
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
New Mexico Bowl
Monday, December 07, 2009
The End
Friday, November 13, 2009
Reason Enough
Thursday, November 05, 2009
The Power of the Business Card
Perks of aging, that’s something you don’t hear all that often, but finally you’ve been able to think of one. When one ages, one might get a business card. You mostly fill your wallet with them and don’t use them all that much, but when you were at a Chipotle a few weeks ago you saw the fish bowl from which a Chipotle employee pulls one business card a month. The person listed on the card gets ten free burritos. So, you threw a card in, this being the first time you’ve actually used the business card. Those times you’ve “used” your card to hide them in your coworker’s office don’t count. This time does. It fell into the pile, sliding up against another card. You think there is no chance of it being picked out of the bowl. You think someone else is going to win because you just got your first business card, one thousand of them to be exact, and this is the first time you put one in the fish bowl. You feel like you just wasted one card and, even though you have 999 left, you feel bad about wasting the card.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Chlorine and Books
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Quote of the Day
[Newsweek:] What do you say to parents who think the Wild Things film may be too scary?Sendak: I would tell them to go to hell. That's a question I will not tolerate.
NYC - Day 3 - Part 3
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
NYC - Day 3 - Part 2
New Belgium, not Budweiser
Overheard in a bar in Wausau, Wisconsin.
Customer: Do you know who brews Fat Tire? Is it Budweiser?
Bartender: Some company in Colorado.
Me: New Belgium Brewing.
(Customer gives me a funny look, perhaps somewhat appreciative of my response and maybe surprised at my eavesdropping.)
Kate (to me in a whisper): That’s sacrilege.
Bryce: I know. Budweiser, are you kidding me?
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Getting to the frontier
Hulking masses of metal in the sky
You fly by every day
Sometimes I spot the gray letters on your side
I can read them from the ground
F-R-O-N-T-I-E-R, I used to live on the frontier
I’ve been stuck in Middle America
A day closer to middle-aged
I’m in the midst of committing
More years of my middle ages
To writing meaningful pages
The Shins and Starbucks
I just settled down into my regular writing table at the coffee shop and what tune comes on? “Phantom Limb” by The Shins. I am instantly sent back in time. I’m wearing a green apron. I’m closing up the store with Jarrod. We just kicked the last customers out and we’ve put on The Shins’ Wincing The Night Away. Our jobs are monotonous. We are bored. But we make the most of it. The Shins help our cause.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Reminding me of 9/11
So I am meandering through a security line at the airport recently. I am bored and to pass some of the time I read signs, even if they aren’t at all applicable to my travel. Traveling with kids? No. Traveling with gels and lotions? No. Traveling disabled? No, but I am freakishly tall, but you guys don't consider that a disability...jackasses. I read on.
I eventually come to a poster profiling the featured TSA employee at this specific airport or whatever…it’s not explained. You know the people though, they suspect everyone and think you are making a bomb out of everything and they are dressed like mall cops. Anyway, the employee featured on the poster is describing how he once screened a burn victim from the 9/11 attacks on the Pentagon. I’m thinking this is odd. Here I am, about to get on a plane, and there is a poster reminding me of 9/11 and I get this image of this poor bloke working at the Pentagon on a beautiful day in September and he gets knocked upside the head with a jumbo jet and burning fuel. I just don’t think it’s great to give me, or anyone else, this image. We are all aware that people joined TSA because of 9/11. You don’t need to share that with me. I don’t need to be thinking about that dark day when you are patting me down or when I am stepping onto an airplane.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Scroll Down
Friday, October 09, 2009
The Nobel
Monday, October 05, 2009
MNF
NYC - Day 3 - Part 1
Friday, October 02, 2009
Chicago's Loss
I Took The Challenge
During the last couple of days, you may have seen a Starbucks commercial on TV, which advertises the new Starbucks instant coffee called VIA. The commercial encourages people to come in and take the Starbucks VIA Taste Challenge.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
NYC - Day 2 - Part 2 - ESB
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Plodding
Monday, September 14, 2009
NYC - Day 2 - Part 1
Saturday, September 12, 2009
This Could Be Interesting
Friday, September 11, 2009
NYC - Day 1
Not the same thing
I don’t watch any of the cable news morning shows, but occasionally, when I am not in front of my computer at that morning hour, I will scan all three networks to see what they are talking about. Obviously, this morning, the talk is about the 8th anniversary of the September 11th attacks and Joe Wilson, the guy that yelled at the President, “You lie” in the middle of his address to a joint session of Congress on Wednesday night. On Morning Joe, Joe was, as far as I can tell, comparing Wilson’s shout in the middle of a presidential address to Hillary Clinton criticizing General Petraeus and choosing to not denounce an ad taken out by a left-wing group in the NY Times that called him a liar. Now, Clinton’s decision to ignore that ad and denounce it as an irresponsible and false accusation was unfortunate, but tell me again how that is on par with shouting down President Obama in the middle of a speech? Clearly, I am confused.
Friday, September 04, 2009
To New York
William James describes a man who got the experience from laughing-gas; whenever he was under its influence, he knew the secret of the universe, but when he came to, he had forgotten it. At last, with immense effort, he wrote down the secret before the vision had faded. When completely recovered, he rushed to see what he had written. It was "A smell of petroleum prevails throughout."
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Down for the count
Monday, August 31, 2009
A Million Miles...
Friday, August 28, 2009
Rejected
When I was applying to be a freelance writer for The Onion I thought I wasn’t going to tell anyone about my application so I wouldn’t have to field questions later on about the success of the application, etc. I didn’t hold to that plan. I ended up telling quite a few people about my application because I felt good about it. After spending a week coming up with all sorts of ideas I thought I had developed a strong list of story ideas and a strong script. I submitted the requested materials and waited.