It's my big announcement day! And today I am about to sign on the dotted line a contract with Zondervan (one of the largest Christian publishers) to write The Good Girl's Guide to Sex.
I didn't exactly plan on becoming known as the sex lady, but over the last few years that seems to have been what has happened. I first wrote Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood, and then after that I was asked by different TV and radio shows to come on and be their "sex expert". I guess there just weren't that many people willing to talk about it.
Promise Keepers asked me to become their "women's sex columnist" for their Canadian men's magazine, and so that's what I've done. And now Zondervan wants me to write the definitive book for women, the kind that you would give at a bridal shower, or buy in your first few years of marriage (or later if you want to figure it out some more!).
I have to have it written by March, and I imagine it will be out in early 2012. So you won't see it for a while. But it's all I'm going to be thinking about for the next few months!
What I want to write is something that's more realistic than most of the books that are out there. When I was married, for instance, I read a book that focused almost completely on how to have an orgasm on your wedding night. I hated that book. I felt like it was so much pressure. And I've had 1000 women answer a survey about their wedding night, and I've discovered that hardly any actually do reach orgasm on their wedding night. So I figure, why add pressure? Why not treat sex as something that's a journey of discovery you go on together, that will take decades, rather than something that YOU HAVE TO GET PERFECT RIGHT OFF THE BAT OR YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG AND YOU'RE A FAILURE. I've never liked that approach very much.
It will be more of a chatty book than a medical book; the kind that represents the talk you'd love to have with your older sister or your girlfriends, but you never really can. And I hope you'll love it!
So that's what I'm devoting my time to these days! I'll still post on this blog, but I imagine that on Tuesdays and Thursdays I'll have shorter posts, like links to things I find interesting or just quick thoughts to start discussion.
And now, I'd like to give away some prizes! I'm going to give away two copies of my audio download, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, to two people who commented on Tuesday's post. I picked two numbers at random from the comments, and they were Ellen from 2 Little Monkeys and Jennifer from Thinking Christian. Congratulations, ladies!
And remember, you all can help me with the research for this book! Have you taken my surveys yet? Here's the one on the wedding night, and here's the one on sex drives/initiating. Thanks so much, for your help and your support!
Every now and then I come across another review of one of my books on the web. I know many of my readers have published reviews lately; I'm sorry I haven't linked to them! I've been a little busy, but if I've left you out, please leave another link in the comments and I'll try to post it properly ASAP!
But recently I found this review from Aussie Mama for To Love, Honor and Vacuum. Here's what she says:
After reading many discouraging marriage books full of half truths, "To Love, Honor and Vacuum" is definitely a breath of fresh air. This book is not a doormat manual like others. Sure, it is aimed at helping us be good wives, but this book does not do what others do, blaming the woman for all the marriage problems. It helps women where they are at, realizes that sometimes husbands can be jerks, and how to live your life so that you are doing right but are not burnt out.
I felt that this book was enabling to me as a woman, while it seems that other authors think that I should be walked all over just because I'm a woman. There is very good Biblical and practical advice, including how to do things to get your husband to respect you.
This is one marriage book I can actually recommend, and I gladly do so.
That is so great! I really tried to write it to empower women. I do believe that we have the ability to change our lives, with God's help. We don't have to wait for our husbands to change. So I'm glad that's what she took from it!
If you like the stuff you read on this blog, I know you'll appreciate the book! It goes into much more detail on my thoughts about marriage and parenting. As always, you can find more information about To Love, Honor and Vacuum here.
On October 14, things are going to look a lot different around here!
I'm doing a big blog redesign! It's not because I don't like my graphics (I do), but it's because I want to integrate this blog with my main website. I have so much great stuff over there, including all kinds of my columns and articles, and lots of information about my books, and it seems silly to keep everything separate.
Next Wednesday, when you get here, you'll probably notice some changes. And I figure, if I'm going to do something, why not have some fun with it?
So I'm going to be giving away a bunch of my books and audio downloads of my talks, including:
And at 9:00 EST I'm going to host a Twitter party, with the hashtag #tlhv (for To Love, Honor and Vacuum)! Come on along and join the fun! I'm Sheila Gregoire in Twitter, and if you follow me, I'll let you know how to join in to the party!
To enter the draw to win one of the books, just enter your email here! And be sure to visit next Wednesday to see the new look!
I realized recently that I've been writing this blog for about a year and a half, and I don't know if I've ever really explained what I believe or how I got started.
In 1999 I began writing for magazines. My children were babies, and I wanted something to do that required adult thought, but I didn't want to work outside the home. From those articles came my first book, To Love, Honor and Vacuum: When you feel more like a maid than a wife and a mother.
It was born out of an experience I had with two women who were quite close to me at the time. They, like me, had young children, and they, like me, were frequently tired. Motherhood is difficult! But instead of focusing on how they could change their lives and make motherhood and marriage satisfying, they seemed dragged down by the problems in their marriage and the pressures of running a home.
And it seemed to me that their priorities were out of whack.
So I wrote this book to help women stuck in this trap where they start to feel more like maids than wives and mothers.
This week I dug out an old interview did with 100 Huntley Street on precisely that topic, and edited it down. Here's my philosophy in just a few minutes:
Basically, if you want to change, you've got to take the initiative. Don't sit there and wonder why you're so tired and why your life turned out this way. God has so much more for you, but it comes when we stop feeling guilty about all the things we aren't doing, stop feeling angry at our husbands, and start getting our priorities straight! It's not as hard as it sounds, and God's there to help you.
I hope that my posts over the last few years have shown that. And I'll continue to write about this, although if you want to read more, you really should get the book! But I thought it was about time I showed my heart. Besides, I really like the lipstick shade they gave me in this clip. I've tried to mimic it since, but I've never been able to :).
I've been writing this blog for just over a year now (I forgot to celebrate my one year anniversary last month), and I thought to myself, "I wonder how many of my readers actually know that much about me?" So I thought I'd share some stuff about myself.
First, the basics. I've been married for seventeen years to my husband Keith, who's a pediatrician, and happily married for about thirteen years. We speak at marriage conferences around Canada about how we moved from the "married" to the "happily married" category!
I've had four children, but only two are with me. The first was a miscarriage, which was far more emotionally painful than I ever dreamed it could be. The second was my wonderful daughter Rebecca, who is 14 and way too pretty. We have recently purchased a baseball bat to ward off any boys. My third child was Christopher, a little baby boy who we had with us only 29 days. I tell the story of my walk through grief in my book How Big Is Your Umbrella?. And then a year later Katie was born. She's my huggy bear, and she's now 11.
I homeschool the girls, and my nephew, and we have a great time. Usually.
I also write and speak. I've written four books, and I'm in two other anthologies. I started this blog really so that people who heard me speak would have a place to go where they could follow along with my life.
When I speak, I don't believe in trying to sound like I have it all together. To me, the point is to share what God has taught me, and point people to Jesus, not to me. I'm busy almost every weekend in the fall and spring, and I just feel so blessed that God has called me to something with so many rewards. I love hearing other women's stories. If you're interested in speaking, I have another blog on those preparing to launch a speaking ministry (or attempting to grow one) right here.
I also wanted a blog where I could spout off about things, and admit my struggles. You may have noticed that last week, Complaint Free Week, I did a lot of that. I think it's good to share the things we struggle with, if only to encourage other women.
And I knit. Not as often as I'd like to lately, but I love knitting. It's my lifeline.
So that's all about my personal life! But there's more to me, too, and that's my books, because I poured my heart into them, and shared some things that God had been impressing upon me. I thought over the next little while I'd share about a different book or resource I had every few days, just so you get a better picture of who I am and what I do. And you never know--maybe you'll find something that will really help you, too!
Let's start today with my first book, To Love, Honor and Vacuum: When you feel more like a maid than a wife and a mother. A lot of moms feel like everybody takes them for granted. They're worked off their feet, and people don't seem to understand the toll that takes, or want to pitch in. This book helps us reconceptualize our jobs as moms and wives. It's not to be anyone's slave; it's to manage the home well, encouraging respect from everybody. Sure it's a lot of work, but if it's draining you, chances are you're worried about the wrong things, raising kids who don't help, or fostering a marriage where you're not really partners. Here's a video explanation:
You can purchase it for $16 Canadian (which works out to about $13 US), and I'll autograph it for you!
I believe that it can transform your marriage and your relationship wtih your kids!
And so that's a bunch about me. Can you let me know a bit about you? Do you have kids? How old are they? Do you work outside the home? I'd just to love know a bit about some of my readers!
Every month I give away a FREE book to whichever blog sends the most number of new visitors my way! No one can ever win twice, so you could win for April!
I was at a loss this month to figure out what to promote. Then I remembered this Easter column I wrote a few years ago, after a 31-year-old friend died of breast cancer. Here's a lot of it:
When we are in mourning like this we face a crossroads. The most inviting route is often the grimmest, for in our darkness, despair is almost welcome. I believe, though, that there is another choice. As difficult as it is, we must not let death steal our life.
I will never be the same since my son died. I only had him for 29 days, but they were the most precious of my life, and I will cherish them forever. My friend Kerry only had two years to smile upon her children, but her mark is still there, for it is the mark of an undying love. And that’s what love is—undying. Death does not end a relationship. It only changes it.
My grandfather was married three times to three wonderful women. He had each wife for almost the same number of years before cancer stole all of them. In his later years his house was adorned by pictures of all the women he loved. He had such sorrow in his life, but his life was also bigger for allowing room both for love and for grief. We cannot, and should not, block out our tears. They are just as much a part of love as the hugs and kisses were. But let us not shut out the smiles, too. Smiles and tears can coexist. And that is the challenge that, I think, faces all of us at that bleak crossroads.
Perhaps it is appropriate to be thinking such thoughts at Easter. After all, on Good Friday life seemed extremely unfair. The Teacher was dead. And yet, the story did not end on Good Friday. Sunday was just around the corner, and on that day we were shown, once and for all, that the bad is not the end of the story.
I do not know if you believe the Good Friday story; I do, and it’s one reason I can smile through the tears. Yet all of us, at some point, will need to decide how to deal with the grave. Dylan Thomas once wrote “Do not go gently into that good night; rage, rage against the dying of the light”. It’s poetic, it’s passionate, and I think it’s wrong. Death is not the dying of the light.
Changes come, even those that aren’t welcome. But with those changes often comes a greater ability to love and cherish both those we can hug, and those who are now beyond our reach. The bad is not the end of the story; the sorrow is not all that is being told. Life may not be fair, but it is still good, and there is so much more to be written.
Easter is both a time to reflect on suffering, and to reflect on hope. And I have a number of items that can help us do that, very inexpensively!
For books, I've put How Big Is Your Umbrella on sale! It's all about the things we yell at God when life is tough, and what he whispers back.
And here's something really neat: for only $2, you can buy a copy of my 45 minute talk, Don't Worry, Be Happy? What do you think the purpose of life is? Is it to be happy? And if so, how is happiness best achieved? The answer may just surprise you!
I hope these bless you this Easter. I know life is sometimes difficult, but I do believe that love, grief, and joy often coexist, if we can just open our eyes to see it.
It is good to know the areas in which you have no self-control.
For me, that area is novels. I don't read novels that often, mostly because when I do, the rest of my life gets utterly neglected.
When the children were younger, if I got into a novel, they would have to make their own lunches (I know we have peanut butter around here somewhere; go find it. If not, just have some ice cream). They would dress themselves. They would play by themselves. Because I could not leave that novel until I got to the last page.
Over the last few weeks, while I have been sick, I've reread the Diana Gabaldon Outlander series, which I love. There's parts of it I don't love; she seems far more explicit sometimes in the violent scenes than need be, and parts are rather ugly to think about. But it's a great, exciting romance that spans six books, I think, which are all wonderful.
Anyway, this morning I had things to do. Many things to do. Important things to do. But I also had 70 pages to finish. Guess what won out?
Happily, I am now done the novels, so I can get back to my real life. But I do laugh at how I just can't seem to put books down. I'm not sure why that is, but I've always been like that. I'm not one of those people that can have a novel "on the go", reading a chapter or two at a time, and then picking up where I left off later on. If I start it, I have to finish it, usually in one go.
Picking novels is hard, too, because I don't want something that's too sexually explicit, but I also want something with real life in it. I love some Christian writers, like Francine Rivers' Roman series, and some of Karen Kingsbury. I like the thriller and legal novels a lot more, like Randy Alcorn or Randy Singer. But occasionally there are secular writers I love, too, and Diana Gabaldon is one of them.
I think the reason I like her is that she portrays marriage in a really beautiful way. All the sex scenes in the book (the good ones, that is; not the rapes) are between married couples, and they're not explicit. It's not like soft porn or anything. But it is very romantic. It always gives me warm and fuzzy feelings about my own husband, which I figure is a good thing. And I do like the way she stresses marriage in her work. I think she's writing from a very Catholic background, though that's just my own guess. But I like that.
Now that I'm done, I think I shall get back to knitting. My knitting fell by the wayside recently because of illness and other distractions, and I never feel quite right unless I'm knitting something. And knitting I can pick up and then put down without spontaneously combusting, so it's a safer hobby. So I'll go back to my "knit at least two rows every day" to stay sane prescription. Somehow I always feel more grounded with needles in my hands.
Books are like an obsession to me; they fire me up, and it's hard to come back to reality. Knitting, on the other hand, grounds me in reality. It gives me time to think, and be peaceful, and even pray. So I'll go back there for a time.
The novels have been fun, but it's time to return home. And it's probably about time to start feeding the kids again, too.
When I went on strike for a few weeks and did nothing but catch up on work, it felt great! I have so much under my belt now!
One thing I did was to edit and create a bunch of videos--of media appearances, of clips from talks, and more. I'll be uploading those every two weeks for the next few months.
The big thing I needed to do, though, was to create book trailers for my book. I already did it for To Love, Honor and Vacuum. But I finally finished the one for Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight! It's super short (they're supposed to be), but see what you think:
And don't forget my download of the month! For just $2, you can buy a 45 minute download of a talk I gave on Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight! It's hilarious, and you can save it to your hard drive, burn it onto a CD, or whatever you want! Get it here!
But every month I'm going to try to give away something to the blog that has me blogrolled that has sent the most people my way in the previous month!
And this month's winner is Terry from Ornaments of Grace! I'm thrilled, because I just love Terry. I wish I lived in her town, because I would want to be her best friend. One of these days, when I'm speaking south of the border, I'm going to swing by and take her out for chocolate.
I'm going to give Terry a copy of Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, since she entered last month's giveaway for that book. I hope you like it, Terry! And I hope your husband likes it, too :) !
If you want to enter for next month, just stick me on your blog roll, and we'll see what happens!
One of our favourite places to go as a family has always been to the library.
When the girls were really small we lived in downtown Toronto and didn't own a car. And our apartment was small. Very small. You couldn't walk anywhere without tripping over toys.
I went stir crazy if I stayed indoors all day, so everyday we went on an outing. Sometimes to the YMCA, sometimes to the museum, to playgroup, or to a little petting farm in the heart of the city.
But twice a week we ventured to the library, and we read books. Well, I read them. The girls knocked them off of the shelves. But at least they interacted with them!
Choosing kids' books when the kids are toddlers is easy. The books aren't that long.
But when your children graduate to chapter books, things get trickier. How do you know if a book shares your value system? And there aren't that many Christian books around. Eventually kids read through them.
We also try to find books to coincide with whatever we're studying in our homeschool, and that's even trickier, because history can often be distorted for political gain today. So how do you find something you trust?
I'm really not sure. I've tried a variety of book lists, at homeschooling sites. And I've tried librarians' advice. But I don't always trust it.
For instance, I loved Sarah, Plan and Tall, so I assumed that I would approve of all of her books. But some of them deal with weird life after death themes, so we had to steer away from them.
Or a book may have won an award, but does that mean it's good? Many of today's books try to bond with their readers by trashing parents. If we can talk about how awful school is and how awful life is and how awful parents are for having rules, the thought goes, kids will realize that we understand what it means to be a kid!
I don't mind some of that, when it's cleverly done or intrinsic to the plot, but often it just seems like the author is trying to be "cool" and trash talk adults to appeal to kids. And quite frankly I don't want my children reading that.
Even Christians have suggested books that I don't think are great because their kids are reading them in school, or because they're bestsellers. But then I take a look and it has mature themes, or fourth-graders dating, and stuff like that. It may be "real" in the youth culture, but that's a culture I want my kids to emulate.
And, quite frankly, it doesn't make for good literature. C.S. Lewis famously said that a book that is worth reading at 10 is worth reading at 50, and too many modern books (and remember, he was writing fifty years ago) try to bond with a child by being about modern social issues rather than about a story. So a book will be "about divorce" or "about bullying", rather than a beautiful, poignant story which may have those themes. Do you see the difference? So often people today write a book about bullying, and kids know they're being lectured to. The moral has to come out of the plot; it can't be something that the author is trying to force. And many books today try to force themes or morals, or they try to force youth culture. And both extremes aren't good.
So I'm now having a hard time choosing books, because you can't always judge a book by its cover! Sometimes it's only been by reading into it that I've seen what is wrong. I once bought my daughter a Philip Pullman mystery series when she was younger because it was highly recommended by the bookstore owner, only to find out that Pullman considers himself an atheist evangelist who tries to trash God whenever he can, and wrote in this case about glorified teenage pregnancy.
Boy did I feel stupid.
What do you do? I'd really like to know, because my daughter reads voraciously, and I can't pre-read every book she gets out of the library. At this point she's mature enough to deal with the Pullmans and the crap, but it's not just that. It's not that I want to censor the books, exactly; it's that I want to find a way to identify the gems! So if you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them!
I don't think it's wrong to yell at God. After all, most of the Psalms are just David yelling at God. I think we read them wrong. We tend to read them in a pretty reading voice like this:
"O God, where are you? I am surrounded by enemies and pressed down, and I cry out to you."
But I think David said it like this:
"O GOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!! Where are YOU?!? !? I am SURROUNDED by ENEMIES here, God, and I'm pressed down!!!!!"
You know what I mean? And since God knows what we're thinking anyway, we may as well be honest and yell it out.
There have been times in my life when I've yelled a lot at God. When my son was diagnosed with a terminal heart defect, I was devastated. I cried. And I yelled.
But one of the things that made me scared to yell too much was the idea that I might tick God off. And if there was any chance He was going to save Christopher, I had to be picture perfect and figure out what God was trying to teach me through this.
At some level, I thought that if I could just figure out what God was trying to say, then maybe the pain would go away. Maybe Christopher would get better. Maybe the grief would lessen.
What God showed me was that I was asking the wrong questions. I was making the whole thing about me, rather than about God. And I was misunderstanding the way that God works.
If you're having trouble walking through suffering, or if you've ever cried out to God and tried to figure out how to appease Him, this might help. It's an article I wrote about some of the things that I learned when I was walking through that really hard time. Is death a punishment? Is God really mad at me? If you've ever felt that, I hope that these words can help you see His love through whatever storm you're going through.
C.S. Lewis, after the death of his wife, remarked that grief felt a lot like fear. It was the same sickening pit in your stomach that precedes something truly awful. That’s what I felt, too. But what is it, exactly, that we’re afraid of? Facing the future alone? Forgetting? Or that this feeling will never end?
Perhaps it’s a combination of all of them. After Christopher’s death I was scared simultaneously of forgetting and of never being able to cope well again. During his illness and after his death I wailed many questions at God to try to make sense out of what was happening to me. In many ways, though, this quest was self-serving. I reasoned that if I could just find the reason for this storm, then it would stop. So I searched my repertoire of explanations for suffering in order to make sense of it. As I did so, these are the questions that vexed me.
For those of you who aren't familiar with the book, I wrote Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight because it seemed that was the one area that Keith and I were always getting into conflict over.
I decided that I had two choices: I could either get him to want it less, or me to want it more. And since the first was never going to happen, I decided to focus on the second, since that's the only thing I had power over anyway. Believe me, I tried the flannel nightgowns and everything to make him not want it, and it didn't work!
The book ended up being a fun research project that I like to say my husband is happy I did. So if this has been a problem in your marriage, I hope it can help you, too!
For the rest of you, I'm sorry that you didn't win! But I'll be doing more giveaways soon. For instance, I've decided that on the last day of each month I'm going to award a book of mine to whichever blog has referred the most visitors to me this month (because they have me blogrolled). I'm pretty sure who's going to win this month, but I'll announce that tomorrow! But if you blog roll me now, you have a good chance of winning in October!
If you're running around like a chicken with its head cut off, it's easy to blame it on outside forces. I'm just so busy. The kids are busy. Nobody helps me. I have too much to do.
But let's be honest: how much of that is your own doing?
Heart of the Matter Online has been looking at my book To Love, Honor and Vacuum this fall, and it's time for the chapter 3 installment!
Here's what Lori, the coordinator of the book club, said:
...are you concentrating and focusing on God's purposes for you and your family or are you spinning on a hamster wheel just running in endless circles, not one step closer to becoming the person that you were put on this earth to be?
hmmmmm......
Sheila suggests that we look at our standards. We all have em! Some are high, some are low and MANY are unattainable. Many of us have as Sheila examines, "exhausting standards, unattainable standards, stifling standards or conflicting standards." Most of us fall into one or more of these categories.
I do. I fall head first into unattainable, exhausting and conflicting standards at times......There, my secrets are EXPOSED!
How can we change it? I've learned that sitting around waiting for "my people" to change is a waste of my time and energy, I need to change myself.
HOW? We can examine these three questions that Sheila asks us on page 58-59.
Are all members of my family looking more like Christ?
Are you a good steward of your gifts?
Are you providing a stumbling block to others?
When I begin to use the gifts that I've been given by God to serve others, when I begin to look closely if I am helping my family become more like Christ, and examine if I in any way cause someone else, especially in my household to stumble, I'm on a path to line up with God's will for my life.
Facts are that chores HAVE to be done. Sinks accumulate dishes and laundry piles up and SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO IT.
And now let me add some of my own stuff! We looked in chapter 1 about how exhausted running a house can make us. And in chapter 2 I showed how life really has become more complicated.
But now we get down to the nitty gritty. Are you your own worst enemy? Do you set ridiculous standards for yourself? I used to, and it's still something I fight against. I worry so much about whether or not the house is clean--even though I'm not naturally a clean person. But that doesn't mean I get up and clean. It just means I worry about it!
I'm getting much better as I get older, but it's always been a struggle. And I find that the standards that I set are often informed by our society rather than by God.
Yes, we need clean homes. Yes, we need good meals. But most of all we need to honour God and use our gifts, and if we're honest, we'd admit that there are times when our focus on our homes causes us to lose focus of the stuff that really matters.
And this goes especially with kids. I was listening to a great broadcast this week from Focus on the Family about parenting, and the speaker made the point that "there are a ton of thirty-somethings in this world who have made their beds and their rooms are tidy but they're not following God." And I asked myself, what have I stressed with my kids this week? Have I prayed with them, or have I demanded that they make their beds?
Chores are vital. I talk about that in the book. But they are vital because they teach responsibility and independence; they are not vital so that mom can have a trophy house. And if we start to emphasize the house rather than the home, we're ignoring God's gifts.
So that's what chapter three is about! Check out Lori's interpretation, and then why not pick up a copy of To Love, Honor and Vacuum and join in the discussion (click here for Amazon)? It's not too late to join, and it's so much easier to read along with other people!
You can watch a video book trailer from To Love, Honor and Vacuum here.
This one was definitely my bestseller at the conference I spoke at last weekend. I told them afterwards I should have been talking about sex, since that's what everyone seemed concerned about!
But when it comes to sex, we women are conflicted. Sure, it's nice. It can even be fun. But then, chocolate's fun, too, and it requires much less energy. So why don't our husbands enjoy eating chocolate while giving back massages? Life would be so much better, wouldn't it?
Nope. If you don't believe me, you'll have to read the book. But if your conflicting sex drives is a constant problem in your marriage, and your sick of fighting about it, believe me, I've been there. So I did the research, which my husband enjoyed, and I wrote the book.
Do you want to win it? Here's how! Just leave a comment below (and be sure you fill out you leave a blogger profile or an email address), and I'll randomly draw someone on September 29.
Good luck! And why not pass this contest on? Link to it on your blog, too!
If you're not a reader, you can download my talk "Light My Fire", or purchase the CD, here. And if you have specific questions about sex, I post them (anonymously, of course), and answer them on my main website! You can go here and read what people have already asked! And then just ask me here.
Okay, I am very proud of myself! You have to give me a hand, here, because I figured out how to edit video! I spent this afternoon making a video book trailer for my book To Love, Honor and Vacuum. The volume went funny in one really short place, but overall I think it's not bad.
What do you think? It's only a minute long, so it's easy to watch!
I swear, though, my daughter is much better at video editing than I am. But I'm learning!
And, of course, here's the obligatory ordering information!
You can get an autographed copy from me here, or get it on Amazon here! Now I feel like I can relax again!
Heart of the Matter is using my book, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, as their book study this fall! I'm thrilled, because I know that many of us moms do feel taken for granted. We feel overwhelmed. We feel like there's way too much work to do, and we're never going to get through that mountain of laundry.
And if that's how you feel, this book can give you a new perspective on your life! It will challenge your assumptions about what housework is really for, and encourage you to make sure that your home is a place where everyone feels respected--even you!
If you want to be part of this exciting study, now is a great time to get the book and jump in! (Click hereto buy through Amazon). Often we buy books with the greatest intentions, but then we don't read them. Here you can do it with other women and read what they have to say.
We already looked at chapter one. Here's this week's study on chapter two.
Is there any escape from the mundane?? Not likely, but perhaps there is hope in our perspective. Did those women of previous generations have it any easier? Was life simpler? Did THEY escape the mundane?
Sheila Gregoire gives us a glance into 3 women's lives from era's gone by in chapter 2. One woman living in 1869, one from 1952 and a woman of our day, 2002. Why do we feel that somehow they coped better, managed it better, and somehow ended the day, "less tired."
Bob Dylan appropriately sung the words...
"Times they are a changin'"
The reality is that many things have changed.
We do not live in small, close knit communities as much as those sisters of the past. Our families are spread out, we cannot leave our children outside alone with the assurance that someone we "trust" would be watching out for them. With the reality of relocations and job transfers, we simply don't always stay in one place anymore.
With these changes, we've seen the role of women change as well. It's interesting to notice that while while women working "outside the home" is a relatively new phenomenon, the woman who was farming in a small town in 1869 was involved with every aspect of her home and often her husband's business. They really were a team. Today we've seen the emergence of husbands and wives moving often in different directions rather than collaborating in business together.
Today I've got a treat for you! I'm part of a blog book tour for Rebecca Ingram Powell's new book: Season of Change. For those of you (like me!) with middle schoolers whose hormones are going nutty, you need this book!
I read an early copy of it and endorsed it for her last year.
Rebecca and I met when we both spoke at a parenting conference with the National Association for Biblical Parenting a few years ago, and we've kept in touch. Rebecca knows her stuff! So, without further adieu, here's what she has to say:
Hi Sheila! I’m loving (virtually) being in Canada today!
Does that mean you're going to start saying "eh" a lot and add a lot of u's to your words? Like in honour and flavour?
Anyway, on to more important stuff. In Season of Change, one of the big things you push is the need for parents to stay involved during the middle school years by staying knowledgeable about their children’s friendships. How do we do that without seeming to be nosy?
RIP: I think there needs to be some nosy-ness going on here, Sheila! As parents today, we have to be nosy as well as savvy in order to keep up with our kids’ electronically-paced world. We are the safety factor for our kids. When a middle schooler asks for a cell phone, a parent needs to understand that the cell phone is a realm of its own. You won’t know who is calling your child or who is texting them unless you ask. You have to know how to pick up that phone and scroll through the messages. This is not an invasion of privacy; this is a parent being parental!
When I was growing up, my parents recognized my friends’ voices, even without Caller ID. If they didn’t know who was calling, they asked before handing me the phone. And, btw, I am not necessarily for middle schoolers having cell phones. In fact, my oldest is the only child in our family who has a cell phone, and she got hers when she was 15. However, if you’re going to get a cell phone for your child, do so with your eyes open. And be sure your child knows it is a privilege that can be revoked!
That's really true. I know all my kids' friends, mostly because they tend to hang out at my house. And I don't let them keep the door closed very much. I know what's going on, but they don't mind. I think that takes time, though, and that's the kicker. By the middle school years, many moms are back to work, but that's when kids need our supervision even more! So we have to put our kids first.
You know what really worries a lot of parents, though? The computer. What about MySpace, facebook, and other Internet options?
I think, again, parents have to be up-to-speed. If you are going to allow an underage child to have a MySpace, then as a parent, you need to know her password, and she needs to know that you are going to be checking her messages often, as well as her “friend requests.” Some parents even set up their own MySpace accounts and thereby become a presence on the web. I think that’s great. There are inherent dangers to those Internet spaces, but there are options for setting up sites that have private access, which I highly recommend.
I set up my daughter's Facebook account, and so I get all her notifications! Which means that I can read all her incoming messages. Four guys asked her out last year (she's 13, but she's really pretty), and the neat thing was that I was able to see how she responded (she did really well). But one guy got abusive, and I had to sit her down and teach her how to delete him as a friend, and tell her how to deal with him. She was quite emotional, because nobody had ever talked rudely to her before in her life! But I don't think she would have come to me on her own. It was only because I had access to Facebook. So I totally agree here! Computers are a biggie.
But let's move on to friendships more generally. In Season of Change, you talk about the changing definition of the word “friend.” Can you elaborate on that here, and on what we need to be teaching our kids to look for in their friendships?
The Internet has given us a new definition of “friend.” Our kids think a tiny jpeg and a few pieces of trivia constitute the makings of a “friend”—when in reality, these are not friends but multiple listings of strangers! I have taught my kids to understand that their true friends are the ones who can be counted on for three things: accountability, advice, and authenticity. These qualities combine to create what I call a Triple-A Friendship.
Accountability means having a friend that keeps you honest and answerable for the choices you make. You also want a friend to whom you can go to for advice, and that means a person who is in right relationship with God, their parents, and their siblings. If they can’t manage those relationships, then they probably don’t have much good advice to give! And then authenticity simply means you’re looking for a friend who is genuine and sincere (often a rare attribute for middlers!). Of course, while you want your children to pursue Triple-A Friendships, you also want them to be a Triple-A Friend!
That's the truth! But I think that's true for us as adults, too, so that's good to think about where we're concerned. Well, Rebecca, thanks for giving us stuff to think about!
Sheila, thanks so much for being a part of my Blog Tour!
To get a copy of Season of Change, just follow this link:
The first installment from chapter 1 is up now. You can peruse it and then join them.
A little tidbit:
The changes that we are seeking are not going to come from those around US, they have to come FROM us, as we begin to use JESUS as our guide.
There are ways to see if CHANGE is something that needs to be looked at further in our lives. Admittedly, they are tough questions, but change has NEVER been easy, ever heard of PAUL?
Sheila gives us a few questions to think on before we move into Chapter 2, as a way of really examining ourselves.
Are we chronically tired? (spend some time in Matthew 11:28 - 30) before you are too tired to keep your eyes open...
Do we snap at the people we love?(just hang around Matthew 11:28 - 30 a little longer to hear the promises that Jesus has for us!)
We'll have to do some real soul searching and open ourselves up to the fact that we indeed may need to do some renovations of the heart.
Are you happy with the role you play in life? (Sheila recommends some time spent in Ephesians 2:10) Pray and ask God to show you in the midst of the daily chaos, that IS your life what HIS plan is for you.
What IS your attitude about change?? Ultimately, it's our life..noone can MAKE us change our actions, our habits or our attitudes, but if we are willing to look inward, we just may find that a little change could do us good!!
In this passage that she's referring to in her study, I'm talking about how our attitude towards change tends to be outward focused:
I'll change as soon as you do!
But that's totally stupid, no offense ladies. If we wait for someone else to change, we're giving them power over our emotions, attitude, and whole life. Changing yourself, on the other hand, is something that only you have the ability to do.
So what do you need to change? If your life is too hectic, if you don't feel fulfilled in your marriage, if you're wondering if you can stick it out any longer, or if you really are making a difference, I guarantee you that To Love, Honor and Vacuum can help. But whether or not you get the book, remember that your life is ultimately up to you. Are you going to let God give you vision and purpose and a new heart, or are you going to sit there and WAIT FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN? The waiting doesn't help. May as well get up and do something!
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
Stumble It!
for Amazon)? It's not too late to join, and it's so much easier to read along with other people!
