And then...

There's this bullshit:

State Reps. Daryl Metcalfe and Harry Readshaw think Pennsylvania should follow Arizona's lead and "protect its borders and citizens" by giving local and state police more power to arrest, detain and eventually deport foreigners who have entered the state illegally and don't have proper registration papers.

That kind of weapons grade stupidity needs to be outlawed by the Geneva Convention.

Now, let's set aside for a moment that "protecting the borders of the USA" is the job of, you know, the Federal Government and let's set aside the fact that this kind of legislation would open up the Commonwealth, not only to lawsuits by those that are unlawfully detained, but to requests by state and local police for things like training and resources to enforce this kind of law ("resources" that don't exist in the current $1 billion budget hole). Let's really focus on the fact that, if there are 140,000 illegal immigrants in the Commonwealth that's 140,000 people that *are being counted* towards things like, oh I don't know, the Census, which keeps us from hemorrhaging population.

So fuck Metcalfe and Readshaw: bring as many goddamn illegal immigrants to PA as soon as possible. Build towns, boroughs, cities. Drive up the population. Drive up demand for services. Increase the tax base. Increase the number of seats Pennsylvania has in the House.

... Unless, that is, Metcalfe and Reashaw themselves are illegal immigrants. Actually, now that I mention it, they've never actually released their naturalization papers, have they? What kind of name is "Metcalf" anyway. Sounds foreign to me. How do we know that they aren't in Harrisburg taking the jobs of good, hardworking Americans?

SHOW US YOUR PAPERS DARYL! SHOW US YOUR PAPERS HARRY!

You damned, dirty illegals. Don't make us deport you back to Guatemala.

A Bureaucrat's Aside Re: Immigration and Arizona

By now everyone's already heard about Arizona's new xenophobic... I mean anti-constitutional... I mean anti-illegal immigration law, and if you're on the right or left, you're probably mad. If you're on the left, you're concerned about racial profiling, the usurping of Federal prerogatives to protect the border, and increased debt to the State Government. If you're on the right, you're concerned about brown people that talk funny.

Now, what this law effectively does is require anyone who seems to be "illegal looking" to present their papers proving that they are, in fact, a United States Citizen. While this may be an effective cliche in most WWII or Cold War movies, it's probably only going to be effective at driving illegal immigrants deeper underground.

I mean, it's not like the state would do anything sensible like, say, enforcing or enacting laws that severely punish employers that use illegal labor... but I digress.

But, there's only one way to fight this kind of stupidity: massive performance art.

I propose relocating the entire population of Puerto Rico to Arizona. Remember, Puerto Ricans, as citizens of a U.S. Territory, are citizens of the United States... even though they're brownish and speak some crazy fast moon people language. That's almost 4,000,000 (well, not "immigrants" and certainly not "illegal"... so "migrants" or "commuters", I suppose) to perplex and confound state police.

Trust me: I have deep suspicions that the average cop in Arizona knows that there's a *West* Virginia. "Puerto Rico" will blow their minds.

As part of Phase II of the plan, I'll start importing Canadians from October-March, returning them when the Great White tundra thaws out. That's right: illegal white people, legal brown people.

It'll be chaos and next thing you know, they'll elect a Senator who wasn't born in the United States.