A Heart Like His. A heart like his.

One of my most favorite people on the planet is Virginia Hinckley Pearce.
(My blog search feature isn't working so I can't find the post when I first talked about her.)
She's delightful in every way.
She wrote one of my favorite books, A Heart Like His: Making Space for God's Love in Your Life
And last Saturday morning the love of her life passed away.

I attended the funeral today of Virginia's husband, James Richard McGhie Pearce. It was a beautiful (and only 1 hour long! I love Ginny's sensibility.) service. President Monson was the concluding speaker.
It was all really a wonderful tribute to a good-to-the-core man.
It was also a wonderful tribute to the blessings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

And it was a wonderful reminder of what is most important.

Each of their six children took just a minute or two to highlight a quality of their dad. And two of the qualities stuck out to me the most.

Consistent.
Jim was consistent in his faith and in his living. I loved what one of his daughters said, "Dad taught us that paced consistent effort will get you where you want to go."
I know that might be a simple concept but for some reason it struck me as the most brilliant statement.
Something I needed to hear.
Something I need to live.

Empathetic.
Jim had a heart that gave freely to others. One of his daughters said that he was not concerned with position or status. She remembers that her dad did not ever need to be the center of attention. When at a gathering, he was often found in a corner talking to his father-in-laws security guard or seeking out the single mom at the church event. I personally know Jim to be the man who, when he said, "How are you?" really really meant it.

He was a good man.
He had a good heart.

And I know that when Virginia wrote A Heart Like His, she was talking about God.
And I definitely want a heart like God's.
I also know that will take a lifetime.

So after today, I'd settle for becoming just a little more like Jim.
I'd be happy for a heart like his.

A Sabbath just for me

It was just before ten when I asked the concierge at the hotel if by any chance he knew where the closest LDS chapel was. I had forgotten the directions at home and the battery in my laptop was dead.

I knew the meeting started at 10:00.
And I just wanted to take the Lord's sacrament.
I've not missed it very many times in the last few years.
I'm a bit obsessed, I guess.
I know my week goes better when I renew my covenants.
And I didn't want to miss my chance.

He was gone for much too long.

When he came back he said, "I don't think you want to go to this building. It's not in a good part of town."

"If there's a Mormon chapel there, I'll be fine."

It was a rough part of town. I was certain I wasn't going to find an LDS chapel there. But I did.
And as soon as I saw it, I knew I was fine.

I walked in just as they finished passing the sacrament.
I had missed it.

But, it was the primary program day...the Sunday when the children provide the messages and music for the service.
And this congregation had children of every color and nationality.
I sat there and cried.
It was beautiful.

A cute girl up on the stand was struggling to stay focused and participate. Her tired mom (and probably primary teacher) finally took her out. And as they left the chapel, the cute little girl just kept screaming, "I don't want to miss my part! I don't want to miss my part!"

A few minutes later, a very tired mom re-entered with her little girl in tears.

And she had missed her part.

The mom sat there with her daughter. Now they were both crying.
An inspired chorister, right before the program ended, motioned for the little girl to come to the podium.

The chorister knew what that little girl wanted. She knew why the little girl had come back into the chapel. And in the moment, the primary program was just for her.

But the little girl was crying.
And she couldn't get the words our of her mouth.

Still in tears, the little girl went running back to her seat and ran into the arms of her mother. But, her wise (but tired and crying) mom mouthed, "You did it! You did your part!"

The little girl's face lit up. She gave her mom a "high five."
Her mom told her she had done her part and that was enough for her.

I loved what I witnessed.

At the end of the meeting, the man sitting next to me (who knew I had come to partake of the sacrament but had missed it) said, "Just a minute". He went and talked to the bishop and the next thing I knew, I was going into a little room off the chapel with a couple of the Priesthood and a 17 year old boy named Deondre.

Deondre blessed the bread.
Just for me.
I partook and renewed my covenants.
Then Deondre blessed the water.
Just for me.
I partook and renewed my covenants.

That good man knew what I wanted. He knew why I had come.
And he helped me...and I was crying.
In the moment, the Sacrament was literally just for me.

Not only was it a good part of town; it was exactly where I needed to be yesterday.
I loved my inner-city Kansas City Sabbath.
It seemed it was just for me.

Things. Work. Out.

One of my favorite sayings of Gordon B. Hinckley was:

"Things will work out."

I subscribe to that philosophy because I think it's the right philosophy to have. Even in moments when I don't believe it, I still subscribe to the philosophy.

But, today?

Today, I don't just subscribe to it.
Today I know it.

I won't bore you with the details of the last 24 hours in my work and personal life (yes, in spite of my current calendar, I still try to have one.) but suffice it to say, the Lord has shown me once again the HE is in charge. He is.

And things work out.
They will.
They do.
They have.

Exactly as He means for them too.

(Want to enjoy President Eyring's talk from President Hinckley's funeral? Read it here.)

Help for life's blind spots

A couple of weeks ago as I was pulling out onto the first main street off of the street my house is on (was there an easier way to say that? I feel like there was.), I nearly t-boned a car.

I was so embarrassed.

I didn't know how it happened but I was certain I just wasn't paying attention. Maybe I hadn't looked both ways. "Laurel!" I yelled at myself.

I knew it was a close call.

Well, this morning, I got to that same stop sign cross street and I looked both ways.
I know I did.

And as I pulled out, I heard the loud horn.
The man swerved.
He yelled at me through his rolled up window.
All I could do was mouth, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

He pulled away and I sat there dumbfounded.
I looked both ways.
I KNOW I did.
But, I almost hit him.

Blind spots.
We all have them.

And now I know where one spot literally is in my driving and I need to be more careful when I approach that area. For some reason, in a single moment in time, at a particular place on the street, I cannot see what is actually there.

One site (in fact, there's a cool little demo there that shows you your blind spots) describes a blind spot as "a place pretty much in the middle of what you can see where you can't see."

What you CAN see where you CAN'T see.
Interesting, isn't it?

Tonight after talking to a friend, I experienced a little bit of an awakening as I started thinking about the blind spots in my life.

Sometimes I see things that aren't there...and sometimes I don't see what is.

And what's a girl to do then?

"...the Spirit speaketh truth and lieth not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be; wherefore, these things are manifested unto us plainly, for the salvation of our souls." (Jacob 4:13)

I don't know what else to do about the blind spot on the road by my house.
But, it's nice to know there is help for the blind spots in my life.

A Google Reader Proposal?

Are you kidding me?

Does anyone else read Bakerella (I know...but someday I'll be home with my kids and I'll be looking for cute baking projects, right?)

Did you see this?

I think if a proposal showed up on my google reader, I'd freak out.

Oh, I loved this. My inner Jane Austen has been satisfied.

(and she said "yes"...yes, I'm the dork that read all the comments to find that out.)

Photo "stolen" from Bakerella.

There is power in believing

I BELIEVE...

-My Heavenly Father loves me

-My Heavenly Father needs me

-My Heavenly Father talks to me

-It's never to late to say "I'm sorry"

-Part of the process of becoming is going back to where I started

-Good will always prevail

-Every day is a new day for change

-Faith is needed to overcome all obstacles. ALL of them.

-I can do anything. ANYTHING.

-God has me right where He wants me

-I don't always live according to my beliefs. But, I still believe.

I believe.

I believe.

I believe.

And there is power in believing.

The message that changed a life

I was talking to a certain boy tonight.
I responded to something he said.
Said he, "Um, did you even hear what I just said?"

(oops. I so hadn't. I mean, in fairness, I was driving...so my attentions were elsewhere...but I can't even say my attentions were there. You see, sometimes I don't listen.)

I tried to act like I had. Even repeated what I thought he'd said.
He laughed. "You don't listen."

And he's kind of right.
I HEAR...but sometimes I don't listen.

That point was made again when I got home.
(Yes, God is THAT good.)

I just opened my mail to find a letter from a friend in Washington. She wanted to tell me how her life was changed by a message she heard back in February. She actually said the message changed her life. And so, of course, I read the letter with great interest.

This self-proclaimed "40 year old wife, mother of 2 amazing teenage boys, veteran half marathon runner, confident college student, eventual registered nurse, courageous daughter of God" was so inspired by this message that she has since trained for and run a half marathon.

She and her friends even made t-shirts with a phrase from this message for their race. She enclosed pictures.

And then, she decided if she could do the half marathon, she could finally fulfill another life dream of attending college and becoming a nurse.

Her life really has changed.

As I read what she heard and the impact it had on her, I found myself wishing I had heard the message too.

Recently the message she heard (that has now been given more than a dozen times and is probably much more refined than when she first heard it) was actually recorded with the hopes that it would reach more people and bless more lives.

But...

Who could have known the person who maybe most needed to listen to the message was the person who was giving it?

That person is me.

The reality is, there are truths I believe...deeply. And in the moment I am sharing them, they fill my entire soul. And I'll hear myself say something and I know it didn't come from me. But it sounds familiar. And I know it's because I'm saying something that my spirit has always known. And I'm even hearing it...but clearly I'm not always listening.

This woman had this incredible experience being changed by a message she heard come out of my mouth. That is overwhelming to me.

But also a little disheartening.

Because that message doesn't appear to have had that same impact on me.
And yet, I've heard it more than a dozen times.

I heard...but I wasn't listening.

But, tonight...
Tonight I listened to a message.
And it came from a self-proclaimed "40 year old wife, mother of 2 amazing teenage boys, veteran half marathon runner, confident college student, eventual registered nurse, courageous daughter of God".

And her message changed a life.

Mine.

Thanks to YOU...& Gilda Radner

Thanks for "getting it".

It is indeed a fearful thing to go into unknown territory especially when you love your current plot of land so much.

This isn't about the Lord's timing.
(I finally surrendered to that a few years ago.)
But, it MIGHT be about surrendering to His will...it just might be.
(I haven't figured that part out yet.)

But, in the midst of your comments/emails/wisdom (I heart you. I really do.), I also found this gem from Gilda Radner:

"Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."

Who knew Ms. Radner could wax so philosophical?

She's right, you know.
(That's what "just around this corner" is supposed to be all about, yes?)

And I'm doing it.
Thanks to...you.

Here's to being the girl somewhere in the middle.

What about that girl?

This is one of those posts that you go back and forth on.
In the middle of a late night at the office.
Should I post?
Should I not?
What's my motive?
Will it help someone?
Can someone help me?
Do I just need to shell out money for therapy?

Yep.
One of those.

I don't care what anyone says.
You don't get to be 37 and single by having a series of successful healthy relationships.
You just don't.

And those series of not-so-successful or not-so-healthy relationships do something to you.
They just do.

And I'm trying so hard to look inside myself and figure out what got me where I am and what I need to do differently to get to somewhere else.
But, man, it's hard.

And I'm trying so hard to trust the process and let it be what it is.
But, that's hard too.

You see...
at some point, a girl either bemoans the fact that she isn't married and just focuses on that...or gets going with her life and just focuses on that.
And it's hard to be somewhere in the middle.
It just is.
But, a girl's got to find the middle.

And, I don't appear to do the "in the middle" very well.
And I refuse to be the girl who bemoans.
So, where does that leave a girl like me?

A girl who really wants to experience a family.
A girl who really wants to get outside herself.
A girl who really loves what she feels called to do.
A girl who wants to know someone else needs her.
A girl who sometimes can't wait to be a "we".

But also...
A girl who has become fiercly independent.
A girl who's often content to be an "we" with God.
A girl who got that way through a few broken hearts.
A girl who sometimes waits for the rug to be pulled out from under her.
And a girl who fears taking a risk and being wrong.

What about that girl?
Where does this leave her?

[taking a deep breath as I hit "publish post"]

Where I was. Where I am.

I think my favorite thing about General Conference time is the opportunity (i.e. invitation) for personal assessment.

When I look at where I was last April...
Where I am this October...

Where my heart was.
Where my heart is.

Where my mind was.
Where my mind is.

Where my focus was.
Where my focus is.

Where my body was.
Where my body is.

Where my spirit was.
Where my spirit is.

In many ways, I am further along.
In other ways, I've taken a few steps back.

And while it's tempting to be discouraged by that,
that's part of the process, right?
I'm not the only one who makes progress in some areas while lacking progress in others, am I?

But, the messages for me today...
for where I am RIGHT NOW...

Love.
Love better and deeper and more honestly.

Live.
Live stronger and happier and and more faithfully.

Serve.
Period.

Because where I was, for good and for bad, is not where I am.
And I want to know that I'm better off 6 months from now.
That I've learned to LOVE a little better and LIVE a little stronger and SERVE.
Period.

And that is where I am.
Today.

(and yes, the "3 words" shows President Monson's influence on me. It's very contagious.)

A little excited

I was in the studio yesterday to record this:
And, as always, I hope the content is as good as the cover design.

I know, right?

(to be released early 2010.)

NOTE TO MY NEW FRIEND JENNIFER FROM AZ that I formally met tonight at Ladies Night in SLC: Please email me so I can get you and your husband a copy. This has the "Blackberry Story".

Thank you, Eric Werth.

Because without YOU, there would have been no this:
Or any of this:Thank you for loving...adoring...one of the most important people in my life. When you kissed her on the neck after the ceremony was over? Yeah...I loved that.

Simply put?
You.
Da.
Man.

(More pics of the weekend to come. Promise.)

A reminder that LYFSGUD

It's been a rough week.

And then today, at 5:05 p.m. when I wanted to be done with work?
Well, I got a little something something in the mail.
From one of my favorite people (and one of the many Erins I know).

It made me happy.
And reminded me that Life IS good.
Thanks, Erin!