Nice Cats (1995)

Lately I've been delving into the fascinating and awful world of Mockbuster animation. Extremely low budget rip-offs of Disney, Pixar and Dreamworks films. When it comes to trash cinema, something about this stuff seems sleazier than exploitation. Taking advantage of the ignorance of kids and the ambivalence of parents. The first example I decided to explore is this extremely crude mock-up of The Aristocats awkwardly titled "Nice Cats" ('Artige Katzen' in German).

Mrs. Mcdonald is taking her three cats on vacation to Acapulco. Lauren, the mother cat and her two kittens Lucy and Lionel. It's worth noting that it's they live in San Francisco, I did the math and it's 2,400 miles. That's quite the road trip. By the end of a generic incidental casio jingle, they're in Acapulco and immediately Lucy is getting the itch to wander. Mrs. Mcdonald warns all the cats that there's talk of a cat catcher on the prowl so to stay near the estate. Lucy runs off anyway and gets herself catnapped.

"Bunny Fashion"

"I Love Cats"

In cat jail she meets a stray named Charlie, they work together to plan an escape. Lucy plays dead to distract the cat catcher long enough to bite his bunghole.

By the time they get back to the estate Mrs. Mcdonald has taken the two cats and gone back to San Francisco, an ass move if I ever saw one. So now they have to travel all 2,400 miles on foot, Encountering different animals and humans along the way who help.

The plot is inconsequential. From the onset of the first frame you know that you're in for something truly horrific. One of the strangest companies to piggy back the success of Disney, the German based "Dingo Pictures" is responsible for other atrocities such as 'The Dalmations'  (101 Dalmations), 'Toys' (Toy Story), 'Countryside Bears' (Winnie the Pooh), and the one I'm the most excited to see 'Dinosaur Adventure' (The Land Before Time). Run by a husband and wife team, Ludwig Ickert and Simone Greiss, and I suspect not a single other employee. The backgrounds look like they were hand drawn by elementary schoolers and the characters themselves appear to have been TRACED from the source material. All three cats from "Nice Cats" have the same outline as Duchess from The Aristocats. The animation style reminds me of something between outdated 70's x-rated cartoons and that creepypasta 'Suicide Mouse'. From the limited images I've seen, it appears that all of their films have the same unfinished dullness. If the animation and copyright infringement wasn't enough, the dialog is amateurishly storybook style; with a woman narrating for every character. She has no accent but the grammar and sentax tells me that this was poorly translated from another language. With sentences like "Breathing was difficult for many people because the air was stuffy" - in regards to living in the city, or when the catcher caught a cat saying "That was a successful cat!". My favorite line however is when Lucy announces "I can't find my damn hairbrush!" - apparently Dingo is notorious for sprinkling curse words into their films.

A few other things I appreciated about 'Nice Cats'...

the entire movie is poorly hand drawn up until the end when they board an 8 bit boat. Suddenly we're in a video game.

The placement of the characters over the background went beyond not giving a shit. Charlie is floating in the middle of the frame like some experimental Jean-Christophe Averty shit.

Cameo by fake Thumper.

The saddest pizza I've ever seen. This isn't even Crayola, this is Roseart half way through the school year.

This racially confused Italian restaurant with a pizza being flipped like a pancake and a miniature china-man wearing a coolie and holding two sticks in front of a closed pot. This may be one of the most confusing moments in film history. I am literally stunned.


With my own "nice cat" Egbert recovering from oral surgery, this seemed like as good a time as any to participate in this bewilderment. Egbert has the luxury of pain killers why I painfully endured in sobriety. 'Nice Cats' and "Dingo Pictures" in general  is a personal journey you must decided if you want to take. God help you if you're as masochistic as me.

Holiday Horrible-thon Part 1: All Dogs Go To Christmas

Holy crap, where to begin. In past holiday marathons I usually curate a few handfuls of killer Santa movies, with some cheesy made for tv specials and with any luck, some K. Gordon Murray magic. As you may recall, last year's marathon was para-titled "14 movies in 3 days", which isn't nothing. This year I started early due to some unexpected time off. I decided to divide my time between cross stitching and shitty movie watching. The two just go hand in hand. Generally, I start Christmas Eve, If we have company I throw on whichever looks to have the most crowd appeal. Christmas Day is ALWAYS a day of rest. We stay in and watch as many Christmas movies as possible while enjoying our gifts and leftovers, and then the day after Christmas I cap the marathon. I could go up to the new year, but I usually am all holiday'd out by the 26th. Plus I need some Vitamin D and food that is not ham or candy. This year I reached new depths of Holiday insanity. Between my early-December craft sessions and my usual three day marathon I watched a shocking 40 Christmas movies. FORTY. That's not a round number for the month, I haven't made that calculation yet. A record breaking forty-fucking-Christmas movies starring people like Tori Spelling and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. No wonder I'm exhausted. My usual countdown seemed too overwhelming for this number, especially since some were pretty forgettable. Since my hands were basically in constant brainless motion, I decided to pick films that were similarly constantly in brainless motion. What came to pass was an endless loop of Christmas dog movies. How many could there be, you might wonder? An INCALCULABLE amount. Or at least like, 75.

How many did I watch?: 6 , and 1 cat movie. I wish I could flip that ratio but I think it's safe to say that people who love Christmas, hate cats, Because cats or cat owners are the villains in nost of these movies.

So OK, let's do an official Atomic Caravan Holiday Dog Movie Count Down...



6. Adventures of Bailey: A Christmas Hero (2012)

None of these movies are "good", but nothing made me a cringe like the Adventures of Bailey. For starters, I can assure you he is NOT a Christmas Hero, in fact, he basically ruined Christmas for everyone. There's a borderline racist plot involving Native Americans and whether or not they celebrate Christmas. Bailey runs off to see the Indian Medicine man, gets himself and his brother lost, his brother almost DIES from eating poisoned berries. When the medicine man finds and saves his brother, they learn that Native Americans can speak to dogs so they have a conversation about the meaning of Christmas. The kid in this movie has no charisma at all and comes off as a total brat. The film spends a lot of time talking about about how they have to find Bailey and Duke, while not actually doing anything at all. Also, I might have missed something but when the parents drop the kid off at their Quarter-Cherokee Grandpa's house for the weekend, it's not clear to me why the other kids didn't go since they have three children. WHO'S WATCHING THE CHILDREN? Could they just not afford to pay all three kids for that day? This is the kind of movie I would have found lame at any age. No attempt at being entertaining or appealing to kids, just awkward sentimental bullshit. It's insulting.



5. The 12 Dogs of Christmas (2005)

Slightly less nauseating because there seemed to be some actual effort put into the production design, wardrobe and casting. The story is again, totally lame and un-fun, but everything comes together like a real movie at least. They're not totally taking us for a ride. Set in the 1930's, a girl is sent to her estranged Aunt's when her Dad can no longer afford to keep her. Her Aunt lives in a town that hates dogs, There's apparently an old law that says no dogs allowed, she and some other dog lovers save all the dogs, etc, etc. This was the only Christmas animal movie I saw where the dogs didn't speak. They tried to play this one straight, a little too straight for my taste. This was the boring dog movie of the marathon. At least I hated Bailey. I hated it enough to have an engaging roast in my head while watching it. The tone here is just too serious. The one thing it had going for it was a VARIETY of dogs. Is that really a reason to watch a movie?




4. Santa Paws 2: The Santa Pups (2012)

There's an inexplicable allure to the many straight-to-video entries in the Air Bud franchise. I don't exactly know how it's come this far. Was Air Bud even good to begin with? I can't remember. It must be like the Witchcraft series. The first wasn't good but it was probably a little better than expected so they signed off on 4,000 sequels. This one stars Mrs. Claus, played by Cheryl Ladd, who's more of a Mary Poppins kind of character than any Mrs. Claus I've ever seen. She goes to a town filled with Christmas spirit to try and find a new um, human representative or something? She doesn't realize she's harboring the Santa Puppies and that they've stolen the head elf's (Mickey from Seinfeld) magic crystal which grants wishes. When a kid passively wishes everyone's Christmas spirit would go away, and it does, all the dumb Christmas movie shit starts happening. Gotta save Christmas, so on and so forth. This one was easier to digest than the previous two, that certainly doesn't make it a good movie. Mediocre, at best. The little girl sings "Oh Holy Night" and got that shit stuck in my head HARD. The weirdest, and most notable visual was Santa's bizarre hair piece...

3. The Search for Santa Paws (2010)

I Thought this was the first one, though apparently Santa Buddies is, and I didn't get around to that one. So, supposing I didn't miss anything, which I doubt, Santa Paws was surprisingly, mildly enjoyable. It suffers from all of the same problems that a talking dog Christmas movie WOULD, but it caught me off guard with it's ambitious fantasy element. The magic icicle, crystals and lots of good screen cap moments. The sentiments are still relatively worthless but for a puff piece, it's really not so bad. I found it relaxing to craft by.

2. Beethoven's Christmas Adventure (2011)

Now we're backsliding from mediocre to so-bad-it's-good. Nothing's ever really "good" when you're dealing with this stuff. Honestly, this one got me conceptually. Beethoven is another weird animal Franchise I would have never expected to spawn so many sequels. We all know that Charles Grodin made the first two movies good (And ALL movies with Charles Grodin, right?). I always felt they had sort of a Jon and Garfield type of relationship, and it works. Boy does it work. But without Charles Grodin, these movies aren't cute. Who are these people who now inhabit Beethoven's life? What happened to Charles Grodin? Excuse me, George Newton? Do I want to know? Not really. But what you all must know about the course Beethoven's life took is that he now talks and his voice is TOM ARNOLD. What I find really disturbing about this casting choice is that history has now been re-written. He was Tom Arnold all along. I feel betrayed.




1. Hercules Saves Christmas (2011)

If there's one talking dog Christmas movie you see, let it be Hercules Saves Christmas. It's just full of weird. There is SO much wrong with this movie that it completely implodes on itself with Wiseauian precision. Let's start with the casting: The "kid" is not a kid at all, he's basically an adult. He could probably buy cigarettes and vote. The man who it is implied will become his adoptive father is in my opinion, too YOUNG. He looks mid-thirties at the latest. There's also something off about the cast of elves, extremely unprofessional and bordering dwarfsploitation. I also thought that a pit bull was a strange choice for a kids movie lead dog. I like pit bulls as much as the next guy, or any docile canine that isn't trying to rip my face off. From a practical stand point, they kind of have a reputation and also they just don't have the same visual cuddly appeal that a Golden Retriever or St. Bernard has. After a bit of research I found out that the creator of the animal planet show "Pit Boss" is responsible for this mess. It all made sense after that. It's essentially a vanity project in the form of a talking dog Christmas movie. Who could ask for more? Hercules is Shorty's real life pit bull, which explains the lack of um, star power? He also does the voice for Hercules AND plays the priest at the orphanage. I also have a better understanding of why the elf population is so erratic. They're dog wranglers, not actors. In addition to the cast being totally bizarre, the general tone of this film is so off. Long stretches with no music, weird editing choices, parody level green screen fantasy sequences and a villain that is painted up like a Juggalo. At one point during a particular awkward piece of dialog, I was reminded of the infamous so-bad-it's-good masterpiece "Ben and Arthur", if that gives you any idea what level this reaches. This is one of the most entertaining movies I've seen all month and I wouldn't have discovered if I hadn't committed so much time to New Dogsmas. So in the end, it was all worth it. I've found a new garbage fart to add to the hall of fame.  A classic to revisit, time and time again. It's a Christmas miracle.



*BONUS ROUND....


Santa Claws (2014)

I watched a very different kind of Christmas movie called Santa Claws last year. Paralleled only by season and probably budget. This one was put out by Asylum, so you know the drill. It has a Christmas story arch that really gets on my nerves. The whole; not believing in Santa in a world where Santa really exists. This is VERY perplexing. If he exists then isn't it kind of irrefutable? I mean, gifts show up for children. Wouldn't it be like this insane phenomenon? So in Santa Claws, a girl actually sees him turn to gold dust and tornado himself up her chimney but then grows into a woman who doesn't believe in Santa. And in turn won't let her kid celebrate Christmas. Not even a tree, not even a present. So RUDE, almost abusive. The kittens save Christmas, and make her a believer again. That's all I got. While I appreciate that someone said "HEY, enough with the Dog movies, can we get like ONE Christmas Cat movie?". Here it is. Take it or leave it.


In Part 2 I'll give a more general breakdown of some of the highs and lows in the non-dog related Holiday Horrible-Thon. Bye for now!

Alice in Wonderland (1970)

Few stories have been told as many times with as many variations as Alice in Wonderland. Seeking out the film versions was more relevant to me in my post-adolescence. In the early part of my womanhood movies like Svankmajer's Alice and Valerie and Her Week of Wonders helped me find definition. Not only were they taste defining but in many ways character defining. I know I'm not the only person to take something away from any given translation of the tale.

It would seem that at some point in my movie-watching career I reached an unconscious decision not to actively seek out this once a desirable fairy tale. This may have had something to do with the Tim Burton film or it may have already been in the works, whatever the case may have been somewhere along the line without knowing I lost interest and felt another film version would likely not offer me anything new.  My attention went to new and interesting fairy tales from other parts of the world.

A few years ago I came across Ubu Roi, a bizarre French made for TV version of Alfred Jarry's play. The sardonic political satire was oozing with style and became one of the most visually interesting films I saw that year. Click here for that review. While Jarry provided the source material, director Jean-Christophe Averty made it his own. His was a style that reminded me of all the things I love. Elements of films I've obsessed over since I started obsessing over films. Something I'm always hoping to find, but rarely do. I stumbled upon this version of Alice in Wonderland while researching experimental French films. I possibly wouldn't have stopped to consider it if I hadn't immediately noticed Averty's name attached. I immediately knew it was going to be something special.

There are no subtitles so it's good that I'm already quite familiar with the story. It doesn't appear to stray and in fact at 2 hours long, it seemed to devote itself pretty sincerely to the book. I was very pleased to see a similar paper cut-up style that was present in Ubu Roi, but starkly contrasted to the monochromatic black and white. Alice is pulsating with a psychedelic handmade looking technicolor. A mixture of live action, animation and puppetry, it's a rainbow colored pinwheel that's spinning out of control. The quality wasn't spectacular, a third or fourth generation vhs rendering of what was already a made for TV film. Strangely, this added an expressionistic effect that's perfectly fitting. With such a strange no-holds-barred color palette and the film being slightly out of focus it seemed even more like an abstract art project. You get a strong sense of how Nightmarish Wonderland is through Jean-Christophe Averty's kaleidoscopic lens. Made the same year he did 'Soft Self-Portrait of Salvador Dali', I sense that his inspiration was pure and with budding technology he didn't appear to be fine tuning his method but let go a bit and express himself liberally. There's a lack of restraint that's thoroughly exciting if you're an aesthetic junkie such as myself. And really, with a story we all know so well extreme creative liberties are necessary to make it less redundant.

It's so refreshing to see films that not only still excite and inspire me but are able to help me reconnect with girlhood and re-examine the films that brought me to the place I am today. Averty's Wonderland might not be the greatest version out there but it's not to be dismissed. Like a bizarre puppet show saturated in a motley prism, there's something not quite right about it, but the end result is something that feels textured and adventurous. There may have never been a more Atomic Caravan-looking film as this. You can bet this won't be the last you read about Jean-Christphe Averty on this blog.

Holiday Horrible-Thon - 14 Movies in 3 Days

 

These past few years I've been taking my Christmas marathon more seriously. Where as I would have normally tried to catch Jack Frost or Black Christmas, in recent years it's been more of an event. Last year I didn't blog but still watched. It's becoming a more solid tradition to engage heavily in Holiday horror and seasonal schlocks. Not just a little but to excess. Work kept me extremely busy this month so I didn't even have a chance to sit down to a movie of any kind for two weeks leading up to Christmas. Because of general exhaustion and getting a late start, it was a very low key Holiday. I committed to taking it easy and getting into some festive atrocities. Here's everything I watched on my three day bender ranked from worst to "best".


14. Yule Die (2010)

I've seen a lot of shitty killer Santa movies in my day but none so uninspired as "Yule Die". Not surprisingly it takes cues from Silent Night Deadly Night, and every other Christmas horror movie of this ilk. On top of being completely unoriginal, the acting is beyond dreadful. Clearly civilians reading lines for their friend's movie. The zero budget would be forgivable if there was some kind of pay-off or charm but it truly leaves you feeling cold. On her Lettboxd review Hollie Horror said she couldn't immediately tell whether or not they filmed this with a cell phone. A sincere question all viewers might find themselves asking. I cannot say enough bad things about it. It's the kind of terrible movie that makes you feel angry for having endured it. The kind that sets the bar so low for every other movie, nothing so horrendous could even sink to it's level.


13. Two Front Teeth (2006)

What can I say? It isn't good. But it's NOT Yule Die. The acting is bad but at least they're trying. They're trying REALLY hard. The overacting from the leading lady often had me cringing. The story was all over the place and actually quite ambitious. Killer elves, killer tooth fairy, killer nuns, killer rogue easter bunny. Lots of killer-things. The use of color was nice. The biggest problem was the forced dialogue. It tries to be too quipy and on-the-nose like say, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It doesn't succeed. Again, I didn't particular like it but after Yule Die, every film has a silver lining.



12. A Very Brady Christmas (1988)

I've been on a Brady kick lately. It happens every once in a while. I've been watching part of an episode before going to sleep. It's such ignorable popcorn, almost white noise. I've seen this before but it had been years. I hardly remembered a thing. Seemed like as good of a time as any to revisit it. It's possibly more square than the original series. Something about the Brady's in the eighties just doesn't feel kosher. All that teased hair and white furniture. It's odd. I'm still weirdly comforted by all of these characters. I know what to expect. They're all just a bunch of dependable old squares.



11. the Monster's Christmas (1981)

I was honestly surprised I didn't enjoy this more. Based on pictures I'd seen it looked like some kind of John Waters/Richard Elfman offspring. The creatures are neat and the witch's wardrobe kind of rules. Despite all of these things working in it's favor, it's utterly un-fun. Something like this should be brimming with quirky quirks. It's not. It falls extremely flat. The story meanders and completely failed to capture me. Oh well...




10. Santa Claws (1996)

I honestly expected this to be much worse. Again, and I'm seeing a trend here, it isn't good. But I found it tolerable. Debbie Rochon helped A LOT. I like her, she always brings something to the otherwise not-outstanding movies she appears in. She's smart, and it shows. I met her once, she was very sweet and classy. Written and Directed by Night of the Living Dead alumni John A. Russo. This movie has a horrible reputation for being in the gallows of shit Christmas horror, and aptly so. But hear this, any misgivings toward Santa Claws were formed many years before Yule Die was made and is therefore void of all meaning.




9. Kazuo Umezu's Horror Theater: Present (2005)

The one I thought would be the shining star of killer Santa movies this year. Also, my first experience with Kazuo Umezu's Horror Theater. I've read mixed but mostly unfavorable things about the whole series so I had certain reservations. This particular Christmas entry however, I was convinced would be great. Japanese Christmas movies are rare I figured by simply being NOT-Western, it would be interesting. It more or less followed the same cues as American killer Santa movies, leaving very little to celebrate. Mostly cheap, a little slow in spots (despite only being 50 minutes), and slightly confusing - it's never really made clear why the characters are seeing different killers. But still relatively engaging, at least enough to watch without resentment. I won't praise it from the rooftops but I won't send it to the clink with Yule Die.




8. Ski Party (1965)

Not really Christmas but there's snow and a snowMAN even, so whatever. Another Frankie Avalon/Annette Funicello (though she's only in it for one scene) beach party vehicle. only it's a SKI PARTY, etc. Exactly what you can expect from literally every single one of these. They are fun and frivolous. This one does have a leg up for having a different setting, though there are inexplicably girls in bikinis IN THE SNOW. Some great musical moments from Leslie Gore and James Brown. Really fun and probably deserves to be higher on the list but I judged it harshly for being not-super-Holiday-ish. I'm very particular about watching seasonal stuff IN season. I will not watch anything else on this list (with the exception of Shake, Rattle and Roll perhaps) in any month other than December. Ski Party, I could watch whenever.




7. Saint (2010)

This one surprised me! It was recommended to me for enjoying Rare Exports. I knew of course, that nothing could or will ever top Rare Exports. It's totally wonderful and unique, but as you can see, I'm running out of options here! All suggestions must be explored. I had pretty much decided in all of my Scroogey Curmudgeon-ness that Saint would Suck. It didn't. It was far from Christmas perfection but I found it quite enjoyable and with a flavor I'm totally not used to. While it's nothing like Rare Exports, I've realized that my enjoyment of these films is rooted in the idea that Santa being an actual monster or killer is much more interesting than a guy in a Santa suit killing people. Especially when it's the European folklore style Saint Nick/Krampus/Belsnickel. Which I don't think has been explored enough despite being infinitely more interesting. Anyway, this movie is very flawed but the foundation is great. It has some amazing moments and a few that even made me jump.





6.Silent Night Deadly Night 4: Initiation (1990)

So, what the's deal with everyone hating this movie? Not just this one but the last three Silent Night Deadly Nights - I'll get to the 5th in a few paragraphs. I LOVED the 3rd. I thought it was totally idiosyncratic and dreamlike. I could maybe understand why these sequels would be reviled if the first, and second were stellar cinematic achievements but they're all essentially b-movies. The bar was not set by a'one of these films. That being said, this one which is probably the biggest misfit is about a coven of witches and is barely even a Christmas movie. I still say it has a lot working in it's favor. First, Brian Yuzna in the director's chair. Not his finest moment but not so far gone from what we love him for. The practical effects by Screaming Mad George aren't just addequate they are AMAZING. Totally disgusting and on par with Society. And lastly, CLINT HOWARD AND REGGIE BANISTER. I'm upset that this movie has been painted as some kind of wart on the Silent Night franchise. Sure, the script is weak and Neith Hunter's acting range isn't dazzling - but it's weaknesses are counteracted by all of the aforementioned strengths. You know what else? It's not Yule Die.



5. Shake Rattle & Roll (1984)

In the Philippines it's tradition to watch this (or it's brethren) on Christmas day. This has nothing to do with a content. The Metro Manila Film Festival starts on December 25th every year and with a whopping 14 sequels, this popular campy horror anthology series usually makes the bill. I've been told by word of mouth that it is somewhat synonymous with Christmas for this reason despite having no thematic ties to the Holiday (until the 9th sequel). I've been trying to spice up my Holiday marquee by digging a little deeper and exploring seasonal cinema outside of all these shitty Santas. This seemed like a good opportunity to learn about another culture's customs while conveniently experiencing the most popular pinoy horror film ever made.

Like all anthologies, it's patchy. Perhaps patchier than I'm used to. The opening story is an overdrawn historical piece about a love triangle and curse. It's not scary, or even very interesting for that matter. The second story, slightly better, was about a haunted refrigerator. While this sounds right up my alley, it took itself surprisingly serious which is uncalled for in a killer appliance story. There were also some weird sexual overtones that were far from sexy and left me with malaise of "ick", though that makes it sounds much more salacious than it is.

Finally there's the last segment, "Manananggal". Towering above the others, this one is about an "Aswang", or flying torso blood-sucking witch-type-thing, that's terrorizing some boys in a small village. This creature is akin the Leyak/Penanggalan flying headed with intestines hanging down that you've seen in Mystics in Bali, Witch with the Flying Head and Ghost of Guts Eater. This version's torso literally rips from her lower half and she sprouts giant bat wings, but the sentiment is the same. The penanggalan is possibly my all time favorite monster so I was won over immediately. The general flavor of this whole segment had those same qualities. The other two feel like filler, but the last part is a must see. I've heard that the 90's entries are even better. I could definitely see this becoming an unconventional Christmas trend for me.

4. The Magic Christmas Tree (1964)

Watching some kind of kitschy 60's kiddie matinee Christmas feature is a must. The obvious and traditional options are Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and Rene Cardona's Santa Claus. As all of my favorites, I re-visit those every few years, but I know there's more out there. Magic Christmas Tree entered my radar last year but I wasn't able to locate it in time. It's extra fun because it starts on Halloween and takes you all the way to Christmas, which really when you think about it is one big blur anyway. Some laughable dialogue and scenarios make it super enjoyable. Seems to exist in the same universe as something like Jimmy the Boy Wonder. Off-kiltered little gem. Totally worth working into the Holiday roster. Highly recommended.

3. Christmas with Dennis (1988)

Seriously dorky straight-to-video tape of organ player Dennis Awe. It's more of a special than a movie but with his sequined jacket, interactive rainbow puppets and ultra-kitsch personality there's really no reason to ever go a Christmas without popping this on. I'm adding it to my Things-to-show-at-Christmas-Parties list. The highest honor of shitty Christmas-dom!

2. Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (1991)

I know I already vented a little bit about how I've been dissuaded from seeing these last few SNDN films, so forgive me as I go on. THIS one was shockingly entertaining. While admitedly part 4 was more balanced between good and bad, I felt completely and utterly won over by the Toy Maker. For starters, it's about Mickey Rooney making toys that kill children. Jesus Christ, people. What more could you ask for? Let's go a step further and add that again we have Screaming Mad George, Clint Howard and Brian Yuzna (producing, but still present). The entire movie had me endlessly delighted but the finale with Pino was almost more than I could bear. I've become instantly obsessed with this character and story arc. Brian Bremer's portrayal of this sexually twisted Pinocchio usurps the seminal Pin in his brief, maybe 15 minutes total of screen time. I can't even remember the film's flaws because I'm so enamored with him. Do I dare say it? Yes, this is my favorite Silent Night Deadly Night. But you know what? The whole series rules. Watch Yule Die, then any one of these and tell me otherwise. 

1. Feeders 2: Slay Bells (1998)

The Polonia brothers entered my life this year. I saw Splatter Farm for the first time in October. In fact, I had planned a big review, I watched it TWICE, once with commentary and even took screenshots but wasn't able to find the time to write the lengthy review I had planned before falling into a work-spiral. So let's just say for now, the official Atomic Caravan Splatter Farm review is TBA. I will say that it was pretty much love at first sight with these guys. I adore their approach, sense of humor and style. I knew that for the Holidays I absolutly had to make the Feeders films a priority. I watched them back to back, thinking that the first was also holiday themed I spotted a "Seasons Greetings" sign in one scene but that wasn't really enough. It was good. Not as good as Splatter Farm but fun for sure. Part 2 on the other hand, was exactly what the doctor ordered.

Starring one of the two twin brothers, Mark Polonia. He plays a disgruntled insurance clerk who struggles to make ends meet for his family, barely able to give them some kind of Christmas. One night he witnesses a UFO landing. The Feeders have arrived, looking even more feeble and useless than they did first time around. We're treated to that awe-inspiring Polonia dialogue that makes these movies a treat, a Santa Claus that conquers the Feeders and then this fantastically breathtaking scene....

The greatest movie boss in history. 

That about wraps it up for this year. I'm ready to squeeze in a few more good movies before committing to my Top 50 of 2014. I normally do 25 but I watched A LOT this year. Over 500 movies if you include shorts. I promise to at least link my list if I can't muster up the energy for a formal 50 review post, which is will likely be the case. See ya next year my little reindeer farts!