It's Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post! Today I want to tackle a big, and rather personal, topic.
Do you ever feel like sex is about achieving a goal, rather than just enjoying each other?
That was something that often irked me when we were first married, before we really figured out how to get sex to work like clockwork. According to all the marriage books we had bought--even Christian ones--we were supposed to be able to figure out how to make sure that I achieved the "Big O". And when I didn't, we felt like we were failing.
So let's get honest here for a moment, ladies: how important is it that we actually achieve orgasm during intercourse?
Here's the real problem: When we decide that we want to, and when it becomes our goal everytime we make love, then everytime we're together we feel like we're being given a grade: you either pass or you fail. It adds a whole level of stress to sex that I'm not sure it was ever supposed to have.
Are orgasms great? Absolutely. But not all women experience them during intercourse, even those women who have been married a long time. And I really hate the thought that women are going to feel like they're somehow less than sexual, or somehow inadequate, if they don't.
Besides, as soon as you make it your goal to reach orgasm, it automatically becomes less likely that you will. As soon as you set the goal, you become just that little bit agitated. And in order to reach orgasm, you have to be able to let go and relax. The two things are working against each other.
Here's what I wish I had understood when we were first married, and here's what I'd like to give you as an encouragement today:
Orgasms are great, but they're easiest to achieve when you understand how your body works and how the different levels of arousal feel. It may be easier to understand that if you work for a while on achieving orgasm in different ways--through him touching you, for instance--rather than just through intercourse.
Once you understand that, you can then work on getting excited enough during foreplay that once you start making love, it's more likely you'll get to that "big O" because you started off pretty close.
But you don't have to achieve simultaneous orgasm to have good sex. You don't even need to achieve orgasm during sex to have good sex. You just have to enjoy being together, laugh, and have fun. If you can't laugh, you're too uptight and you're doing it wrong.
The more you laugh, and the more fun you have, the more you'll relax and the more your body will learn to respond. But stop thinking of your sex life as a series of individual sexual encounters, which have to be judged on their own merit, as either a pass or a fail. Think of your sex life as something which will be decades long, a journey of discovery, where you learn more about each other, grow more deeply in love, grow more intimate, and learn to let go. That's a process that takes a long time, and it's a destination you never really get to, because there is always more to learn.
Maybe if we saw sex as a journey, we'd focus less on whether we had an orgasm last night and more on whether or not we relaxed, had fun, and felt like we're getting to know each other better.
As you take that long-term view, you'll likely find that it's easier to enjoy yourself, because you know you don't have to reach a milestone right now, this minute. You're simply moving in a certain direction, and that direction is good.
Learn how your body works. Learn what feels good. But don't panic or feel inadequate if your body isn't responding exactly the way you want it to yet. Sometimes it takes time, and that's okay. That's what marriage is for! And if you stop stressing and do take that time, you might just find that you achieve that "Big O"--without necessarily even trying. This post was cross-posted at Adding Zest to your Nest.
Now, do you have anything to add? Just write your own Wifey Wednesday and use the Mcklinky to link up! Just post the URL of THAT post and we'll come on over and see what you have to say!
Wanna have some fun? Today at 2 p.m EST I'm joining Lucy Ann Moll on her BlogTalkRadio show to talk about Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight!
If your marriage is ho hum, and you want to find out if it's possible to really turn the heat up, join us! It'll be a pile of fun! And if you can't listen live, you can still listen to the recording afterwards.
Friday afternoons I like to share "intimacy tips" to help you all in the romance department, so here goes!
I gave my hubby an iPhone for Christmas. He loves it. He was never that into cell phones, but he loves his iPhone, and carries it everywhere, along with that little bluetooth thing on his ear to make him look oh so cool!
And ladies, if he's going to use that iPhone/Blackberry/cell phone anyway, you may as well use it to your advantage! Why not send him an exciting text message today about what you're hoping to do tonight? Let him know that he excites you! You're legal, you're married, you have the piece of paper. So take advantage it!
Right now! On your marks, get set, go!
Want more intimacy tips on how to get in the mood? Listen to Sheila's audio download, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight! Filled with lots of laughs and practical tips to boost your marriage! Download it now!
It's Wednesday, which means it's time for Wifey Wednesday, and it's time to talk marriage!
And today's a special day for that, because we're having a party here at the To Love, Honor and Vacuum blog! I've integrated the blog with my main website, so you can take a better look at my books, get links to my columns and articles, get lots of free stuff, and more! Just click on the links above!
What's a party without presents? I'm giving away lots of stuff today, so read to the bottom to find out more!
But right now, let's get on to our marriage topic.
Today I have a question for you: do you like your body?
I mean really like it?
I read this funny joke the other day that said women are easy to figure out. You just have to do these things: and then it was followed by a list of about 100 things women wanted, many of which were contradictory. Then there was the list for men. It was only two points long. They were:
1. Show up naked. 2. Bring food.
Sounds about right to me! Now I know some husbands aren't as amorous as their wives, but in general men's sex drives are higher than women's sex drives. So let's assume, for the sake of argument, that your husband's sex drive is higher. That means that quite commonly the two of you are in conflict over sex. He wants to; you don't; who gives in? If it's always him, he's likely frustrated. If it's always you, you may feel a little taken for granted or used. It's not a good situation.
We women need a new way of looking at this, and one of the things that helps, I believe, is to actually feel comfortable in our skin. When we like our bodies, we're more inclined to think about our bodies, and what we may want to do with them. When we're disgusted or ashamed by our bodies, we tend to try to turn off all the messages they might be giving us. No wonder it's hard to get in the mood!
So how do you get to the point where you like your body? This is where I think exercise comes in, for several reasons. Not because you need to be a size 6 (more on that later), but because the more we exercise, the more energetic we feel. We also get used to listening to our bodies for cues. We stretch. We work the muscles. We feel something other than just slumping on a couch. And the more we use our bodies, the more we want to move them!
Exercise, of course, can tone up your body and help you look more attractive, but let's face it: many women who are size 6 or size 8 don't feel attractive. We live in a society with such strict guidelines for beauty that few of us will ever feel like we pass the test. And we all know that vanity is wrong, anyway. So where's the balance? How do we value attractiveness, without becoming vain, or self-focused, or media driven?
I think we need a new idea of what it means to be attractive. Truly attractive people are comfortable in their skin. They exude confidence. They dress their body type and they dress well, even if they have lumps and bumps. They use their bodies, rather than sitting at a couch or a chair all day.
You don't need to be a Barbie; you do need to feel good about yourself.
Here's a clip of me talking about exactly this issue. It's hilarious, and it's not that long:
So we aren't to be vain, because it's unrealistic anyway. Instead, I believe, we need to use our bodies or lose them; use them not just because we want to look good, but mostly because we want to FEEL them.
I've started an exercise program lately, and I'm really enjoying it. I use the WiiFit, which isn't as strenuous as going to the gym, but it works for me! I'll post my workouts tomorrow, but what I've found is if I begin my day in an active way, I tend to want to end it that way, too. I feel proud of my body throughout the day. I stretched it. I pushed the limits. I made my heart rate go up. And when we feel less like schlumps, and more like athletes, we're more inclined to be excited about our bodies!
And we're more likely to want to embrace them (and to want to be embraced in return). So if you want to turn up your sex drive, can I recommend learning to love your body? Find out what it can do. Start pushing it. Don't be so ashamed of your body that you hide it in oversized clothes and spend the day without being active because you've given up. Do something! It's a new day, and decide to start today! The more we love our bodies, the more we're going to want to use them in other ways, and that is important to our husbands.
It's so hard to feel sexy when we feel like our bodies are falling apart. One woman I know was either pregnant or breast-feeding for about eight years straight. Then one summer she was finally done, and the family headed to the beach. Thankful to be without a child hanging off of her, she lay down, face up, on a towel, only to find that one boob had migrated under one armpit, and the other under the other. Everything was sliding where it was not supposed to. Hard to feel in the mood then, isn't it?
And yet we need to find a way to! What our bodies look like doesn't actually matter as much as our attitude towards them! Are you excited by what your body can do? Do you push your body? Do you dress it well? Do you enjoy looking pretty? If you do, you're more likely to enjoy other "extracurricular activities". If you don't, it's time to silence the voice that tells you you're ugly, and start doing something about it!
If you want my prescription for feeling good about your body, read my excerpt from my book Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight here!
And to thank you all for being here, I'm going to give away copies of the audio download of my talk, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight! I'll give one to someone who signs up at my entry form before noon EST! And I'll give three to people who link up their own Wifey Wednesday post in the link below! I'll draw these tonight at my Twitter party (and notify them by email).
Tonight I'll also be giving away copies of my books at my Twitter party at 9 p.m. and my Facebook party at 8 p.m.! To follow it on Twitter, just search for the hashtag #tlhv! And to follow on Facebook, just become a fan of my book page!
This week I want to know: how do you feel good in your body? Will you share your thoughts with us? It's easy! Either leave a comment, or go to your own blog and write a post on marriage. Copy the picture at the top of this post and put it on your post, and then link back. Then come here and enter the URL of your post in the Linky! I'll look forward to reading what you all write!
UPDATE: I'm moving this post to the top of the blog again so more people can enter!
Okay, ladies! It's time for another bloggy contest! I'm really excited about this one!
And I'm going to write the rest of this post sort of in the third person so it's easier for you to copy and paste it to your blog (as you'll see below). So if I start calling myself "Sheila", instead of "me", don't think I've gone loopy, okay?
Father's Day is coming up, and this year, why not get something that YOU read (or listen to), and HE reaps the rewards from?
If you want to stop your marriage from fizzling and start it sizzling, I've got the answer for you!
He says, "you’re never in the mood." She says, "That's all you ever think about!" It’s a conflict as old as time. We’re told "opposites attract", but given time and circumstance, what once lured you in, can quickly lure you out.
I love this book, and I know it can help your marriage.
I know, because Sheila, the author, didn't always have a great marriage. She's not "talking down" to you. She wrote it as a research project to help herself. And her husband says he definitely liked the research!
So often we find intimacy difficult because men and women ARE different. Women wonder why men were created with the switch always turned on, and men wonder why women were created with so many different switches and no instruction manual.
Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight helps us bridge this gap by helping us to understand our husbands better, get more energy, heal past hurts, and increase romance & respect in our marriages! You'll also learn why understanding God's view of sexuality can actually make you more in the mood--even if that sounds strange!
Filled with practical advice, Honey I Don't Have a Headache Tonight tackles these issues:
How change in the sexual relationship requires change elsewhere.
Why sex for women is often a "head thing."
How television is the biggest enemy to intimacy.
Why forgiveness and letting go of the need to be right is so important.
How self-image issues and past hurts can throw intimacy into a tailspin.
But here's how you can win it! You have three choices:
1. Blog post. Just copy this post (or write your own), and enter it in your blog. Then go here, and fill out the form! Enter your email address and the URL of your post! Remember to include this bottom part in the post about how they can enter!
2. Share on Facebook. Just click the "Share This" button below to share on Facebook! It couldn't be easier! Then head on over here and fill out the contest entry, including your name on Facebook in the right spot.
3. Twitter Tweet. Or you can post on Twitter. Just tweet something like this:
Turn the heat in your marriage up! Win a free copy of Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight just by tweeting! http://bit.ly/MIDO3
Then head on over here and enter your email address and your Twitter ID!
It's that easy!
NOTE: Remember, to enter, you must fill out this form! It's really short (just your email and which way you entered), but I'll be drawing the winners from there!
Sheila will be drawing a winner one week from today, on next week's Wifey Wednesday at 8:30 a.m. EST June 10. So enter now to win!
But for today, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. My husband just got back from being away for ten days. I know that's not much of a secret, but at the time, it was. I don't like to announce on the internet, "Hey, everybody! I'm home alone tonight with two teenage girls!". Just doesn't sound smart.
He went away with seven other guys to North Carolina, where they swam and windsurfed and biked and read and goofed off. He had a good time, although his comment when he came back is that he'd rather spend time with me. He's glad he went, though.
He was initially nervous about asking me to join this trip, because it coincided with my birthday. Actually, that didn't work out so badly for me. Everybody felt sorry for me because he wasn't here, so I was taken out to four birthday dinners by different people! I ate very well. Maybe I'll send him away next year, too!
But I wanted him to go. We have lots of time together, he and I. We prioritize it. But sometimes guys just need to be with other guys. And we don't always let them. We get upset because it takes time away from us, or from the kids.
Now there's a balance here, isn't there? No guy should be out with his friends every night, or even once a week if he's barely home with the kids because of his own work schedule. Obviously the family needs to come first. Yet I think it's important that we encourage male bonding.
Think about it this way. How many women do you know that you could share your heart with? How many women could you pick up a phone and say, "I need to talk, can we go for coffee?". Chances are there are more than two women on that list. For many of us there may be quite a few!
But men don't have that as much. Apparently less than 10% of men have a real, male friend that they could actually bare their souls to. Many men have acquaintances that they do things with, but they don't actually talk.
And the only way to get to that level of relationship is if they start to spend time together and act like men.
When I wrote my book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, I included a chapter called "Who Wears the Pants in this Family?". I knew it would be a controversial one, and I do get occasional emails from readers challenging me on this. Here's the point I was making: what makes sex interesting is that it is two very different individuals joining. God made us male and female. He didn't just make us the same with different body parts. He made two separate packages that can now be joined.
But what do we do? We try to turn men into women! We don't let them act like guys, because that's wrong. We're the good sex. We know how to share our feelings, raise kids, look after a house, and organize schedules. He's helpless and hopeless. So he needs to learn to bow to our expertise.
Maybe you don't think of it that way, but that is often our attitude. The funny thing is that it is often his masculinity that attracted you to him in the first place! But once you're married, those things start to bother you. We need to get to a point in our marriages where he can be a guy again, and one of the ways to encourage that is to let him hang out with other men. And if he won't take the initiative, you can. Invite couples over for dinner that include a guy that you think would click with your husband. Often men only have friendships because we "set them up". And that's okay.
And we need to let him be a man in the way that he relates to the kids, too. Don't expect him to parent the way you do! You are not necessarily the expert; kids need both parents.
I think it's hard to figure out this masculine-feminine dichotomy in today's world because roles have gotten all messed up. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. Some women need to work, and that's good. It's great that men are changing diapers! But the price we pay for all of this is that suddenly we may not be as sexy to each other anymore because we're too much the same. I think every woman needs a time where she can feel feminine: cared for, attractive, and desired. And every man needs a time when he can feel masculine: capable, strong, and respected. But is that happening in your marriage?
It was right about here where the hate mails started to arrive. What did I mean saying that men needed to feel strong? That women needed to feel cared for? Didn't I know that women's lib had happened so that we weren't subject to these stereotypes anymore?
Yes, I do know that. But I also know that God made us male and female. And we don't gain anything in the marriage relationship by trying to erase that fact. We need to interact with each other as two different genders, or we risk losing something precious. That has nothing to do with who cleans the toilets; it has everything to do with how you feel about each other.
If you're wondering how to walk this line, or how to help him feel masculine, I have lots more in Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight! And best of all, it's on special for June! I figured I'd put it on for Father's Day: it's a gift YOU will read, and HE will reap the benefits of! Find out more here!
I also have a 45-minute hilarious and practical talk I gave on the same subject for sale this month, too. Don't miss it! I know it will change your marriage!
Now, let's talk about masculinity and femininity and how to help him be a man. Unfortunately, Mr. Linky isn't working right now, so just leave the link to your Wifey Wednesday post in the comments! Let's talk about how to let guys be guys (and how to put reasonable limits on it, too!). To participate, just copy the picture at the top of this post, and write a blog post on your own blog about marriage. Then come back here and leave your link!
I'm cheating a little bit this morning. I'm combining Wifey Wednesday with Works for Me Wednesday, because they're in the same category.
I've been talking a lot lately about how we women can increase our libidos. I've even written a book about how to turn up the heat. (Now some of you have the opposite problem: he's the one with the headache. I'll tackle that one soon, too!).
And I want to talk today about a method that sounds a little edgy, and maybe even a little scary, but believe me, it can work.
One of the problems we women have is that for us, sex is in our heads. We're not usually aroused on our own in the way men are. We have to be thinking about it, and meditating on it, and feeling close to him first. Our bodies follow our heads; for him, his head often follows his body.
What that means is that we are often plagued with indecision. We're lying in bed, wondering if we should tonight. "Am I in the mood?", we incessantly ask ourselves. We don't want to start if we're not, but on the other hand, it's been a while since we did. I really should. But that's not a good reason, is it? And does he expect it? I'm not sure. Can I get in the mood? How do I know? I wonder if he's asleep yet.
Have you ever had nights like that? The funny thing is that if we just DECIDED early in the day that we were going to have fun tonight, and we started deliberately feeding those thoughts to ourselves, and then we threw ourselves into it, our bodies probably would follow. Maybe not for you if sex still hasn't felt good (and if that's the case for you, I recommend this post), but for many of us it's not that sex isn't good; it's that sleep is better.
Unfortunately, that doesn't help our marriage. When I was writing Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, I talked to a woman who was in exactly this position. She realized her marriage wasn't as strong as it could be because their sex life wasn't great, but she didn't know how to increase her libido. So one birthday she presented her husband with twelve sex coupons that he could use, one a month, when he was especially desperate. That way she promised that they would have a fun time, and she would throw herself into it, and he didn't have to worry about living in a sexual black hole.
It worked like a charm. And what she found was that when the decision was taken away from her (not by force, of course, but by giving him some control), she was able to enjoy herself more because she didn't put herself through all that rigamorale about "am I in the mood"?
I took that to heart, and I created coupons that we can use, too. They're not X rated, but they are fun, and if you want to try it, just go here!
If that's a little too scary, don't worry about it. But I challenge you to think about this: are you the one who always decides when to make love? Even if he initiates, are you the one who always says "yes" or "no"? That's not a good place to be in, because he can start to feel like he has no control in an area of his life which is really important to him. So how about this? Decide that over the next week, you will say yes, or better yet, even initiate, even if you're not particularly in the mood. Throw yourself in it for him. I'm not talking about placating him; I'm talking about deciding to have fun. We do have control over our minds, so let's start thinking positive thoughts about it. And if he feels more loved, then your marriage really will improve!
Now, what about you? Do you have an advice you'd like to share with us about marriage? It can be about anything! Just go to your own blog and write a post, and then leave the URL in the Mr. Linky!
Good morning, all! It is the day after the party for my book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, and I have virtual streamers and pop cans littering everywhere. But I'm recovering!
A ton of you participated in my virtual scavenger hunts, from the number of entries I received, and I hope you had a fun time!
So for today, I thought I'd address one of the key phrases you had to find. We'll look at the other one tomorrow.
And it is:
Women Aren't Like Slow Cookers
What in the world does that mean? Well, I often hear the analogy that men are like microwaves, and women are like slow cookers. Men heat up quickly (and they're done quickly, I guess), but women take longer to heat up. But when they do, they're very tender.
Here's why I don't like the analogy. It implies that women will eventually heat up. But women may not! The truth is that for us sex is primarily in our brains. We have to have our brains in gear for our bodies to follow. So it doesn't matter what he does, we won't heat up unless we also decide to. It's a head thing.
Women are only like slow cookers if we control the switch. No one else can switch us on. It's a decision we make to enjoy this.
And you all know what I mean. Have you ever been enjoying your husband when you realize that you don't have milk in the fridge for breakfast in the morning? All of a sudden you're ticking off a mental grocery list in your head, and you're gone! You're not paying attention anymore, and your body follows. Our heads need to be in the game!
I just sent emails to the two individuals who won my blog scavenger hunts. I can't exactly announce their names, since all I have is first name and email, and that would violate privacy, but they have been notified!
For everyone who participated, thank you, and I hope you had a great time.
I just ran my first Twitter party, and it was actually rather fun. And aside from a few computer glitches, things went pretty well!
As for the special, it's all yours until midnight! It's not too late to get the special prizes!
But I'll give you a heads up. I'm going to bed now. I'm exhausted. So I'm not actually taking it down until tomorrow morning. So have fun!
I'm talking about Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight as part of my special party day, and I hope you'll come!
It's going to be fun, and I'm not going to pull any punches! Come on over, and listen to me talk about sex in marriage. You listen over the internet, so it's super easy!
And you can even text me anonymous questions to answer!
We are having a party today for my book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight! If you want to turn your marriage around by Valentine's Day, check this out!
In the meantime, I've got another blog scavenger hunt going on! You just go to the blogs below, collect their magic words, and then once you've got the phrase (it's five words long), they'll direct you to the ballot on my website!
One winner will be announced at my Twitter party tonight at 9 p.m. (and notified by email)!
And you'll win a copy of my book Reality Check, and an audio download of my talk, "Protect Your Marriage"!
I'm so excited, because the day I've worked hard for is here!
I'm having my big party for Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood today, so that you can get it by Valentine's Day!
Valentine's Day is coming up, and if you want to stop your marriage from fizzling and start it sizzling, I've got the answer for you!
He says, "you’re never in the mood." She says, "That's all you ever think about!" It’s a conflict as old as time.
But you don't have to be stuck in this trap!
My book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood, can help you solve this impasse! It's fun, real, and extremely practical.
When you order it today, you get a bunch of free gifts, including:
- Audio download of a 45 minute talk I gave, entitled Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight!
- "Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight" coupons to give to your husband on Valentine's Day!
- Louise and Friends full-color, 30-page cookbook that takes you on an amazing cooking romp from author Patti Hill
- Free household organization charts, to help you organize your life and have more energy!
- "Dinner Conversation Starters" from author Mary DeMuth (whose new book Daisy Chain releases March 1!)
- "Sanity and Satisfaction for the Stay at Home Mom": 15 tips to keep your sanity while staying at home!
- "Time Management for Creative People", from author Judy Christie (great ideas for how to free up time and recharge your batteries!)
- "Help! I am Tired and Weary!" Audio download by inspirational homeschooling mom, Cindy Rushton
I love Terry over at Breathing Grace! Her posts are always so thoughtful, and so deep. She makes me think, and I love that. Even better, she challenges me.
So I asked Terry to do a special thing on my party day. I asked her to post a review of my book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood.
Please note: not everyone writes from exactly the same perspective I do! But it's great to get the information out there, and to let more people hear about it!
It's party day for my book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood! When you order it today you get a whole pile of free gifts!
So today, we're going to do something different. A bunch of my internet buddies have volunteered to do Blog Scavenger Hunts for me this morning, and I'm so grateful! They've left their own insights on marriage and you-know-what!
If you go through these blogs, and collect all their secret words, you can then follow the instructions to submit the phrase they make into my ballot!
The winner will get a copy of my book Reality Check, and an audio download of my talk "Protect Your Marriage". It's fun!
Each blog will direct you to the next one, so you don't actually have to keep stopping by here! But I've listed them all in case there are some problems.
Then just follow the directions to fill out the ballot!
The winner will be announced right here a 10 p.m.!
Now, does anyone else have marriage thoughts they want to share on Wifey Wednesday? You can do it in the Mr. Linky below!
Okay, ladies. I want to talk about s-e-x today. I'm having a big party for my book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight today, and I want to talk about it!
I'm going to start with something really basic. Men want to be wanted. They don't want to be placated.
So when it comes to intimacy, I think we women need to step up to the plate a little bit more. You may think you're meeting his needs because you're making love a few times a week, but he won't feel it as love unless you put some energy and enthusiasm into it! And that can be hard for us women.
I wrote Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight to talk about this, but in a nutshell, here's what I think: for women, sex is in our head. We don't need it physically the way men do. So if we wait for the urge to hit us, we may be waiting a long time! But, because it is in our head, if we decide to throw ourselves into it, our bodies will likely follow!
But so often we lie there in bed, with this running conversation through our heads: "Do I want to? Does he want to? Will he be upset if we don't? Am I too tired? If we start now, what time will I actually get to sleep? How much sleep do I need tonight, anyway? But maybe I do want to and I'm just wasting time? Or do I need the sleep?"... And it goes on and on and on.
If we put a stop to that conversation and decided to jump in enthusiastically, chances are our bodies would follow, as would our husbands! I don't mean every night. But enough that you both feel connected and close.
So rest up, get the chores done, and destress your life so you have energy for him. In the end, it's amazing how much nicer your marriage will feel!
I know this can be a challenge if sex is physically or emotionally difficult, or if your husband is addicted to pornography and it feels degrading. I deal with all of this in my book. Let me just say that God doesn't want you to degrade yourself. And if your problems are more healing from past issues, God is big enough for that, too. Just commit yourself to not losing hope, and let your husband know you want to enjoy intimacy, too! That's the best gift you can give to both of you in your marriage.
Now, if it seems pretty impossible to boost your libido, because your kids demand too much attention, and your husband doesn't show you any love, I understand. Believe me, I do. But there is a way out. Throughout the day today I'm going to be posting some of my ideas on how to restore our sex drives.
But I also have something else that will help. Today only, when you buy Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight, you're going to get a ton of free gifts, including an audio download of my talk, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight! Check it out!
Tomorrow I'm hosting a huge party for my book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women want to feel more in the mood!
Give your marriage the best Valentine's Day gift ever!
When you order it tomorrow, you're going to get a bunch of free gifts!
- Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight audio download: 45 minutes of me: hilarious, practical, and insightful!
- "Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight" coupons to give to your husband on Valentine's Day!
- Free household organization charts, to help you organize your life and have more energy!
- "Dinner Conversation Starters" from author Mary DeMuth (whose new book Daisy Chain releases March 1!)
- "Sanity and Satisfaction for the Stay at Home Mom": 15 tips to keep your sanity while at home!
- "Help! I am Tired and Weary!" Audio download by inspirational homeschooling mom, Cindy Rushton, as heard at the Ultimate Women's Expo (with lots more talks available for every woman!)
And there will be tons of other prizes given away right here, on this blog, too!
And we'll be hosting parties--on Twitter and on Facebook--to have fun and win some great prizes.
Twitter: 9:00-10:00 p.m. EST (hashtag: #hidhaht, which I'll explain tomorrow)Facebook at 8:00-8:30 EST. (at the page for Sheila Wray Gregoire's books)
A Scavenger Hunt on some of my favourite blogs will lead you to big prizes, too!
And at 3:00 EST I'll be conducting a LIVE teleseminar where you can ask your sex questions! Here's the link to register for the teleseminar: https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/324373496
All through the day tomorrow I'll be posting new links where you can go and win something! And you'll be able to order the book, and get all the free gifts, starting at 7 a.m. EST.
So think of this as Party Central. Keep stopping by; there are lots of prizes to go around! And tell your friends all about it!
About Me: I'm a Christian author of a bunch of books, and a frequent speaker to women's groups and marriage conferences. Best of all, I love homeschooling my daughters, Rebecca and Katie. And I love to knit. Preferably simultaneously.
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