Stupid UFT Tricks

I received an interesting question via email yesterday, and I thought I'd throw it out there for any or all of you to take a crack at. The question is:

I'm just curious about what you think: why is the UFT playing dead all of a sudden? Why is the union allowing us to be bashed into the ground by all kinds of ads all over the place, proclaiming "Stop the Teacher's Union!" The teachers at my school are completely mystified by the silence.

I'll have to start answering your question with another question. What do you mean "all of a sudden"? The UFT has been playing dead for as long as I can remember. If you've been around long enough, you can remember when starving artists made more than teachers. While that has improved somewhat, we have given up all our rights in exchange. The 2005 contract is a prime example of the UFT rolling over for the city. I won't recall all the horrors of that document, but judging by the way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if five years from now teachers think of the 2005 contract as the "good old days" of teacher unionism.

Also, the UFT is an old dog and it's hard to teach them new tricks. In fact, they've been in power so long that a more accurate metaphor is that they are an old, fat, lazy dog. They are more than willing to wallow on their backs and get their stomachs rubbed by the press, but just try asking them to get up and fetch you something useful, like a raise or a guarantee that you won't be laid off after 25 years of service. That dog won't hunt.

Money has added to the fat lazy dog syndrome. The UFT has just about zero incentive to stick up for their members these days. They get their $1000 a year from each of us no matter what. They want hard working teachers who get rated 'ineffective' because they teach low performing kids to get the boot. Maybe things would be different if the UFT had the same system. If the union bosses got booted after two years of being rated 'ineffective' by the members maybe they'd have to actually do something for a change.

As to their silence in the face of all the negative ads, the answer is simple. Those ads are funded by hedge fund folks who view public education as their own personal playground. For the UFT to fight them, they'd have to spend money on their own ads and PR people, and that costs money that needs to go to pay for the second pensions of union honchos and all those nice conferences they get to attend instead of actually teaching.

The UFT may be comprised of a lot of fat lazy dogs, but they're not stupid fat lazy dogs.

Mulgrew Enters the Danger Zone

I just got word that Michael Mulgrew, our new and seemingly affable UFT prez, is coming to my school one day next week. He'll only be there for a short while, but as luck would have it, I will be off the period he'll be there. I should be able to get a word in edgewise.

So, I'm leaving it up to all of you. I should be able to get in one question to Mulgrew, so what should it be? Submit your questions, and I'll select the most interesting or obnoxious to ask. Fire away.

Mr. Talk Answers Your Questions

We have no life here at AT, so if you happen to be a parent of a child I teach, feel free to email me at any time, day or night, and expect an immediate response. Because many of the emails I receive on the account so generously given me by the DOE are similar, I thought it might save time if I answered some of the more common ones here.

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Dear Mr. Talk,

I noticed that my child got a U for conduct. Perhaps you are unaware that Johnny received a Nobel Prize for Good Behavior at his elementary school, so I am quite concerned. Is he making a poor transition to his new school? Is he falling in with bad companions? Is that ADHD he used to have coming back? Can you change his seat to that he can once again scale the mountain of good behaviortude?

Dear Parent, I'm glad you wrote so that I can set your mind at ease. Johnny is surrounded by good students, as placing him anywhere else would be career suicide for me. You needn't worry about ADHD or adolescence, as the issue is much simpler than that. You see, Johnny is just a pain in the ass.

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Deer Mistah,

cn u tel me y danny gots a F on he's esSAy cus i think itz unfair i prsonally helped him sharpens hiz crayolaz and work on he's grammars.

Dear Danny,

Please get off your mother's email account.

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Dear Mr. Talk,

As a parent of a child in your honors class, I feel it is my duty to gloat about it by informing you that Esmeralda actually earned a 101 on her report card rather than the 99 you gave her. I'm sure this is merely a mathematical error that Esmeralda could have helped you correct as she also earned 100 in math.

Dear Parent,

Unfortunately, the computer will only accept two digit report card grades. Those short sighted programmers never anticipated that any child would reach the heights of perfection that your daughter has. If it makes you feel better, I will donate the extra point to a deserving child in Appalachia.

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Dear Mr. Talk,

I'm concerned by Matilda's recent report card grade of -12. I feel that I was uniformed about Matilda's poor performance despite the fact that I email you daily and you always respond promptly . Is there some way you can give me even more input into my child's school career? Can you perhaps email me hourly updates, except at 11 o'clock which is when I watch the Springer show?

Dear Parent,

Unfortunately, the space you would like to occupy up my ass has already been claimed by several other parents. However, I will inform you if I develop any new openings.