She's Always Here...

 It's hard to let Gracie's blog just sit here.  I come back sometimes and read old entries.  I miss her so much.  I've met so many great friends here, through this blog.  Pets have died.  Friends have passed on.  I find it sad to visit this blog sometimes, thinking about what a great time we all had here, sharing our furry friends, friendships, thoughts, feelings, and love.  And now, so many are gone.  

Yes, I come back here and revisit this past chapter of my life, and I mostly smile.  Because it was a great time.  And I am thankful.

If Gracie were here, she would say - 

Dear Diary,

The nag Mom is gushing about thoughts, feelings, and memories today.  I wish she'd just get off that soapbox and focus more on what she'll be giving me for supper.  She needs to be more in tune to my needs.  After all, I own her, right?  

Gracie.

LIFE GOES ON...

 I have been so broken at the loss of our Gracie.  For a while, I turned off our blog.  It seemed appropriate since she was no longer with me. I could not deal with the pain of her memory. At least, that's what I thought.

But now I know.  It's not her memory that hurts.  It's her absence. 

For the first forty days, I vowed, "Never again!" I could not go through that pain again, so I will be without a pet in my life.  But the empty, quiet house we lived in seemed no longer a home. No wonder I was so heartsick. Gracie had brought so much love into our lives.  I would never love like that again.

And then.

Along came Bubbles to distract me from my broken heart. I will post mostly on our new blog Bubbles from this day forward.  But in honor of the most beautiful dog I have ever known, I will keep Gracie's memory alive here, and Gracie Owns Me/Growing Old With Gracie will stay public.  

I'm working out the kinks of starting a new blog, so let me know if it does not work properly.  

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF MY WONDERFUL BLOGGER FRIENDS FOR LOVING GRACIE AND FOLLOWING US THROUGH OUR JOURNEY HERE.  WE WERE HONORED TO BE YOUR FRIEND.  

GRACIE GOT TO ATTEND PARTIES WITH OTHER BLOGGER PETS, SHE WAS ENGAGED TO THE BEAUTIFUL SAMSON, AND SHE WAS ABLE TO SHARE HER DIARY WITH YOU ALL; YOU MADE US LAUGH AND SOMETIMES CRY. BUT IT WAS ALL GOOD. AND WE ARE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR LOVE.

MY HEART IS STILL SO VERY BROKEN, BUT I KNOW LIFE GOES ON. 

AND I KNOW I WILL SEE GRACIE AGAIN. BECAUSE ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN.  

~Our Little Lamb~

 I wake in the morning wondering.  How long will it take?  How many mornings will I wake up with this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach?

Mornings went something like this.  Walking Gracie around the yard.  Holding her hind end up when she would need to potty.  Hugging her.  Telling her I love her so much, so very much.  Letting her know it was okay when she decided she did not want to do this anymore.  More mini walks around the front yard so she could smell different smells.  Guiding her over to my office on the other side of the garage so she could receive her fortune cookie.  More hugs.  More love.  Worrying over her lost state.  Watching her sleep and being comforted by her contentment.  

Afternoons we would plan a walk down by the tracks if weather permitted.  It couldn't be too hot - or even raining.  She'd love those walks.  They were more like sniff's towards the end since she didn't make it very far.  

Evenings:   She had graduated from Arby's roast beef to Roy Rogers roast beef.  Much more expensive and a bit out of the way - but so much better quality.  She refused to eat anything else then, aside from some of her other favorites like corn on the cob or even her dry prescription diet food.  Every day her daddy would make sure she had her favorite roast beef.  She always ate her 'medicine treat' in the morning before all the other treats her daddy would put out for her.  It's like she knew - this would keep her hips healthy so that she could continue to walk.  After dinner, she would shadow her daddy as he would go out back to water plants and check on things around the house.  When he'd lie on the bed talking to his mom, Gracie would putter up the ramp and settle onto the bed beside him.  It was daddy's time with our girl.  

I was her go-to for health-related issues, potty time, and guidance when her eyes and hearing became weak.  She could feel my love when I'd hold her face close to mine and tell her how much I loved her.  I just know she could feel my love.  

At night, she'd take a long nap while we watched tv, then wake to be taken outside for potty. Then inside for treats before bed.  If she would still be sleeping when we'd go to bed, daddy would scoop her up and put her onto her place in the bed, at my feet.  

She was more than a dog.  She was our 'together child'.  We loved her fiercely.  We miss her terribly.

This video says it all:  

***~~~~~GRACIE UPDATE ~~~~~~***

 The day is getting closer.  That dreadful day of goodbye.  I'm doing a lot of praying.  It's a hard season of life for all of us.  Gary. Gracie. Myself.

In spite of my own aches and pains, God has given me the strength to care for my sweet girl and I am ever-so-grateful.  We have had a couple of not-so-good days here.  Gracie is having trouble holding herself up when she does #2, which wasn't too much of a problem before - since we could hold her up when her legs did not want to hold her up.  But now she has become random in her potty needs and it's hard to know when she needs to go.  At night we cover the living room in pads just in case.  

She sleeps at the foot of my side of the bed and we have arranged pillows, side rails, suitcases, bookcases - and anything else we can put up against the bed to keep her from jumping off.  She still does the ramp, but would rather be lifted onto the bed.  

She's a love.  She enjoys good food, lots of love, and small walks outside.  Also, on a good day, we will load her into the car and take her to the railroad tracks (towpath) for a change of pace.  She trembles when we put her in her car seat but the drive is only minutes, and then we are there and all her anxiety is replaced with joy.  Her sense of smell still stimulates her and makes her happy in life.

We have graduated from Arby's Roast Beef to a more expensive and further away Roy Rogers Roast Beef.  "It's so much better," she tells us.  But when her bowel movements become a little sloppy we go back to chicken.  Even though it is not her favorite, it is so much better for her digestive system.  And with her falling back into her poo, it is best to have a solid stool to fall in.  A surprise bath on Sunday after church caused great anxiety for her - but the mess we came home to after church throughout the house and covering her was just too much!  

I'm talking to God a lot these days.  I need to know when.  I need to have peace about it when it is time.

This little girl has brought such happiness to our days.  I cannot even imagine my life without her in it.  Gary and I will have been married 20 years this September.  She will have been with us 18 of those years - God willing she makes it that far.  With summer nearing, I am doubtful that she will.  She does not do heat well.  But only God knows what lies ahead.  

I just wanted to give all our blogging friends an update on Gracie.  I've watched as many of our friends have lost their fur babies, as heartbreaking as it is.  Gracie's time is nearing.  I felt it only right to share with you all because just as I love your fur babies I know you love Gracie.  

We take one day at a time.  I'm glad God gave me the provisions to retire in 2020.  Caring for Gracie these days is a full-time job and I am grateful for the opportunity and thankful for the beautiful way she enriched our life.  

It was too late for her to write in her diary last night.  But I did snap a picture of her as she rested peacefully IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SIDE OF THE BED!!  LOL.  "Where oh where shall I put my legs tonight?" I whispered.     

GOD AND DOG

 It's the funniest thing.  My old girl has become so very 'attached' to me lately.  She used to come to the back room with me every morning, where I had my coffee and wrote in my journal, and had God/Bible/Prayer time.  It was sweet mornings, just me, my girl, and God.  But when she grew old she was unable to make the jump onto the futon where I sit and so she stayed in the living room with Daddy.  A couple weeks ago she started coming back to look for me.  So I picked her up and laid her where she always would lay.  I have to pick her up to put her back down as well.  Now she comes back every morning looking for me.

It's difficult for her to get comfortable there with all her fatty tumors and cysts protruding from her.  She wriggles around and I have to reposition her multiple times before she calms.  But she really wants to be with me for our 'special mornings' so I guess she's willing to take the discomfort for that short while.  

This TikTok video was put on shortly after she started coming back with me again.  

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. NEW YEAR. I THINK. XOXO GRACIE

 

Christmas at Our House ~ Episode 2 ~ YOU GOTTA MOVE IT, MOVE IT

We will call this episode: Work Through the Pain.  Both Gracie and I were feeling it that day.  But she loves her walks, and keeping her active helps her navigate better.  And me too.  

Christmas was weeks away, and since I had purposed to bake tons of cookies and fudge for the kiddos and to go ahead and decorate, time was of the essence.  

 

Gracie said she'd put up with the chaos as long as she got a healthy number of walks.

 To Be Continued...

*BLINK*

Well.  I blinked, and here we are in the Autumn of 2021.  

And speaking of Blink...  check out my new novel HERE  !

This novel is a sequel to THE HOUSE which I had published last July.  I've taken the liberty to mail some copies out to those who reviewed my last book.  I'd appreciate a review on Amazon - but it's okay if you'd rather not.  The book is a gift, no strings.  

If anyone would like a copy - email me at chambrayblue20@yahoo.com - and because you are my blog friends, I will send a free copy.  Specify whether you would prefer a paperback or kindle.  

~~~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME~~~~~~

Dear Diary,

As I try to think of something witty and funny to write about, my mind comes up blank.  That's not unusual these days - the blank mind.  I am 17 today, ya know!  

Yesterday was my pre-birthday celebration which included a walk on the towpath and chicken nuggets from Chick-fil-A.  I got the best Mom and Dad ever!  Well, I did yesterday, anyway.  Today Mom wiped my butt with an oatmeal wipe so I had to take her from the nice list to the naughty list.  Once a nag, always a nag, I suppose.

Yesterday's walk was wonderful.  Ahhhh the smells!  I can only do half the walk I used to do, or at least that's what the nag Mom is telling me.

As much as yesterday was a good day, today started out not so good.  I was confused and got lost in the yard.  I kept walking in circles.  Around and around and around I went.  Then I couldn't find the house or the door to go inside.  Mom says she was right there leading me in, but I could not see nor hear her.  And when she placed her hand on me, trying to lead me inside, I just became more confused and kept veering to the left.  Left. Left. Left.  Same as my head tilt. I'm a mess, says Mom.  

Okay.  She's not really that much of a nag.  She's trying to help me I believe.  But I'm not really sure I can be helped.  

I did make it over to the office for my morning fortune cookie.  Yes, I got lost on the way.  Around and around and around I go.  

Mom teared up a little, reading my fortune for the day.  I think she and dad are really going to miss me when I go.

She asks me to tell her when I'm tired and don't want to do this anymore.  I promised her I would.  But this is my birthday.  I'm expecting another walk, some good eatin', and a lot of rubdowns.  So I'm not quite ready.  Not today.  

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!  

GRACIE.

 

Life Gone To The Dogs

I could say my life has gone to the dogs, but let's face it... it's been that way for almost 17 great years.

My blog started out as Gracie Owns Me, then several years ago I changed it to Growing Old with Gracie and now - well, if I were to rename it now it would probably be Losing Gracie.  

My heart breaks to see her lost in our yard, under a chair, or in a corner.  She tends to pull to the left, the same side as her head-tilt, causing her to run into walls and miss doorway entrances.  

I've piled soft rugs and blankets on even the smallest step landing, to make her walk from the house to outside easier.  Sometimes she'll fall, but it's a soft landing now.  

We'll put her in the car and take her to the towpath for mini-walks until she looks worn out.  She loves her walks, still.  Even if they are only half of what they used to be.  When I heard of the hurricane rains coming our way, I hurriedly purchased a doggie umbrella from Amazon. It came that morning, just in time.

Our lives are dedicated to making her last days as comfortable as possible.

She used to love to go out front and bark at passersby.  Now when I tie her there, she looks bewildered.  Like, where am I and what am I doing here?

She still has her favorite spots to sleep, though sometimes it's hard for her to find them.  

Our entire house is Old-Girl-Gracie-ized.  We have ramps and rugs, pillows, and barriers.  Every time I see a problem, I try to fix it to make it easier on her.  I love when I catch her in a sweet sleep.  I know then, she is not worried or suffering or in pain.  I love when she climbs the ramp at night to join us on the bed, and when she settles there.  Her going down the ramp gives me worry - as she bounces to the left and onto the sides of the ramp, finally making it to the floor.  

She doesn't do well in the car for long drives.  We took her to camp one last time, then we sold the camper and discontinued our contract with the campsite.  When it was time to leave, she refused.  

No.  I'm not going.  I will not go.  I love camp.  You can't make me.

When she is gone, I cannot imagine being there without her.  She has loved it so much!  It would be too painful.  

I've been talking to her a lot.  About how she will probably be leaving us soon, I tell her we'll be okay.  But she will be better than okay.  And that she should watch for us one day to be with her.  Do I think dogs go to heaven?  Absolutely.  I found this on daily scriptures on the Internet: 

And because I love God, I know He will one day bring me and my girl back together again.  

He will bring all of us back together again, all of us who love Him.  

In the meantime, I will take the best care of my girl that I can.  And I will watch closely for her to tell me when she's had enough of this life.  

Shhhh...  I'm trying to catch a nap, can ya keep it down?

A Day in The Life of a Senior Dog Mom

At 10 PM I begin the night shift.  This job requires, and/or is not limited to:  letting the dog out, bringing the dog in, watching that the dog is safe and does not wander into a corner and become lost, taking the dog out, bringing the dog back inside, moving my legs out of the way so the dog can sleep there when she wants to, cleaning up poop (in case I'm not pawed awake and she has no choice), cleaning up pee (same), taking the dog out, bringing the dog in, searching for the dog in the middle of the night to make sure I did not leave her out and fall asleep (haven't yet), making sure she does not fall off the bed, googling her issue of the day while trying to stay awake until I hear her bark to come back inside, cleaning up vomit, taking the dog out, bringing the dog in, etc. etc. etc. 

At 9:00 AM.  After coffee, God-time, and breakfast, I finish up my shift.  Kinda.  It takes 3 to 4 bags, and around the pool, I go looking for her night-time poops.  I examine them to make sure they are healthy-looking.  Then I dispose of them.  If worms are found, It's off to the vet we go for medications.  If her stool is funky-looking, I purpose to clean up her diet. 

Monday through Friday, 9 AM to 5PM, my job is not finished.  I need to monitor the dog.  If her eyes look weird and her head is tilted, it's time for another vet visit.  Note:  AC in the car does not stay cold after sitting for 2 1/2 hours in the hot sun.  (Covid restricts us from going inside)  So we wait.  Outside.  In the heat of the day.  When the AC wanes, it is my job to get the dog out of the car and take her to the nearby shade of a tree and don't forget the water.  Not for me, for her.  She needs to stay hydrated.  It's my job.  Oh, and I mustn't forget my debit card.  This one will be a whopper of an invoice.  It was.

Update:  After injections for some type of inner ear thing again, Gracie is doing much better.  She's hearing and seeing better, and her weird eyes look normal now.  She still needs her multiple outside visits from dusk till dawn, but, at least she can somewhat see me waving the flashlight for her to come in the right door.  

Today is a good day for her.  We never know though, what tomorrow may bring.  

#LoveMyDog

Appalled!

* My latest blog entry can be found HERE

Dear Diary.  

SHARING  

And absolutely appalled!  Gracie.

Facebook Post

Sharing my Facebook post for today:

"Wait! That's my dog!" That is what I wanted to say to the girl who stood 6ft. in front of me, paid the groomer through the window, then claimed the dog that was brought out to her. She and "Gracie" quickly bounced to her SUV which was parked at the curb just yards away. "Gracie" was wearing a green bandana and she glanced back at me and smiled. I looked at the Strawberry Dog girl behind the glass, then I looked at the lady who was stealing my dog while she hurriedly hoisted my dog up into her vehicle. Meanwhile, Gary gets out of our car, ready to rumble, for he saw the dog thief as well, trying to make off with our dog. After a brief conversation with Gracie's kidnapper, we came to find out this was just Gracie's 8 yr. old doppelganger.

Gracie

girl, you are looking good at 16 if an 8-year old can pass for you. Whew! We got our dog, by the way... they brought her out about 5 minutes later... and she smells good.

Before

After

Yawn

 Dear Diary,

Today I'm tired.  Was I tired yesterday, you ask?  You bet I was!  But today is special.  Because....

Wait for it....

I'm Re-Tired!!!

BOL  

Yawn.

*snore*

Gracie.

God and Dog

 The reason I chose to write an allegorical fiction Christian book (THE HOUSE) is this:

I know God.  I love God.  But I do not understand this love that I have for my dog.  After all, she's just a dog, right?  I prayed, God - what is the significance of this animal that has stolen my heart so completely? Why do I live my life loving her so and depending on her love to enhance each of my days?  She's just a dog!  

That's when God gave me THE HOUSE.   

Before, I hadn't a clue about how my love for my beast tied in with Biblical scripture, and God's love for me. 

If you love God and you love pets, you'll love THE HOUSE.

"She can't live without me....  BOL"

Not Buying It

 Each morning, Gracie looks forward to her walk to my office with me to get her morning fortune cookie.  It is a tradition I started a couple years back, and now she expects it.  Daddy has been sneaking her extra's throughout the day *gasp*  yea, I know, right? How can I know that this has been happening?  The paper fortune left behind on the floor gives it away.  

Gracie says, "Why do they put paper in cookies?  I don't get it!"

Meanwhile, Bug puts on his fake smile in order to confuse onlookers.  "Yea, I love winter and snow," says he.  

 I'm not buying it.

2020 Highlights

 RE: Was the story of the lost eBay package true, you ask?  Well... yea,  kinda sorta.  All except for the diary part.  The package is still MIA, so I'm sure I will be refunding the buyer eventually.  I have refunded a lot of buyers for this reason.  I'm shipping Fed Ex 2 Day now, and things are going much better.  

So 2020 turned out to be the year for permanently closing my office, hence the eBay selling of office inventory and such.  All About Hearing almost made it 10 years!!  

And now, I get to write!

 July 1 my first fiction book was published on Amazon!  I had so much fun creating the characters and writing THE HOUSE.  A kind and talented narrator agreed to produce the book on audio for a royalty share, and it has just been released to go live.  So if anyone would be interested in a FREE promo code for a FREE listen on audible in exchange for an honest review, comment with your email and I will get it to you.  

If you love GOD and DOGS, you just may be interested!  

2020 Gracie Style

At first it was good.  Mom and Dad were home every. single. day. 

ALL DAY.  But then it started getting weird.  They began to get on my last nerve.

I could run, but I could not hide.

They made me nervous, with their pawing all over me all the time.  There was no rest for the weary. So, I thought I'd give them a little something to do instead of rest their weary bums on the sofa watching The Real McCoys.   

I became sick. 

From there it was back and forth and back and forth in the Genesis to find health care for me. 

We waited in the car for hours till a stranger came out and took me inside.  We repeated this ordeal day after day after day and I wondered, why?  Why can I no longer hear Mom and Dad?  Why do these strangers keep piercing me with needles?  Why does Mom try to force pills down my throat?  Why am I walking into walls?  Why am I confused?  Why is my head... like...  sideways? I'm hideous!!!   And why does everything sound like nothing?  Quiet.  

Back and forth we went in the Genesis to wait for the people to come out and take me inside to torture me more. Everyone wore covers over their snouts.  They put a bunch of icky stuff in my ears that made it even worse.  I was dizzy and confused and sick and hopeless.   Months passed, and they kept taking me back to get tortured over and over and over again. This place, that place, back here, now there.  Why?!

After what Mom called the second ear packing, I started to feel a little better and could even hear her complaints talk of how much she loved me.  But Mom was freaking out when I began having uncontrolled jerking of my legs and body.  Coming off the prednisone, she 'hoped'.  Next day I was okay.  

Okay 2020, I beat ya!  I'm better! 

But then the falling off the bed and tearing my claw off episode.  Ya.  Couldn't hide.  All they had to do was follow the bloody paw print.  Here's how the scene went:

Mom:  She's hurt!  Oh my gosh, she's hurt.  The blood!!!!

Dad:  The carpet!  This has to be cleaned up!  The carpet will be ruined!

Mom:  My poor baby (sob, sob)

Dad:  (grabs some carpet cleaner and is down on his hands and knees) Don't let her walk!

Mom:  I can't help it.  She's hurt!  (applys paper towels around my injured foot, but the blood just keeps on a commin') All this blood! 

I tried to lick the blood away from my paw.  Bloody paw prints followed me throughout the house, outside and then back in again. All the while, Dad freaking out about the carpet.   Blood was everywhere.

All I wanted to do was make it better.  So I licked and I bit and I licked and gnawed and...

Well...

This scene was not a pleasant one either.  

Mom started tossing my pee pads all over the living room floor to shut Dad up so I could walk without leaving bloody paw prints everywhere.  Oh, and BTW, Dad did a good job of cleaning up the mess.  

The only evidence left behind of the horrid event is a lone claw.

    

I feel violated.