What I Bought 12/21/2024

My body tried to speed-run something last week. Scratchy throat Tuesday, head jammed full of snot Wednesday, hacking up yellow stuff Thursday. It has subsequently settled into occasionally coughing, occasionally runny nose since, which isn't great, but I can operate around it.

Fantastic Four #27, by Ryan North (writer), Steven Cummings (artist), Jesus Arbutov (color artist), Joe Caramagna (letterer) - It doesn't seem fair that only some of the Moloids get to wear specs like Mole Man. It must be an "employee of the month" perk.

Nicki, Ben and Alicia's Skrull daughter, observes that Earthling myths and legends consistently portray shape-shifters as untrustworthy and evil. So she tries to prove they're actually cool and good. By pretending to be the Fantastic Four to get her siblings out of trouble with the principal. Also by flawlessly impersonating her dad to rent PG-13 movies.

She eventually gets caught, and Ben tells her not to impersonate other people at school, and not to do it elsewhere without asking first. Which she initially perceives as having to get permission to be herself, but by the end of the issue has concluded that she's really been using shapeshifting to try being liked by being other people, and she should just be herself. Using her powers openly to defeat the Mole Man when he attacks the school to get at Franklin and Valeria probably helps.

It's a nice idea to play with the cultural differences Nicki has to deal with coming from the Skrulls culture, where shapeshifting is the norm and you're expected to use it, versus Earth where it's a relatively rare trait, and most of the people get spooked if they eventually learn they weren't talking to who they thought they were. Hopefully North will do something similar for Nicki's brother Jo-Venn and having grown up among the highly militaristic Kree at some point.

Cummings struggles drawing The Thing consistently, as he sometimes seems to have a neck and other times doesn't, and the shape of his torso changes a bit. For the more regular characters, he's fine (I feel like he used Abe Lincoln as a starting point for the principal), and when Nicki is just stretching her limbs or bulking herself up, there's no problem there. And Mole Man's 3-headed, fire breathing, beady-eyed creature looks cool, so overall, it works.

Deadpool #9, by Cody Ziglar and Alexis Quasarano (writers), Andrea Di Vito (artist), Guru-eFX (color artist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - Maybe MODOK should put the shiny gem thing in a less easy to access (and stab) location.

Eleanor, Princess, and Valentine fight MODOK for half the issue. This is mostly Ellie getting increasingly battered, as she runs up against the limits of her healing ability, but keeping MODOK occupied until Valentine can get close and pump him full of a hallucinogen from mushrooms. Odd that Valentine says they both know he won't enjoy the trip, but the one panel we see, MODOK's got a giddy look and is proclaiming (in multi-colored text) "The colors taste like colors!" Seems to be enjoying it to me. It's when he wakes up he'll be pissed.

So Ellie's in bad shape, but Valentine's got a plan to use some magic powers she gained partway through the Alyssa Wong-written series to essentially do an alchemical transfer of Ellie's healing to Wade to make his cells heal like they're supposed to. It works, Deadpool's back on his feet, Ellie doesn't die, Wade and Valentine have a brief conversation where Valentine whispers something to Wade he claims not to have heard, but will doubtlessly come up later.

Most significant, during the ritual, Ellie saw her mother. Or something claiming to be her mother, who tries to warn her of the cost of this procedure. But Ellie inherited her father's attention span along with his healing factor, so she doesn't listen, or even give her mother time to explain. So she doesn't know what's going to happen, and neither do we. But now Eleanor sees her mother's spirit. Or, again, something passing itself off as her mother's spirit. I don't know if that's going to be something different from what Valentine tried to tell Wade, or if they're the same thing and neither Deadpool got the message.

I really thought Deadpool's resurrection would involve finding Death Grip and learning what he did wasn't exactly death. The fact that Wade wasn't rotting seemed to suggest this was something other than true death, so I thought maybe it was a state similar to it, because Death Grip wants to learn something from a man who can't die coming to a state like death. Maybe we'll find out that was Death Grip's plan, and Ellie messed it up.

What I Bought 11/16/2024 - Part 2

While looking to see if the second season of The Invisible Man was available on any streaming services, last month, I found out the Roku Channel not only had that, but also Hardcastle & McCormick. Which was a nice surprise in a nostalgic way. I have vague memories - mostly of the car and the opening theme song - of watching it with my dad at some point. Unfortunately, they took it off the day after the election. Like, "Dumbest Asshole You Know Elected President - Again," wasn't enough bad news.

Deadpool #8, by Cody Ziglar and Alexis Quasarano (writers), Roge Antonio (artist), Guru-eFX (color artist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - I see Eleanor's developed her father's aversion to dodging.

A chunk of this issue is dedicated to Valentine explaining how their relationship with Wade ended. Essentially, they were taking merc jobs together, but Valentine started to miss research. So Wade took more merc jobs to pay the bills, while Valentine got wrapped up in their own work, and they drifted apart until Valentine just left. Seems like trying to explain to Wade they both need to pull back from work a little might have been the better option, but overall, that's much less disastrous than I expected.

That done, Ellie makes a pitch to Valentine to help resurrect Deadpool (whose corpse still isn't decomposing, and is currently chilling in a kiddie pool of half-melted ice cubes.) Valentine admits it sounds like magic's involved, but that's outside their expertise. Ellie is still banking on being able to figure out alchemy if she just watches enough online videos, which makes me wonder why Ziglar and Quasarano don't dust off Diablo, a character I know has figured out alchemy. Or maybe he's just doing magic he dresses up as alchemy? OK, I admit my grasp on Diablo's shtick is limited.

Whatever, Diablo's not here, but MODOK is! Yes, MODOK is using Big Pharma as a cover for whatever his latest schemes are. I guess the T.O.D.D.-bots should have been a clue, as are the administrative support people with lightsaber hands who try to kill Valentine for deciding to leave and help Ellie and Princess. The 'bots are dealt with, but MODOK may be a more complicated issue.

Part of me thinks Ellie's going to come to some kind of understanding with MODOK, if only because she can't keep charging headlong into everything. That didn't work for her dad, and he was a lot more accustomed to pain than she is. I guess I expect Ziglar and Quasarano to have her just sort of collapse at some point as the whole thing really hits her. But maybe not, if they're really bringing Wade back in a couple of months.

What I Bought 10/28/2024 - Part 1

Another week survived. Ummmm, I guess that's all I've got in terms of an introduction. Given I'm writing this Tuesday, it's not even necessarily accurate. I may not have survived. Update: I did survive! Congratulations to me! Here's two comics from October I'm going to review, as I have done hundreds of times before, since whatever algorithm Blogger uses to determine community guideline breaks is apparently dumb as shit.

Deadpool #7, by Cody Ziglar and Alexis Quasarano (writers), Andrea Di Vito (artist), Guru-eFX (color artist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - Taskmaster with no eyes visible behind his mask looks weird. Like the saddest sword-wielding skeleton possible.

Eleanor is dealing with Deadpool being dead by being extremely violent, indifferent to her own well-being and screwing up jobs while making social media posts about it. Like father, like daughter, though I'm pretty sure this is why Deadpool was staying away from her in the first place, so she didn't end up like him. Also, how the hell has Preston not tracked Eleanor down yet?

Taskmaster is trying to help them track down and kill Death Grip, but that requires money, which requires they either complete jobs successfully (glares at Eleanor) or steal from someone who has money. Like some pharmaceutical/biochem company. A company staffed by robots named T.O.D.D. (no clue what that stands for), who speak in meaningless executive lingo about tabling ideas and whatnot. One is a little tougher than the others, though Di Vito can't seem to decide how big he is. Seems normal sized in one panel, then he's big enough Eleanor can kick him in the chest the same time Princess hits him there with one paw and it looks like there's still room to spare.

They get the money, but Princess wants to investigate a familiar smell, which turns out to be Valentine from Alyssa Wong's run. Credit to Ziglar and Quasarano for not trying to just sweep the previous writer's work under the rug, I guess. Beyond that, I'm not sure how this is going to play out, other than I expect Eleanor to try and bargain for help bring her dad back to life. She seemed to see a link between biochemistry and the online video about alchemy she was watching.

I'm guessing Full Metal Alchemist isn't a thing in the Marvel Universe, or Eleanor would know better than trying to resurrect someone via alchemy. But maybe she figures she'll just regenerate her body, so it's no big deal.

Body Trade #2, by Zac Thompson (writer), Jok (artist), Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou (letterer) - Groot really changed once he sold out.

Kim tries to break into the van with all the bodies. He fails, miserably, and the goon driver eventually drives away to deliver the remains. So Kim barges in on the extremely insensitive lady from last issue and steals a bunch of her files and her phone. He gives back the phone, though, which is how she takes a photo of his license plate. Batting a thousand here so far, champ.

He gets inside the branch office in Miami, makes a scene, catches an elevator and gets promptly clocked in the head with the but of a shotgun by security. But he gets to meet Ms. Wolfe, the local manager he thinks will get him his son's remains.

Instead she shows him a cutesy animated film (for which Jock goes with a simplified style and lighter tones) about what happens with the bodies, all the shareholders, I mean, sick people, that these corpses help. She keeps her distance pretty much throughout the entire conversation, such as it is. The one time she gets close is to dab some blood off his forehead where he got hit, and then she looks at it like she's almost confused by it. Otherwise, she either sits on the edge of her big desk, or goes to stand in front of the window. Either way, she's beyond his reach, face in shadow.

Which is her trying to dance around the fact his kid's body is G-O-N-E, but Kim's either dumb as shit or in denial. At which point she ditches any pretense of courtesy, reveals they know exactly who he is, and that they could easily have him killed. And they will if he comes back. Kim, of course, immediately calls some old friend from his ne'er-do-well days to request a gun.

So he's not going quietly. But Wolfe's going on vacation, and I suspect the child's body really is scattered across the world by now. Their coolant systems in the trucks are clearly second-rate, they can't afford to waste time. But if Kim doesn't do this, he has to deal with his apparent responsibility for his son's death (Wolfe brings it up, which makes 3 people in 2 issues so far, so I don't think Thompson's going to go for the fakeout), and clearly he's not ready for that. I'm not sure Thompson's really made me care, though.

What I Bought 9/18/2024

The last two days of this week have dragged. Not that the first three were anything spectacular, but I was, for better or worse, busy. Real "C" grade kind of week. Plus, there were 3 comics I was expecting out next week, but the solicits don't show any of them. Will I ever get to actually see an issue of Loop?!

Deadpool #6, by Cody Ziglar (writer), Roge Antonio (artist), Guru e-FX (colorist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - I see Wade's pissed off Radioactive Man.

Deadpool's healing factor remains missing in action, so he's down two limbs. Which means not is Deadpool now handling finding his new business jobs (Deadpool, in charge of something that requires organization and follow-through?), he's sending Ellie out in the field with Taskmaster and Princess. In her own outfit, but with non-lethal weaponry.

And for their first job, take out an ex-KGB weapons smuggler, who wears a mask that makes me think he's the Plunderer, that villain that likes to act like a pirate sometimes. But it's not him (I think.) For all her talk, Ellie's nervous if the stuttering and hesitation throughout the fight is anything to go by, but they make it work. With only a little bit of people being eaten alive! But their guns literally go "PewPewPew," so they deserve it.

Deadpool's very proud. Then Deadpool's very dead, because Death Grip is not dead. I still don't get this guy's deal. He does his magic thing to slice off Deadpool's other arm, then grabs him and, I'm not sure, magic-burns him from the inside out? Anyway, Deadpool's dead now, just when he thought he was getting his life together! For, what, the 14th time?

Assuming Antonio designed Ellie's outfit, it's solid. The jacket reminds me of early-'90s Avengers, or maybe the one Firestar rocked in the back half of New Warriors volume 1 (that might just be the Taskmaster emblem on the sleeve that reminds me of the Warriors having a logo/communicator in that spot.) The fight scene's illustrated well, good mix of wide panels and close-ups. Deadpool's face looks a odd. Softer than usual, maybe, like Antonio went light on the lines to emphasize Wade's oddly happy with the situation? Until he died, although once Preston tracked him down (and there's no way she's not noticing a dark-haired girl calling herself "Deadpool"), he'd have been in a lot of pain.

Dazzler #1, by Jason Loo (writer), Rafael Loureiro (artist), Java Tartaglia (color artist), Ariana Maher (letterer) - Yep, she's definitely singing.

Dazzler's on tour to promote her new album! And she's in the middle of culture wars, with your various conservative bigot types spewing the usual nonsense about her leading the youth down a - whatever, you're probably on social media more than me, you know the kind of stuff being said.

First concert, she's singing a song about dating Archangel, gets attacked by Scorpia, beats her mostly without using her powers offensively, per her manager and Domino's request. I have a hard time picturing Domino going along with that, even with the flashbacks showing her sparring with Dazzler to help hone her self-defense skills. "You can't worry about bad p.r. if you're dead," or something like that. Especially since she got a little casual with a light shield she made and some of the audience got hit with Scorpia's bad aim. Maybe if she just used a hard light shot they fight would have been over sooner.

I'm not entirely clear what she did to ultimately finish the fight. She makes a big light display that seems to surround Scorpia. Then Loureiro draws a panel of her pointing her glowing fingers towards us while singing "Bling! Wing! Ding!" as actual lyrics. Then Scorpia's unconscious on the ground. So, Dazzler did use her powers in an offense-minded way after all?

But Loo seems to be setting up a subplot where Dazzler's manager is trying really hard to downplay Dazzler being a mutant, seemingly for fear of commercial backlash. So, no using powers in an aggressive manner. Ask Allison's drummer, Shark-Girl, to wear an image inducer collar, which sure as heck looks like a power dampener more than the thing Nightcrawler used to wear. Lots of talk about "transcending barriers", and being "inviting and friendly as possible." You know, bullshit.

I don't know. Dazzler's a character I'm typically more interested in as part of an ensemble than a lead, so this was always going to be a bit of a hard sell, but it didn't set my world on fire. Maybe her being a singer is something that doesn't translate well to comics. Maybe it's that it feels like Loo's nodding hard in the direction of Taylor Swift, who I have no particular feeling about, beyond getting annoyed when drunk college girls would yell at Alex to play "Blank Space" again. 

I can probably afford to give it another issue, but it's on life support.

What I Bought 8/21/2024

I did something to my wrist a couple of days ago and it's been bugging me ever since. Don't know if I slept on it wrong, it objected to the way I held the steering wheel during the 6+ hours I spent on the road Tuesday, or what.

Here's the one comic from this week I found at the store.

Deadpool #5, by Cody Ziglar (writer), Andrea Di Vito (artist), Guru-eFX (color artist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - I don't think this is an appropriate father/daughter activity.

Deadpool, sans healing factor, continues his fight with Death Grip. It's back-and-forth, as Death Grip keeps busting out magic and talking about one of them learning from the other, while Deadpool shoots guns and hits people with his detached arm while making bondage jokes.

Deadpool cuts Death Grip's hands off, which would seem like a win, except Death Grip can shoot magic from his mouth like Piccolo and takes off one of Wade's legs at the knee. And right after Deadpool made a big speech about how he's finally going to take being a father seriously, unlike all those times in the past where he didn't take his interpersonal relationships seriously.

That's the problem with newbie villains. No respect for the proper arc of a story. That's the basic course most of Deadpool's banter runs along, references to a bit starting three pages ago, or that he did a dramatic pause because the writer felt it was needed. I didn't laugh, but humor is always going to vary I guess.

Eleanor and Princess show up, Elle shoots Death Grip with one of Taskmaster's exploding arrows, they make a dramatic escape, everything seems good, minus Deadpool being down two limbs and the healing factor that keeps his cancer at bay.

Di Vito's work doesn't look quite as smooth as it usually does. Don't know if that was an attempt to hew closer to Roge Antonio's art on the series thus far, or just a shift in style. Despite people losing appendages left and right, the violence doesn't seem quite as graphic. Maybe Di Vito's art is still too clean for that effect. Eleanor does look suitably ridiculous wearing a mishmash of her father and Taskmaster's outfits when she makes her big arrival.

Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)

Clever Adolescent Panda: Were there any of the trailers you liked?

Calvin: Not really. Venom 3, a movie about a video game I've never played, with a dumb robot sidekick that sounds like methed-out Don Knotts, a Lion King prequel, a Captain America movie with friggin' Red Hulk? Red Hulk? That's the shit we're down to now?!

CAP: Wicked looked pretty.

Calvin: Sure, but do we need another movie about how the villain was really just misunderstood, and not a bad person at all? Some people are just assholes.

Deadpool: My ears are burning. Which is much further north than the burning usually occurs.

CAP: Wade! *flying tackle* You're back!

Deadpool: It's great to see you too, big fuzz buddy. I missed how you compress my ribs into my internal organs like a kid messing with Play-Doh. They always end up in fun new places!

CAP: Sorry. Are you going to come to Blogsgiving? Calvin's buying your series!

Calvin: I'm not sure he can. The October solicit says he's dead. I think we have to invite Eleanor instead. Like that year we had Future Deadpool.

CAP: *sticks out tongue* Ugh. Future Deadpool was really depressing and boring.

Deadpool: He was sadly lacking in my joie de vivre. But you need to invite both my daughters.

Calvin: No. The symbiote dog doesn't exist in this continuity. Panda and Pollock nuked it in my microwave two years ago. That's canon.

Deadpool: *gasps and points at CAP* That's right, you did kill my daughter!

CAP: Hey, let's talk about your latest hit movie instead, now that Calvin and I saw it!

Calvin: Yeah, too bad there were only 7 other people in the theater while we were there.

CAP: Don't listen to him; we went to the 10 a.m. showing.

Deadpool: You watched my movie at 10 in the morning on a Monday? I don't know if that's sad or the mark of loyal friends.

Calvin: I was just hoping there wouldn't be anyone else in the theater, honestly.

Deadpool: Let's table your intimacy issues for now and talk about me!

Calvin: OK. 

CAP: Wait! Spoiler warning!

Calvin: Yeah, that's fair. We're going to discuss all sorts of stuff abut the movie, so if spoilers matter to you, go away. Doot-doot-doot. Eh, that's enough time. So you've given up on superheroing after being rejected for the Avengers, and are doing a lousy job selling cars. A Time Variance guy abducts you and says it's important you join the Sacred Timeline - 

Deadpool: Thor needs the emotional healing my love brings!

Calvin: - join the Sacred Timeline. And you have to accept quickly, because your universe lost its "anchor point" and is slowly dissolving. Surprisingly, you did not have yourself be the anchor point, as it's the Wolverine who died in Logan. So you hop through universes until finding another Wolverine, and try to convince him to help you save your timeline.

CAP: And you both end up in The Void, from Loki! Wolverine spends most of his time moping about how badly he failed, when he's not being mean to you. The two of you have to fight Cassandra Nova, who made herself Queen of the Void.

Calvin: To be fair, Wolverine does both at the same time. He has enough self-loathing to inflict on himself and others, simultaneously. I'm not sure he really sees Deadpool, so much as he sees a version of himself he can hurt. Jackman wears this distant look a lot of the time, like his mind is elsewhere. 

Deadpool: Counting all that bank he's getting for riding my coattails!

Calvin: Which is true to the character. What are all those stories of Logan hacking dozens of Yakuza to death if not him directing his inner hatred outwards?

Deadpool: Excuse me? Those are beautiful displays of frenetic action!

CAP: They can be more than one thing. Humans are full of different stuff.

Deadpool: What are pandas full of?

Calvin: Marshmallow fluff. *BONK* Jeez, it was a joke! Anyway, I had my concerns going in. Multiverse stuff, kind of played out.

Deadpool: I know, right?

CAP: I wouldn't have thought of Wizard of Oz as a multiverse story, but you made me see it in another light!

Calvin: But then the movie opens on you digging up Logan's corpse and using it to kill a bunch of TVA agents, set to "Bye Bye Bye," and all my concerns went away. This is what I paid 8 bucks for!

CAP: How did you get Logan's claws to work for you?

Deadpool: I became one with his essence. I pictured myself with Robin Williams-level body hair that was soaked in cheap whiskey, made a resting bitch face, and the rest took care of itself.

Calvin: Sounds legit. So, liked that fight scene. Dug the fight in and around the Honda Odyssey.

CAP: It was nice of you to throw the fights for your guest star, Wade. You really made him look good.

Deadpool: I didn't throw the fights!

Calvin: Yeah, come on panda pal, Wolverine doesn't need any help to kick Deadpool's butt.

Deadpool: I clearly won the fight in the desert! Did you not see both of my swords and the baby knife sticking out of him?

CAP: He didn't seem bothered. *Deadpool looks depressed* Um, what about the music? That was fun!

Calvin: I appreciate the continued willingness to use all kinds of stuff, although the selection didn't seem quite as eclectic as the first two movies. Felt very late-90s/early-2000s. No '50s doo-wop or whatever.

Deadpool: I'm not sure we can say "doo-wop." At least you definitely shouldn't.

Calvin: I'm not popular enough to be canceled, and it's a legit term for a style of music, which hopefully was not actually grounded in racist undertones. Was there even a Deadpool-themed rap song this time? 

CAP: I don't think so.

Calvin: Boooo. How are we feeling about the Deadpool and Wolverine interactions, since that's what the movie revolves around?

CAP: Hmm, well it felt a lot like that scene in the taxi from Deadpool 2. Where Cable says a lot of hurtful stuff about how Wade's not a hero, just a clown. Except spread over 2 hours.

Calvin: People not believing in Deadpool is a recurring issue. But I think it lands more here because Cable and Deadpool were basically adversaries, even when they were working together. They had different goals when it came to Russell. Brolin played Cable as mostly just irritated because this jabbering idiot wouldn't get out of his way. 

In theory, Deadpool and Wolverine are supposed to work together. At least, that's what Deadpool hopes will happen, and he clearly admires Wolverine (much as he hates to admit it) and believes the guy can save everyone Deadpool cares about. Which is sort of an implicit acknowledgement on Wade's part that he can't save them. He's not good enough.

CAP: Which is why he pushed Vanessa away at some point between the second and third movies. He doesn't think he deserves his friends, but he's still willing to put up with all of Woverine's insults if it'll save them. And trust him during the first final battle with Cassandra Nova.

Calvin: Yeah. Granting that middle managers with delusions of grandeur are dangerous, Paradox wasn't a convincing threat. Especially after Wade went through those TVA guys like a thresher through wheat. That said, the ending felt like a missed opportunity. Having Logan embrace Xavier's ideals and reach out to Nova in understanding was a great moment, but then as soon as she sees a chance to destroy everything, she goes for it. Did you follow her motivations, because I saw a review that said they weren't well laid out.

Deadpool: She envied my hairpiece. I had to get rid of it. Sad, but some things are just too beautiful for this world.

CAP: I think she was scared. She said she was sent to the Void as a child. She acts like the big boss of the place, but she runs inside her base when the smoke monster thing shows up. I think she's always worried the TVA could do even worse, so it's safer to stay in a place no one cares about and act like she's in control. When she learns about the Time Ripper, she thinks she doesn't have to be scared any more, there's a way to really be the ruler she pretended to be. I agree, it would have been nice if they could have helped her. I'm not sure why she died at the end.

Calvin: Yeah, that's just lazy writing.

Deadpool: Oh come on, you were just complaining about villains being misunderstood and actually good like *glances at the wall of text above* Well, I'm not even going to attempt to count that many paragraphs.

CAP: No, but they don't all have to die at the end, either. Um, cameos and guest appearances?

Calvin: Mixed bag. Nicepool got old.

Deadpool: No, he definitely did not get old. Sniff, heroes never do.

Calvin: Some of the other hero bits were funny. Little surprised Snipes didn't spin kick you upside the head for the hell of it.

Deadpool: We cut that part out. He says it was an accident, but I think he's lying.

CAP: It's OK, you're just the Jim Carrey to his Tommy Lee Jones.

Calvin: Except it was probably your perversion he couldn't sanction, not your buffoonery.

CAP: Are we talking about Deadpool or Ryan Reynolds now?

Deadpool: Both! Most people aren't ready for what Canadians get up to with poutine.

CAP: *whispers* What's poutine?

Calvin: French-Canadian pronunciation of "poontang." Do not repeat that around your mother. I like that the movie at least occasionally allows for some emotional depth. Like the fact Deadpool actually asks the TVA boss lady if there's something that can be done for the other heroes who helped them. I was worried that was going to be reduced to a gag, too.

CAP: Really?

Calvin: Well, like his (over-)extended death sequence in the second movie. I figured he'd start to ask, then he wouldn't remember who any of them were. Logan would roll his eyes in disgust and Wade would shrug it off. Everybody just moves on. But even if he doesn't say their names, he hasn't forgotten them.

Deadpool: Who could forget Channing Tatum's terrible accent?

CAP: That's Deadpool, though. He doesn't always do the right thing - 

Deadpool: True.

CAP: And when he does, it usually isn't for the right reason -

Deadpool: Well, I mean, "right" is such a subjective term. Who can say if any of us do anything for the right reasons?

CAP: And he definitely doesn't do it the right way -

Deadpool: Oh come on! Are you going to let them keep doing this?

Calvin: I obviously think it's funny, so yes.

CAP: But he knows about being overlooked and unwanted. Oh, I liked Peter getting to have a role, but I wish his other friends showed up to help with the Deadpool Corps fight, rather than just during the party sequences.

Calvin: Negasonic would have killed at the chance to, uh, kill a bunch of Deadpools.

CAP: Not Cowboy Deadpool, though!

Calvin: Well, we could hope she'd spare Cowboy Deadpool, with his cool hat and six-shooters. Along the lines of that scene, I would like to congratulate the movie on the description of Wolverine's mask. Caught me entirely off-guard and made me laugh my butt off.

CAP: The effects on Cassandra Nova using her powers looked neat. She always uses it the same way, but it gets shown different when she takes different approaches. She appears inside Wade's head as someone he cares about and hurts him. But she appears as herself to Logan and speaks nicely. Tells him it's OK he failed. She wants to break Deadpool, but she wants to make Wolverine rely on her.

Calvin: Agreed.

Deadpool: She doesn't wash her hands after each use, though. Can confirm.

CAP: Ew.

Deadpool: I know, right? Basic etiquette.

Calvin: OK, final thoughts. Had some good laughs, enjoyed the fight scenes when they gave them time. Cameos and guest appearances were fine. Didn't drag things out too long, the movie's just over 2 hours. Probably could have been quicker with less exposition.

CAP: We might have need that, though. I haven't seen Loki, Season 2.

Calvin: Me neither, but still a lot of exposition. Or cut the Chris Evans stuff down a bit. Although some of that was also exposition. Two birds with one stone, then.

Deadpool: Try killing two birds while stoned. And I thought the movie was quite restrained in its objectification of Chris Evans.

CAP: It was! Mostly. You still have issues with personal space.

Deadpool: I'm receiving treatment for that.

CAP: You're sitting on my shoulders right now.

Deadpool: It's a process! Besides, it makes me feel tall, and your shoulders have more padding than Calvin's.

*Clever Adolescent Panda throws Deadpool across the room* 

Calvin: I had my concerns going in, but the movie either avoids or at least isn't dragged down by them. Again, too much of Nicepool. It's not on par Deadpool 2, though I find I like all three movies for their own reasons (plus some they share.) Each kind of highlights a different aspect of Deadpool's character.

CAP: Deadpool 2 is the best. The story revolving around Russell and Cable and Deadpool and all their issues was the strongest. But I liked this a lot, too!

Calvin: Fair. As third movies in a superhero franchise go, definitely beats Iron Man 3 with an adamantium femur, and I'd put it ahead of Captain America: Civil War. Probably can't give it the edge of Thor: Ragnarok, though I haven't watched that since the first time. Maybe it doesn't hold up. Anything to add, Wade?

Deadpool: Think they'll let me in the Avengers now?

CAP: No.

Calvin: If Captain America; Brave New World tanks hard enough they will, but in that case you're better off staying clear.

Deadpool: I could headline Thunderbolts!

CAP: Oh, Wade, no. I know Happy told you to aim for the middle, but you can aim higher than that!

Calvin: Yeah, just revive X-Force. At least there were a couple of people whose powers didn't revolve around stabbing people.

What I Bought 7/5/2024

My usual comic guy got shorted on his Marvel stuff last week, but I had to visit a different store to pick up a new longbox for Alex, and that guy had Deadpool, so let's take a look at one of the only comics I'm planning to buy this month.

Deadpool #4, by Cody Ziglar (writer), Roge Antonio (penciler), Eric Gapstur (penciler/inker), Jonas Trindade (inker), Guru-eFX (colorist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - Can't stop staring at Death Grip's swollen-looking lower lip.

Taskmaster puts Eleanor through her paces, where we see she can eventually figure out how to do acrobatic stuff by watching. The move she does when that happens doesn't entirely match the Spider-Man flip Taskmaster used on her two pages earlier, mostly because she kicks him in the back of the neck on the way down), but I don't know if that's her combining the stuff she's seen him do or something else.

I'm also not sure who's drawing which parts. The lines seem smoother is the first half of the book, fewer extraneous little lines, which makes me think that's Gapstur. There's also one panel where Wade's eyes turn into big hearts because he's so happy about how cool Ellie is that doesn't feel like something Antonio would do, based on the previous three issues.

And her healing abilities also let her build strength faster because she doesn't need to rest long between workouts, though Taskmaster doesn't think she can get super-strength out of it. That's a relief, I was worried Ziglar was going to go nuts with this idea, he said, insincerely.

Still, Deadpool is not prepared to let Eleanor join him on missions, especially not when Death Grip sends a persona video advising Wade to either visit, or prepare to receive visitors. Never one to overlook the chance to ruin someone else's toilet, Deadpool and Taskmaster go to temple. The cannon fodder are, well, cannon fodder, but Death Grip does something that seems to remove Deadpool's healing factor, then cuts him across the chest.

It seems like, if you've incorporated a blade that nullifies healing factors, there's no need to do a specific move to remove said healing factor. Just cut the guy. But I don't really get this cult, either. The acolytes are hoping Deadpool will teach them his ways of being unkillable, but Death Grip is trying to kill him. If they see death as a gift, shouldn't they not want to learn how Deadpool is so hard to kill? Shouldn't they all see him as an abomination?

Maybe this'll make more sense if I read the whole arc after it wraps up next month.

What I Bought 6/14/2024

My boss is back from his, to be clear, deserved vacation, and I'm very happy. Because it means all the questions and requests he normally deals with stop getting funneled to me.

Deadpool #3, by Cody Ziglar (writer), Roge Antonio (artist), Guru-eFX (colorist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - In the merciless Mustard Yellow Wastes, one man hunts another.

Deadpool and Crossbones fight. Crossbones has a "holoshield" that deflects bullets, although it just looks like a bulky flak vest with his logo on it. If it's supposed to glow or project, nobody told the art team. It is less resistant to swords - sort of, Deadpool notes it takes a dozen stabs to get through, but we see him drawing blood right from the start - and then Crossbones uses some explosives. They are, I assume, strapped to him, but don't hurt at all, while Deadpool's lower half gets separated from the rest of him.

What I'm saying is, there's a lot of stuff where I don't feel the writer and artist are on the same page.

Right as Deadpool's about to get shot in the head, Ellie arrives with some sort of teleporter Power Glove she built from watching online videos and punches Crossbones in the face. And then Deadpool kicks Crossbones through the portal, which now leads to a swamp instead of Ellie's home in Arizona. Back at Deadpool's office, everybody talks. Taskmaster thinks the aspect of rapid healing Ellie got may also have made her a rapid learner? Be better off saying Agent Preston participated in SHIELD's "Take Your Daughter to Work Day," and Ellie poked into something she shouldn't.

It is nice to see that, at the outset, Ellie and Princess are getting along. I expected there to be a measure of jealousy between Deadpool's daughters. We'll see, when Deadpool's in trouble, if he shows more concern for Ellie if that changes things.

On the downside, Death Grip has tracked down, sigh, the Muramasa Blade. The thing Logan had made out of part of his soul that you don't heal after you get cut with it. And Death Grip used magic to break it into pieces. I guess it lets him attack with each piece from different directions. Still, am I never to be free of Daniel Way's terrible concepts?!

What I Bought 5/8/2024

I took a little driving trip Wednesday to run an errand and check out a few stores. Got the errand done easily enough, didn't find much of the stuff I was hoping to. But I did find two of this week's comics in a store I checked at random, so that's good.

Fantastic Four #20, by Ryan North (writer), Carlos Gomez (artist), Jesus Arbutov and Fer Sifuentes-Sujo (color artists), Joe Caramagna (letterer) - Crap, Reed's miniaturized HERBIE. At least Ben's got him under control. . .for now.

Ben and Johnny, independent of each other, get jobs at the same grocery store. Annoyed with each other, they each decide to win Employee of the Month. Johnny opts for cheesy flattery and shameless flirting, Ben by showing interest in the everyday lives of the customers. Sounds exhausting.

The first month ends in a tie, so the two keep it up into a second month, until some guy comes up wanting to writing a story poking fun at the Human Torch working a minimum wage job and living in a house with a large number of other people. Hey, that's environmentally friendly, or so I've been told by articles I've seen touting shared living spaces as the future! I mean, no thanks, I did my time on that shit, but if other people want to be close to their loved ones or total strangers, great. More elbow room for me, suckers!

Anyway, Ben comes to Johnny's defense, not that it stops the article from running, but the important thing is they care about each other, even as they fight like wet cats. Ben even compliments Johnny's mustache and implies Johnny would be an excellent exotic dancer. It makes sense in context.

So the story issue lives or dies on the bits North and Gomez get out of the framework, and it does pretty well. Ben and Johnny messing with each other is well-established, so it doesn't feel weird when they argue at dinner, or when Johnny annoys Ben by saying, "It's collaboratin' time!" Although the touch I like best is that Gomez draws the Thing with a regular pencil taped to his index finger. Presumably because it makes it easier to use than trying to hold it like most people would. (Gomez draws an excellent Thing. He avoids placing Ben's head too high up on his body, which is I think what Coello and Fiorelli did, which was why it looked like his head was barely connected to the rest of him sometimes.)

Now the book starts Blood Hunt tie-ins, so I guess I'll see it in later in the summer.

Deadpool #2, by Cody Ziglar (writer), Roge Antonio (artist), Guru-eFX (colorist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - Nice to see someone remember Taskmaster has a bow. Seems like you only ever see the sword and the shield these days.

Deadpool makes enough money killing people to afford to buy the place the guy he killed last issue owned to set up his new Mercs for Money operation. Understanding that he's lousy at organization, follow-through, details, budgeting. . .basically everything, Deadpool brings in Taskmaster for that, and Taskmaster brings in some guy from the previous run of Amazing Spider-Man (the one that ended with Ben Reilly as, whatever the hell he is now) as their IT guy. Taskmaster doesn't know much about Death Grip to justify wasting even the 3 or 4 panels spent on it, but they get a job protecting some loser at an "influencer-con", only to have Crossbones show up trying to kill. . .I think Deadpool? For Death Grip?

I mean, one Taskmaster's exposition panels actually shows Death Grip talking with Crossbones - about what we don't know, it's video footage from, somewhere - and then Crossbones shows up, which makes Taskmaster suspect set-up. Which I don't really get. They were hired by the influencer, because he thought there'd be an attempt on his life (or he thought they'd get him more notoriety.) But Deadpool was taking jobs that involved killing, not protecting. Why would anyone think that was going to draw him out?

Of more interest is the subplot with Ellie. She didn't hide the fact Deadpool gave her a phone to contact him, but she's annoyed he'd only come see her when she's in trouble. So she's figured out how to connect the GPS in one of Preston's LMD hands to the phone to find him. Which I thought meant Ziglar was changing her mutant power to some technomancer thing like Forge, especially after she said just watching a few online videos made it click for her. But she cuts herself and her hand heals in a couple of panels, so. . .it's still a change to her mutant power, but not as far off. I'm actually most surprised Preston is annoyed Deadpool wouldn't chat with her. I figured she was still kind of pissed at him from the end of Duggan's run.

Man, I hope Eleanor's not going to get herself in the crossfire and end up injured enough she combines with the symbiote dog. Although I could see a jealousy subplot that Wade has another "daughter" he does let hang around him all the time.

What I Bought 4/3/2024 - Part 2

I've been nosing around through stores with used PS4 games when I have the chance the last couple of months and man, how are used PS4 games still so friggin' expensive? One of the nice things about waiting until 2012 to buy that XBox 360 was that I could buy a crapload of games for less than $20, and in many cases less than $10. Not having much luck with that now.

Deadpool #1, by Cody Ziglar (writer), Roge Antonio (artist), Guru-eFX (colorist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - How did he throw all those grenades when he's already holding two weapons?

Deadpool is doing his usual bit of taking money to kill people. Whatever relationship he had with the Valentine person from Alyssa Wong's run apparently fell apart when Valentine figured out Wade is a dumpster fire, but Wade still has the symbiote that was growing inside him when I dropped that book. Except now it's a giant, red dog that Antonio draws with big, soulful, pupiless eyes. Which Wade calls "Princess", and that calls him "Papa." Giving Deadpool a child that is especially vulnerable to fire seems like a bad idea, unless you're a fan of child endangerment.

His other daughter, Eleanor, is still around, in that she's living with the Prestons in Arizona. Wade is wisely avoiding Preston, who would probably robot-body punch his jaw clean off, but he does visit Ellie to give her a phone with only his number, and he promises to always answer if she calls. I'm sure he won't break that promise at an inconvenient moment!

There's no indication of where Wade or Princess are living, so I assume we're back to Daniel Way-era "living in abandoned warehouses with a single chair made of C-4." Most of this issue is Wade and Princess chasing some French-Canadian named Henry. Why they're killing him is not explained - beyond they're being paid for it - which probably says a lot about Wade's mental state. We could also note Antonio has given Deadpool back the little grey-black booties he wore back in the early, Liefeld-drawn days. That doesn't feel like a good sign.

He has a device on his wrist that makes portals, so they have to chase him across a city, including a bit where they chase him back-and-forth down a two-page spread, and Wade expresses regret for the artist who has to draw it. Antonio makes it seem pretty easy, as they dive through one portal into the next panel and reverse course, then repeat.

Somehow, Henry stumbles into some monk guy who kills him, then tries to kill Wade, then doesn't die when Wade stabs him through the chest and escapes. And he's very excited about the fact Wade didn't die. Though the way Ziglar is writing Wade, he would probably be happy if they figure out how to fix that issue. He's jumping out of planes from 15,000 feet, without a parachute, and thinking that hitting the ground at 120 mph will feel good. Although Antonio draws the landing as Wade just stabbing a guy with his swords like he just jumped a fence, so it doesn't really match the dialogue. Have him land on a guy and liquefy both their bodies!

What I Bought 2/22/2022

It's Wednesday night, and Friday I'm driving 600 miles with Alex to one of his gigs, then coming back on Sunday. Fingers crossed things go well!

I was only able to find two of last week's six books at the local store, but they're both from Marvel, they're both on the 4th issues, and they're both kinda disappointing me. That's enough of a theme.

Deadpool #4, by Alyssa Wong (writer), Martin Coccolo (artist), Neeraj Menon (color artist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - Why's Deathstrike need a sword anyway? She let Spiral rebuild her so she'd have built-in weapons! Not like Deadpool's healing factor is useless against sword wounds.

Deadpool, with the symbiote, are doing pretty well against Harrower's experiments, so Ock tries taking Valentine hostage, but doesn't pay attention and gets shot. Despite the fact we see blood, he doesn't seem all that hampered by it three pages later, when he destroys one of Valentine's arms. Which is about when things go wrong.

Deathstrike shows up, trying to kill Deadpool. She has to kill him and Ock, why not go after Ock first? As long as Deadpool's alive, he's a distraction she can use in her favor. Anyway, Harrower yoinks the bag of sedatives keeping the symbiote free of her control, Deathstrike gets multiply impaled, and off the bad guys go. Valentine gets Deathstrike on her feet and demands she help rescue Deadpool, or she'll die screaming in agony. In the meantime, the symbiote has matured and, sigh, Cletus Kasady bursts out of Wade's chest like a Xenomorph.

Oh goody, said no one whose opinion is of any relevance to me whatsoever. After a promising third issue, Wong returned to the stuff I don't care much about. The symbiote as antagonist, Harrower, Lady Deathstrike. The symbiote as sort of a supporting cast member that we saw glimpses of last month? That I liked. There's something there, where the symbiote could act as most of Wade's historical supporting casts. Sometimes they bail each other out, sometimes they screw each other over, sometimes they just annoy each other. Valentine as supporting cast/love interest/person of mystery? That I like.

So I'm back at the point of whether I want to continue buying this book on the chance I will get more of the stuff I like. Example, at the end of the issue, Wong nods towards the question of, why exactly Ock has hung around and helped Harrower. We don't get an answer, but am I intrigued enough to hang on and find out?

Tiger Division #4, by Emily Kim (writer), Creees Lee (artist), Yen Nitro (color artist), Ariana Maher (letterer) - I wonder whose metal hand that could be, holding the mystical gem? OK, I actually know who it is because the solicit for issue 5 spoiled the surprise.

Min-Jae gets ready to steal Tae's powers and transfer them to himself, so Lady Bright busts through the window. Then she pauses she Tae can give us another flashback about how he decided to turn his life around and make up for all his past misdeeds. Then, having not destroyed the machine or incapacitated Min-Jae during all this, Lady Bright has to try and fight him when he dons the ugliest, stupidest looking armor I have ever seen.

It is like a grey version of a Mandroid armor, but instead of the clear faceplate, it's just open in front like Magneto's helmet. Or maybe like he's wearing a Mindless One as a meat suit. It's made of a bunch of little flat pieces of metal, which he can shoot like projectiles, but also he can channel energy through it. Or electricity, maybe it's electricity.

He triggers the machine, Lady Bright tries to destroy it and fails, then gets beat easily by this moron in his shitty armor. Then the rest of the team shows up, but Tae's lost his powers. I think Nitro colors Tae with duller tones, like he's a plant that's been kept out of the sun and is slowly dying. Lee shrinks Tae's muscles too, and while he doesn't make Tae's clothes hang off him, he draws his shoulders as slumped and the pauldrons don't seem to be almost floating off his body any longer.

Then the guy who helped Mae-Jin build this device shows up. It's Dr. Doom. Well, at least it's a character who wears armor with some damn style. As well as a character with a track record for seeing sources of great power and saying, "I'll take that." I mean, "It is only logical that DOOM should be the one to wield this power to its full extent." Yeah, that sounds more like Doom. So credit to Kim for that.

I wouldn't exactly give this squad a great chance at beating Doom, but it may be as simple as Tae taking a crazy risk to reach the gem and regain his powers and Doom leaving. If he can't get the power, then he's not going to hang around fighting South Korea's government super-team. That's just a recipe for a lot of tedious diplomatic meetings.

What I Bought 1/19/2023

Only found one of last week's four books at the store in town. I was hoping for two, thought they'd have Immortal Sergeant since it's from Image, but that's how it goes. Today, will Deadpool survive (on my pull list?)

Deadpool #3, by Alyssa Wong (writer), Martin Coccolo (artist), Neeraj Menon (color artist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - Wow, Wade sprang for an extra set of swords for the symbiote. They must be pals now!

Valentine has actually tried to help Deadpool with his symbiote problem, but to see if the sedative is working, they need a "field test." So it's off to the zoo! Wait, what? Supposedly, the variety of circumstances will let Valentine establish a baseline for the symbiote, so they can develop a better drug. Also, Valentine thinks Wade is cute, which befuddles him, so Coccolo draws the montage of their zoo adventure with the word "cute" in various fonts hovering around Wade, when it isn't a giant stone block crushing him (metaphorically).

Wade keeps calling the symbiote Renesmee, which I had to look up. It's a Twilight reference, boooooooo. I was quite content knowing almost nothing about those books, and now I know a little less nothing than before! Boooooooooooooo!

Deadpool and the symbiote may be coming to an understanding, although the fact it's encouraging him to kiss Valentine concerns me. Fortunately, Doc Ock and Harrower show up with a bunch of mutated zoo animals, so there's no smooching while the symbiote looks on like a creepy voyeur. Also, Lady Deathstrike got a second chance to join the Atelier, but she has to kill Octavius and Deadpool by herself. Yeah, good luck with that. I wouldn't give Deathstrike a 10% shot one-on-one against Ock.

I liked this issue more than the previous two. Something about the more mundane aspect of Deadpool going to a zoo with someone was appealing. Wong tried to throw a lot at us in the first two issues, but she slowed down a bit here to dig into it. Let Wade actually interact with Valentine, so we can get some sense of this character he's so immediately infatuated with. That way, if this turns out horribly, their inevitable betrayal has some kick. If it somehow doesn't turn out horribly, then great! We like Valentine and are happy they and Wade are together.

So, I guess, the answer to the question at the start of the post is, yes, Deadpool survives for another month.

What I Bought 1/2/2023 - Part 1

I have eight books from last month that showed up on Monday. That's the last of the new books from 2022, so once we get through these reviews, I'll jump in the Year in Review posts. Either the 12th or the 13th, depending on whether I've got a book/movie review to post on the 12th or not.

Moon Knight #18, by Jed MacKay (writer), Federico Sabbatini (artist), Rachelle Rosenberg (color artist), Cory Petit (letterer) - Why does Moon Knight only have spikes on one fist? Ya got two hands, Spector, dual-wield those things.

Marc and Tigra march into the Tutor's big show. The Tutor makes a speech about how ineffective and foolish they are, as the old way, versus all his buzz speak and TED talk horseshit. Moon Knight promises to kill him, and Solider uses his HYDRA training to hack into a trigger the sprinkler system. At which point Marc consecrates the water in the name of Khonshu. Burn, baby, burn.

Vampires destroyed, one human servant left alive to tell Dracula to stay out of New York. Yes, I'm sure that's what will keep him out, a trick they pulled in the Constantine movie, not the presence of the Sorcerer Supreme, who whipped Drac's ass more than once.

It's a very perfunctory conclusion. Walk in, talk a bit, trigger the sprinklers, boom, vamps beaten. So easy there's no real sense of any triumph. I guess the point is Tutor's plan was built on him being indispensable, which made bringing everything down rather easy. He just figured he was safe because he was sure he was smarter than everyone else.

With Rosenberg as colorist, Sabbatini's work continues to look very similar to Cappuccio's, the exception being Tigra. Sabbatini softens his lines on her, so she looks softer and more rounded, especially her face. The eyes are rounder, and he makes the stripes on her face wider, less like sharp slashes. The overall effect makes her less fierce, younger looking. It's the first time I've really noticed a big difference between how the two portray a given character.

He also substantially reduces the amount of cleavage revealed by her dress and removes the sleeves.

Deadpool #2, by Alyssa Wong (writer), Martin Coccolo (artist), Neeraj Menon (color artist), Joe Sabino (letterer) - I bought the Peach Momoko variant cover rather than the McFarlane Incredible Hulk homage cover.

Deadpool tries to kill Doc Ock and not get recaptured by Harrower, while symbiote arms keep bursting out of his body. Although the arms are sometimes helpful, they don't have the same priorities as Deadpool. With Deadpool's healing factor and tendency to make jokes about terrible injuries, it's hard to make damage he sustains really look bad, but I'll say Coccolo did a good job here. Especially when one of the arms bursts out of Wade's mouth. I think it's how he shades the fabric of the mask so you can see Wade's body being stretched and his eyes are actually shut from the pain.

The fact Ock then flails his tentacles about trying to dislodge Deadpool, like a frightened housewife leaping on the kitchen table in a Tom & Jerry cartoon, somewhat undercuts the moment, but oh well.

In the middle of the fighting, Lady Deathstrike shows up. Because she and Deadpool were supposed to work on this hit together. Apparently she was there during the entire expository flashback with the Atelier, and we didn't see her because it was Wade's flashback and he was fixated on Valentine, the person with the needles. Which isn't a bad way to play with Deadpool being an unreliable narrator, really, although it feels like the sort of thing that could easily be abused and get really tedious.

Anyway, Deadpool bails on Deathstrike again, they fail to kill Ock, meaning they're not getting into the super-secret assassin club. Which seems like a waste, but I assume the Atelier will become antagonists now. On top of Ock, Harrower, and Deathstrike, who are all pissed at Deadpool, who ran to Valentine for help. Who I'm sure is not going to do anything unethical with Wade or the symbiote.

Holiday Chaos

CalvinPitt: How's the soup coming?

Clever Adolescent Panda: *stirs the pot experimentally* It's good. I still think it's suspicious you wanted miso soup with tofu as one of the dishes.

Calvin: There's nothing wrong with tofu. It's really just texture, all the taste is in the broth.

CAP: Put out an extra place setting.

Calvin: Don't go inviting extra people to our shindig!

CAP: It's for the narrator.

Calvin: Oh. I guess he did say this was all he had a couple of years ago. Which is incredibly depressing.

Narrator: I HAVE A FAMILY, YOU KNOW.

Calvin: *glares at ceiling* Then don't make misleading, self-deprecating comments.

CAP: Don't fight with our narrator.

Calvin: How would I even fight with an intangible presence?

*voice through the door*: Yo! Let me in!

Calvin: It ain't locked!

Rhodez: You're not locking your door? That's kinda welcoming for you, isn't it?

CAP: I knew you were acting suspicious!

Calvin: *rolls eyes* No, I just don't want any of the guests kicking the door in because they get impatient.

Rhodez: Does that mean?

CAP: *cheers* Deadpool's coming!

Calvin: So I'd hide that good beer you brought if you don't want Wade to shotgun the lot of it.

Rhodez: Gotcha. *stashes it in the rear of the fridge, behind some diced onions* Man, how long have these onions been in here?

Calvin: *absently while setting the table* Since some time in the summer. Whenever I last had enchiladas. I keep meaning to chuck 'em, but eh, they're sealed up. Not hurting anything.

Pollock: Oh yes, always a good philosophy. Just ignore the problem.

*One of the pies lifts off the counter*

Calvin: *steps in to grab the pie* Whoa, whoa, no throwing food at Blogsgiving, Ghost of the Forest! Use one of the knives.

Pollock: *narrowly avoids the knife* That damnable spirit is here?!

Calvin: Yeah, they showed up a few days ago. Knocked my bike over for some reason. Which also knocked over my punching bag and the camp chair and almost hit my router.

*Calvin's coyote skull floats off the counter and approximates a shrug*

Calvin: Don't give me that. You could have just messed with my hats.

Pollock: *sourly* Delightful. I'm at a higher risk of being assaulted than normal at these get-togethers. Speaking of people likely to attack me, where's Cassanee?

Calvin: She's taking a nap. Hey, Cass, up and at 'em!

Cassanee: *wanders out of the guest room, yawning and scratching her head* Hello. Brought stuffing and one of the berry pies.

Pollock: Ah. How lovely, Cassanee.

CAP: *teases* Don't you mean the sullen girl?

Pollock: *glowers* Unlike you and the dolt, she's earned my using her name.

Calvin: How? By punching you in the face? I think everyone here's done that at least once.

Rhodez: I haven't.

CAP: You drove a van through her boardroom, though.

Rhodez: It was an accident!

Deadpool: A hilarious accident.

CAP: Wade! *rushes towards him, only to be cut off* Calvin!

Calvin: Not so fast. I have a strict "no symbiotes" policy in my apartment.

Rhodez: Wade's got a symbiote?

Calvin: At least temporarily, as part of his new ongoing. And it's a Carnage symbiote, which is even worse.

Deadpool: It's just a parasite. This is discrimination!

Calvin: Yeah, I'm taking lessons from the X-Men and their Krakoa horseshit. You bring the thing, Pollock?

Pollock: *pulls a pistol from her coat* Certainly. I've no interest in being attacked by homicidal tar monsters. Cover your ears.

*The pistol emits a low hum and a pulsing violet ray strikes Deadpool's abdomen*

Deadpool: Ooh, that tickles. *pause* Not in a good way, though. More in a - hang on.

*Deadpool sprints past everyone into the restroom. There's the sound of pants unzipping, and then a several minutes of pained groans, followed by a sigh of relief.*

Rhodez: Aw man.

CAP: Courtesy flush!

*The toilet flushes, only to be drowned out by an inhuman screech.*

Deadpool: Unholy shits! By the power of Liquid Plumber! *sounds of gunfire and more flushing. Deadpool finally emerges* OK, symbiote-free. But you might want to watch out that your bathroom doesn't come alive and try to kill you.

Rhodez: Didn't Stephen King write a story like that?

Calvin: Probably. I think he's turned every mundane object into the subject of a story at one point or another. Let me just move an air freshener in there and we can eat!

Narrator: MUCH EATING OF FOOD COMMENCED!

Pollock: "Much eating of food commenced?" That's such an awkward way to put that!

Calvin: *whispers to CAP* Are we paying him by the word?

Narrator: YES, INDEED YOU ARE PAYING ME BY THE -

Calvin: Ghost, if you don't mind?

Narrator: NOW JUST HOLD -

*Calvin's bike helmet floats into the air and strikes something*

Calvin: Thank you. Turns out you fight an intangible presence with another intangible presence. Will someone pass me the sweet and sour chicken?

Pollock: This seems like a more violent than normal Blogsgiving.

Calvin: *shrugs* Eh, I think the one where Cornelius showed up was worse. He annoyed everyone, and you were wasted and mouthing off. I distinctly remember people getting his with dishware and at least one fistfight involving a certain panda.

CAP: It wasn't a fight! *grins* It was a beatdown. Pollock was too drunk to fight properly.

Pollock: How dare you!

Rhodez: Should the rest of us go eat in a different room?

Cassanee: *surveying the apartment* Have to use the balcony.

Calvin: Nope, all corporeal fights have to go somewhere else.

Deadpool: Try the bathroom. You can't mess it up much worse.

*CAP and Pollock nod and step down the hallway. Everyone else keeps eating.*

Cassanee: Why the soup?

Calvin: I have a lot of cornbread, I thought a soup would go well with it.

Rhodez: You make the cornbread?

Calvin: Nah. I made the hash, but the cornbread was from my mom.

Rhodez: Nice.

*A pair of shrieks emerge from the bathroom, along with the inhuman screech from earlier.*

CAP: Kill it with fire!

Pollock: You kill it with fire!

Deadpool: Hey, can I add these onions in your fridge to my nachos?

Calvin: You can certainly try, but go out on the balcony to open the container.

Deadpool: Got it, biological attack on your neighbors. Good way to hoard more parking spaces! And, I'll just take this beer I found behind the onions with me.

Rhodez: Hands off my beer, Wade!

Deadpool: It's not yours if it's in my stomach! *tries to run, but finds himself unable to get traction*

Rhodez: I got better with my power. *takes back her beer* Now you can go.

Deadpool: *regains traction abruptly, runs uncontrolled out the screen door and over the railing* Whoo, those onions are strong! Too strong! My eyes! My manly, yet expressive eyes!

Calvin: You're at least gonna let him have one beer, right?

Rhodez: *shrugs* Probably. I'll be wasted after two. But he's gotta ask.

Cassanee: Fair. May I?

Rhodez: Sure. Calvin, wanna get down with the drinking?

CAP: Calvin, turn on your oven!

Calvin: Are you planning to cook the symbiote in my oven?

CAP: *unconvincingly* Noooooooo?

Pollock: *thrown out of the bathroom* For the love of my devoted employees, help me grab this thing and throw it in the imbecile's oven! Aaaaahh! *get dragged back into the bathroom*

CAP: *rushes after Pollock* You could at least say "please!"

Cassanee: *still eating* So could you.

CAP: Please!

Calvin: Not my oven. That came with the apartment, they'll be pissed. Use the microwave. It's like Firestar, minus the moral qualms about murdering!

*Clever Adolescent Panda and Pollock come staggering out of the bathroom, writhing ball of red-and-black clutched in their hands. Teeth form in the mass and snap at their faces as they chuck it in the microwave.*

CAP: Popcorn!

Calvin: *holding the microwave door shut as the screeching reaches a crescendo* Did you just quote Grosse Pointe Blank?

CAP: Yeah?

Calvin: Nice! But, you know that movie ended badly for Dan Ackroyd.

Deadpool: *climbs back over the balcony* And they always will. 

Rhodez: *hands Deadpool one beer* What's that mean?

Deadpool: He knows what he did.

Cassanee: You're making things up.

Calvin: The onion fumes went to his brain.

CAP: How can you tell?

Deadpool: Et tu, little fuzz buddy?

CAP: Wade, you don't make sense a lot of the time.

Deadpool: Blame Editorial.

Calvin: Marvel still has that?

Pollock: Would you all - oh never mind. I'm too hungry to care. Jabber on, witless drones.

Narrator: AFTER MORE EATING, THERE WAS -

Calvin: Ghost?

*a knife hovers in the air*

Narrator: NEVER MIND.

Calvin: Thank you. OK, expressions of gratitude time! I vote Clever Adolescent Panda has to go last, because the rest of us always feel inferior after their turn!

CAP: Hey!

Rhodez: Second!

CAP: Wait a second!

Cassanee: Third!

Deadpool: I'll go first! I am grateful for my new ongoing series, which is being written by one of Marvel's hot new writers, rather than the old farts who do mini-series set in specific points in continuity from 20 years ago! That means I'm still really popular! The X-men even let me hang out on their island orgy colony now!

Calvin: You're on X-Force, though. That's like the CIA, but even more morally suspect.

Pollock: Is that possible?

Calvin: The CIA uses people who commit human rights violations. I'm pretty sure Hank McCoy is a walking human rights violation at this stage.

Deadpool: I'm going to help him find the light and become the cheerful, bouncing guy he used to be!

CAP: When you aren't working for an elite group of assassins?

Deadpool: If Logan can alternate between mentoring teen girls and killing hundreds of Yakuza, why can't I kill people for money while advising others not to experiment on people?

CAP: I think most of Wolverine's mentoring is teaching those girls to kill people. That's not much of a difference. But I guess you can do better than him, so it's OK.

Calvin: Wade did try to get his daughter away from his life of violence, which is more than Logan ever does.

Deadpool: Daughter?

CAP: Oh right, Duggan mind-wiped that. Just wait until someone brings Eleanor back.

Deadpool: Eleanor? That name sounds vaguely familiar. Oh right, that was what Nic Cage called that car that gave him trouble in Gone in 60 Seconds!

CAP: *pats him on the shoulder* Sure Wade, that's it.

Pollock: *sighs* Well, this is taking a depressing turn, and Calvin hasn't even gone yet. Someone else?

Rhodez: I got out of that job I hated. I love my new job, and it's gonna give me the chance to move around a little. So yeah, I'm definitely liking where am I more than a year ago. Cass?

Cassanee: The raccoons' art is bringing in more tourists. It's annoying, but the money helps. We improved our roads a lot.

Pollock: Really? Do you think you'll soon have actual cars to drive on them, or are you still using lawnmowers?

Deadpool: Shots fired!

Calvin: Take the fighting elsewhere!

*Cassanee and Pollock step outside. No one is going near the bathroom*

CAP: Pollock didn't get to tell us what she was thankful for.

Calvin: *watching the fight in the parking lot* I'd say she's thankful for getting to roughhouse with you and Cass. Looks like she's having a great time out there.

Deadpool: Why doesn't anyone want to roughhouse with me?

CAP: You stab people.

Deadpool: Only the ones I hate!

*Cassanee lands a solid kick to the solar plexus and Pollock goes bouncing across the lot*

Calvin: Maybe less of a great time now. Ghost, you want a turn? 

*Various objects float in the air, twisting and rotating in a peculiar dance. Then they settle neatly on the counter.*

Deadpool: Heartwarming. The feel-good message of the holiday season.

Calvin: Uh-huh. Anyway, my turn!

Rhodez: Hang on, I need another beer!

Deadpool: Me too!

Rhodez: *clutches the remaining beers* I already gave you one!

Deadpool: *falls to his knees* Please, Calvin's thanks are too depressing, even for my life!

Rhodez: *thinks about it* Yeah, that's fair. You can have the last one.

Deadpool; Another thing to be thankful for! Now that I have my malty Kelvar, let's hear it!

Calvin: *looks at CAP* Well, you gonna plead for a beer, too?

CAP: *looking solemn* I have confidence you can give thanks that aren't terrible. For once.

Calvin: Remind me why I let all of you in my apartment? *sighs* OK, whatever. Work is a pain in the ass and a half. Best friend in the work unit moved, the other two are unreliable at actually getting work done. No joy there.

Rhodez: Oh God. *takes a big drink*

Calvin: But who expects work to be a thing worth thanking? The best thing it can say is it didn't interfere too much with the rest of my life. No health issues, so that's always good. No health issues for those I care about, minus whatever lumps Pollock's getting right now.

Rhodez: You care about Pollock?

Calvin: Eh, she's fun to have around, when she's only harassing me as opposed to trying to kill me. I went out and saw a few cool places this year I'd be meaning to go investigate, and a couple that were spur of the moment. Got a lot of writing done, including a couple of things I'd been trying to get finish for a while. At least one of which I'm really happy with. Good enough?

CAP: I thought so.

Rhodez: Yeah man. Wade?

Deadpool: *in the process of tying a noose* Hmm? Is he done?

Calvin: Ha, ha. Fuck you, see if I keep buying your comic after issue 2.

Deadpool: You'd give me less of a chance than Tiger Division?

Calvin: Actually kill Doc Ock and we'll see. Panda, send us off with a bang, would ya?

CAP: Oh, well, there's nothing too great. My family is doing fine. I got to see all of you, and ruin another of Pollock's rental cars on April Fools Day. I'm continuing my study program on exorcisms and spirits. I recovered an book of the dead from a weird cult that wanted to open a door to another dimension and destroy civilization. I'm trying to learn to make noodles from bamboo.

Rhodez: You mean where you use a bamboo pole to make noodles?

CAP: No, noodles made of bamboo. I thought it would be fun for a soup, or a pasta. It's not going very well, though.

Calvin: Seems like there'd be too much cellulose for that.

CAP: I think I can cook some of the rigidity out of it! *pauses to look at Deadpool*

Deadpool: What?

CAP: Aren't you going to make a joke about rigidity?

Deadpool: I would never joke about food. As long as you let me have some when you figure it out.

CAP: Deal.

Rhodez: Are Pollock and Cassanee still fighting?

Calvin: *peers out window* Yep. They oughta just get a room.