Look, we all want a nice, clean planet. All of us, to some extent or another, are environmentalists. I recycle. I compost. I love going for walks in nature. I personally don't buy global warming, but I still think we should keeping the planet clean. But sometimes things go too far.
I was recently reading a column by Mona Charen, and as I read it, I thought, "me, too!". It was as if she were inside my mind. Here's what she said:
I began noticing the white coating, dull film, and simply unclean dishes a few weeks ago. Naturally, I suspected that other members of my clan were failing to place dishes on the racks of the dishwasher properly. “If the water can’t reach it, it won’t get clean,” I lectured (not, ahem, for the first time), ostentatiously removing a small bowl that had been slipped under a larger one, no doubt by a person who clings to the discredited idea that dishwashers should be loaded to the gills. And those little separators in the utensil caddy — they are there for a reason, gentlemen.
But the crisis persisted. And, as the days passed, it became clear that the matter was beyond poor placement. Bits of spaghetti — stiff and stubborn — stuck like stalactites to bowls. The walls and doors of the machine emerged waxy and coated from each wash, in contrast to the gleaming surfaces of the past. Between the tines of forks, ugly bits of hardened remains resembled something you’d see on NCIS — if not quite repellent, then certainly unwelcome in what should have been a disinfected, pristine dishwasher.
I switched brands of dishwashing liquid. No change. Topped off the rinse-aid reservoir. No change. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the thought of buying a new machine flitted through my consciousness. Sparkling, squeaky-clean dishes are a necessary part of our quality of life. But our dishwasher is only three years old. And then I learned that I don’t have a personal problem. I have a political problem.
And that problem? Apparently both the U.S. and Canada have banned dishwashing detergents containing phosphorus. My dishes all have a film on them. My black plastic spatulas have white all over them, and you can't get it off. Take a look at this:
I've tried vinegar. I've tried everything. My normal detergent no longer does a thing, despite the "Oxi-Action!" (Sorry, I just realized I took a picture of the French side. I'm Canadian. What can I say?).
And the glasses are even worse. They're not sparkly. The'yre disgusting.
The only detergent that works is those Finish Powerballs in the dishwasher. Every other detergent is now absolutely lousy. But I don't remember anyone asking me what I thought about this? Maybe it's the right thing to do, but I can't believe stuff like this gets done without any debate!
Or take the lightbulb issue. Incadescent bulbs will soon be a thing of the past, even though the new ones cost more, don't last as long as they say they will, and you can't dispose of the stupid things because of the mercury! You're supposed to take them to the hazardous waste dump. Do you honestly believe people are going to go to that trouble? Of course not. All that mercury will end up in landfill anyway. And they don't come on in cold weather, so you can't use them for outdoor safety lights in the winter here in the Great White North. They also are associated with migraines!
And finally, what about plastic bags? Recently a whole bunch of municipalities have banned plastic bags in supermarkets (in our town you just have to pay for them), but interestingly, plastic bag use has increased. It makes sense, too. While we used to get those plasic bags and then reuse them several times, we now have to buy plastic bags to line our garbages with, to pick up dog poop, and who knows what. Apparently we're not using any less.
Sure we used to get plastic bags at the grocery store, and now we can take reusable ones, but we still need plastic bags for our garbage cans. And so instead of reusing grocery bags, we just buy them. But they're still in the landfill, and the good ones that we pay for take longer to biodegrade than the cheap grocery store ones. I just find so much government regulation has unintended consequences.
People will always do what is easiest and what is best for them, and if we need plastic, we'll use it. If we need dishes to be clean, we'll find more expensive ways to do it that may end up hurting the environment just as much. I don't know what we should do about things like landfill and clean water, because they are a huge problem. But I just wish that there could be some sort of a debate, where all the ramifications of new regulation were spelled out before they passed it. Because I hate these nasty surprises. And I'm pretty sure this lightbulb thing is a really bad idea. What do you think?
I'm in the final month before "The Good Girl's Guide to Sex" is due at the publisher, so I'm going to be reprinting some of my older posts two or three times over the next few weeks, simply due to lack of time! I found some I really liked, so I wanted to let some of you, who haven't been following me that long, read them!
I know today is Valentine's Day, but I always do romance on Wifey Wednesdays, so today I'd rather talk about Monday mornings. Here's a post from 2009:
Last week I started my week thinking about busy-ness. I was too busy. But I concluded that the "busy" feeling was largely one of my own making. It wasn't only that I had too much on my plate--though I did have a lot--it was also that I was letting the computer steal a bunch of my time.
So what's the alternative? Right now, I'm sitting at my kitchen table with five days in front of me. And the question is, how am I going to make those five days count? How am I going to make sure that what needs to get done does indeed get done?
I've done the to-do list thing. Many of us have. And I don't always find them helpful. Sometimes they can just be stifling, because there's so much on there it gets discouraging. When you go to make a to-do list, you often think of all the things you wish you would just complete, and those go on the list. And then your to-do list stretches a mile.
I think there's a better way to handle it, and so today I'm going to sketch out what I'd like my days to look like. I'm not saying I always achieve this, but this is the aim. And if you would like to comment and add your thoughts, too, that would be great! Maybe together we'd figure out how to use our days more productively, but also how to savour the downtime and just enjoy being with those we love. So here goes:
1. Have a morning routine. I've written about this before, because mornings are my test. If I can start the morning off right, the rest of the day tends to go well. If I dither or start too late, I become discouraged and often give up on my plans for the day! So I suggest that everyone adopt some sort of a morning routine. When we have a routine we don't need a to-do list. We know what to do, when. It becomes habit.
So, for instance, I often get up, write a blog post, read my Bible and sip hot chocolate, exercise, shower, and make my bed, in that order. It takes about an hour and a half. Now my children are older now, so I don't have to get up with them, or get them dressed, or even get them breakfast. They can get their own. I know it's tough when you have smaller children. But even then I did have a routine. I would often put on a certain video, or put them in the playpen, while I showered. I tended to have breakfast at a certain time. When we had a routine, the kids knew what to expect and didn't complain too much.
What do you do in the morning to get your day off right?
2. Put first things first. Part of my morning routine involves reading the Bible. I need to have that time just talking to God and praying, and having some quiet, peaceful time before the day begins. For a while I tried to do this before blogging, but I gave up, because frankly I'm too tired when I first wake up to have productive time being quiet. And quiet time can definitely be productive! We think things through, we pray about important things. But I can't do that when I'm almost falling asleep. So I try to do something else first that wakes me up, so that I can concentrate more and give my full attention to God.
It's important to be quiet, at least for a little bit, at the beginning of the day. Assess your priorities. Bring your worries before God. Examine your heart. When we do these things, the day tends to flow better.
3. Get active. I can't tell you how much happier I've been since I started working out in the morning! It was always something I wanted to do, but getting to the gym was so impossible. With the Wii Fit Plus, I can just workout in my own home. I'm probably not getting as strenuous a workout as I would at the gym, but the point is that I'm doing it. And I've been really consistent for about a month now. It does mean that my school day (since we homeschool) begins about a half hour later than I would otherwise, but because I've exercised I tend to have more energy!
4. Figure out what your "one thing" is. I read a great article on time management recently that said that successful people don't make to-do lists. They simply know what the one biggest priority is, and they work that priority. So their to-do list is only one thing long. I think that's brilliant, and to tell you the truth, it really does work. My one thing right now is my column. I need to get that written and sent in. When that's done, I'll have another one thing. But I find that I can worry about one thing far better than I can worry about twenty. So I try to figure out what the one thing is that is causing me the most stress and worry, and work on getting that out of the way first.
5. Have routines for "routine" things. Sounds basic, but few of us do it. You have to do laundry. You have to do grocery shopping. You have to do ironing (even if you try to reduce the amount of ironing you do as much as possible). You have to change your sheets and mop the floors. I don't think of these as to-dos, really, because they occur all the time. So do you have a routine for laundry? I throw a load in everyday when I get out of the shower. I make my bed everyday when I get dressed. I change my sheets every Friday. I iron every Tuesday. Since I know when I do these things, I don't have to think about them. They automatically get built into my day.
The more we have routines for the routine things, the less busy we feel. You know everything will get done on its day, and you don't have to do everything all at once. The problem with not having routines is that often things get out of control, and then you try to tackle everything at once. That truly is exhausting. So, as much as possible, work routines for these routine things into your week. Then they're not a source of stress. If you want some planning charts to plan your housework, I have some free ones here.
6. Be disciplined. No one likes discipline. It's not fun. But it really does help. You know what needs to be done. You know what you should be doing. Don't work too hard. Your house doesn't need to be spotless. But when you know something needs to get done, just do it. Carve out time in your day when you will get necessary things done. Don't spend your life on a computer or in front of a screen. When we're disciplined, work doesn't have to take that much time. Discipline isn't boring; it actually lets you have more fun because you live in a more organized environment and life is not so chaotic.
So there you are. My pointers for how to have a more peaceful week. I'd love to hear yours! What makes you feel more peaceful? What makes you more organized? Let me know!
I'm in the middle of cramming for my book deadline for "The Good Girl's Guide to Sex", which is due at the publisher's in just a couple of weeks. I think you're going to like it!
But because I'm so frazzled writing, I thought I'd rerun some of the blog posts from two or three years ago that many of you, who joined me recently, may have missed. Here's one I really did like--edited a bit--and I hope you like it, too!
The worst thing a husband can do to a stay at home mom when he comes home after work is to look around the house with disdain and ask, "what did you do all day?".
Them's fighting words!
And we all know it. We tell jokes about inept men like that. We laugh at them.
And yet, ladies, I want to talk just between you and me right now. Hopefully no men are listening. Do we always work as hard as we can during the day? Or do we sometimes goof off?
I know I goof off a lot. Of course, that's only natural, because being home all day with kids is exhausting. We need our rejuvenating time, we argue. We need our time to ourselves. And that is very true.
But other than well-deserved breaks (and napping when the baby naps to catch up on sleep), do we put our 100% in?
Part of the problem, I think, is that motherhood is not a job. We're not getting paid, and no one is looking over our shoulder (except God! :) ). No one has made a list of all you have to accomplish today. No one is grading your performance. No one is going to fire you. So the only way to get things done around the house is by self-motivation.
What if you don't have any?
That's a tough one, isn't it? Now looking after little ones is a full-time job. I remember how exhausted I was when my children were little. And I decided that my primary responsibility was to them first, and the house (or apartment, as it was at the time) second. We would take outings every day, and I would read to them, and play with them, and make homemade baby food, and cook healthy meals, and make sure their laundry was done and their room cleaned, but the rest of the house suffered. I know that bothered my husband, but I figured he didn't have much to say about it because the kids were getting stimulated, and that was the important thing.
Looking back, I'm not sure what I would have done much differently, except perhaps get more organized at cleaning. But the kids were my primary responsibility!
What I wish I had had, at the time, was a more organized approach to housework. If I could have kept things neat, a lot of the chaos in our lives would have disappeared. And quite frankly, I did waste a lot of time. My children were wonderfully cared for, but the house was not. And with a little organization, it doesn't take that much time.
But as the kids grew older, my housework didn't improve that much, either. I just didn't like cleaning, and I found it overwhelming. It was a definite tension between my husband and me, because he wanted the living room neat, and I felt the children took precedence (or really, my right not to have to clean everyday took precedence!). When I finally realized how important it was to him, I made it a priority to have that room clean when he came home, as an act of love. And when I started doing that, I realized I did actually have quite a bit of time for cleaning, if you do it systematically.
When you treat motherhood like a job, you get things done. When you treat it like a big party with the kids, where you all get to goof off, you don't. I loved those years with my children when they were babies, and I was awfully young myself, so I'm not beating myself up about it. But today, now that the kids are older, I have to ask myself everyday: am I working today? Or am I goofing off?
My husband is working, and doing wonderful things for our family. I owe him some effort, too. That doesn't mean that I don't take time to myself; but it does mean that I need to start seeing some of the organizational tasks that need to get done around the house as my job. Not because I'm female, but simply out of fairness: if he works, I should work.
I know many homes where she stays home with the kids, but she doesn't necessarily "work". She has the TV on all day, or she's on Facebook as much as possible, or she's reading a book. Sure she plays with the kids, but stuff around the house just doesn't get done.
I don't think that's respectful of one's husband or one's kids. We need to set an example for the kids that we all have to do our share, and that means getting stuff under control. And we need to show our husband that we appreciate his effort by putting some effort in ourselves, too.
Now if you work outside the home as well, things are a little different. I'll address that in another post. But if you're at home, caring for the house, you should be caring for the house. I don't mean to make you feel guilty; I just mean to challenge you. It is so much harder to work when there's no one standing over your shoulder. We need to learn to be our own bosses!
One of the things that helped me was developing charts, that I talk about in my book To Love, Honor and Vacuum, that help me get work done more efficiently. Everything has its day, so everything gets done in its time. You don't have to buy the book to get the charts, though: they're available for free download !
Another thing that helped was just that mental switch: I am here to do a job. Am I doing it?
Besides, believe me, your house is so much nicer to live in when it's organized. So let's all get to work!
Every Friday my syndicated column appears in a bunch of newspapers in southeastern Ontario. Here's this week's!
Last night I was cleaning up my kitchen while my 15-year-old practised piano. At one point I paused from my scrubbing, and just listened as her fingers danced across the keyboard playing a deliciously difficult piece.
I love moments like that.
Nine years ago, when she started piano, she did not sound very lovely. She would sit on the bench, her feet dangling over, as she tried to pick out the notes to This Old Man. It was cute, but it wasn't beautiful.
Over the years she has spent countless hours perfecting her skill. And now she can sit down whenever she wants and play a song she heard on the radio. She's had experience.
We instinctively understand that when it comes to instruments. We get it when it comes to most hobbies. We know it’s true of driving, too: you get better with time and effort. I don't think, however, that we give enough credence to the idea that this phenomenon could also apply to other parts of life.
When my children were very small, Keith and I were invited over to dinner to the home of a couple who was then in their late forties. They served a wonderful meal with a beautiful centrepiece and a delicious dessert. Music was drifting in the background. The house was immaculately decorated. Our hostess made the meal look effortless.
The next day, when I looked around my living room to see the mismatched couches, and the toys scattered over the floor, and the distinct lack of dining room table (we ate in the kitchen and had allowed the children to take over the dining room for their craft projects), I felt like a failure. I couldn't have hosted a dinner party even if I had wanted to. I wouldn't know what to make. I wouldn't know where to seat people. And my furniture was terrible.
Fast forward twelve years, and life is very different. I can host a dinner party now, because I have a dining room table again. My 13-year-old makes great centrepieces. I can cook much better (though last year's Christmas dinner was a disaster, but that's another story). My house isn't a mess. And the reason is because I've had practice.
When I think back to that woman in her late forties who entertained us, I think she, too, had simply learned how to be a good hostess. When she was in her late twenties, she had three boys under four. I'm sure her dining room table wasn't huge and spotless. I'm sure her furniture didn't all match, and toys likely littered every surface. But over the years they could slowly afford to buy better furniture. She had practice cooking. The toys were packed away. And life got easier.
We have a tendency, I think, to compare our abilities to keep a nice home, cook a good dinner, balance a chequebook, or manage investments to those of other, older people, like our parents. Perhaps it's time to stop. Your mother's home may have been quite a mess when her children were the age of your children, even if her home is spotless now. Your boss who is so careful with investments may only have learned to be that way because of mistakes and lost opportunities in his twenties. Your father’s ability to grow grass probably is not instinctual; he learned it over decades.
If you're not there yet, relax. Practice makes perfect. We don't learn basic lifes kills overnight. It takes a while to get used to it. So let’s enjoy the journey, rather than always beating ourselves up for not having arrived yet.
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I'm still absolutely loving my Christmas vacation, but I thought I'd take a moment and link to a great excerpt of my book To Love, Honor and Vacuum that was just published at Power to Change.
Here's a bit of it:
I laughed when I read a recent study done in Europe about women’s time commitments and how these commitments affected their sex lives. In Italy, women have made great strides in the workforce. Yet their progress at home has lagged behind that of other Western European nations, mostly because their culture is one in which men tend to take their wives for granted. So today, when an Italian woman comes home, she still does most of the housework. She is run off of her feet, and the end result is that she spends less time on sex than do women in Finland, Sweden or England. Italian men, who are known for their machismo, aren’t actually getting as much loving as English men are, largely because culturally they have not yet learned to respect women’s contributions.
We may not be as undervalued as our Italian sisters are, but we’re still often taken for granted. It’s hard for many men to respect what we do because they themselves aren’t reared for it and would never do it. Women typically do the lion’s share of the housework, so it’s assumed we’re not as important as the men are, since they’re able to escape the drudgery. You may even buy into some of this mentality, wondering who you are since you’re “just a mother’” or “just a wife.” Ultimately, though, everything will pass away except people. The impact we have on our kids or our neighbors is perhaps even more important than any job we could have, and this impact is only possible because of the work we do at home, whether or not we also have a job.
If you husband diminishes the value of what you do, then he perceives value outside of Christ. Have a family meeting and talk about where you’re going as a family. How does he want the children raised? What does he want for the family in the long run? What values does he want your children to have? How are they going to develop them? Many people have never answered these questions. They go through life working at their jobs without asking the reason behind what they’re doing. Throw everything on the table: his job, your job, your kids’ schooling, all your commitments and activities, and ask God for a vision for your family. Once you both have one, it’s easier for you as a couple to see how everyone’s labor, wherever it’s done, fits into that vision.
Even if your husband isn’t a believer, you can still discuss where your family is heading. Brainstorm about how you can make sure your family meets the goals you set. Chances are this will involve valuing the typical things we women do, like creating a comfortable home and nurturing the children. Once you’ve verbalized the importance of your contribution, it’s easier for him to want to be involved around the house, or, at the very least, to be grateful that you are!
Read the rest here, and get your year off to a good start!
I know in most homes cleaning is a major source of conflict--or at least frustration. There's a never-ending list of things that need to be cleaned, and yet there seems to be a shortage of those who are willing to pitch in. In fact, most moms find themselves cleaning alone, and when we do get others to help, it's often more trouble and frustration than it's worth.
Many Saturday mornings when the children were younger I remember getting all excited about carrying out my chore plan. The kids knew what to expect, we all knew what was on our lists, I put on music, and we got to it.
Or at least I got to it. I cleaned, and the girls bickered. They fought more when doing chores than they ever did at any other time--even though they weren't doing the SAME chores. Rebecca would get mad if she thought she was putting in more effort than Katie. Katie would get mad if she felt that Rebecca was telling her what to do. And I would yell and threaten and tell them nobody was getting their allowance if they're going to make my life even more miserable!
We're over that stage now, and I've learned that getting involved in their emotional squabbles aren't worth it for me. It just makes me mad, and it doesn't actually get anything done. Waltzing in and saying in a sing song voice, "Looks like nobody's getting allowance unless you both leave each other alone in the next two minutes and finish your chores", and then waltzing back out, works much better. Sometimes I've had to follow through and not given an allowance, and then they're in a lot of trouble. I won't drive them somewhere they want to go that week, because they made my life miserable. And slowly but surely they've stopped bickering.
But it's not easy. And often chore systems get complicated not because the system itself is hard, but because we let our emotions get involved, and we get wrapped up in the mind games they're playing. So here are several tips on how to recruit help for chores, and maintain your sanity in the process!
1. Accept the fact that you care about the house more than other people do.
Many kids don’t care if the house is a mess and if the only meals cooked are Kraft Dinner. Lots of husbands may not notice a dust bunny until it impedes their view of the television. So we don’t share values when it comes to keeping the house clean.
But that doesn’t mean that we can’t work towards everybody pitching in. The key is just to realize that they’re not going to do it automatically, because they don’t share the commitment to it. Expecting others to want to do it is to set yourself up for major disappointment.
Approach it another way, though—that nobody really likes doing this, but it’s something that needs to get done—and you can make a difference.
2. Talk about chores as if they're everyone's job
Start with the idea that they’re not “helping” you if they clean; it’s everybody’s job to clean, not just yours. And then just talk about what a fair division of labour is. Of course, different family members require different strategies (you have no authority over your husband, for instance), but you can make a difference, once you stop doing everything and start leaving room for others to help!
3. Stop doing everything
They’re also not going to start pitching in if you keep doing everything. Don’t clean and then fume that no one’s mopping with you. You need to stop some of what you’re doing before others pick up the slack.
4. Find a chore system that works for you
When my daughters were small, we put stickers on the fridge when they did their chores. Since they’ve been five we’ve paid them an allowance, and that’s worked well. When they were small, I also did the chore with them or checked up right then. Now we use a checklist and I expect it all done by Saturday night.
You just have to find a system that works for you. People could choose their favourite chores, and stick to those, or you could put chores on pieces of paper and stick them in a basket, and everyone “chooses” their chores for that week. Or you could rotate. It really needs to be something that works for your family. One suggestion, though: make sure every child knows how to do every chore, even if they don’t do them very often. One day, when they have their own household, they’ll have to do it, so this is part of their training for independence.
The main thing, though, is to be consistent. If you want the chores done by Saturday night, enforce that rule. If you are giving an allowance, actually give it out. Don't forget, or it loses its appeal. And if you're tying chores to allowance, then stop buying them chocolate bars everytime you're out. Make them have a reason to want to earn their own money!
5. Reward cleaning, not attitude
Disrespect is obviously not tolerated. But if a child is dawdling, and cleaning as slowly as possible, is this really worth getting into a fight over? After all, they're going to have to finish the chore before they can go do something they want to do. If they decide to be slower than molasses, they're only hurting themselves.
My suggestion? Ignore behaviour like that. Tell them firmly but happily that they have to get it done, and then leave them alone. Don't start fighting about attitude, because then you end up arguing about intangibles, and you can't win. You start arguing about whether or not someone's really trying, and they insist they are, and then where do you go? They start crying, you try not to yell, and it's ugly all around.
You require the cleaning to get done. That's non-negotiable. If they want to flop on the floor every now and then, or work slowly, or scowl, then leave the room so you can't see them.
If they start fighting with siblings, as mine often do, I just tell them that they're not allowed to make my life miserable and start taking away allowances. Or I just make sure that they're cleaning on two different floors of the house.
6. Negotiate in good faith with your husband
If your husband is just not interested in cleaning, I don’t think this is worth getting into a huge fight about, personally. What’s more important to me is that the man spend some time with the children, not necessarily that he mop everything in sight. Everyone should be doing some work for the family, but if it works out fairly that Mom does most of the housework while Dad does most of the paid work, I think that’s okay. Every family needs to come to its own equilibrium.
If, however, you both work full-time and he still does little to nothing at home, you need to talk about it. Tell him how you’re feeling, and ask him to pitch in. If he just won’t, because he doesn’t have the time or because he’s already doing a lot of other chores, like maintenance or yard work, ask for his support in getting the kids to help. Some men still believe it’s the “woman’s” job, and thus it’s none of their concern, and shouldn’t be the kids’ concern, either.
Most men, though, are firmly committed to raising children who will be independent and responsible. If you talk to him about how teaching children chores is part of helping them to be independent, he’s more likely to see the value in it, and less likely to just expect mom to do everything. So have a date and plan for the future. Ask him what he wants the kids to be like in 5 years, in 10 years, in 15 years. How are you going to get the kids to that point? What chores should they have? How many? What do they need to know how to do before they move out? You may just find you have an ally after all!
Tomorrow's Saturday, the big chore day at many people's homes. Are you ready to go? If you want to talk to your family tonight about changing the way you do things, you can download my free chore charts here!
Keith made a comment to me last night that I thought was interesting. He said:
One of the things I love about really busy days at work is that I can get all kinds of things done, and rush around and be occupied all day, but I know what I'm doing. It feels great. I feel so competent. I hardly ever feel that way at home because I don't know how to do much!
Now my husband is a doctor, so he's a very bright person. But he's at a loss when it comes to looking after a lot of the stuff that goes into the house and the kids.
It's not like he can't do housework or cook. On the contrary! When we were first married, we pretty much split everything. I was no better at cooking than he was, because we both had about as much experience. We often cooked together, or took a few hours on the weekend to clean up our apartment. Either of us could do anything. And when we weren't looking after the apartment, we were both studying, because we were both in school.
Gradually, though, things changed. I became more interested in recipe books. He became busier at his studies and his job. When the kids came along, I organized the apartment for all their stuff. I had to figure out a schedule for laundry, because I was now home full-time, and Keith was working more than full-time. I figured out how to keep the kids busy all day.
It's not that Keith couldn't do laundry or couldn't cook; it was just that because I was the one who primarily did it, I set up the systems in our home as to how it was going to get done.
And it was the same with food. I started researching nutrition, and decided to cook a certain way for our kids. I decided to branch out with the fruits and vegetables we were eating. I experimented with new grains. And suddenly, the spaghetti and shepherd's pie that we used to make together in that small apartment weren't staples anymore. They're always enjoyed when we make them again, but I tend to add more vegetables now. I add different spices. I make it more elaborate, and he sometimes feels inadequate.
Keith still does cook occasionally, although when he's responsible for dinner, he often goes the frozen entree route. He often mops and cleans up when I'm away, to get the house nice for me to come home to. He can do laundry, I suppose, but I don't know when the last time was that he threw on a load. I use homemade laundry detergent now, and he doesn't know how much to put in. But if he ever had to, he could. And if we ever need something installed, he does it! He's the one who put together this closet organizer for our oldest daughter:
But on the whole, he brings home the bacon, and I cook it.
What happened, I believe, is that we both specialized. When we were first married, we both pretty much did the same things. But as time went on, he got better at work and making money, and I got better at organizing the household and the kids. It's only natural. When you spend most of your time in one sphere of life, you become better at it.
That's not a bad thing. That's one of the main benefits of marriage. When you specialize, you get more efficient at things than when both of you try to do 50% of everything. You can't really enjoy this level of specialization, though, if you're afraid that your marriage won't last. If your marriage is in jeopardy, then you're worried about doing everything should you have to. It's a much less productive relationship. And indeed, in the book The Case for Marriage, the authors show study after study which demonstrate that couples who specialize tend to make more money, have nicer homes, and better behaved kids, because everyone concentrates on what they're good at and works hard in their primary sphere of influence.
Of course, both parties have to be able to step into another's sphere in an emergency. You never want to be in a position where you have to work, but you have no skills, or you have to look after the finances, but you have no idea what accounts you own. Or what if your husband had to cook a meal? But I don't think we should resent the fact that we're good at certain things, and he's good at others. It's not sexist. It's just natural.
Nevertheless, if your area of specialization takes up absolutely all of your time, while he has plenty of free time, that's an imbalance in your relationship that needs to be fixed. If you're both working, but in different areas, that's fine. If one of you is taking advantage of the other, it's not. Are any of you in that position?
You also don't want to get in a situation where the husband feels that he's not WANTED in your sphere of influence. Whatever you do, ladies, never, ever, push your husband away from your children because "he doesn't do it right". The children deserve a relationship with their dad which will be different from their relationship with you. Encourage that relationship, even if dad does things in ways that you wouldn't. I know many women who end up pushing their husbands away because when they come home from work, they wreck the routine the moms have going, or they make more work for everyone, so it's easier if they're away.
Don't do that. If you find yourself resenting your husband when he's home, change YOUR routine. Include him. Plan more family things, and fewer solely kid-centered routines. It's as much your problem as it is his if he doesn't feel welcome.
But beyond this, don't sweat too much if you find yourself cooking most of the meals and him working more, even if you swore you'd always have an equal marriage. I swore that, too. But my definition of equal has changed. We both work hard in the areas we're called to. That's what's important, and that's what makes us tick so well!
What about you? How does specialization work in your home? Do you need help stepping back a bit and letting your husband in? Do you need help getting your husband engaged with the kids? Let me know, and let's see if we can help each other in the comments!
In our hectic lives, everyone is searching for that elusive thing called "balance", where we feel like we're living out our priorities, we're able to get the rest we need, but we're still being purposeful.
What if the whole idea of balance is more like a millstone around your neck than it is a real thing to aim after, though?
Let me explain. Balance, in and of itself, says that some things must lose. It says that you have to put less of an emphasis on one thing so that you can put more of an emphasis on something else. To aim for balance is really to aim for a constant series of trade-offs. You decide that this will have to go, that you can't do this, all so that you can do this.
It's not exactly an easy psychological process.
What if there's a better way? A bunch of very disparate but interesting things have led me to this conclusion. First, I was reading Kathy Peel's book The Family Manager while staying at a friend's home recently.
Her point is that many housewives are extremely capable when it comes to organizing work or organizing big functions at church, but we can't seem to organize our homes. The solution? Take what you're good at and apply those same principles at home. In other words, work to your strengths.
I've read something similar in another book recently, which even though I disagreed with much of it, that one part I thought was useful. Forget balance; instead, figure out what you're good at. What makes you feel alive? What gets you excited? Now concentrate on maximizing your time for that.
At the same time, I've been delivering a number of messages at various speaking engagements about finding your purpose in life. And it occurs to me now that if we apply all three of these principles to our lives, we'd be a lot happier than if we just sought balance. So here's what such a life would look like:
1. Figure out your purpose. What is it that God is calling you to right now? Where does He want you investing your time, your money, your energy? Sometimes there may be just one area; some of us have several areas. I feel called to speak, to homeschool, and to lead the Bible quizzing program with our youth at church. One of those areas is simply my specific responsibility (my family). God always calls you first and foremost to your family. The others are more where I am using my gifts and serving in my particular church.
When you figure out where you are most called, then it's easier to emphasize those areas. Forget everything else. Let it all fall by the wayside. We don't need to be "balanced", doing everything in moderation. We need to be sold out to the areas where God has called us!
Figure out where God has called you, and ditch the rest. Yes, the other stuff needs to get done. But God will call someone to do that other stuff. Your responsibility is just to live out the areas where you are called.
I believe that we are always called primarily to our families and to the people who are closest to us. Those are the people that God has trusted us with to show them Jesus. We are also called to our local body of believers, to serve in at least some capacity. I don't think having children gives you an excuse not to serve. We all can be serving somewhere, because without us the church can't function. So ask God to show you in what one area you can serve that will make a difference.
2. In those areas where you feel called, work to your strengths. Maybe you don't cook. Maybe you never will learn to love cooking or cook very well. That's okay. Stop beating yourself up about it. Learn to make 7 meals well, and rotate them every week. You're allowed. Maybe your real gift is in making a fun home where you play lots of games and create an atmosphere where people just plain have a roaring good time, even if the house is never in tip top shape.
That's who you are. Stop trying to become someone you're not. What are your strengths in your family? Play to them. Do the things that you do well, and then figure out how to minimize the other tasks which do need to get done so that you have more time for your strengths. Don't strive for balance, because in your case, balance means spending more time on stuff that frustrates you and makes you miserable, and less on stuff that gives you life.
I was reminded of this a few years ago when I went on a craft binge. I bought painting supplies. I bought fabric to sew. I bought all kinds of stuff. And then I started doing it and hated it. I sewed my maternity clothes and they never fit quite right. I tried to stencil something and kept going out of the lines.
And all the while my knitting sat beside me, untouched. I was trying to conquer all these other crafts that I admired, instead of doing the one that I am great at (if I do say so myself) and that relaxes me. So now I proudly announce that I don't sew, I don't cross-stitch, I don't scrapbook, and I don't crochet. What I do do is knit. Everywhere. Even in line at the grocery store (I always have a pair of socks on the go in my purse).
It may not be balanced, but it's what I'm good at and it's what I enjoy. You don't need to do everything. Work to your strengths.
When you figure out what you're good at, it's easier to apply those things to your home. If you're a spontaneous person, then create a spontaneous home. Work less to lists and more to creativity. That's okay. Don't try to be someone you're not. Figure out how to get done what does need to get done, but then create a tone for your home where you're laid back, and people can drop in anytime and it doesn't bother you.
If, instead, you're very organized, then don't try to be spontaneous! Create a schedule for your day and stick to it. You'll feel better.
Often instead of working to our strengths we work to our weaknesses. We see the things we're not good at and we spend all kinds of time trying to make ourselves better at these areas of weakness, rather than spending productive time in the areas where we do excel. If we each worked to our strengths, we'd get things done a lot more quickly and with a lot less grief.
God made you the way you are for a purpose. You do not have to be the typical Christian woman, because God may not have made you that way. He sure didn't make me that way! I function best when I have a ton of things on the go. I work really hard, and then I crash really hard, and my family loves it. We're busy, we do interesting things, we talk about interesting things, and no one day is ever exactly like the other.
That's who I am. Do you know who you are? Or are you still reading all these books that tell you that you should fit into a specific mold? I think often we mistake our identity and calling with the things in life that need to get done. Just because laundry needs to get done does not mean that you are naturally a laundry person. Just because you're looking after your children at home does not mean that you are naturally a kid person. But you can take what you are naturally good at and you can apply those things to how you manage your home, how you raise your kids, how you serve in church.
If you don't fit the mold, break it!
Just don't try to have balance, if what you mean by balance is that you do a little bit of everything. It seems to me that God calls us to live out our purpose, and to work productively six days a week, and then He calls us for one day a week to rest in Him, to have time to think, to meditate, to enjoy each other. That's the balance that we need.
So make sure that you're spending time connecting with God so that you can find your purpose. Spend time on your own everyday rejuvenating yourself so that you can live out that purpose. And then apply your strengths to living out your calling day by day. Don't be everything to everybody. Be uniquely you. And that is perfectly okay.
It's Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post and then linking up!
Recently a woman commented on an older post of mine talking about children's chores, and getting adult children to do more around the house. I talked about the importance of securing your husband's support for insisting that children do chores, because it's so easy to be undermined if you're not on the same page.
A woman left this comment,
I have one of those husbands who expect women to do "woman's work." He's willing to to "man chores," like throwing out the garbage, cutting the lawn, shoveling snow, changing lightbulbs, and such. But do dishes? sweep? cook? shop? No way!
Interestingly, we shared chores up until our eldest was born. Then he went into "man" mode.
For five years I tried to talk with him about it and got almost nowhere, and it didn't matter much to him that I worked parttime earning money or that I cared for our child all day long. He wanted me to do what his mom did. This was his template.
So I had a decision to make: resent him or accept things.
I chose to accept things.
It got me thinking quite a bit, and I thought today we could talk this one through.
I am not a big believer in "women's work" and "men's work". I do think it's better if a woman stays home, in general, with the kids, simply because she is, after all, the one who breastfeeds, and so she's going to have that primary bond. However, I have known families where they have taken turns staying home, or where he has stayed home because she has made more money, and these families work fine. I know some women who comment here will be upset by that, but I think each family must figure out what works best for them. If the children are cared for within the family, I think that's wonderful. And one of the best six months of my life was when the girls were small and Keith and I were taking turns after he had finished his residency and he was preparing to start a practice. We were "between" jobs, so he would take one week of shifts at a hospital, and then I would take one week programming computer databases. We both made the same money, so it didn't matter who worked, and the girls got to know both of us. It was a lot of fun.
However, that's not realistic for most families, and so in most homes, the woman stays home and the husband works (or both work). And then we're stuck with this problem of "women's work" vs. "men's work". In the post that this woman was commenting on, I was talking about adult children who had never learned to contribute around the house, and were now driving their mothers nuts. The primary reason that most of these adults don't learn to contribute is that the dads don't expect it. Mom is there to do the work, so the kids shouldn't be made to. It's mom's job. And usually the adult child in this case is male.
Many cultures grow up with the idea that only women do certain types of work, and only men do others. I've never really bought that. For years I did the finances in our home, though Keith recently took that over. Keith never cut the grass because of allergies, but he's recently started gardening (he thinks it's a mid-life crisis, but I'm all for it). He always sweeps because he can't stand the way I do it (he thinks I'm wimpy and miss a lot of crumbs because I do it from the wrist and not the shoulder). He changed diapers and looked after babies. He even cooked a lot when the kids were little, but as I got better at it, he backed off, and now I do most of the cooking (also because I enjoy it).
One of the benefits of marriage is that you can each do what you're best at. If he's better at earning money, he can focus on that, while you focus on housework. There's no point in you both working 50% of the time and both doing 50% of the housework if another arrangement works out better. So you can figure out what works out. It's not so much about women's work vs. men's work as it is about what works in your family.
The problem comes when people don't feel it's equitable, and that's what's happening in this case. She's doing some "men's work"--earning money--but he's not doing any of her chores. And she's tired.
One comment she made stuck out to me--she said that they shared chores until the children came. That is very common. After children come, roles tend to revert to gender stereotypes, even if they weren't like that before. Men start to earn more money. Women take over housekeeping. Very common.
But what should she do? I think her attitude is actually quite healthy, because she's realized that she can't change it, and you don't want to nurse resentment. So good for her.
Nevertheless, I want to explore this scenario a little further, because it's one that many women live through. Personally, I think what matters is the hours one puts into a day, not the work that one does. As long as you're both putting in roughly equal effort, then I don't care what you do. So if you're looking after kids all day, that counts. However, if you get 45 minutes to watch TV while you're bouncing kids, realize that you are getting time off while your husband is not. If you get an hour to work out at the gym, then realize that you're not putting in a full 8 or 10 hour day. If you go to a women's Bible study and someone else cares for the kids for 2 hours, you're not working a full day, either.
I think many of us feel like we work all day when we don't. I know caring for kids is exhausting, but honestly, working outside the home all day is exhausting, too. I was way more tired at the end of the day after going into an office and programming databases all day than I was looking after my toddlers, because with toddlers I could control things.
I'm not saying we have it easy; I'm just saying understand that he likely genuinely is tired.
If, however, he doesn't lift a finger all weekend while you do everything, that can be a bit of a problem. The way I would address it is to institute something my grandmother did, which was brilliant, and which I've always followed. She had a rule that "if momma's working, everyone's working", where on Saturday mornings, or for half an hour right before dinner, everyone would clean up. Then, once it was done, they would have great fun together as a family because she wasn't busy anymore.
Talk to your husband about starting "work hours" on Saturday, where everyone does chores (maybe he cuts the grass while you clean a bathroom), but then afterwards everyone does something fun together. If he can see the benefits of you being free from chores, he's more likely to participate.
Another tact that might work is to talk to him about how he would like his children to turn out. Many men have an easier time thinking about what they want the future to look like than what they want the present to look like. Does he want his sons to know how to make a meal? Does he want them to know how to clean a toilet? Does he want them to be able to do a load of laundry? When he sees that this is likely important, then ask how the two of you will ensure that this happens. If he sees that it's important for his sons to know these things, since they are unlikely to marry at 21, and are likely to live on their own for a time, then he's less likely to think of it as "women's work".
What about you? Have you had these conflicts with your husband over chores? How did you resolve them? Leave a comment and let me know, or write your own Wifey Wednesday post and link up with the Mcklinky!
Last month The Happy Housewife tried to help us organize our homes, and one day recently she wrote about paper clutter.
I hate paper clutter.
And the biggest culprit in our house is charities. We get so many charitable appeals it's ridiculous.
I'm quite a pushover, and a few years ago I would give $20 here and $20 there, and feel better about myself. But I realized eventually that the mail just multiplied. I guess we got on multiple charity mailing lists, and soon we were getting solicitations from everyone.
So last year my husband and I sat down and whittled our charities down to just a handfull, who get a lot of money each, rather than a bunch who each get less. I figured that once we stopped giving to so many, they'd stop mailing.
And in most cases it's true, but back in 1993 I gave $20 to MADD, and they only stopped mailing me a year ago. Don't ever give to MADD.
Some charities really pull at your heartstrings by sending you beautiful cards, and then asking you to donate money to "pay" for the cards. I used to give in to that, but now I don't. I just keep the cards. Is that bad? I just can't stand people mailing me stuff when I didn't ask for it.
Or what about the people that send you address labels? Again, I'd use the labels, but I don't send them any money anymore. I suppose it must work, or they'd stop doing it, but I have to admit I resent it.
Charity phone calls drive me nuts, too. I just refuse to give on the phone anymore. I don't want to encourage marketing calls, so I never respond, even if it's something I would normally give to. I always figure they can just email me, and then I can answer at my leisure, rather than interrupting my dinner.
The funniest comeback I ever heard to a telemarketer was by a comedian named Tom Mabe, who makes a living doing this. Here's how he pranked one poor guy. Warning: some rather rude language, but if you can get past that, and ignore the silly ending, it's quite funny. I would never have the guts to do this, and I think it's a little cruel to the poor schlep who's just got a lousy job, but it fulfills all those fantasies of what you just WISH you could say to get people off of your back:
But I find that I spend several minutes everyday opening and recycling mail, without ever responding to it. It is such a pain.
So what do you do? How do you get people to stop sending you solicitations? How do you deal with all your paper clutter? I'd love to know!
Are you frustrated by the fact that your home is out of control, and no one else seems to want to help get it back into control? Has life become chaotic, and you feel like you bear that burden alone?
That's the life of most women these days. And I don't think it should be! My philosphy in my book To Love, Honor and Vacuum--and in this To Love, Honor and Vacuum blog--is that everybody should grow closer to God, and that means that everybody should learn to show love, should bear their own load, and should be responsible.
Including your kids.
So how do you do that? You can yell, which doesn't work, or you can institute conseqeunces. Sometimes, though, consequences are difficult to figure out. And it's hard to be consistent. I thought today I'd publish one of the consequence ideas I had in my book, and then ask you to add your own!
Don't Pick Up Things Off of the Floor
Rationale: Picking up toys and clothes that family emmbers leave lying around in common areas (not bedrooms if this is agreed upon) teaches them that others will step in when they are irresponsible.
Consequence: Some families have a "jubilee" basket, similar to the jubilee in the Old Testament, where all land is returned to its original owner after a set time. In the same way, after children leave for school in the morning, or after they begin work (if they're homeschooled), or go out to play, you pick up everything left in common areas and leave it in a basket in a closet. You can return them on Sunday, or the owner can redeem them prior to that for a dime or a quarter or whatever you think is appropriate.
On occasion, our family has had to do something more drastic. After repeatedly asking the kids to clean the playroom, or their bedroom, to no avail, we've hauled out the garbage bags and filled them with toys for the Salvation Army. If they had too many toys to keep tidy, then some had to do! Sometimes the kids helped us weed through, and other times they wailed on the sidelines as we confiscated stuffed animals they hadn't looked at twice in two years. But when there are fewer toys, it's much easier to clean up, and children are less likely to be overwhelmed by the task.
The jubilee system is one of those things that doesn't need to be used very long. It puts fear into children, and pretty soon they stop leaving stuff around!
What do you do for consequence based discipline in your home? Leave a comment, and share it with us!
And don't forget to check out To Love, Honor and Vacuum! Get an autographed copy from me here, or order from Amazon!
Last week I started my week thinking about busy-ness. I was too busy. But I concluded that the "busy" feeling was largely one of my own making. It wasn't only that I had too much on my plate--though I did have a lot--it was also that I was letting the computer steal a bunch of my time.
So what's the alternative? Right now, I'm sitting at my kitchen table with five days in front of me. And the question is, how am I going to make those five days count? How am I going to make sure that what needs to get done does indeed get done?
I've done the to-do list thing. Many of us have. And I don't always find them helpful. Sometimes they can just be stifling, because there's so much on there it gets discouraging. When you go to make a to-do list, you often think of all the things you wish you would just complete, and those go on the list. And then your to-do list stretches a mile.
I think there's a better way to handle it, and so today I'm going to sketch out what I'd like my days to look like. I'm not saying I always achieve this, but this is the aim. And if you would like to comment and add your thoughts, too, that would be great! Maybe together we'd figure out how to use our days more productively, but also how to savour the downtime and just enjoy being with those we love. So here goes:
1. Have a morning routine. I've written about this before, because mornings are my test. If I can start the morning off right, the rest of the day tends to go well. If I dither or start too late, I become discouraged and often give up on my plans for the day! So I suggest that everyone adopt some sort of a morning routine. When we have a routine we don't need a to-do list. We know what to do, when. It becomes habit.
So, for instance, I often get up, write a blog post, read my Bible and sip hot chocolate, exercise, shower, and make my bed, in that order. It takes about an hour and a half. Now my children are older now, so I don't have to get up with them, or get them dressed, or even get them breakfast. They can get their own. I know it's tough when you have smaller children. But even then I did have a routine. I would often put on a certain video, or put them in the playpen, while I showered. I tended to have breakfast at a certain time. When we had a routine, the kids knew what to expect and didn't complain too much.
What do you do in the morning to get your day off right?
2. Put first things first. Part of my morning routine involves reading the Bible. I need to have that time just talking to God and praying, and having some quiet, peaceful time before the day begins. For a while I tried to do this before blogging, but I gave up, because frankly I'm too tired when I first wake up to have productive time being quiet. And quiet time can definitely be productive! We think things through, we pray about important things. But I can't do that when I'm almost falling asleep. So I try to do something else first that wakes me up, so that I can concentrate more and give my full attention to God.
It's important to be quiet, at least for a little bit, at the beginning of the day. Assess your priorities. Bring your worries before God. Examine your heart. When we do these things, the day tends to flow better.
3. Get active. I can't tell you how much happier I've been since I started working out in the morning! It was always something I wanted to do, but getting to the gym was so impossible. With the Wii Fit Plus, I can just workout in my own home. I'm probably not getting as strenuous a workout as I would at the gym, but the point is that I'm doing it. And I've been really consistent for about a month now. It does mean that my school day (since we homeschool) begins about a half hour later than I would otherwise, but because I've exercised I tend to have more energy!
4. Figure out what your "one thing" is. I read a great article on time management recently that said that successful people don't make to-do lists. They simply know what the one biggest priority is, and they work that priority. So their to-do list is only one thing long. I think that's brilliant, and to tell you the truth, it really does work. My one thing right now is my column. I need to get that written and sent in. When that's done, I'll have another one thing. But I find that I can worry about one thing far better than I can worry about twenty. So I try to figure out what the one thing is that is causing me the most stress and worry, and work on getting that out of the way first.
5. Have routines for "routine" things. Sounds basic, but few of us do it. You have to do laundry. You have to do grocery shopping. You have to do ironing (even if you try to reduce the amount of ironing you do as much as possible). You have to change your sheets and mop the floors. I don't think of these as to-dos, really, because they occur all the time. So do you have a routine for laundry? I throw a load in everyday when I get out of the shower. I make my bed everyday when I get dressed. I change my sheets every Friday. I iron every Tuesday. Since I know when I do these things, I don't have to think about them. They automatically get built into my day.
The more we have routines for the routine things, the less busy we feel. You know everything will get done on its day, and you don't have to do everything all at once. The problem with not having routines is that often things get out of control, and then you try to tackle everything at once. That truly is exhausting. So, as much as possible, work routines for these routine things into your week. Then they're not a source of stress. If you want some planning charts to plan your housework, I have some free ones here.
6. Be disciplined. No one likes discipline. It's not fun. But it really does help. You know what needs to be done. You know what you should be doing. Don't work too hard. Your house doesn't need to be spotless. But when you know something needs to get done, just do it. Carve out time in your day when you will get necessary things done. Don't spend your life on a computer or in front of a screen. When we're disciplined, work doesn't have to take that much time. Discipline isn't boring; it actually lets you have more fun because you live in a more organized environment and life is not so chaotic.
So there you are. My pointers for how to have a more peaceful week. I'd love to hear yours! What makes you feel more peaceful? What makes you more organized? Let me know!
Yesterday, we talked about how hard it is to feel at peace with your calling, especially if your calling is to be a stay at home mom.
No one is around telling you what a difference you're making, or how good a job you're doing. Instead, you have kids who whine, dishes that are never all done, and laundry that keeps piling up.
Are you really getting anywhere? Are you making a difference?
Today, in my podcast, I want to assure you that you are. And I want to tell you that you are not going crazy if you wonder why sometimes you just feel so frustrated at your calling. It is difficult being a stay at home mom, but trust me; it's worth it!
Listen in right here. It's quick, and I know it will bless you!
I don't mind doing laundry, but I hate mopping the floor. I'm not big on dishes, either. Or cleaning toilets.
Luckily, I have children. And they are perfect for such tasks!
In this podcast, I talk about the necessity of teaching kids to do chores. Not just because it gives us a break, but also because kids need to be taught to be independent.
Listen in as we talk about the philosophy behind chores--and why teaching them to do chores will actually boost their self-esteem (and their chances of marriage)! It will also help those marriages to be far more successful.
It's only 5 minutes long, but it can motivate you to make necessary changes in your parenting! And then maybe you won't have to do all the mopping after all.
I realized recently that I've been writing this blog for about a year and a half, and I don't know if I've ever really explained what I believe or how I got started.
In 1999 I began writing for magazines. My children were babies, and I wanted something to do that required adult thought, but I didn't want to work outside the home. From those articles came my first book, To Love, Honor and Vacuum: When you feel more like a maid than a wife and a mother.
It was born out of an experience I had with two women who were quite close to me at the time. They, like me, had young children, and they, like me, were frequently tired. Motherhood is difficult! But instead of focusing on how they could change their lives and make motherhood and marriage satisfying, they seemed dragged down by the problems in their marriage and the pressures of running a home.
And it seemed to me that their priorities were out of whack.
So I wrote this book to help women stuck in this trap where they start to feel more like maids than wives and mothers.
This week I dug out an old interview did with 100 Huntley Street on precisely that topic, and edited it down. Here's my philosophy in just a few minutes:
Basically, if you want to change, you've got to take the initiative. Don't sit there and wonder why you're so tired and why your life turned out this way. God has so much more for you, but it comes when we stop feeling guilty about all the things we aren't doing, stop feeling angry at our husbands, and start getting our priorities straight! It's not as hard as it sounds, and God's there to help you.
I hope that my posts over the last few years have shown that. And I'll continue to write about this, although if you want to read more, you really should get the book! But I thought it was about time I showed my heart. Besides, I really like the lipstick shade they gave me in this clip. I've tried to mimic it since, but I've never been able to :).
It's time to relaunch my weekly podcasts! I'm so excited!
I took the summer off, but I'm back, and I'll have a new, quick podcast for you every Tuesday.
And this week's I think everyone can relate to.
Few of us wake up in the morning and say,
"Wow! I can't wait to do housework all day!"
It's not exactly high on the Fun-o-Meter. But it does need to get done. There is a certain level of cleanliness that we all need, and no one wants to fear catching a communicable disease in one's kitchen.
But that doesn't mean cleaning has to take a lot of time! Listen in to this quick podcast where I share my best cleaning tips on how to get housework done in a flash!
It's the beginning of the new year, so let's start it well with new routines that help us get organized and feel more in control--so that we have more time for what really matters! Listen in here.
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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