Prince Charming's Cheap

CURSES! is on SALE!!!!!

You can grab the first book in the F***ed Up Fairy Tale Series, CURSES! at any of the links below:

$2.99 on Nook from 3/12 to 3/25

$2.99 on Sony from  3/12 to 3/25

$2.99 on Kobo from 3/12 to 3/25

Then pick up the newest fairy tale in the series, FROGGY STYLE.

 

It's a Book!

Today FROGGY STYLE finally hits the shelves. Learn more about the secret lives of princes and princess of New Never City in the latest edition of the F***ed Up Fairy Tale Series.

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

IndieBound

Isn't it Time You Kissed a Toad?

In less than 30 days, FROGGY STYLE will be released. In honor of that, I'm going to give away some cash (okay, a gift card of your choosing), and lots of other semi-lame prizes like ebooks, book-books, and a super special prize of being in my next book (not literally, even if you beg I refuse to drain your blood and use it as ink, so quit asking). But I will name a character after you (or anyone you want) as well as use some personality traits/quirks/kinks. So all of your friends can laugh and jeer you at odd times.

Anyway, to win this amazing prize or prizes, you simply need to sign over your soul. Like you're using it....

I'm running two contests. Please pass it along to your friends, relatives, and enemies. Here are the details for each:

FROGGY STYLE:  Kissing a Frog Sweepstakes

Want to win a fabulous vacation to a tropical island? Or how about a brand new car? If so, I suggest you enter the Publishers Clearing House. If you want to win a semi-cool prize like a $100 gift card to Amazon (or the gift card of your choice) or better yet, infamy when a character based on you (or the person of your choice) appears in book three of the F***ed-Up Fairy Tale series, enter the Kissing a Frog Sweepstakes in honor of the release of the irreverent fairy tale novel FROGGY STYLE. 

It’s easy, mostly painless, and now wart-free.

Enter today at www.jakazimer.com.

Sweepstakes ends March 30, 2013.

Kissing a Frog Photo Contest

Are you adorable? Scratch that. Are you willing to embarrass yourself for cash? Then the Kissing a Frog Contest is for you. Take your best digital pic of you/your sister/your grandma/your next door neighbor/your parrot kissing a frog (whether it is an actual frog or a stuffed one, or even your dog in animal drag), and upload it to your facebook/twitter/instagram with the hashtag: #FroggyStyle or send it to jkazimer@msn.com to enter. 

Photos will be displayed on author’s website/social media. 

Prizes include a $50 gift card, books, ebooks, and toy frogs.

Contest ends March 30, 2013.

Win a Copy of FROGGY STYLE!

Want to win a Advance Reader Copy of FROGGY STYLE?

It's easy.

You can enter by clicking LIKE on my author page at j.a. kazimer on facebook at (http://www.facebook.com/pages/ja-kazimer/173802705980439) or by signing up for my e-newsletter at http://www.jakazimer.com/contact/newsletter.

I'll draw the winner randomly on December 23rd!

STDs on the Rise

STDs on the Rise
by j.a. kazimer
Your Health, New Never News

The New Never City Health Department is concerned about the recent rise of STDs in the city. Officials report a rash of cases of facial warts among young, unmarried women. They believe the infections are a direct result of princess-on-frog contact.

Princesses looking for love are asked to practice safe sex.

If you are a princess or suspect that you've been exposed to a princess with frog breath, please seek immediate treatment at the local New Never City Health Clinic for a dose of Compound-W.

Maiden Charged with Sexual Assault

Maiden Charged with Sexual Assault
by j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat, New Never News

New Never City Police arrested a young lady yesterday after an incident at the New Never City Zoo. The charge? Unlawful Sexual Contact. Eyewitnesses claim the young maiden was seen kissing random wildlife. When approached by police, she refused to drop her horny toady victim and was subsequently tased by officers. Other than a lipstick stain, the toad appeared unharmed after the attack.

The Pauper Declares Bankruptcy

By j.a. kazimer
Legal New Never News

A sad day for New Never City. The economic downturn resulted in budgets cuts city wide, including a reduction in Henchman, Fire-ants, and Happily Ever Afters. But, in a surprise move, the city's famed Pauper, has declared bankruptcy.

When we asked his friend, the Prince, for comment, he said, "Who? A pauper? Why would I know this poor person?"

Love On the Lily Pad! Another Royal Sex Scandal!

By Ross D. Willard
Royal Beatdown New Never News

If it’s not one thing, it’s two others. At least that’s the way it seems to be going for the royal family these days.

The latest in a long string of lawsuits comes from, of all places, the swamp. The plaintiff, a Mr. K. Frog, alleges that he was sitting on a log after supper, singing, something that he claims ‘aides in the digestion,’ when, out of nowhere, he was accosted by a young woman.

The young woman in question, who, due to her young age, will remain nameless, set about “trying her damnedest to stick her tongue down my throat. I mean, really! A human tongue in my mouth? Disgusting!”

While the royal family is denying the media access to the young woman in question, both their attorneys, and the royal ‘spin doctors’ are already on the case. Sadly, the legal department and the social media department seem to be working quite independently of one another. Leaks from those close to the family seem to be focused on discrediting the plaintiff, claiming that he led the young woman on, convincing her that he was a prince under some kind of spell.

Legal representation for the young woman, however, appear to be building a case for cross-species sexual confusion, a highly controversial diagnosis that has many up in arms, including Mr. K. Frog himself, who is involved in a cross-species relationship of his own.

“They’re not just trying to get that little bimbo off the hook,” Mr. Frog’s long time girlfriend said, when asked, “They’re trying to make us look like freaks!”