The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

My previous experience with the Slumber Party Massacre series can be summed up in this brief timeline...

-2001: I discover Slumber Party Massacre 2 at a Flea Market. It's described to me as "A real Diarrhea flick" by the redneck who sold it to me. I disregard it as being a sequel and watch it first. LIFE CHANGING. I watch it at least a dozen times. It's all I watch that year.

-2002: ...still watching.

-2003: And I continue watching still, only now I have also become immersed in Troma. My taste is taking shape.

-2004/2005: Having done almost no research online I finally take an interest in seeing the the original. I wondered if it featured the same killer or was a musical. I watch The Slumber Party Massacre and am immediately put-off by the different tone, different killer and soundtrack I found completely uninteresting. To my 18 year old schlock obsessed brain, this was too serious and failed in entertaining me in the way I had come to expect. It's worth noting that I almost always have gravitated to the less-serious sequels in horror franchises. They speak to me.

-2006/2007: I stumble across a copy of Slumber Party Massacre 3. I know that I inserted the tape into the VCR, but all memory beyond that is null. Which probably means I experienced a similar disappointment and then fell asleep.

-2016: I recently picked up the DVD collection so I can re-visit the series with an open mind. Starting from square one, I put on the first. I warm up to it in the opening shot. Where Part 2 is all kinds of in-your-face weird, the original is also kind of strange but in a more subtle, read-between-the-lines kind of way. It really doesn't "feel" like any other slashers, not in the way that slashers notoriously mimic each other. For starters, you see the killer's face immediately. There is no mystery to the identity of Russ Thorn. I may not have understood this in my teens but as an adult, I admire the approach. He's just a man, and men are scary. Men kill women. It's very simple, and it works here.

Slashers had been around for a while, and there certainly wasn't anything ground breaking about teenagers in peril. What feels fresh to me about the Slumber Party Massacre films is a specific feeling I get from the Southern California landscape and how these teenagers exist in it. Filmed in Venice beach, Slumber Party Massacre opens with a shot of palm trees. Funereal synth music plays over the credits, and our (first) leading lady Trish dresses herself for school. The nudity in this film is especially cold and deliberate. Amy Holden Jones was clearly adding it out of obligation so these scenes are completely devoid of sexuality. Kind of a "just get it over with" approach. The sex is in the subtext.

The thing about this film and the sequels that's so remarkable to me is; yes, there's nudity, yes they're getting murdered with a phallus but I've always picked up on a strong sense of female unity. I love the way Amy Holden Jones films these girls and shows them interacting with each other. It's very clearly the mark of a female, and likely feminist filmmaker. The idea that strong female personalities can't exist in exploitation films is a misguided opinion that has always frustrated me. The friendships in the first film seem especially real. What drew me to these as a teenager is that I had dreams of idyllic slumber parties with my girlfriends. I wanted the pizza, the popcorn and the glowing TV lighting our coven. In a way I've modeled my lifestyle around this desire. All I really want is to watch horror movies with friends and eat food I shouldn't be eating and pretend it's 1982. Is that so much to ask?

Courtney, we will be seeing her again in a different incarnation.

I still have less to say about the original than it's handicapped siblings. It's very direct and I still find it mostly humorless despite claims that it was intended to be a horror comedy. It laid the foundation for what was to come, and for the ME that was going to blossom from the soot of a Panama City Flea Market because of spell that would soon be cast by a certain Drill-Guitar wielding Rockabilly Killer.

Stay tuned for my review of Slumber Party Massacre 2, and don't forget...

"I love you."

Vampire Brides (1994)

The last in my W.A.V.E triple feature. Vampire Brides follows a young woman named Christine whose just broken up with her boyfriend and needs a place to crash. Her Mom (In the film and in real life) won't let her stay there, which is really rude considering this leads to events causing her to become vampire bait. She stays with a friend and one night decides to go out by herself for a drink. She meets a guy and goes back to his apartment. They make out for a painfully long time before he reveals a mouth full of fake plastic vampire teeth. He's tempted to dine but has somehow already fallen in love with this girl he literally just met at a bar. He makes her leave because he can't bear to hurt her.

negative space/sov interiors are dreamy

A few hours later he changes his mind and sends his resident zombie to go fetch her. While in route the girl has prophetic dream where she's kidnapped by the zombie and he carries her to her vampire wedding. In the dream her Mom is there, standing side by side with the zombie. They wed and have a long softcore sex scene in front of the fire. Almost painfully long. We get it, they're doing it.

She wakes up and then the actual abduction occurs. He doesn't carry her down the aisle, but back to the apartment to be chained up. The vampire doesn't want to eat her, just keep as a trophy I guess. He sends zombie back out to fetch her roommate to eat. After this there are several sequences where the zombie brings women, they struggle, apartment vampire man turns them into vampiresses and they attack Christine. The zombie steps in, kills the vampiresses and then all juiced up, goes after Christine. Finally, Vampire Dreamboat decides to show up and punishes the zombie. Where were you five minutes ago, dude? This is repeated three times with different ladies, including her Mom.

 Awkward Death Pose

Strangely, I ended up seeing these three W.A.V.E. films in order from favorite to least. Not to say that Vampire Brides wasn't enjoyable, but the previous two were between 30 - 45 minutes, which is just right for these films. At an unnecessary 80 minutes, we were basically re-enacting very similar scenes like that Vampire Bride shuffle I just mentioned. The score had superb low-fi synth vibes and carried the movie along nicely. Vampire Brides is the earliest of the three, it was nice seeing W.A.V.E. in it's Genesis operating very much like a typical SOV horror movie of it's day. I suspect this pre-dates it's reputation as a fetish film company.

A few things worth noting...

I hadn't really been paying attention to actors names up until this point. The actor, Dave Castiglione, who plays the vampire in 1994 is also the possessed son in law in Blood Sacrifice eighteen years later in 2012. Nice to see a familiar face!

But really I think we all know who the real star of W.A.V.E. Productions. The most reliable mainstay of this fine New Jersey enterprise...

Gary Whitson's brown plaid couch.

Here it is in a different scene/different "location". Or the love seat companion? Either way, this paragon of upholstered treasure is a pièce de résistance!

Here it is again in Blood Sacrifice from 2012 but I have reason to believe this scene was filmed much earlier. That actor, also in Vampire Brides, is close to the same age here. I suspect abandoned footage from the 90's was recycled. It would make sense that the same couch would be present and accessible. I didn't notice it in Eaten Alive so I wondered if perhaps Gary retired his faithful prop/s. I was doing a bit of shopping on the website and noticed this...

One of his most recent films, Bikini Girl Maid Service from 2015, there it is in all it's shabby earthtone glory. You KNOW I will be reporting all future sightings!

That about covers my W.A.V.E. RAVE! Until of course I receive the movies I just ordered!! This has been an exciting week of discovery, again I encourage anyone whose enjoyed these past three reviews to check out their website.

Until next time!

Holiday Horrible-Thon Part 2: Deck My Balls/No Dawgz Allowed

I'm starting to deplete my once bountiful reservoir of horror related Christmas movies. This all stemmed from Jack Frost and Black Christmas becoming perennial regulars, a tradition echoed in many horror fans' routine.  But honestly, there are few movies I watch over and over again every year. I'm constantly searching for something new. Going through the belated-to-me Silent Night, Deadly Nights and discovering rare beauties like 3615 Code Pere Noel and Feeders 2 is what it's all about! This year was my first since doing these intense holiday marathons that I worried I was running out of ammo. My made-for-tv and non-horror garbage fart peccadilloes will aid me in this never-ending project. These are the most notable, including a few of the worst. There were certainly better Christmas movies than a few of these, but these are the ten I've chosen to discuss for the following reasons..,


10. Alien Sex Party (2003)

It's becoming a trend that the worst movie I see all year happens to be one of the wretched Christmas choices I make. This one looked pretty dumb but with a title like Alien Sex Party, Presented by MOBY no less, it could be fun?  There was of course a good chance it would completely suck, but I couldn't have foreseen the level of suck. The only thing I hate more than a self-fellating Kevin Smith movie, is a pretentious rip-off of a self-fellating Kevin Smith movie. Alien Sex Party is openly trying to be Clerks, in a porn shop. I'm not one to give Clerks any credit, but it obviously had some kind of impact because shit like this was made. The actor who plays 'Dante' even makes a cameo. Filled with nauseating forced dialog, attempting to sound "real". Describing sex acts to "shock" the audience. The whole thing was extremely painful and had my face contorted to a permanent cringe. I have no idea why Moby would have anything to do with something like this, which is of course why he later tried to distance himself from it. This wasn't only the worst Christmas movie I saw, it was the worst I saw in 2015. Thinking back to last year, it gives "Yule Die" a run for it's money too, making this the worst, most difficult movie I've endured in several years. Every minute felt like years were taken off my life. It's times like this I wonder why I force myself to watch bad movies anyway, movies like this make me re-think my whole philosophy on movie watching because I can't do this shit. Next time I'm met with such misfortune as a Clerks rip-off, I'm turning the goddamn tv off and going to bed forever.





9. Santa With Muscles (1996)

Anytime the catalyst for a plot is amnesia in a movie, you know you're in for a winner. Throw Hulk Hogan in a Santa hat in the mix and you've got yourself a cult classic. At some point in Hulk's career, he was an unstoppable force. Movies, tv, toys, he was everywhere. None of the movies he starred in make any sense and are watchable by normal standards but the sight of him makes it all forgivable. This came out on the latter end of his success. Christmas movies are the tell tale sign of dying (or dead) stardom. There are no surprises here, it's just a comfort. It's Hulk Hogan interacting with kids dressed as Santa, it's like a lullaby. That's my story and and I'm stickin' to it.





8. Tales from the Third Dimension (1984)

This Anthology horror film starts with two un-notable, non-seasonal segments. The final segment is about two kids who go to Grandma's house for Christmas while their parents go to Hawaii only to discover that Granny has run out of meds and is a nutjob. She, in various ways (comically) tries to hurt, kill or just scare the kids throughout their stay. On Christmas Eve she chases them around the house with chainsaw, in her wheelchair mind you. The segment ends with an expected and very satisfying conclusion. You could almost skip the first two segments completely and go straight to the seasonal favorite next Christmas!



7. Frostbiter: Wrath of the Wendigo (1995)

A long time ago I had a goal of seeing every movie in Troma's huge distribution catalog. I have seen a lot but now it's a more passive goal. Any time I have the chance to chip away at it a little I feel a real sense of satisfaction. Much like, Winterbeast, which I watched last year, Frostbiter isn't necessarily a Christmas movie. It's a snow monster movie, which I like to throw in the mix for seasonal posterity. Frostbiter is about a Wendigo monster (ancient Indian forest spirit beast, kinda Sasquachian) that terrorizes hunters and local forest folk. Low budge, but made with love. Nice practical effects, stop motion and lighting. Has some Things moments, and is clearly influenced by Evil Dead. Some pretty awful musical choices were made but it's forgivable. Would make a perfect double feature with the aforementioned Winterbeast. Nice and eazzzzy.



6. I'll Be Home For Christmas (1998)

I'm not gonna lie, I've missed JTT. I was the right age when he was being forced down every adolescent girl in America's throat. I may have even had a crush on him, who knows, I had a crush on everyone. Lion King and Home Improvement aside, his body of work was mediocre and with time and has only become less remarkable. This is not a slight towards JTT, his output was simply a product of the times and the age demographic. By the time "I'll Be Home For Christmas" came out I was beyond over movies starring former Tiger Beat heart throbs. Even at age twelve this kind of thing seemed incredibly square. Then you grow up and the things you rejects become appealing simply for being vaguely connected to your youth. I'm taking the long way in explaining why I picked "I'll Be Home For Christmas", but the truth is, like the dog movies, I don't really know why I settle for these things. It must be neurological. The shocking part about this one is that I kind of liked it. JTT is a student going to college in LA, his Dad bribes him with a porche if he can get home in New York by Christmas. Predictable road trip hi-jinks ensure, and he's stuck in a Santa suit. It is indeed a messy little cliche'd piece, but it's not without it's charm. There was an unexpected kitshiness that I relish. In one scene he's stuck with a bunch of Grannies on their way to see Tom Jones in Vegas.

"I'm JONESin' for TOM!" 

This is as "me" as any still from any JTT movie will ever be. It turns out director Arlene Sanford also directed 'A Very Brady Sequel'. Mystery solved, she rules.






5. A Mom For Christmas (1990)

It wouldn't be Christmas without a made-for-tv movie or two about some orphaned state of childhood. This was background fodder but ended up being one of the most enjoyable shit-shows of the season. Nice little festive Mannequin rip-off. Olivia's here being beautiful, ditzy and pretending to be Mom-like to this motherless girl. There's no chemistry between her and the Dermot Mulroney/Clu Gullagher love-child-clone-dad but it's all apart of the charm. Also, there are these weird soul-less mannequins. They represent a Mannequin hell or something, this could be Olivia's fate if this whole Christmas Mom thing doesn't work out...

4. Mr. St. Nick (2002)

Kelsey Grammar plays the spoiled son of Santa and it's almost time for him to take over the family business. But does he really want to give up his sweet bachelor life in Miami? This one is conceptually weird from the get-go. Frasier (we're just calling him Frasier for short, ok?) wants to start a website so he can ease into the role of Santa without disrupting his chilled out beach life. Why go through the physical process of Santa Clausing when he can just rely on the innernetz. Corrupt Hollywood types, immigration scares, and Frasier in a red suit and tie instead of a traditional Santa suit. It all comes together in a malady of Holiday awfulness. Basically only watch this if you're truly inspired by the site of Frasier on the beach, with palm trees, dressed as Santa. You could probably get the same satisfaction from staring at the box.

Oh yeah.

And also, mock turtle neck...



and also...

"...I'm listening"







3. Becoming Santa (2011)

Now let's get serious for a sec. It's been a long time, years, decades even, since I've been moved by a Christmas movie. This documentary on professional Santas is the first time I've "felt something" in this notoriously awful sub-genre. A man finds a picture of his recently deceased father dressed as Santa. Surprised and effected by the image, having no living relatives left, he decides to dedicate his life for the next month and a half to transforming into a professional Santa for a season. He bleaches his hair and beard, goes to Santa school, and has a beautiful red suit made just for him by a talented woman named Adele who owns the coolest costume shop in Hollywood (that I've been fortunate enough to work with!). He soon realizes that he has natural talent for it. He's charismatic and brings to life. The film interviews professional Santas from all walks of life and they all have this little something that's really benevolent and touching. If there's one straight forward Christmas movie I recommend, it's this one.



2. 

it's a TIE!

Everything is Terrible! Holiday Special & Christmas Torture

I can't choose between these two! Similar in spirit, Everything is Terrible is know for their amazing mash-ups. Snow dogs, Jingle Cats, aging celebrities and endless hilarity. Christmas Torture, put out by the Lost Media Archive might not be quite as quick and joke-y, but makes up for it in obscurity. With clips from Miss Velma's Christmas Special and the Christmas Martian, it's a real noodle scratcher. Very little overlapping of sources, these two specials are on an equal playing field and both deserve a spot in your holiday rotation.




1. Christmas Evil (1980)

OK Guys, here's the deal. I could have SWORN I had already seen this. I even had it marked as "watched" on letterboxd. But my memory seemed vague, like it had been too long. I was due for a re-visit, and was recently reminded that it's John Waters' favorite Christmas movie so I threw it on as rewatch. I was shocked to learn that I had NEVER seen this movie and had a completely false memory of I guess some other mystery Christmas movie this whole time. Once I absorbed the shock from this revelation, I experienced Christmas Evil for THE FIRST TIME. Killer Santas are a dime a dozen, but this one feels different. I believe it's one of the earliest Killer Santas (the only other that comes to mind is in Tales from the Crypt a solid eight years prior). You might expect something along the lines of Silent Night Deadly Night, and you'd be right in that assumption. A little less slasher-y and transitional but it deals with Santa related childhood trauma. Though, less significantly here he simply sees his Dad dressed up as Santa doing sexy stuff with his Mom, rather than SNDN where the kid sees a Santa murder his whole family. I can't help but wonder about these characters who become killers because of something as simple as seeing adults have sex. Like, get the fuck over it. What unfolds is fairly dark though sensational character study of a man who works at a toy factory transforming into a killer Santa. He watches the children of the neighborhood, makes a list, checks it twice, the whole schitck. This take is a little different, and better than basically all of the ones that came after it. This might be the king of Killer Santa movies. Despite my having a light Christmas horror year, I'm pleased to have finally (actually) added this to the cannon.


That's all folks! I'm a few days late on Part two, so it's now 2016. I hope everyone had a great Holiday, cheers to keeping up with this blog regularly this year!

Belated Schlocktober Rundown

I can't believe it's already December! More so, I can't believe I let all of October, and then November pass without writing about my Halloween marathon. That which is so dear to me. The one thing that's been a constant on this blog since I started it in 2009. Something hasn't felt quite right these past few months as I've been swamped with work. I always feel a little empty when I can't make time for Atomic Caravan but missing all of October sent me to new depths. So even though December is here and I should be working on my Crappy Christmas marathon and drafting my 'Top 50 First Time Views of 2015' list, I feel I would be getting ahead of myself if I didn't take a moment to reflect on the highlights of October's annual marathon.


5. Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

I always try to focus on a director or revisit a series throughout the month of October. Last year it was the Ju-on films, this year my attention was on the Nightmare on Elm Street series. These aren't really films I've felt much of a need to discuss, not because they aren't great because I would just be echoing an already well covered area. Wes Craven's New Nightmare is my favorite, followed by the original; 2-5 are fairly equal in my opinion. I know a lot of people aren't crazy about Dream Child, but I find Dream Master to be the lesser of the series, but really who's counting? They're all Freddy movies and that makes for good times. The one unpredictable moment in the marathon was Freddy's Dead:The Final Nightmare, because somehow in my 30 years of existence I'd never watched it. Shocking, I know. I missed it somehow and by the time I realized, I decided to hold off until I was re-watching the rest all at once. What's interesting about it, and about the fact that it somehow evaded me, is how strikingly different it is from the rest of the series. The other sequels seem united by a collective theme, this one is peculiar from the onset. The tone has changed and the characters are totally unfamiliar. At first, I was off-put by how far it strayed from the formula but after a while I embraced it. There is something very "final" and empty about it. It's the 'Silent Night, Deadly Night III' of the series - bizarre and slightly Lynch-ian. I believe director Rachel Talalay even stated that Twin Peaks had influenced her in the making of Freddy's Dead. I appreciate the risks the film took, and I don't begrudge it's failure. It added interesting if not unneeded dimension to Freddy Kreuger's mythos, and really....would the BEST film in the series have happened after if Wes Craven hadn't stepped in to say enough is enough.




4. Maleficia (1998)

This one was an, um, "experience". It's the goriest movie I've endured in a while. I watched it in French with no english subtitles but it didn't matter much. 95% of the dialog is guttural screaming and Satanic incantations. Senseless, never-ending, ritual-like forest murder from the get go. On paper it's not something that would normally be in my wheelhouse, but the tenacity of Murderdrone pioneer Antoine Pellissier makes is the horror equivalent to watching one of those ambient fireplace screen savers. The violence exceeds a level of normalcy where it almost becomes zen. Red Jammy Jams and purple polyester. Druid-eque Satanists, Satan-Heads, Vampiric Crypt An Daemons, Pastoral Zombies, Goth Girls with Perms. The Works.

I posted lots of pics on Tender Moments.




3. Bloody Moon (1981)

Jess Franco is probably my favorite director that I have such hot and cold feelings for. There's are handfuls of films I dislike or have no feelings toward whatsoever, but there are also canonical masterpieces that I'm thankful exist. You never really know which kind of Franco film you're in for, though after a little experience you start to get a sense of his "eras". My knowledge going into this one was that it was of his German period and that it was his attempt to jump on the slasher band wagon. In my mind this didn't seem like such a far reach, but he is clearly out of his element and it is awesome. As far as I've seen, this is the apex of his career. It seems oddly more naive than his previous work. Usually when I watch his films I feel like he knows something I don't, but in is case he brought himself down to our human level and it is just beaming with weird. He may have gone through the motions but cannot be limited to the confines of a formula. While it indeed is a slasher, there's something more interesting happening just below the surface. It's almost feels as if the players are aliens pretending to be human. There has never been a more beautiful marriage of colors. Pinks, golds and just the right shade of blue through a soft lens. Shadows that don't make sense. This film truly took me to an alternate reality, and has the most amazing wardrobe I've ever seen in my life. It's the kind of film I instantly want to watch again to make sure I didn't miss a single frame. And there's incest. In December I finally caught "Blue Rita" which had the same Alien Transmission vibe, and the most hilarious youtube worthy fight scene I've ever seen. I feel that I've finally tapped into MY Franco Era.

2. Skullduggery (1983)

I wasn't really sure what I was in for with Skullduggery, the census seems to be of a general confusion. It is indeed a "what the hell did I just watch" kind of experience. It's drawing from so many different places, the end result can barely contain the sum of it's parts. Literally overflowing with the elements of five movies, Skullduggery crams them all into one little bizarre mish-mosh. Let's break it down.

1. Role Playing Games. A Dungeons and Dragons inspired slasher? One of the least successful sub-genres of horror (Throw some titles at me if I'm forgetting but Mazes and Monsters is the only to come to mind). What makes it work so well in this movie is that, I sincerely don't understand these games and especially something as vast as Dungeons and Dragons. It's as complex as finding any coherence in this movie. So they're united both in theme and in being unattainable.

2. It's set in a Costume House. Not only does this appeal to me on a personal level because I'm a costumer but it opens a lot of  doors for great and senseless characters. A Wizard of Gore-ish Magician, King Arthur or something, Eve; as in Adam and..., A Gorilla, A Tic Tac Toe Janitor, Bunny Killer, Various Ren Fair looking folks as well as masked Greek orgy types.

3. Dungeon Synth. This discovery is relatively new to me. While the film has been on my watchlist for a while, this inspirational list on Letterboxd by Gregory Joseph propelled to high priority. Dungeon Synth is a musical genre that sounds exactly like it's description. Evocative, atmospheric, visceral, setting the soundscape for a film like Skullduggery with a poetic coldness.

And for your viewing pleasure, I posted pics on Tender Moments.



1. Communion (1989)

Let's face it, Aliens are cool. This movie starts out with a totally sincere and terrifying aura. I'll never un-see the infamous Alien peaking from behind the armoire. Then after the first encounter, it enters pure schizophrenia. In an interview director Philippe Mora said that Walken was the kind of actor that works best with freedom, so he gave him that freedom. I'm sure a lot of people think this was to the film's detriment. His approach certainly does turn would be terrifying moments into something that's more like a joke, but a really hilarious joke you want him to expand upon. I'm sure Author Whitley Strieber was appalled to see his traumatic life changing experience basically mocked by deez nuts. My favorite moment, THEE best moment is when Walken is about to get probed and he looks at the little dude holding the phallus and says "...Can we talk this over?"...and if that's not enough, as the alien draws the dong shaped device close to his face he says "You look like you're about to sing White Christmas." My friends, THIS is a movie. You're removed from the horror elements but instead given this beautiful character study on the epileptic personality of Christopher Walken. I dare say I never truly appreciated him until this moment. He ad-libbed his way into my heart. In the end there's a New Age resolve that totally delights my balls. A few years ago I watched the incredible "The Suns of Easter Island" and my afterthought was that I desperately need more New Age Metaphysical Alien movies in my life, Communion is the only one that's come close since. Strange Science with an ample dose of anal probing.



That's it kiddos, sorry for the belatedness as per usual. Trying to mend fences 'round these parts. I have another movie lined up that I know for sure will be my next full review, I just hope I can deliver before the New Year! Either way I PROMISE to post my Holiday Horrible-thon in a timely manner.

Later!