Joe White to Toss His Dwarf in the Ring

With the elections over, it is time for New Never City to focus on what's important, next year's election. Citizens will be voting on many things, from the legalization of fairy-dust to the next mayor.

New Never City DA, Joe White, hopes to be that guy. He faces stiff competition from current mayor, Morgana, as known as the wicked witch of the west, east, and most southern kingdoms. Joe White has long been known as the fairest of us all, which puts him at a distinct disadvantage in quest for mayorship.

Mayor Mike ‘Mini-Mint’ Michaelson Mocks Murmurs of Mob Mischief

By Ross D. Willard
MMMMMMMMM Beat New Never News


Even with the election days away, and with mounting evidence connecting him to the Lollipop Guild, a known mob front, Mayor Mike Michaelson isn’t showing any signs of stress. Today, at the annual ‘Falling House Commemoration Picnic,’ the longtime politician gave his traditional reading of the beloved ‘Meeting Ms. Dorothy’ for local children. Laughing off questions from the media, he spent most of the day shaking hands and kissing babies and looking, for all the world, like a man without a care.

As popular as Mayor Michaelson may be, though, he has had a long and sordid political history, from reputed dealings with all varieties of wicked witches, to the gumdrop scandal, there have always been more questions than answers regarding the Munchkin Mayor. Most notably, of course, there was the incident of the disappearance of labor leader James Hofta during the building of the Yellow Brick Road, and Mayor Michaelson’s refusal to allow any portion of that road to be removed, or dug under, as recommended by investigators.

While it’s hard to speak ill of a politician who has dedicated so much of his time to building parks and public works, I would like to remind the residents of Munchkin Land, along with all readers everywhere, that elections are not popularity contests, and a winning smile should not be enough to put a criminal in office.