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Showing posts with label New Never City. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Never City. Show all posts

Joe White to Toss His Dwarf in the Ring

With the elections over, it is time for New Never City to focus on what's important, next year's election. Citizens will be voting on many things, from the legalization of fairy-dust to the next mayor.

New Never City DA, Joe White, hopes to be that guy. He faces stiff competition from current mayor, Morgana, as known as the wicked witch of the west, east, and most southern kingdoms. Joe White has long been known as the fairest of us all, which puts him at a distinct disadvantage in quest for mayorship.

STDs on the Rise

STDs on the Rise
by j.a. kazimer
Your Health, New Never News

The New Never City Health Department is concerned about the recent rise of STDs in the city. Officials report a rash of cases of facial warts among young, unmarried women. They believe the infections are a direct result of princess-on-frog contact.

Princesses looking for love are asked to practice safe sex.

If you are a princess or suspect that you've been exposed to a princess with frog breath, please seek immediate treatment at the local New Never City Health Clinic for a dose of Compound-W.

Maiden Charged with Sexual Assault

Maiden Charged with Sexual Assault
by j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat, New Never News

New Never City Police arrested a young lady yesterday after an incident at the New Never City Zoo. The charge? Unlawful Sexual Contact. Eyewitnesses claim the young maiden was seen kissing random wildlife. When approached by police, she refused to drop her horny toady victim and was subsequently tased by officers. Other than a lipstick stain, the toad appeared unharmed after the attack.