“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should
be alone;
I will make him an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:18)
My mom told me last night that I’m impatient (which so doesn’t
feel fair to a 40 yr old single girl who gives men a really long time to figure their stuff out and doesn’t
say “done” until after exhausting nearly every attempt to help things work out.
I think I’ve shown a fair amount of patience over the last 20 years, thank you
very much.).
But, my mom was right (aren't moms always right? "Hi, Mom. xoxo".) about the sentiment. She was. (Even if she wasn't right about the word). I’m not “impatient”, but I can be rather “impulsive”.
I really can be.
But, here’s the thing. I’m impulsive in that I act quickly
as soon as there is something I feel like I should do. Because I know if I
think about it too long or too hard, I will totally talk myself out of it.
My impulsive nature has led me to change my college major
during an FHE game my first semester of college. It’s led me to make a decision
to go on a mission in one night, put my papers in 10 days later and have my
call 2 weeks later. My impulsive nature saved me from a dangerous situation in
which I called a cab to leave a date.
In other words, I feel compelled and in that moment…that
exact moment…I know it’s right to do…and I act quickly (perhaps before I can chicken
out).
So why am I admitting on this blog I actually signed up for
LDSSingles last night (wait…what?)?
- I relish opportunities to look pathetic (actually the site helps you feel less pathetic because you realize what an amazing catch you are).
- I feel like it’s going to provide some awesome
(awesomely horrible) blogposts and so I might as well start that ball rolling
now (really, people, if I last 24 hours on this thing, I'll be shocked. I kind of want to throw up already).
- Because admitting this will finally allow me to share
a really funny story about eHarmony for the short time I did it in January
while on a “break” (the positive about eHarmony is you get matched so 61 year old men can't go "shopping" for you. I've had enough "flirts" for one day, thank you very much. Someone please save me from this.).
- It leads to a more important discussion
- All of the above.
There really was a time in my life when I wanted marriage
for the sake of the romance of it all. I wanted the giddy and the butterflies
and the “ah” that accompanies the little dream inside my head that was the
result of spending too many hours with Gilbert Blythe and Mr. Darcy.
And I still want that on some level. I’m a girl. Of course I
do.
But, more than the romance and the flowers and the walks in
Central Park, I want a partner…a helpmeet. I want someone to do this life with.
I want a man by my side who adores me and can’t believe his luck he gets to do
this life with me, for sure…but as much as I want that, I also just simply want
a helper.
Not an errand helper.
Not a change the light bulb helper.
Not a let me take your car in helper.
Those things would (and will) be nice. But really what I
want is someone who, when things get hard, when I’m overwhelmed, when I need a “you
can do this”, he is right there. And he is there and I need him there because his is
the only voice that really matters…the only hand I will ultimately really trust.
On Saturday I spoke to a group of girls at Murray High
School. It was my first time in forever speaking without being able to use
scriptures and quotes from Prophets and sharing my testimony at the end. I was
nervous and praying I would have a voice (literally…I have been mostly without
one for 3 weeks…much to the delight of some people who like it when I’m a
little quieter). I had a few moms come up to me afterwards who expressed worry that I would be too "Mormon". They weren't and they didn't want to be uncomfortable. "Thank you for just teaching truths we could all relate to", one of the moms said.
It was a really sweet experience and as I walked out to my
car, I felt great and grateful for the opportunity. But, also found myself
wishing (like I have so many times the last 7 weeks) that I had someone to
share it with. Not my mom. Not one of my dear girlfriends. “Someone”.
So I was genuinely tickled (and grateful) when I got out to my car and read a
little text that told me “someone” had
snuck in the back and listened to the whole thing …
Someone who could say (and did say):
“Amazing, as always.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it.”
“You were brilliant.”
“You were lovely.”
And here’s the thing: It’s not like this “someone” is trying to be my “someone”. But,
he is someone. And a really good someone at that. He didn’t have to be there but he
chose to be there…to support me in what I was doing. And there is just
something about having that kind of someone (not a mom, not a dear girlfriend)
that just made all the difference.
Why is that?
What does it say about me?
Am I needy?
Am I dependent on a man for love and validation?
I have no idea.
But, I felt the need for a someone again last night and this
morning as I was preparing for a presentation at work that was kind of a big deal—a
presentation that I didn’t feel up for or smart enough to do. And I was wishing I had a partner to talk it
through with last night…who maybe could have been up with me this morning to
give me a “you got this” (or a “you’ll be brilliant”).
You who are married…do you realize what you have? Really…think
about all the times just in the last couple of days when you have needed (and
have had) a partner. Now, I know all marriages aren’t perfect. I know there are
plenty of married people who don’t have a “helpmeet” even though they have a
husband or a wife. I get that. I do.
But, this girl? I kind of like to think I’m going to the
most awesome “helpmeet” ever. I actually feel like I already know I’ll be
awesome at it because I’ve been pretty awesome at it in some of my dating relationships (and
some of them have been awesome at it too).
And even with my limited experience in that area, I’ve
learned that life is just better when you aren’t going it alone. It just is.
And God knew that, which is why he set it up that way.
He wants us in pairs. He needs us in pairs. We need to be
united with Him…as pairs.
I have a sneaking suspicion my someone is not on
LDSSingles.com. And maybe signing up for it last night was impulsive (like
changing my major in college because I had had lunch that day with a girl
majoring in Speech/Language Pathology and so when during the FHE “get to know you”
game that night I realized every girl in the circle was majoring in education and that if
I said I was majoring in education too, no one would remember be and thus
changed my major right on the spot and went to register for a class the next
day so I wouldn’t look like a liar. Okay, yeah…impulsive). But I feel more committed…more compelled…to do my part to find that someone. And so I did it before I could chicken out.
And seriously…think of some of the awesome stories that
might come because of it.
Even if I only have it in me to stay on for 24 hours....
(really. I feel dirty and cheap after some of the messages and flirts
I've received already. I don't think I can do this. Please tell me I
don't have to do this. Or at least tell me something funny or awesome or encouraging while I do this. That's the least you can do, right?)
But if I stay, you’re welcome in advance. Very welcome.
Posts
