The Grass Isn't Greener On The Other Side

My parent's neighbor has the greenest lawn I've ever seen. Seriously. So I called my mom yesterday to have her ask him what he puts on it. Here it is:

Equal parts beer and ammonia, and then 1/3 dish soap. The sugars or yeast in the beer make your lawn green. As does the ammonia. The dish soap kills weeds.

Okay, so since I didn't have any beer just hanging out in the back of the fridge, I had to go buy some. Jen's Derrick talked me out of going to the grocery store, which is conveniently the closest grocery store to everyone in our ward, and told me to go to the liquor store that is past our house, on the way to the next city. Good call, Derrick. Didn't want to run into Bishop with only beer in my cart. I'd have a lot of splainin' to do.

Like a fish out of water, I walked into the liquor store and got the beer. Milwaukee's Best. And although I'm not an expert in the beer department, I'm pretty sure it is Milwaukee's Worst, because I asked for the cheapest 6-pack they had, and this is what I got. I'm pretty sure my lawn won't mind.

Came home made the concoction and sprayed it on my lawn. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Then later last night I got food poisoning and threw up into our trash can. That's what I get for buying booze, I guess. The End.

Sickness, Hell, and My Happy Place

Brett has had the flu for the last five days. 103 degree fever, runny nose, cough... the works. Sad. Check out the major bags under his eyes. If that's not the saddest face you've ever seen, I don't know what is.
Yet, he still managed to give us a smile every now and then.

Yes, he's totally wearing a necklace. But he can pull it off.

And help out a bit with the housework. I'm all about child slave labor. He gets paid in milk & Teddy Grahams.
Sometimes we call him Linus, because he carries his blanket everywhere.

I love his face in this picture.

I actually dressed him today. He's been in his jammies for 5 days. Clean ones everyday, of course.

Doesn't his hair look a little bit red?

Since Brett was feeling better, we ventured out to get some groceries and toiletries, go to the bank and the post office. Because I needed groceries AND toiletries, I had to go to the seventh circle of hell... Walmart. And what an experience we had. Toothless women screaming at their kids and a woman telling her daughter to go and "kick him in the nuts." So classy.

To make up for my Walmart anxiety, I'm going to my happy place tonight. No, not Disneyland (that's Nate's happy place)... Target. With my friend Jen. No kids. And then we're going to a movie. My life is sweet, most of the time.

McBretters goes to the McDoctor

We went to the doctor this morning and this is what McBretters wore...Pajamas. We are officially white trash.

Brett weighed in at a whopping 27 pounds. That's one quarter of what I weighed in high school. No wonder my arms are so strong. I have to carry around that tub of chub all day.

Disgusting... Seriously!

I just threw-up. If this is what "real" pregnancy is like, (instead of my fantasy-land-perfect-didn't-throw-up-the-whole-time-until-I-had-an- epidural pregnancy), Brett might be an only child.

UPDATE: Sorry. I guess that was confusing. I'm totally NOT pregnant. But I have the flu like you wouldn't believe! I've lost 6 lbs. in the last 24 hours. (Hey, I'll take it anyway I can get it. Although it's not the 30 lbs. I lost when I had mono in 9th grade) And I couldn't have kids 18 months apart. I. WOULD. DIE.

Sick of the Sickness

Our whole family is sick. Brett got sick first, about two weeks ago. Four days later, Nathan was sick (with what seemed like the plague). Four days later, I'm sick. Before I had kids, I always heard how stinky it was to have a sick child, now I know it first hand. What's worse is having a sick child, and then being sick yourself.

I haven't felt like getting up to do anything, but my mom always told me, mothers never really get a break... and it's true. I would love to sleep on the couch all day wallowing in my sickness (Ahem... Nathan), but those days are long gone. Brett stopped sleeping through the night, which means Nathan and I stopped sleeping through the night. AARRGGHH! Needless to say, we've been super grumpy all week, been couped up in the house for the last three days, and missed church for the last two weeks.

Brett went to the doctor (well, not by himself.. I took him) and is on an antibiotic. He's doing TONS better and that makes me feel better. My poor little guy! Nathan is doing a lot better, he can at least function now. I'm keeping myself drugged up and feel GREAT!!! (Until the meds wear off, and then I just take some more.) Are we the only unlucky ones? Is something going around?