The Rocking Hijab

Through out the years, I have faced so much pain when it comes to relationships matters. You might mutter to yourself, who doesn't?, but for me, it was a different thing altogether. My history of relationships have involved the wrong people to get involved with and even when the right kind of people comes along, I somehow hurt them in the process and after years of analysing my own black box of fail, I realised the problem lies in me, due to my own insecurity.  If I try to bring myself to it, I might be able to muster just a little bit of confidence on people that I call 'friends'. My problem is that, I always think that I am not someone you can befriend, at least, not to a close proximity. I feel that people won't accept me for who I am and even though my friends have told me over and over that my thoughts are not true at all, I find them talking about me behind my back for things I believed in, because I like to get involved in bizarre things and sometimes, such

I have been meaning to write since the robbery but I didn't because I didn't feel like it. I went to the police station yesterday to make an addition to the previous report done by my housemate and I am probably the only person to have ever giggled at a policeman for his accidental typo. I felt like a kid.  Anyway, we managed to know the point of entry and we found out that the robbers cut one of the grills and came in through the window in my room. It was interesting though how the robber only took my laptop and left my roommate's laptop untouched. My loss were the most compared to my housemates and 100 times more than what they had lost combined. This incident only reminds me of one verse that is verse 286 of Al-Baqarah.  I have been through quite a lot of things recently and with the robbery and add this week being not so favourable to me, it was kind of stressful and I can't wait for my week-long Deepavali break starting Friday next week. I haven't gott

I am still in shock. Only Allah knows what will happen if I stayed back the other day. Now everything makes sense; the sole ticket that was left on that night....Ya Allah... Allah, Allah, how merciful You are to this unworthy servant.

Feelings : Betrayed, lost, misunderstood. I'm about to rant. Bear with me.  You know, being the only married person among my single friends is hard. Before, you share everything that made you happy with your friends and now that I'm married, with my husband being miles away from me(make that, at the other end of the country, the peninsular part), I also share certain things, like how happy I am now etc but I realized that maybe those kind of things are not meant to be shared, since well, they can't relate to it hence, it will make them feel frustrated and some eye rolling actions will be done. But I failed to see that you know? Because I really thought, 'Hey, friends are supposed to be happy for each other,' and all that stuff. So eventually I stopped sharing and even the fact that I went back every 2 weeks to meet up with my husband also made some people making ruthless remarks about it. It's like I can't take a break. It's even more tiring when

Today I went to our masjid along with my parents in law, sister in law and husband, brother in law and wife, and my younger sister in law. Whenever I went to our masjid on Thursday night or 'malam Jumaat', they usually recite Surah Yasin and tahlil for the arwahs. As someone who was not born in a Muslim family, my first time experiencing 'malam Jumaat' at the masjid was after I got married and I always feel reluctant to go because of the thought of reciting Yasin in bulk. As you know, I am not that fluent yet and I tested myself today(usually I just read the tafseer) and I found that I was hyperventilating by the time I reach the second page while everyone is already way ahead of me by a page. In the end I got so breathless so I just stick to reading the tafseer. Anyway, the masjid's attendance comprises of all the oldies of Taman Bukit Chedang. Very rarely I see youths, except when I'm there of course. One of the things that I find interesting

When I saw Berita Harian today, regarding the 'kalimah Allah' issue, I thought to myself, "Wow, at least I am not that sad about my previous post anymore." I am going to mourn for my country now, and for most of the inhabitants, including myself, especially myself, because I can't do anything except keep my opinions to myself.

You know, since a few days ago, I realized that no matter how great people say your personality is, people will always take account of your face. For example, one dude actually had the guts to tell me that he found out about me from a friend of his and the first question that he asked his friend was, "How did she look like?" So yeah, he narrated rather jovially that his friend told me that I look plain. Of course, I knew that since eons ago but could he not be more rubbing it in my plain face? And he had the guts to tell me to not be offended by it. Good grief.  I know I'm a plain Jane but I don't think I have to listen or read to anyone emphasize the fact that I am nowhere near beautiful and bordering to ugly. I hate how people can be so cruel sometimes. They didn't know how much I hated my looks already I guess, and now they're making me feel like I can't do anything right without being judged for my plain look.  My brother once told me that I

I'm just going to write this down. It is starting to get on my nerves. Everyone is here, except for my husband, his second elder sister and her husband. Everyone's chatting in the kitchen but it's kind of crowded since my husband's house here in Seremban is a two-storey terrace house so there's not really that much space to fit everyone of us at the same time. I decided to go back for safety reasons and also the fact that I actually get a week off(again) so yeah, it is better for me to go back. It is starting to feel kind of lonely. When my husband's here with me, I don't feel that estranged, because somehow he's my medium to access the family you know? I wonder if you get what I mean but I'm just going to rant anyway. I feel lonely but at least it's better to be lonely and safe than lonely and sorry with the probability of being mauled by rogues alone at the house I'm renting. That would be super tragedy. Yeah, it would. And yeap

There was once a roadrunner and a coyote. They never met each other but they bumped by chance. Since then, the coyote keeps chasing after the roadrunner, but the roadrunner always outruns him, each and every time.  The roadrunner felt good about winning, and running away from the coyote felt like a big accomplishment, at least the best thing she could ever do, or so she thought.  But one day, as the roadrunner ran, she decided to turn her head, looking at the coyote as she ran from him. For the first time, she stopped. The coyote, surprised at the roadrunner's behavior, slowly walked towards her, he didn't want to rush it afraid she was just playing around with him again. But she didn't. Not even when he finally met her face to face. The coyote was confused.  "Why did you stop?", he asked and what she said removed his hunger pangs immediately. " Because you look so lonely. " The coyote and the roadrunner eventually talked thi

Yesterday, I arrived in Kota Bharu and at first, I thought it would be okay for me to stay back, celebrating Eid in Kelantan but then I realized every single one of my housemates were going back to their respective hometown and then I thought, oh hey, I am sooo screwed~  I started to panic because my residential area is not really that safe. We had our house broken in once in which I am glad that I was not living there yet at that time when it happened. So I did what any sane person would do; sleep it off. But of course I learned since long ago that sleeping wasn't going to solve anything so I thought of a plan. Before you think I am downright insane, let me inform you that the reason that I didn't extend my holiday is because I have class on Sunday, which stands in between my previous holiday and the current Eidul Adha break. So yeah. So I packed up my bag and went to the first bus ticket counter I could find and ask them about the night's ticket. I was so rel

Talking was, in George's opinion, overrated. You could not turn on the television these days without seeing someone discussing their adoption or explaining why they had stabbed their husband. Not that he was averse to talking. Talking was one of life's pleasures. And everyone needed to sound off now and then over a pint of Ruddles about colleagues who did not shower frequently enough, or teenage sons who had returned home drunk in the small hours and thrown up in the dog's basket. But it did not change anything. The secret of contentment, George felt, lay in ignoring many things completely. How anyone could work in the same office for ten years or bring up children without putting certain thoughts permanently to the back of their mind was beyond him. And as for that last grim lap when you had a catheter and no teeth, memory loss seemed like a godsend.  -Mark Haddon, A Spot Of Bother For the last few days, I have been having somewhat a hard time of my life. By far,