The Devil, and Bob 1.2 - Andy Runs Away

Plot: There are three storylines. The main one is that Andy has been telling all his friends at school that his dad is God's Prophet, and the kids tell him to prove it. God is busy, and Bob's attempt at smoke and mirrors fails miserably. So Andy runs to Canada, and Bob has to go and retrieve him. Assuming he can get past the aggressively polite border guards, and an angry moose.

The second story is that the Devil takes God's advice, and tries to improve Smeck's job performance with positive reinforcement. Like taking him to the carnival. Which freaks Smeck out, and he asks the Devil to stop.

The third story is that Donna is taking classes at college again, and Megan falls for the college guy Donna brings home to help her study. Which doesn't really go much of anywhere, other than Megan's sad attempts to spend time alone with Steve. And eventually she loses interest.

Quote of the Episode: Bob - 'Now the reason I lied is because I was scared of the moose.'

Smeck Smacks: 5 (7 overall). There are two of them I could count as one. Smeck is ordered to step into a snare trap, which flings him into jackals. That could be one, but I counted it as separate examples.

Other: So in Andy's room is a poster of him standing in front of a roadster. The roadster is an actual picture of a roadster, but then Andy is a drawn figure placed in front of the roadster in the picture. Which is just bizarre. Why not just draw a car for the picture? It's not as though they're going for a particularly complicated or detailed style here. Was relying on the Internet circa 2000 to find a picture of a car to put in, the add an image of Andy over it really that much faster?

The border guard tells Bob 'mindless belligerence' is one of the things they watch for as a sign of someone who they should look at more closely before allowing him in the country. I can't see that working when you share a border with the United States. We're all mindlessly belligerent here, you'd have to stop to search every car.

God shows up in Bob's living room while Bob is in the middle of watching Red Shoe Diaries. Which is both embarrassing for Bob and reminded me that show was a thing that existed, which was a memory I'd mostly buried. David Duchovny playing a guy everyone sends their stories that got rejected by the Playboy letters column.

God also claims he can't appear for Andy's friends because there is a crisis in Africa. The "crisis" seems to involve bird-watching and camping, while the Devil grumbles over paperwork. Turns out Hell stiffed the guy who unleashed the plague back in the Middle Ages.

Considering the Devil so often tries making people fall by tempting them with things, I'd have expected him to be better at positive reinforcement. Being encouraging and friendly, even if he didn't mean it. And I don't see why he's so mad at Smeck for afflicting Bob with bowls rather than boils. What's Bob going to do with all those bowls? They're blocking everything in the bedroom, he's gonna have to find boxes to pack them into to move them, they seem to break easily, so it isn't even as though he got quality dinnerware.

At the very end, Andy's back home and playing kickball at school, which he is terrible at. As Bob looks on, God shows up, and Andy kicks the ball into space. Where it hits the MIR space station, and probably knocked it out of orbit. Everyone made jokes about MIR back then, another of those things I'd forgotten.

God, The Devil, and Bob 1.1 - In The Beginning

Plot: God (voiced by James Garner), having attended a Detroit auto show with the Devil (Alan Cumming), has grown disenchanted with humanity, and is considering destroying us once and for all. What took him so long. But he's a big softie, and starts having second thoughts. If even one person can show him humanity was worth saving, he won't wipe us out. The Devil pitches a fit about God reneging on his promise, so God lets him pick who the one person will be. The Devil proves he's a dumbass by picking alcoholic auto worker Bob Allman (French Stewart).  Bob needs some convincing of the seriousness of the situation, but once that's achieved, he tries to make it work.

Sadly, his two plans fail to gain traction. People aren't inclined to listen to him, and the local religious network wasn't interested when Bob's idea for show didn't involve bilking viewers out of their money. Maybe the "Savior Car" would have done the trick, but it never got past the blueprint stage. The Devil makes his play, offering Bob a chance to start for the Detroit Red Wings while attempting to mask the less charming aspects of Hell. When that fails, he has demons drag Bob through a hellish vortex and dump him in a field.

Frustrated, Bob thinks he's saved the day when a homeless guy approaches him asking for money, and Bob gives him some. God interrupts Supermodel Beach Party to let him know that's not the case. What does end up temporarily saving humanity is Bob getting involved in the arguing between his teenage daughter Megan, and his wife Donna, and figuring out what's bothering the girl.

Quote of the Episode: Bob - 'Are you just gonna be able to come into my house whenever you want? because you should know there are times that I'm naked.'

Smeck smacks: 2 (2 overall). Smeck is the Devil's comedy (I use that word loosely) relief sidekick/assistant. He gets abused by the Devil a lot, because of course the Devil is the sort of boss who abuses his employees.

Other: This was not actually my original plan for this Sunday. But I failed to get off my ass and do the prep work necessary for the original plan, so here we are. Hopefully the three months this series will take will be enough lead time for me to get my shit together.

The show aired when I was in high school, also known as the point in time I was most anti-religion. So the idea of God hanging out with the Devil and shooting pool or whatever struck me as great stuff. In pretty much every other respect it's your standard sitcom with the working class boob of a dad, and the kids, and the put-upon wife, but generally reaffirming traditional family values. But, the presence of deities does allow for some more fantastic elements, which seems to be a bare minimum requirement for me with sitcoms. I'm not watching TV to see people sit in coffee shops and complain about their bosses; I can do that myself.

On to the usual random stuff I discuss in this section.

The Devil was going to make it so Bob could start for the Red Wings. Was Bob going to suddenly be an NHL-caliber player, or just Bob Allman, regular schlub, out there getting killed? The latter is the Monkey's Paw approach, but if the Devil is trying to buddy up to Bob, I assume he made it so Bob is good. But then, how good? Steve Yzerman good? He was a Red Wing right? Look, I barely know hockey outside of Gretzky, and that's as much because of that terrible Pro Stars cartoon with him, Jordan, and Bo Jackson fighting crime with sports-themed gadgets as anything else.

Seriously, though, the Devil's a moron. He could pick anyone - not in the bar, in the world - to stack the deck, and he picked Bob. Because Bob was trying to refill his beer mug while the bartender's back was closed. I guess the Devil is a sporting man, too. Didn't want too easy a win after all this time.

Bob's son Andy can see God when he's hanging around, eating up the family's Pop Tarts. He's the only one in the family who can, and this will come up in subsequent episodes. Andy is disappointed God doesn't appear to have missile launchers, though.

God admits the Devil will probably target Bob, and he was right, but says Andy will be safe, because God gets the kids until they're 12, and the Devil gets them until they're 20. Which means Megan, 13, isn't safe, and that too, will come up later. Donna, as an adult is presumably also fair game, but I don't think she gets dragged into things directly. She's sort of stuck on the outside, observing her husband's peculiar sudden obsession with God.