Good, Bad, and Ugly by Gracie Phillip

The Good:

She feeds me.  She takes me for walks often every day whenever the spirit moves her. She moves over - way over... on to the the edge of the bed so there is plenty of room for me. She puts up with night sweats so's not to disturb me by moving me from her face. She gets up in the middle of the night when she hears me whine and picks me up and puts me back in bed (after I've jumped down to sleep under the bed for a while) (for some reason I have some trouble jumping back up into bed).  She plays Chase Wally, and Get the Squeaky Toy with me.

She lets the cookie carriers give me cookies and sometimes she gives me cookies too.  She scratches me where it itches and where I can't reach.  She cleans my butt when I have a poop that sticks there. Wait.  That should go under ugly, right?  She hugs me too much a lot more than I am comfortable with deserve.

The Bad:

She puts me in a tub of soapy water to make me clean and tries to glamorize it by calling it a bath.  She pulls me away from good smells on our walks.  She doesn't feed me nearly enough.  She withholds treats because she's cheap she says I'm getting stout and it's not good for my health.  She complains if I hog the bed.  She whines about me being distant and says she's worried about me when I sleep underneath the bed.

The Ugly:

She has this habit of putting stuff in my ears because she likes to torture me she says my ears are infectious and so I hide really good but she finds me and pulls me out from under the bed.  And then, after the whole cruel and abusive ordeal she begs me to come on up into bed with her and dad.  But I sit, outside the bedroom, and wait for her to get into bed and start reading her book.  Then, and only then do I know I can trust that she will not touch my ears again. #MyEarsAreOffLimits #DontTouchMyEarsEver #MyMomIsAbusiveSometimes 

Did I forget to wish you a happy mother's day?
Yea well.  Maybe next year.