State House Passes Dog Drivers License Bill

Harrisburg - State lawmakers today approved a bill that would mandate drivers licenses for all dogs within the Commonwealth.  The bill now advances to the desk of Governor Tom Corbett who has indicated that he intends to sign it.

The bill was narrowly approved on a near party line vote after a contentious debate over the last week.  Two Republicans crossed the aisle to join with Democrats to oppose the bill.

Beginning in July, dog owners will be required to prove that their pet is proficient in operating automobiles, trucks, motorcycles, and most other motor vehicles.  Under an amendment from Rep. Dick L. Hess of Bedford County, dogs will not be required to have a license to operate ATVs.

After July, any dog caught driving in the Commonwealth will be fined, but given 30 days to obtain a valid driver license.

Democrats and the ASPCA have come out against the bill, calling it "frivolous", "a solution in search of a problem, and "grossly biased in favor of cats."

"What we have here is an overreach by the Majority Party in the State House," said Rep. Deborah Kula in an afternoon press conference.  "Instead of focusing on fixing roads & bridges, curbing drunk driving, or providing money to fund mass transit, the Republicans are passing bills that are fundamentally onerous to Pennsylvania's citizens."

In a written statement from the House Speaker, Rep. Sam Smith (R-66) said that "today the legislature has helped to solve a very real problem that has occurred and caused fatal accidents on Pennsylvanian roads not fewer than one times in the last twenty years.  Who could reasonably argue that unlicensed dogs should be allowed to dive on State roads?"

The Animal Rescue League of Western Pennsylvania has indicated that it would file a lawsuit to block the implementation of the law if signed.

(Feral) Animal Farm

If you've been following along in the P-G or on the Pittsburgh City-Council pay-per-view channel* you would have noticed that Darlene Harris is pushing to get animal control moved from Public Works to Public Safety, to wit:

Ms. Harris said Friday that she will propose moving the division from the Public Works Department to the Public Safety Department, professionalizing its management and shifting its focus. Then it can better control feral animal populations and teach people about pet care, she said.

Because, when I think of "pet care" I think of Michael Huss... or at least more than I think of Michael Vick.

Now, this all, of course, makes perfect sense in light of former Councilperson Twanda Carlisle assertion back in July that "In 2007, cats are more aggressive than they used to be."

I can only assume that this moves means that, despite all the joking that was done, Ms. Carlisle was absolutely correct and that there are currently roaming street gangs of cats, dogs, birds, turtles, hamsters, ferrets, and Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs assaulting old women, dealing crack, and generally terrorizing the populace of the City of Pittsburgh.

Or perhaps Al Qaeda is on the verge of developing the suicide Guinea Pig.

Or maybe Chinese counterfitters are saturating the American market is knock off Shitz Zhus.

Or maybe Super Chicken is off the Super Sauce again.

I'm glad we're on top of this situation.

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*After 10 PM the legislation gets a little "blue".