Sunday Splash Page #175

 

"Turns Out, Worms Can't Read Maps," in Earthworm Jim #2, by Dan Slott and John Lewandowski (writers), Barry Crain (penciler), Sam De LaRosa (inker), Ed Laz (colorist), UL Higgins (letterer)

I'm guessing this is not what you expected to kick off the "E's" with. Or maybe it was, if you know my affection for the old EWJ.

A three-issue mini-series from mid-90s Marvel, written at least partially by Dan Slott (he gets plot credit at least), which I was not expecting when I bought this several years back. It's kind of an odd bird of a story. It's not an origin, except perhaps for Peter Puppy's friendship with Jim. Jim's already a well enough established hero that there's a background subplot about several of his villains hiring Evil the Cat to sic his lawyers on Jim with a lawsuit for all those times he beat them up.

(The lawyers keep get waylaid one way or the other. Going to the wrong address, chasing ambulances full of injured super-villains, stuff like that.)

The main villain actually ends up being Bob the Killer Goldfish of all things, who tricks Princess What's-Her-Name into agreeing to marry him to save Jim's life. The comic's version of the Princess is sort of a weird amalgamation of the cartoon's version (where she's a hardbitten rebel leader/warrior princess), and the video game version (who seemed like sort of a bubblehead). So she's very strong and ready to fight, but also kind of dumb when the plot requires demands it. Not unlike Jim, actually.

Barry Crain and De LaRosa handle most of the art chores, except the back third of issue #2, which is drawn by Manny Galan and Carlos Garzon, who utilize a simpler, cleaner style. De LaRosa really likes to shade in as many muscles on Jim's suit as possible, and Crain's version of Jim is much more animated and a little feral looking. The top of his head is always moving or squiggling about, and he can get a distinctly manic look in his eyes at times. Crain also likes to add little details to the background. Like having one of Evil's lawyers look like Pinhead from Hellraiser, or what looks like a TIE Fighter getting plowed through at the top of the splash page up there. 

Which fits with the general tone of the comic, a nearly constant stream of jokes, one-liners, puns, sight gags, the occasional meta-joke, etc. I'd say there's more misses than hits, but there's a few that are kind of funny.

Earthworm Jim 2.10 - For Whom The Jingle Bell Tolls

Plot: Jim and Peter are attacked by Queen Slug-for-a-Butt while Jim puts up overly elaborate Christmas decorations. Jim defeats her with lawn ornaments and exploding gifts, and after a random pee joke about Peter writing his name in the snow, we move on.

To the Queen asking her royal loony about Christmas while she works out. She's intrigued by Santa's ability to infiltrate homes, and resolves to hunt him down and bend him to evil. By the time Jim learns of Santa's abduction - from Walter, who as a mall Santa is attuned to the real deal through a chip in his brain - Santa is already gone. A search only reveals a lot of people hate Santa, but they eventually head to the Queen's lair, where she has successfully altered Santa's mind with brain modification. Off they go to Earth, to put mind control devices on all the children. Except the first house they reach, Jim, Peter, and the Princess are already there. The latter two fight the Queen, leaving Jim to make a heartfelt plea to Santa to remember the good times. This touches Santa's soul, blah blah, he returns to his old self, then transforms into Wotan, Norse God of Vengeance and drags the Queen off somewhere. Christmas is saved, and this series is over.

Quote of the Episode: Queen Slug-for-a-Butt - 'It sounds so absurd, but once you mentioned the magical flying sleigh, it all makes sense.'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 1 (20 overall).

Cow? Yes, inside a giant fruitcake, which might be worse than having a cow fall on you.

Other: The narrator was at least willing to do his job this week.

Jim knitted antennae warmers for the Princess, and bought Peter a Haggis maker. Which says a lot about how important the two are to him, relative to each other.

Only now, at the end, do I realize I should have been keeping count of how many times Jim says "Doomed". It's usually at least three times an episode, right after the point when they were about to go to commercial at a suspenseful part.

The Queen flattens our heroes with an impressive flip, and attributes it to her aerobics workouts, but she's also drawn with some pretty cut shoulders and upper arms. So I'm guessing she doesn't skimp on the weights either.

This week in '90s references, one witness describes Santa's kidnapper as an insect with a butt the size of a Macy's parade balloon. Which causes Jim to guess it was Rush Limbaugh. An insult to the Queen there. The Queen confirms that her brainwashing works by making Santa state that Val Kilmer was OK as Batman, but that no one fills the tights like Adam West. Which is just silly, everyone knows Michael Keaton was the best live-action Batman.

The Queen hates raisins, so maybe Jim should buy her some of those next year, instead of the exploding gift gag.

Peter questions whether Jim's decorations should reveal the location of their secret base, but hell, all of Jim's enemies already know where he lives. Which does make it easy to fight evil, since it pretty much throws itself on his doorstep every week.

Anyway, that's the end of another series. I don't know what's coming next yet. Guess we'll find out next week.

Earthworm Jim 2.9 - The Wizard of Ooze

Plot: Jim and Peter (and their house) are flung into another dimension by Queen Slug-for-a-Butt, utilizing the Professor's latest invention. Yes, it's a Wizard of Oz parody, if the title didn't tip you off. The house crushes the Evil Bleveridge of the Southeast, marking Jim and Peter as foes of the Evil Queen Slug-for-a-Butt of the Southwest, and gifting (I use that term loosely) Jim with the Sapphire Toesocks.

Jim and Peter travel the Flat Critter Road to see the Wizard about getting home, meeting various characters from their show repurposed for this parody. The Wizard fails to help any of them get what they want, and then the Queen of the Southwest returns, only to be defeated with her own flying vacuum. A trip to the local supermarket fulfills all the ancillary characters' desires, and Jim trades the toe socks to the guy from the Transdimensional towing company to get home. The Queen of their universe is still there, so Jim turns the weapon on her, and sends her to the awful place.

Quote of the Episode: Jim - 'I'm guessing you a) are depressed, and b) want something.'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 1 (19 overall).

Cow? The Good Cow of the Northeast, in fact.

Other: Peter's transformation in this issue was brought on by the sight of the Queen's vacuum, bringing back all his traumatic memories of the vacuum that sent him to Heck (see, "The Origin of Peter Puppy").

Jim getting the toesocks makes me wonder if he even has toes. The suit has fingers, but Jim's actual worm body, large though it may be, doesn't have any limbs. Does the suit has toes inside its feet? Could a villain defeat Jim by mocking him for not being able to wiggle his toes in the grass, reducing Jim to tears? Or maybe it would trick Jim into demonstrating how, as a worm, he can wriggle his entire body in the grass, which would get him out of the suit.

The set backdrops are the most effective villain Jim has ever gone up against.

So, for the record, Walter as a Fiberglass Chain Restaurant Mascot was the Scarecrow stand-in. He wanted dental floss to improve his teeth so he'd be better at his job. The Manifestation of Death was the Tin Reaper, who wished to have some of the frozen yogurt the souls he escorted to the afterlife got in the Mall of the Afterlife. And the Hamstinator was the Brave Hamster, who wanted a reasonable amount of fear to keep him from endangering his life doing foolish things.

The narrator has completely lost interest, refusing to even do his work for most of the episode, and instead spending time calling his agent. Even so, his indifference can't match my active dislike. This is the first episode I really just wanted to be over and done with. There are a couple of funny gags - Professor Monkey-for-a-Head as the Queen's flying monkey, and then his challenging the Tin Reaper to a game of chess was one. But I was rooting for the Queen in this one.

Earthworm Jim 2.8 - Lounge Day Journey Into Night

Plot: We open with the narrator having forgotten he's still employed on this show, and have to rush into Bob feeding our heroes to the Giant Sturgeon. Jim, possibly traumatized by ingrained worm genetic memory, is useless, leaving Peter to get them out of the fish's stomach and defeat Bob. The end result of the sidekick saving the day is Jim is stripped of his heroship, and Peter gets the supersuit.

Meanwhile, Evil the Cat has gotten his last selection from the Tome of the Month club, the Hunchback of Nostradamus, which has a prophecy of a cat working with a pair of lounge singers and destroying the universe. The singers in question are Morty and Eileen, who Evil approaches right as Jim and Peter leave one of their gigs (on their way to learn Jim doesn't get to be the hero) any longer.

While Evil gets Morty and Eileen to practice his song, "Don't Buy a Calendar, Tomorrow's Already Gone," Peter gloats over his reversal in status while Jim works multiple menial jobs to pay the bills. And to top it off, he gets this month's selection of the Tome of the Month Club, The Hunchback of Nostradamus! Apparently Evil splurged on the deluxe membership with expedited shipping. The heroes rush to the lounge, but are waylaid by an industrial floor buffer and the awful singing.

The universe does not end, because Evil didn't read the whole prophecy, and so missed the part about the minstrels needing to sign a record contract first. Which gives Peter and Jim time to regroup and try again. And again, they botch it. Right as the universe is about to end, the show's animation budget runs out, for the second time in the episode. Evil wants to believe he's won, while Jim takes the opportunity to seize the animator's pencil and erase Evil. Then he sends another check to the animators.

Quote of the Episode: Jim - 'All this time I was fighting villains, I could have been enjoying musical jello!'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 0 (18 overall).

Cow? Yes, but not quickly enough for me to keep from thinking this show might deserve imminent cancelation.

Other: Morty and Eileen were willing to help Evil destroy the universe, playing someone else's song, for basically the promise he would provide lunch. Which made me think of people working for Marvel or DC, for some reason. Evil's probably a more compassionate boss, though.

Jim's lack of ears come into play again, like they did in Battery of the Gods where he was not only immune to the nose flute, but enjoyed the heck out of it. Morty and Eileen aren't quite as bad as the nose flute, simply because their voices aren't as shrill, but they're still unpleasant.

Henchrat is absent from the episode, because he's taking elocution lessons from Walter. Which at least means he avoids getting his whiskers pulled or ears tied together.

I was trying to think if the claim the heroes league made, that Peter is responsible for 90% of Jim's victories. Jim stopped the apes last week, he sort of stopped Hyper Psy-Crow, he utilized bureaucracy to stop The Fiend Which Dares Not Speak Its Name. Peter did save the day in "The origin of Peter Puppy", but that's the most recent one I can remember. You'd think with all the bake sales those heroes host, they'd be better at math, simply by virtue of having to make change.

Earthworm Jim 2.7 - Peanut of the Apes

Plot: Psy-Crow confronts the Generic President and demands the United States, but lets the President call the Earthworm Jim Coffee Can and String Hotline. Jim runs off Psy-Crow by showing him the debt he will assume if he does take over the country.

However, the kids' focus groups are not impressed and desperate to raise their sagging ratings, Jim institutes "Earthworm Interactive", where a fan named Cody is strapped into a chair and will get to decide what happens in the episode at certain points. Not a real kid, a cartoon one, relax.

That gimmick established, the actual plot begins, as Jim receives a call on his "pants phone" to respond to an attack by an ape at the local greasy chicken franchise. Despite his suit giving him the strength of '1,000 tree surgeons', Jim's in trouble until Cody pushes the "Win" button for him, at which point mashed potatoes save the day. As it turns out, the ape was a man just minutes ago, until he used a PFMH Co. moist towlette to clean himself. Soon there are apes all over the world, and PFMH Co. products are connected to all of them. Jim eventually (as in, well after Peter) realizes what PFMH stands for, and the heroes face Professor Monkey-for-a-Head. The Professor intends to use the Monkey as the only one who can communicate with the apes (because the Monkey is actually a chimp that thinks it's a monkey), and rule the world. But first, he tries his formula on Jim and Peter. Jim reacts with an overwhelming urge to wear corduroy jackets with leather patches, while Peter is turned into a haggis.

Fortunately, apes are terrified of Scottish food, giving our heroes a chance to run to run to the Planet of Creamy Foods for a mess of peanut butter, as that is the antidote for being turned into an ape. Humanity is saved, but the Professor steps through the screen Cody is watching all this on to threaten him into choosing the "Lose" button. Before that happens, the Professor is exposed to his own toxin and becomes Monkey Monkey-for-a-Head.

Quote of the Episode: Jim - 'How can I kick more, and be more like a brilliant physicist? It's agin' nature I tells ya!'

Times Peter turns into a Monster: 1 (19 overall).

Cow? Yes, at the fan's request.

Other: Peter's a fan of the old gag of leaving your outline in the wall when you run through it.

One of the children in the focus group wanted Jim to kick more, while one of the girls wanted him to be more like Stephen Hawking, prompting the quote above. Although, I kinda wished they'd picked a different brilliant physicist for the joke about scientists not being able to fight or whatever. One of the other kids hated cartoons that tried to put messages in their stories, like not running into walls. The other kid decided to try running into walls.

When Jim and Peter first burst in on the Professor, the Monkey was wearing a maid outfit. I don't know that I should say anything about that, what they do in the privacy of their own office is up to them, just figured you could have that image in your brain like I do.

It is nice of the Professor to support the Monkey's feelings that it is a monkey, even if it was born a chimpanzee.

When the Professor says Monkey will be the only one who can communicate with the humans-turned-apes, I assume he means to serve as a translator between these apes and anyone left as a human, but my first thought was he meant the apes themselves wouldn't be able to communicate with each other, which seems odd. But many of them might try initially to speak as they did while human, which probably wouldn't work. But sign language would still be an option.

The Planet of Creamy Foods has an entire sea of mayo. I'm getting nauseous thinking about it.

I like that they not only brought back the Generic President gag, but used the same generic president as last time.

At any rate, the series is winding down now as we're into the gimmick episodes, which will occur with increasing frequency over the next month. So we have that to look forward to.

Earthworm Jim 2.6 - Hyper Psy-Crow

Plot: We open on Jim imitating Seinfeld and just dying on stage. None of his foes could have devised a more horrible end. We transition from there to Psy-Crow being brought before Queen Slug-for-a-Butt (and Mrs. Bleveridge), and told if he doesn't bring the Queen the super-suit this time, or else.

Meanwhile, Jim is presenting a Lifetime Achievement award in heroism to the Puce Dynamo, who takes this opportunity to claim credit for inventing everything related to heroism, including costumes and sewing, while blasting the current heroes as phonies. Which sparks Jim's inner fire, as he calls for the heroes to fight evil. Then proceeds to wait in the banquet hall for evil to arrive. Which it does, in the form of Hyper Psy-Crow, as the villain drank an octuple espresso and has various speed-related powers. The other heroes are so busy arguing who gets to stop him, Psy-Crow destroys a pillar and drops the ceiling on them. Jim, Peter, and the Dynamo flee to the Home for Elderly Heroes.

Jim proposes they overload Psy-Crow with more coffee, which the Dynamo calls a terrible plan. Then he suggests the same thing. They lure Psy-Crow to a Museum of Oversized Items and enact their plan. Which succeeds in turning Psy-Crow into Hyper-Hyper Psy-Crow, a being of pure energy. Really up against the wall, Jim uses aromatherapy to become Super-Mellow Jim, but when the two collide, they destroy the universe. Whoops. Fortunately, the Great Worm Spirit has survived, first in the form of an Energizer Bunny knockoff, and then in the form of Doug TenNapel, who is Jim's creator after all. The three use their combined memories of the universe to recreate it, almost exactly as it was, and Jim and Psy-Crow are returned to their lives before the mess began.

Jim opts to tell the Dynamo to shut his trap, while Psy-Crow is less successful convincing the Queen to drop the whole thing. So he prepares to set it all in motion again, only to be stopped by Jim, who objects to using a 'here we go again' ending on his show.

Quote of the Episode: Dynamo - 'You're telling me? I invented retreating! You young punk.'

Times Peter turns into a Monster: 1 (18 overall).

Cow? Yes, at Jim's insistence on not using other shows' cliche endings.

Other: Walter, Jim's cellmate in the first Evil Jim episode, is the barista at the coffee bar, "Grounds for a Lawsuit". Too bad his job at the International House of Haggis didn't work out.

Jim didn't seem bothered by the Dynamo claiming credit for everything until he claimed he invented worms (which came after Jim explained his battle cry of "Eat dirt!"). I was sick of the old man after he claimed to invent sewing.

The only thing different in the recreated universe is that Death of a Salesman is about Urkel, and for some reason I thought Jaleel White had died recently and was leery about mentioning that reference, but apparently not. Anyway, Urkel reference, because '90s show.

Psy-Crow knows the Great Worm Spirit because he claims it saved his life in 'Nam. Seemed completely serious about it, too. The Dynamo has a letter from President Truman thanking him for offering to end World War 2, but they had a bomb they wanted to try. That's in questionable taste.

The gag about the Energizer Bunny surviving the end of the universe got a laugh out of me. Psy-Crow was blaming Jim for destroying everything, Jim insists something must have survived, the rabbit marches past. Then Jim sneers that someone probably thought that was sooooo clever, which, yeah, I thought it was. Good job, joke writers for the show!

I expected a little more of the story spent trying to stop Psy-Crow, maybe some stuff in the vein of a Road Runner/Wil E. Coyote cartoon playing off Psy-Crow's speed and short attention span (the espresso turned him into Impulse, essentially). Could have used less of the Puce Dynamo, that didn't really go anywhere. It isn't as though Jim isn't normally hot to fight evil, anyway. And as Peter pointed out he wasn't pointing out, Jim's first plan to defeat Psy-Crow was the same as the Dynamo's, so the old man was kind of pointless.

Earthworm Jim 2.5 - Evil In Love

Plot: Evil the Cat seeks the The Fiend Which Dares Not Speak Its Name, and meets Malice the Dog, who seeks the same thing. They fall in love, which leaves Henchrat feeling left out. Their searches reveal a tablet that tells how to summon the Fiend, a process which involves balloon animals and the Hat Pin of Destiny. The latter just so happens to reside in a steamer trunk in Jim's attic. Jim, Peter, and the Princess are overcome by Malice's Fleas of Eternal Slumber, which traps them in the Land of Nightmares. Which doesn't impress the heroes much until the Lord of Nightmares summons their greatest fears: Swedish Chef's cousin, Scottish Chef, public restrooms, and  those ladies in the department stores who spray perfume in your face.

I'll let you figure out who was terrified by what.

While the heroes grapple with their fears, the villains hit a roadblock as their claws keep popping the balloons. I though cats could retract their claws, but not Evil. Which means a lot of kissing up to the underappreciated Henchrat to get him to do it. Then they learn the Hat Pin can only be wielded by one who is pure of heart. Fortunately for the villains, all the obstacles, gave our heroes time to wake up and reach Heck, so taht Jim can be tricked into using the Hat Pin and releasing the Fiend. All seems lost against the trans-dimensional horror, but Jim employs bureaucracy to stymie it, because it doesn't have a permit to bring about the Apocalypse. Evil is undaunted, but Malice has an offer for her own show in another universe and departs, so now Evil is a little daunted.

Quote of the Episode: Henchrat - 'Boss no longer need Henchrat. Once special relationship turned to bitter tears in Henchrat's mouth.'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 0 (17 overall).

Cow? Yes, although it may have doomed the universe, 3 billion years from now.

Other: Jim really enjoyed dressing up as a flapper. Good for him. The Princess wasn't so amused.

The episode saw the return of Jim's Manta Shield, which worked better against Acid Furballs than it did against Bob's cat assistants.

For some reason the Lord of Nightmares talks in some faux New York tough  guy accent, while wearing a wide brimmed hat, a trenchcoat with the collar turned up, and smoking a cigar. I have no idea why they went with that particular design.

The Fiend is actually pretty terrifying. Not as terrifying as Mr. Bunny-Bun, an educational program character that keeps recurring through the episode (and hopefully will never appear again), but close.

Having the Fiend be told it will take 3 billion years to finish the paperwork, then showing up what happens in 3 billion years when he does finish it was a nice touch. That was my first thought at the time, 'Well what happens when he gets the application finished?' The answer was bureaucratic incompetence, to the point I'm actually glad for the Fiend when the cow lands on the bureaucrat. Possible doom of existence the Fiend may be, he dutifully followed the instructions to get his permit, only to be screwed by some stuffed shirt who is clearly enjoying the problems he's caused.

Earthworm Jim 2.4 - The Exile of Lucy

Plot: Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head are about to destroy Jim, but are ordered not to by Queen Slug-for-a-Butt, who still wants that supersuit. Which gives Jim and Peter time to start a musical number, distracting the villains until Jim can steal their weapons.

In the aftermath, the two villains are understandably cheesed that they got fried because of their lazy boss, and resolve to overthrow her. Which they accomplish thanks to Psycrow threatening the narrator into stating they did. The Queen is exiled, sans scepter, and crash lands on Earth, in the backyard of Mrs. Bleveridge. The two strike up a fast friendship over their combined love of shit talking. Lucy takes to life on Earth, finding a job, hobbies, and eventually love. No, not with Mrs. Bleveridge, but with a Cuban bandleader.

Jim and the other heroes, oblivious, play poker until Princess What's-Her-Name arrives to ask for help. Seems the Professor and Psycrow are busy having the populace of Insectica build war machines, and she needs help stopping them. Off our heroes go, but their plan runs into a snag in the form of Red Wormtinite, which transforms Jim into a bowl of candy corn. Also, the Princess can't get the scepter to work for her, so she has to take it and run. After all the heroes fail to step up, she turns to her sister and Mrs. Bleveridge. They rescue Jim and trash most of the war machines, but the last one is a doozy, and only by letting Lucy wear the supersuit will they have a chance of destroying it. That, of course, carries its own risks.

Quote of the Episode: Mrs. Bleveridge - 'I mean, you give that suit back or I'll hollow out your butt for a storage shed!'

Times Peter turned into a monster: 1 (17 overall).

Cow? A day late, and probably a dollar short, but yes.

Other: During the musical number, Peter stated he wets the bed. You'd think he'd have been housebroken at some point. Thankfully, Jim's attempt to start another musical number during the attack on Insectica was interrupted by Peter turning into a monster.

I did not remember Wormtinite at all, so that was a pleasant surprise. Although being turned into candy corn at least ensures no one will try to eat you. Though Peter was hungry enough to consider it. In which case, it's probably good Jim didn't turn into a bowl of fun-size Snickers or Milky Ways. Chocolate and dogs, man.

The Professor's monkey believes that bananas were invented in France, and is therefore interested in conquering it. Yeah, I don't know where he got that idea, and neither does Psycrow. Times like that, he has to question the choices he makes in partners.

Lucy's one saving grace as a ruler was she was too lazy to ever do anything, like start invasions. Which is true. We only ever see her trying to destroy Jim and get that supersuit. Contrast with Evil the Cat, or Bob the Goldfish, who do expend some effort trying to destroy Jim, but also frequently encounter him while on some other nefarious scheme.

Once again, I have to wonder what the Professor was thinking when he designed that suit, if it was truly meant for Queen Slug-for-a-Butt. It doesn't match her body type at all. Did he think she could enter some chrysalis stage and emerge with just two arms and legs? Had he never seen her before? Just gets a letter, 'Build me an all powerful supersuit or I shall destroy you and use your entrails for hair extensions!'

Once again, a trip to outer space didn't go so well for Mrs. Bleveridge. She keeps catching stray rounds, although she's one tough lady. But, now she gets to live with her best pal Lucy in a big palace (that looks like it's made from the fresh secretions of something I'd rather not see), and hopefully have a ball doing whatever they want.

Earthworm Jim 2.3 - Darwin's Nightmare

Plot: Bob's attempt to flood the universe by backing up the Cosmic Commode fails utterly when Jim jiggles the handle. Bob decides he's going to have to meet the universe on its terms if he's to conquer it, and builds a device that will steal the evolutionary energy from those around him, and transfer it to him. Thus, by the time Jim and Peter confront him on the Planet of Man-eating Socks (thanks to Jim receiving a page from the episode's script), Bob is a dinosaur. Once he adds Jim and Peter's energy, he becomes a human, and our heroes are reduced to cavemen. They are only saved from being chewed up - but not swallowed! - by the socks thanks to Princess What's-Her-Name.

While the Princess futilely tries to re-educate Jim and Peter, Bob begins conquering Earth. Our trio tries to catch him by surprise, by this fails as well, and Bob de-evolves the Princess to some tiny ladybug, while he advances to the state where you have brain so large it exists outside your cranium. He could have finished things right there, but got a little too involved with evil laughter, giving Jim and Peter a chance to clumsily fall out of his warship. Jim tries one last time to be a hero, only for Peter to wind up de-evolved to a trilobite, which pushes Bob further up the evolutionary ladder, where he changes into. . . his original form, which releases the stored up energy back to its original hosts, after which things are settled rather swiftly.

Quote of the Episode: Jim - 'My head is floppy.'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 0 (16 overall).

Cow? A missing link between fish and bovine, but I'll allow it.

Other: Peter does an extended Three Stooges riff, after being re-evolved which just feels like stalling for time until the end of the episode. Jim and Peter, in their cavemen states, do a couple of Beavis and Butthead references, laughing at the word 'but'. There's a couple of Baywatch jokes, a stuffed crust pizza reference, a whole thing with a knock-off of Jacque Costeau who is kind of loopy. It's kind of a strange episode.

They did warn us of at the start, this episode contained scenes of graphic strangeness. I'm just not sure it's strange to me in the way they intended. The whole thing with Bob evolving himself and de-evolving everyone else would seem weirder if we weren't watching a show about an earthworm that was mutated because an alien supersuit fell on him. A supersuit that was built by a guy with a monkey for a head.

The start of the episode also warned us not to sit too close to the TV, because it was bad for our eyes. Then during the massive battle of Earth's militaries against Bob, the picture goes blurry because we've ruined our eyes. By the time we back up to a proper distance, the battle is over. That was a good gag.

Bob being defeated in part because it turns out he was right about fish being the highest form of life in the universe was a good twist.

In the opener, Jim refers to Peter as a 'kettle drum', which sets Peter off with accusations that Jim is saying he's fat. And Jim seems thoroughly annoyed by Peter during it. I thought there was going to be some hostility between them, maybe one of those episodes where the heroes struggle because they're too mad at each other. That's a pretty classic action cartoon plot. But no. Peter must have directed his insecurities about his figure inward, which is going to no doubt manifest in unhealthy fashions. Hopefully not with interpretive dance or the use of puppets.

Earthworm Jim 2.2 - Opposites Attack!

Plot: Evil Jim's attempt to destroy Jim and Peter with a Chrono-Laser falters before the horrifying cuteness of babies. Later, as Evil Jim bemoans his lonely fate, he hits on a plan. He'll create a universe of evil duplicates like himself. He starts by attacking Jim, Peter, and Princess What's-Her-Name at the International House of Haggis, and gets himself his own Peter and Princess. The former gains intelligence when he changes, and the latter is very concerned with her personal appearance and actively flirts with both Jims.

After narrowly escaping the initial battle, Good Jim settles on the questionable tactic of splitting up to try and, I dunno, catch the villains by surprise I think. It might help if the heroes weren't all just running off in random directions like chickens with their heads cut off, but oh well. And the heroes are promptly defeated. Evil JIm brings them to the Fraternal Order of Super-Villains, offered in exchange for helping him with his plan. Except he accidentally triggers the gun and creates opposite duplicates of all the villains. Giving Good Jim a chance to get free and blast Evil Jim with the ray repeatedly, creating a whole lot of Good Jims, who promptly obliterate the villains.

Quote of the Episode: Evil Cow - 'You fools, I shall destroy you all, starting with the lactose intolerant. Moo, moo.'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 8 (16 overall). OK, I'm honestly guessing. I forgot to count during the part where he and Evil Peter where changing constantly.

Cow? Yes, did you not see the Quote of the Episode?

Other: Walter, who was Jim's cellmate in Evil Jim's original appearance, returns her as a waiter at the International House of Haggis.

We learned Peter hates instant cappuccino. It seems like his opposite's default state should be monster form, though. Jim spent time in the Wao-Lin temple, or at least in the home of some robe wearing senile guy he thought was a Wao-Lin master.

We also learned there's a warthog living with a talking eggplant down the street from Jim and Peter. The eggplant likes chickpeas and it's, it's not a happy home. After that sad scene, no wonder they gave us three seconds of dancing turtles later in the episode.

Peter seems to enjoy having Princess What's-Her-Name around, because it means there's someone else to be frustrated by the idiotic things Jim says.

Evil Jim initially tried to build his own Negative Synthesizer, but it didn't work. So then he bought one from a mail-order catalog. That was an interesting touch. Playing with audience expectations, or delaying them a little, at least.

I have no idea what happened to all those Good Jims, or any of the other opposite for that matter. Did they vanish eventually? Evil Jim has stuck around, but he was created in an entirely different manner. It'd be too bad if they all vanished. Professor-Monkey-for-a-Head was getting along well with Monkey-Professor-for-a-Head.

Two episodes in a row with no interlude, and where the opening sequence directly plays into the larger story.

Earthworm Jim 2.1 - The Origin of Peter Puppy

Plot: We open on a montage of times where Peter transforms into a monster and ruins everything. This leads to Jim getting fed up and firing Pet - no, wait, that was the first episode of season 1. This time, Jim resolves they must learn the origin of Peter's curse. Unfortunately, since it seems to have originated at the same time as his intelligence, speech, and fashion sense, he can't recall how it came about. Through a series of attempts to unlock his memories - including hypnosis, phone psychics, and letting Jim perform brain surgery - they learn nothing.

But Jim knows the Earthworm Mind-Meld, and by merging their astral selves, we and they learn the answer. Peter, in an effort to prove himself to the other dogs, ventured too near a running vacuum, and was sucked into Heck, where Evil bonded him with a demon, then sent him back home. We also see Peter and Jim's first meeting, when a devastated and lonely Peter, having wandered the globe, looking for a place he fits, crashes into Jim. They fight a bit, Jim feels bad for Peter, they become a crime-fighting duo. Their first vanquished villain was even Evil the Cat.

Flashback over, Jim and Peter venture to Heck and insist Evil remove the demon. Which he does. Which reverts Peter to an ordinary puppy. Whoops. Which gets Jim in a lot of trouble, which necessitates Peter bonding with the demon again, which saves the day.

Quote of the Episode: Jim - 'Note to self: Do not throw super-villains at buses full of orphans.'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 8 (8 overall).

Cow? Yes.

Other: There were a lot of possibilities for Quote of the Episode. 'Looks like I pulled a stupid.' Or, 'Jim, only one thing is powerful enough to save us now: Origami!' Strong episode for funny dialogue.

So even after gaining a sidekick, and building a hideout with a grant from the national Endowment for Super-Heroes, Jim wasn't having much luck getting to do actual super-heroing. So he put an ad in the paper that he was seeking a super-villain for a climactic battle. Which is how Evil showed up. No problems there. But Jim specifically said, 'No fatties' in his ad. Not cool, Jim. You could have had your very own evil businessman villain, but you had to go do that. Tsk, tsk.

Peter says it was his size as a puppy that caused the other dogs to not like him and make fun. I think it was more his penchant for gymnastics. he was leaping around, doing flips and cartwheels. These dogs were probably raised to believe puppies are supposed to chase balls, and play football, and stuff. We also see that, after his transformation, he was mocked and ridiculed everywhere he went for being a talking dog. I'm pretty sure Peter could have found himself a place somewhere in the world where Peter would be happy to see a talking dog. Probably a lot of places.

Jim spends a few scenes fleeing Evil and encountering the various dark realms of Heck. My favorite was the Room of Coffee Tables with Sharp Corners. That's such a little thing, but hitting your shin on those does hurt like the dickens. Nice touch by the creative staff.

Terlawk is the haggis capitol of the world, except for Scotland. In other food news, the opening saw the return of Peter's Coquille St. Jacques Nouvelle, this time actually appearing to have scallops in it.

Earthworm Jim 1.13 - The Anti-Fish

Plot: We open with Psycrow using a De-Evolution Ray on Jim, turning him into a giant amoeba. So Jim launches himself at Psycrow and prepares to digest him. Yikes.

In the main plot, Bob seeks to awaken the dreaded Anti-Fish to help him conquer the universe. Jim is busy being menaced by Evil Jim on the Planet of Eerily Spooky Landscapes, when he gets a call from the Fur-bearin' Trout, warning of the Anti-Fish's imminent awakening. Of course, he won't put in another quarter to extend the call, so Jim doesn't get to hear how to defeat the menace, but no matter. Off he flies, leaving the Princess to deal with Evil Jim.

As with most of these attempts to avert fate, the effort only causes the prediction to come true. Bob had failed to awaken the Anti-Fish, but Jim's presence, the scent of a worm, works. The bad news for Bob is the Anti-Fish won't listen to him. The bad news for everyone is it seeks to eat the Great Worm Spirit, which resides at the Dawn of Time, which will end everything. So hero and villain must team up. Which goes as well as you expect. The attempt to ambush the Anti-Fish in the Time Sewer results in them being knocked into prehistoric Earth and nearly eaten by dinosaurs. A long stint at the Restaurant of Time is able to send them to their destination, but working separately, they can barely annoy the Anti-Fish. But they do succeed through teamwork, and existence is saved. And Jim eventually remembers to go back for the Princess, who is busy being wooed by Evil Jim's notebook full of love poetry.

In the interlude, Professor Monkey-for-a-Head tries telling the monkey a bedtime story. It doesn't go well.

Quote of the Episode: Jim - 'By the Great Worm Spirit, whose heartbeat forms the very lifeblood of the universe, this sounds. . .fairly. . . bad!'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 0 (11 overall).

Cow? Yes, appearing in response to Jim's plea for things to be easy for once. I need cows to appear to help make things easy for me sometimes.

Other: Peter didn't use the "better than pro wrestling" line this week, so maybe it isn't going to become his new catch phrase. He did encounter his old enemy, haggis, at the Restaurant of Time, as that was the Dawn of Time Special. That is such an incredibly random idea, you eat a meal and it opens a portal to take you to a specific time.

Jim at one point refers to the Anti-Fish as the "sea horseman of the apocalypse", which is a pretty good line.

I wonder if it bothers bagpipe players that cartoons use bagpipes as shorthand for "awful noise". That has to get a little irritating after a while.

The Great Worm Spirit speaks in a parody of Christopher Walken's voice. Interesting choice.

The classic story of hero and villain, forced to cooperate. Not much new here, other than Jim being the uncouth one who leaves the toilet seat up. And, while Bob does try an immediate attack after the truce ends, and is undone by their cooperation, Jim just leaves him stranded in space. But Jim never does take his villains to Space Jail or whatever. Of course, most of them are monarchs of one world or another. Form a group, R.E.F.E.M. Revolutionary Earthworm Focused on Ending Monarchies. OK, it needs some work. I'm not Vril Dox, people.

This is, according to IMDB, the last episode of Season 1, for what that's worth. I don't think seasons mean particularly much with this show, but maybe my memory is wrong. We'll see starting next week!

Earthworm Jim 1.12 - Queen What's-Her-Name

Plot: In the opening, Jim is threatened by Evil the Cat and his earthworm Jim voodoo doll, only to figure out the magic runs both ways, and the doll responds to his movements as well.

In the main story, Princess What's-Her-Name gets her morning paper and finds the Queen has banned chocolate, which means that tyrant has to go. She turns to Jim and Peter for help and relates her childhood locked in a dungeon at her sister's orders. This deeply moves Jim, but is only entertaining to Peter. The attempted coup is to take place during the Queen's monthly, secretive horn bleaching. Despite Peter turning into a monster and blowing their cover, the Queen is captured and the Princess assumes the throne. Peter's concerns things were too easy are brushed aside.

But the whole thing is actually a ruse by the (former) Queen, who has Professor Monkey-for-a-Head install control circuitry in the dress the Princess is required to wear, then plans to make her beat Jim to death before ripping herself limb from limb. Jim, too in love to fight back, instead makes a desperate dive for the Queen's remote control and is able to turn the Princess against her sister with the power of ballroom dancing. The day saved, the Princess abolishes the monarchy and holds democratic elections. Then she forgets to run and the Queen re-takes control. *sad trombone*

In the interlude, Psycrow struggles with the fact space villainy has become unsatisfying, and considers a career change.

Quote of the Episode: Jim - 'Aw man, you and your Puritan work ethic. Get off my back, man!'

Times Peter Turns Into a Monster: 1 (11 overall).

Cow? Yes, and it proves instrumental in saving our heroes and preventing a cliffhanger ending.

Other: Three times in this episode, Peter compares events to pro wrestling and determines them to be better, at least in terms of entertainment value. I wonder if the writers were also getting tired of the "Fear is the mind-killer" bit. If so, they should probably have refrained from overusing this catch phrase right off the bat.

They also did this bit with Jim commenting about how all this cooperation is surely going to help his and the Princess' relationship, and her being baffled as to what he's talking about, and used that at least three or four times. Somehow it didn't feel overused, maybe because it's previously established the Princess does not generally share in Jim's deep emotions.

They also brought back the recurring gag of Peter eating haggis before he realizes what it is. Interesting a planet of intelligent insect species would make meals with sheep internal organs. Mostly because I wonder how they're getting sheep. Alien abductions, I suppose. Would explain the cow's sudden appearance and attack on the Queen. That'll teach you damn aliens to steal our livestock!

I considered using 'Eat dirt, ponderous rumped blaggard!' for quote of the episode, but Jim' irritation at Peter raining on the triumphant parade was too good to pass up.

The Queen was going to make her sister rip herself limb from limb, that is pretty dark right there. Psycrow could take a few lessons from the Queen. Maybe hire her as a guest lecturer for the Super-villain training program. It is interesting to me how largely chummy most of Jim's villains are. The Queen hires the Professor and Psycrow, so does Bob on occasion. Psycrow and the Prof will work together. Evil is kind of the exception, but then he wants to destroy all existence rather than conquer it. Bob says he wants to destroy, destroy, de-strooo-yah, but that's as a means to conquering also. Too incompetent at it to bother the Queen, though.

Insecticans are about as interested in politics as people in the United States. No one showed up for the Princess' announcement that she'd dethroned her sister. And no one else tried running against the Queen for office. Although the newspaper didn't announce voter turnout, only that Queen Slug-for-a-Butt won in a landslide. Does she have a fiercely dedicated minority of the population in her corner, or did she scare everyone into voting for her?

Earthworm Jim 1.11 - Bring Me The Head of Earthworm Jim

Plot: Peter and Jim open the episode narrowly escaping from a trap laid by the Queen. Turns out if you encase a dog and a worm in cocoons, they will sprout butterfly wings.

In the main story, Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head are fondly remembering when they defeated Earthworm Jim and had his head mounted on the wall of their club. Which happened the day before. Psycrow had asked if the professor could construct another super-suit. Well sure, but without a Battery of the Gods, it would be pretty lame. But Psycrow has himself a plan, which involves making Jim's suit smell real bad and then disguising his spaceship as a dry cleaners so they can swap Jim's suit for the weak one. Because Jim is freaking out over this date/getting pizza with Princess What's-Her-Name in three days, this works. Our heroes escape because when Peter transforms, he apparently attacks based on some cue from the suit, and goes after Psycrow for once.

While Jim embarks on a series of comic book type attempts to gain super-powers, Psycrow and the Professor conquer the universe. Which is easier than you (or they) might expect, because the Rulers of the Universe are gullible, cowardly fools. I wonder if they hail from the Planet of Easily Frightened Beings? Jim, having found that even asking the audience for help can't get him powers, decides to face the villains anyway, and offer his life in exchange for the universe.

Jim had clearly been watching JJ Abrams' Star Trek movies recently. Anyway, Jim is captured, and there is an audience member skilled in taxidermy to help mount and stuff him on the wall. Oh sure, the audience will help the bad guy, but when Jim asks them to clap and believe for him to get powers, nuthin'. As it turns out, the taxidermist was Peter, and Jim had retaken the suit while the villains reminisced and/or argued about who got it on Sundays.

In the interlude, Evil the Cat tries becoming a famous actor so he can use an award show speech to spread his political agenda of letting chaos reign.

Quote of the Episode: Jim - 'I have a cunning plan, fuzz buddy. I'm going to let them win!'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 1 (10 overall).

Cow? Yes, but once again it crash-landed in a restaurant, which still seems like it's asking for trouble.

Other: Peter knows Spanish, Jim sort of knows Spanish. Enough to say he's the King of Sponge when trying to say King of Spain.

The thing that has always stuck with me from this episode is the Professor admitting he tried once to get another battery from the Gods, and they turned him into a breadmaker. Specifically, that if he twists the monkey's tail he can make pumpernickel. Random and capricious are the gods, that's for sure. The delivery on the line is right there with Jim, "Whew, something smells like prehistoric cheese!" as my favorite lines from this episode.

I appreciate the effort the Prof put into the fake suit. He gave it a blaster (that extends a flag with a little note on it when you pull the trigger), and even a fake, inflatable rocket. Jim thought it a cheap shot, and maybe so, but it's some good villainy. Although he still hasn't created a suit the Queen can actually wear, a design flaw demonstrated in the opening.

The Professor is also a little sensitive about his monkey, and Psycrow can't help going there when they get mad at each other and start hurling insults. I guess because it's easy, but you know the professor's got a hair trigger about that sort of stuff.

At the start, Psycrow and the Professor are trading pet peeves about villainy. Psycrow hates people coming up asking for advice. Well, then you shouldn't have founded a school to help teach people villainy. The Professor despises the henchmen, which seems pretty standard for these super-scientist types. They get idiot henchmen, those guys break stuff, but they don't want smart ones that might outshine them. Either way is no good.

You know, Jim's various super-science attempts did give him powers, just not ones that were any good. Or perhaps he simply lacked the patience to learn to master them fully. The radioactive fleas did give him incredible leaping ability (and legs growing out of his face, which he took a lot better than I would). The skin rash from the radiation glowed in the dark, that's a power of sorts.

Earthworm Jim 1.10 - The Great Secret of the Universe

Plot: After avoiding an attack by Professor Monkey-for-a-Head at his birthday party, Jim must protect his snowglobe collection from Evil the Cat. Evil has received a Nameless Key, which controls the Nameless Beast, and the Beast is, of course, sealed within a snow globe that Jim owns. Evil's attempts at costumed trickery fail, but the direct approach - kicking the door open and demanding the globe - works surprisingly well. Once the Beast is released, it's revealed to by a gargantuan winged creature named Rosebud, who likes to chat (and prefaces many of it's narratives with, "OK, so funny story. . .") Jim is no match for it, and he and Peter are swatted across space, where they crash into a space alien's flying car. Fortunately she finds Peter's monster form attractive, and is willing to give them a ride home.

Too bad Evil and Rosebud have already departed for the edge of the universe. Jim will never get there in time with his rocket, but the alien lady's car might do the job, if Peter agrees to a date. Of course, having reached Evil and Rosebud, Jim still has to devise a way to stop an unstoppable beast. he opts for "questioning genre conventions," and it mostly works.

In the interlude, Bob is pestered by an image consultant obsessed with putting Bob in ridiculous outfits as a way to get his message across to his subjects.

Quote of the Episode: Rosebud - 'Ah, the edge of the universe. Bit of a disappointment, really. Looks just like the middle of the universe, except for all the glass.'

Times Peter turns into a Monster: 1 (9 overall).

Cow? Yes, but seeing as it landed in a restaurant, it may have overplayed its hand.

Other: Having Professor Monkey-for-a-Head jump out of a cake - with a Fatomic Ray Gun no less - is the worst birthday surprise ever. Chalk this opening up in the "irrelevant to the main plot".

I like that, Bob having failed to inspire his subjects by being dressed as Napoleon or Henry the 8th, the image consultant followed that up with. .  Kurt Cobain. as it is, Bob once again found that being understood by his subjects ends badly.

Evil's first costume was a Souvenir Inspector, wanting to inspect snow globes for safety issues. His second try was an old lady collecting toys for orphans. His third attempt was a turkey outfit, but he didn't even bother to cover his head. I have to figure he didn't expect it to work, but figured he might as well try every costume he had.

We learned Jim was an orphan, his parents stepped on by unwary boots. Given his tearful recollection, Professor Monkey-for-a-Head might want to try constructing a giant foot as a weapon. Like the big green boot you could ride in Super Mario Bros. 3.

Ben Stein's dry delivery is what I envisioned when I came up with the Predator Drone is that one story. That genial, oblivious tone and tendency to ramble about stupid bullcrap.

Rosebud mentioned he loved baseball as a child because of the fashions, and he mentioned the short pants. I have no idea what that means. I never played baseball in short pants. There was a brief stint one season in the '70s where the White Sox did that, but it didn't last long.

Earthworm Jim 1.9 - Trout!

Plot: Peter and Jim decided to have their heads put on each others' bodies, but Peter was having some difficulty mastering the suit, which gave Psycrow a chance to run them over with a train. But they were able to get Jim inside the suit and he redirected the train - straight up, before gravity kicked in and Psycrow wound up under the locomotive.

On to the main plot, which involves Peter getting a postcard with a picture of a fur-bearin' trout on it, and Jim insisting they go on a road trip to see it. As luck would have it, Professor Monkey-for-a-Head has constructed the most powerful weapon in the universe, and it runs on fish hair. And he too, has seen the postcard, so Queen Sweaty, Bloated, Festering, etc., etc., also hits the open road. As does Princess What's-her-Name, once she learns what her sister is after. Jim and Peter see many wonders, but are no closer to finding the trout when they learn the Queen has captured her sister, and demands Jim bring the trout to her - or else.

But Jim had a vision the night before of the trout, and is able to see the signs pointing the way, thanks to looking within. Which may be a euphemism for being launched high enough in the atmosphere the thin air causes hallucinations. Either way, once he's found the fish, he has to keep him free of the Queen's clutches, which is pretty difficult with her wielding a scepter of pure Dimantium, or however you spell that. Especially once the Trout's Screwdriver of Elysium proved a dud.

In the mid-episode interlude, we see a propaganda film about how hard Evil the Cat works at creating evil in the universe. Sure, when he's not on the golf course, or at one of his exclusive clubs enjoying an 11 a.m. martini.

Quote of the Episode: Peter - 'Oh goody. The day has hardly begun and already your brain has snapped like a dry, brittle twig.'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 0 (8 overall).

Cow? Yep.

Other: Jim said some variation of "Eat Dirt!" four times in this episode, a record so far.

If Diamantium (I keep typing Diamondium, but that's one of Futurama's nonsense materials) is the hardest, sorry, second hardest substance in the universe, having some of it blow up in your face must hurt like hell.

We never did find out wha the Professor's weapon does. Frankly it looked like a cell phone done up like a banana. But this show was made in the mid-90s, so a cell phone that size might be pretty powerful. I could probably conquer 1994 with my flip phone if I went back in time. At least until those backwards people of the past realized that even with all my advanced technology, I was still vulnerable to bacteria. Wait, no, I meant bullets. I'm still vulnerable to bullets.

Anyway, where I meant to go with that thread is, did the Professor just stand around waiting for the Queen to get back with the fish hair? Why did he present it to her half-finished? Go get the hair, get the thing working, then show it off? I guess this way he was spared a whuppin' from Jim, so he really is a smart guy.

Peter was not a fan of the Giant Snail Petting Zoo. Which is fair, I would find that pretty horrifying, too. But he and Jim were a little too into the World's Biggest Scab. I still laughed at the Gabby Scabby Doll. 'Pick me, pick me!'

The Princess was being menaced by a flesh-eating mob of lawyers, which, hmm, I thought lawyer minions were Evil's bag. But I guess there are enough people with law degrees to go around.

So they did a Star Wars reference with the Princess' plea to Jim to save her, and then an Evel Knievel gag when Jim kicks in the Interstellar Overdrive on the Worm-Cycle, and jumps Snake River Canyon. Real '70s week going there.

When the Queen contacts Jim to show she has captured her sister, she gives Jim two hours to find the trout. Which is enough time for Jim and Peter to find the postcard company president and learn his awful secret, for Jim to then fall into a 'bottomless pit of despair', only to then remember his vision, and 'look within' for guidance. And then drive his motorcycle really fast to where the trout is. Which is more than I get done in a week.

I feel like keeping track of how often the opening bit actually plays into the main story. Like in "Sidekicked", Peter's transformation into his monster form lets Professor Monkey-for-a-Head escape, and prompts Jim cycling through several new sidekicks. But in "Sword of Righteousness", the opening bit where Evil has taken control of the suit doesn't tie into the whole thing with the useless talking sword at all.

This one falls somewhere in between. Jim and Peter swapping bodies doesn't factor, but Psycrow keeps popping up, dragging himself across the landscape while the locomotive still sits on his lower body. And at one point, he gives Jim bad directions to stymie his search for the trout. Although that's a pretty weak revenge. Once again, Psycrow overstates the scope of his actions.

Earthworm Jim 1.8 - The Egg Beater

Plot: Jim and Peter escape Bob's fearsome Robo-Squid thanks to Jim borrowing Mrs. Bleveridge's egg beater. Now she wants it back, which means journeying across the cosmos to La Planeta de Agua (Arriba!). The trip runs into severe trouble, as one arch-foe after another crosses paths with Jim. Evil the Cat and the Henchrat are randomly traveling through space. Bob's had his Robo-Squid rebuilt by Professor Monkey-for-a-Head, who took the egg beater to complete a Hypno-Laser for Queen Sweaty, Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Pus-filled, Malformed, Slug-for-a-Butt. By the time they get there, Psycrow's already picked it up, and by the time they catch Psycrow, he's already delivered it. And by the time they get to the Queen's lair, she's already used it on Princess What's-Her-Name and the rebels, plus, all the other villains have arrived to help destroy Jim.

Through all this, poor Mrs. Bleveridge, in her slippers and curlers, and whatever the hell that weird yellow onesie she's wearing is, has taken the brunt of the attacks. She's been pretty addled for most of the trip, but pulls it together at the end long enough to confirm the egg beater Jim recovered isn't hers, because the handle is the wrong color. Which means they'll have to venture back into the cosmos and keep searching. A valuable lesson about thinking before you speak.

Quote of the Episode: Bob - 'When you want a job done right, hire a guy with a monkey for a head, that's what I always say.' Jim - 'Oh, you do not always say that.'

Times Peter Turns into a Monster: 1 (8 overall).

Cow? Yes, a brown one this time. Probably mutated from exposure to Insectica's alien sun. Or a joke about the egg beater's handle.

Other: Peter used the "fear is the mind-killer mantra" again this week. Also probably his longest stretch maintaining his monster form.

Jim tried calling on the Space Crickets to save them from Evil the Cat, but they weren't able to arrive until Jim had reached Professor Monkey-for-a-Head. And were promptly stepped on. Homm, the Mighty Hamstinator is still alive, and Johnnydactyl, but between these guys and all those sidekicks from the first episode, do-gooders have a pretty high attrition rate. I'm not sure Psycrow even needs to be doing PSAs about getting people treated for symptoms of do-gooderism.

So Jim defeated pretty much all his enemies at once, but at least it's evident there's no teamwork or cooperation on their part. They all pretty much started blasting (except the Queen, who seemed content to wait and watch, which probably saved Jim), and Jim turned it against them. Also, he ran in terror a lot.

Turns out in addition to being able to use himself like a whip, Jim can also use himself like a boomerang. Like about 15 other functions of the suit we've seen so far (the Swiss Army knife function, the Inflato-Suit) I don't expect we will ever see this again. But the Boomerang is always useful in only one particular dungeon, from what Zelda games have taught me.

Poor Mrs. Bleveridge, she just wanted the egg beater back, which is a perfectly reasonable request. And she got mauled, flash-fried, nearly brain-sucked, frozen, and hit by a cow. Rough day, but this won't be the last time she appears, and things go better for her next time.

Earthworm Jim 1.7 - Sword of Righteousness

Plot: Jim's love for vending machine sandwiches nets him a talking sword, the Sword of Righteousness, which declares it will train Jim to be a true hero. This involves teaching him the Voice of Dread (Jim keeps summoning moose), the Eye of Truth (Jim loses a staring contest to Peter), and the ability to cleave the fabric of the universe and time travel (Jim inadvertently helps the South win the Civil War).

On the Planet of Easily Frightened Beings, Psycrow helps himself to the Orb of Quite Remarkable Power, which is basically a Cosmic Cube. Except it's round. He teleports himself to the world Jim's training on, where the Sword has Conan'ed Jim up quite nicely. Or as Peter puts it, made him look like a complete goombah. Jim initially has the edge by quickly whipping the Orb from Psycrow's hands. But the Sword claims that's not proper heroing. So Jim gives it back and gets trounced. Psycrow chooses to leave our heroes to be eaten by ants while he goes to destroy Terlawk, but Peter helps them escape after Jim says mean things about Peter's singing voice and odor.

In the rematch on Earth, Jim doesn't fare much better until the Sword lets slip its terrible secret, and Jim renounces it. After that, he gets back to fighting like himself, which is brute force, basically. Which works better than you'd expect under the circumstances.

Quote of the Episode: Sword - 'Why didn't you move?' Jim - 'I was waiting for your instructions!'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 2 (7 overall).

Cow? Yes, depriving us of universal peace or universal destruction.

Other: During the opening sequence, we learned Jim's suit has a remote control to activate various weapons if someone hijacks the suit. More importantly, when Peter tries the wrong remote, we learn one of the two of them owns a car. Hard to picture either of them cruising around in a sedan, though. I expected Jim's garage to be jammed full of stupid tchotchkes and other crap.

When Jim barges in with the sandwiches, Peter is preparing Coquille St. Jacques Nouvelle. Which the internet tells me is some sort of dish involving scallops. It looked more like Peter was preparing stew, but would Jim know the difference?

Psycrow, having taken the Orb, vows to destroy his arch-enemy, then asks us if he's evil, or what. I don't know. Destroying your arch-enemy isn't very evil, as far as evil goes. All villains try to do that. And leaving them to be eaten by ants. Not even giant ants, just regular ants. Sure, points for laying them out on a picnic blanket with all sorts of goodies, it certainly creates the desired atmosphere, but kind of wasting the Orb's capabilities. I thought crows were supposed to be smart.

This is one of the episodes I remember best, probably for Jim in barbarian gear, and the Planet of Easily Frightened Beings. I was excited to watch it, yet this episode felt extremely thin, even compared to EWJ's normal levels. Probably because the Orb was so powerful, they had to keep Psycrow from actually using it against Jim as much as possible. So once the Sword is renounced, Jim gets it away from Psycrow relatively quickly, leading to an extended sequence of the two of them chasing the endlessly bouncing Orb through various settings, until the conclusion.

Earthworm Jim 1.6 - Upholstered Peril

Plot: Bob's attempt to feed Jim to a shark fails utterly, and back in Jim's HQ, there is a mysterious couch. A couch which quickly ensnares Peter, turning him into a couch potato, which is happening to people across the world. It's down to Jim and Grayson, the local boy genius and head of the Earthworm Jim fan club. Grayson's job is to trace the subsonic signal he detected controlling the furniture, and Jim's job is to do what he does best, destroy stuff, Peter and the couch in tow.

The signal is traced to the North Pole, where Jim finds Professor Monkey-for-a-Head has booted Santa from his workshop, and is preparing for the second phase of his plan. Which involves using a giant, rolling recliner tank thing to take over the world, starting with Jim's hometown of Terlawk. Peter has finally broken the couch's hold on himself, but he and Jim seem pretty outmatched until they're back up against the world's biggest cesspool and Jim gets a flash of inspiration.

The mid-episode interlude involves Psycrow imploring the public to be on the lookout for people suffering the scourge of superheroism, so they can receive treatment. it ends with Jim leaping in from off-screen and calling Psycrow a 'pointy-beaked squeezehead' before opening fire.

Quote of the Episode: Jim - 'I've got lots of evil furniture to fight! I can't spend all day on the throne!'

Times Peter turns into a monster: 1 (5 overall).

Cow? Yes, and it's mutated, with antlers and a red nose. All this super-science is releasing some weird radiation into the air.

Other: There was no word on how many people are in the Earthworm Jim fan club. Also, Jim likes stamp-collecting, though he has to work to keep Peter from licking them for the taste of glue.

The intro for the couches is to show people going about their everyday routines only to be drawn in by the couches's power. One of the outtakes we see is two guys in a car discussing what they call cheese in France, so Pulp Fiction. But they made the Sam Jackson character a white guy, but with the same hair. Seems questionable.

We learned a few things about Professor Monkey-for-a-Head. His father was killed by a fruit cart, so the prof hates those. He gets nosebleeds above 10 feet, which explains that Lifestyles of the Villainous interlude in episode 1.2 where we see the Professor lives on a space station. No gravity, so no height, right? And he handpaints the designs on his wooden furniture, which shows a real appreciation to craft.

There's a bit about Santa trying to get a commercial space rented to use as a new workshop, only to be turned away be a realtor who wants proof the elves have green cards. This guy caring about if it's going to be an illegal sweatshop is the least believable part of the cartoon about a giant worm in a super-suit fighting a guy driving a recliner with tank treads.

The real flaw I see with the couches is that they make people want to endlessly munch on snacks, but don't provide snacks. Then the couch either needs to loose its hold so they can get more, or the person is going to keep getting angrier, which is going to snap them out of the haze.

Earthworm Jim 1.5 - Conqueror Worm

Plot: Having survived a death trap of Evil the Cat's, Jim showed off the Terlawk Mall to the Mighty Hamstinator. The Hamstinator got a little too excited in the copy store and tried to photocopy Jim, producing a smushed and blurry picture, which wound up in the landfill. Where it is naturally exposed to toxic waste, causing the copy to become a 3-dimensional, green version of Jim, bent on causing mayhem, robbing banks, and stealing condiments. Jim, suffering from a frozen yogurt hangover, believes he's developed a split personality and turns himself in. And is promptly sentenced to several life sentences in prison, minus his supersuit, with a cellmate who uses him as dental floss.

Meanwhile, Evil Jim wreaks havoc and possibly takes over the world. He at least has Congress declare him King, which, lets face it, our Congress would probably do in a heartbeat. Evil Jim: He's a strong leader, bleats Mitch McConnell's neck jowls. Good Jim, realizing Peter was right about it being the work of an evil twin, escapes from prison, right as Peter and Snot try to bust him out. They eventually meet at the lab where Jim's suit is being researched, only to find Evil Jim waiting. His attempt to kill them Goldfinger style fails, and Jim has to rush to stop his doppelganger from destroying the mall. Which he does, with yogurt.

And in the interlude, Bob the Goldfish learns how an educated populace is a danger to despots. Or he learned the lesson of not giving people super-powers without some way to control them. Either/or.

Quote of the Episode: Peter - 'I'm just the sugar, but I'm gonna barf too! And the jelly! Jelly barf!'

Times Peter loses control: 1 (4 overall).

Cow? Yes, an enormous cow destroyed the mall. If it had waited 10-15 years, the economy would have saved it the trouble.

Other: I think this is the first episode Peter used the 'I must not fear, fear is the mind killer. . .' mantra. It won't be the last. I think it's also the first episode we've seen Jim utilize spinning his head really fast so he can hover like a helicopter. Although it was Evil Jim that did it, as he was in the process of dismantling the Army like he was the Hulk.

Peter's puppet show to describe his angst to Snot (which is where the quote of the episode comes from) was, uh, really something. But he's constantly having characters tell us how they feel. That makes me feel angry!

During Jim's escape from prison, he demonstrated a worse sense of direction than Bugs Bunny. He also helped four lions escape captivity, so that's something.

To escape Evil Jim's death trap, Jim has Peter pull him from the suit by grabbing Jim's head with his foot, then implores Peter to, quote, whip him. Causing Peter to raise an eyebrow until Jim explains he means use him to a whip to pull the off lever for the laser. Peter, uh, Peter's got an interesting mind.

I was feeling kind of down partway through the episode, because the show seemed to be doing a much better job keeping Evil Jim as an opposite than I do in my stories. Then Jim pointed out Evil Jim should love losing since Jim hates it, and Evil Jim brushed that off with, 'Don't be so literal minded.'

Evil Jim loves drinking orange juice right after bushing his teeth, which is just horrible. That sensation is the worst. But there'll be no orange juice or toothpaste in prison, Just that large fellow using Evil Jim for dental floss.