Life In Miniature

My mother is an endless source of entertainment.  Over the years I've shared some of the things she's said and done right here on this blog.  

This is the latest.

I pick up her mail several times a week and sort everything for her - junk mail and flyers go in the garbage, bills go to me, and personal stuff goes to her.  She gets medication by mail so there's often a package from the pharmacy and sometimes the smaller packages from Amazon or Walmart.

I picked up one of those packages.  What you see in the photo is what was in it.  An incredibly tiny can of paint.  I was perplexed.  

When I asked her what her intentions were for this teeny tiny can of paint, she said she had planned on painting the end table in the living room.  When I showed her the can of paint, she said in disbelief, "Noooooo. Really?"

I said, "Didn't you read the details about the size?"

She said, "I thought I did."

Apparently, she did not.  This can of paint is 0.47 fluid ounces.

It's pretty safe to say that no end tables will be painted anytime soon.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2024: Peaceful Beauty
2023: Sorry, no post on this day.
2022: Sorry, no post on this day.
2021: Sorry, no post on this day.
2020: Sorry, no post on this day.
2019: Double Dutch
2018: Dirty Potato Chips And Cornichons
2017: Neighborhood Vacation
2016: Where The Flamingos Survived A Blizzard
2015: It's All In The Details
2014: You're Not Alone
2013: More Bling Than One Person Can Handle
2012: Instantly Tucson
2011: Start With An Ollie, Finish With A Shred And Grind
2010: Fire In The Sky
2009: Free Advertising For Erectile Dysfunction
2008: High Flame Toni
2007: Ripped From The Headlines
2006: Our Truck Looked Reallllly Good…
2005: Sorry, no post on this day. The blog didn’t start until May 2005!

Hey! That's A Pretty Tree. Where'd That Come From?

 

This is my newest ornament.  I purchased it because Ed calls me "Goldfish" - due to my short-term memory problem.

He got that from Finding Nemo, the movie where the main character Dory has short-term memory loss.  He said that's what I'm like, swimming around the bowl passing the same clump of greenery and acting like it's the first time I saw it - "Hey!  Where'd that come from?"

Although Dory is not a goldfish, she's a Blue Tang, the sentiment is the same.

Oh, look!  It's almost Christmas.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2023: Sorry, no post on this day.
2022: Sorry, no post on this day.
2021: Sorry, no post on this day.
2020: Sorry, no post on this day.
2019: Sorry, no post on this day.
2018: First Night, One Star
2017: Co Co Ni No
2016: Ladies Of Leisure
2015: Represent Cuba
2014: Where To Go For Pig And Eggs
2013: My Memory Goes Way Way Back
2012: Remember One, Remember All
2011: History Still Standing
2010: Stay Home: TV And Hot Chocolate Is The Only Way To Make It Through
2009: A Rainy Rainbow 
2008: Be Wary Of Women Wearing Skull Panties
2007: Holiday Sparkle
2006: Arizona Sunset
2005: Before And After The Chops

Turkey Paranoia

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2023: Sorry, no post on this day
2022: Sorry, no post on this day
2021: Sorry, no post on this day
2020: Sorry, no post on this day
2019: Sorry, no post on this day
2018: Dinner In Paris
2017: Police Presence
2016: Just Roll With It
2015: When Working For Peanuts Pays Off 
2014: Making Magic With Dough
2013: I'm Sure He Was Delicious
2012: Drowning My Sorrows In Mountain Dew
2011: Red Hair At Night, Truckers Delight. Red Hair At Morning, Truckers Warning.
2010: Rok New York
2009: South Dakota Sky
2008: Nutty Friday
2007: It’s Not So Much Fun To Roll Out Your Best Sales Schpiel On A Mute
2006: Forced Happiness
2005: Firestarter

I See Stupid People

And let's try to remember who reports the FACTS.  

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2019: Sick Mountains
2018: A Spin Around Town
2017: A Little To The Right
2016: Around Town In 80 Days
2015: The Gold On The Hill
2014: Be Happy You Don't Have A Bolt In Your Head
2013: Seriously Up To Our Ass In Alligators
2012: Such A Fragrant Sprig!
2011: Coast To Coast
2010: The Joke’s On Us
2009: Eddie Monsignor Starbucks Friday
2008: All The Better To Smell You With, My Dear
2007: Neon Railroad
2006: I Left My Heart…
2005: Sorry, no post on this day. The blog didn’t start until May 2005!

Like Rabbits

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2018: Lodged In The Mountains
2017: Getting Your Ducks In A Row
2016: Rise Up
2015: Slide
2014: Sitting In The Sun Of The Southwest
2013: The Sunniest Black Hole
2012: A Visit From Woodland Creatures
2011: The Man I’m Spending My Nights With
2010: Let’s Hope This Industrious City Can Get Our Truck Fixed
2009: Free Range Horns And Humps
2008: The Earth Is Sending The Paper To The Folder
2007: Some People Are SAD; I Am Not One Of Them
2006: An Eye For Fashion…And Other Things
2005: Sorry, no post on this day. The blog didn’t start until May 2005!

Good Fat Discovery

An avocado shout-out to my mother, who recently discovered this creamy delicious fruit.

Avocado toast, here we come!!


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2018: It's Gonna Be A Lovely Day
2017: When You Think Of Tuscany
2016: Hitching A Ride
2015: Ocean To Ocean
2014: Where We Go To Squeeze Melons
2013: Yet We're The Ones With All The Rules
2012: There Is No Problem Here
2011: If This Is What Being A Loser Means, Count Me In
2010: The Only Thing It Extends Is The Humiliation Of Having A Small Johnson
2009: Wishing You All A Happy Lá Fhéile Pádraig
2008: There Should Be Some Sort Of Award For This
2007: Table Talk
2006: Cats And Grandchildren Make Great Indentured Servants
2005: Sorry, no post on this day. The blog didn’t start until May 2005!

You Don't Bring A Toaster To A Wedding

I didn't marry an Italian or have a big Italian wedding, but what this comedian is saying is true of every Italian wedding I've ever attended.

It was only when I moved to Arizona that I learned people brought gifts to weddings. What??  It was bad enough that no one dressed up for weddings in Tucson - casual sundresses and jeans were a common sight - but they actually walked into a wedding reception with a wrapped gift and piled it on a table with other gifts.  I'd never heard of that in my life.  We never bought gifts.  We always gave money.  That's just how it was done. 

The small satin bag he talks about, we always called "la buste" (whcih actually means "the envelopes").  And the bride and groom really did go through them at the end of the night. 

And let me tell you, Italians are very generous.  Newly married couples totally make a killing! 



~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2017: A Castle In Bluegrass Country
2016: The Crest At Sunset
2015: Over 80 Feet Of Traveling Comfort
2014: Insta-Coastal
2013: Traffic
2012: Fire Hazard
2011: Smiling High
2010: Time Travel
2009: One More Reason I Love The Highway Hags
2008: Boathouse On The Gulf
2007: Canada Is Bubblicious
2006: You Know You’re In A Hotel That Doesn’t Have A Star Rating…
2005: It’s A Dry Heat

A Different Kind Of Catcall

Source:  Pie Comic

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2017: Discovering The Backcountry
2016: The Beauty Fuels The Drive
2015: Making A Killing By Killing People
2014: The Best Damn Piece Of Driftwood I've Ever Seen
2013: Junk Still Exists In The Snail Mail World
2012: Where The Chisled Form Of David Accompanies You In The Restroom
2011: Settling In And Planning Our Day
2010: Por And Parking Served Up With Southern Charm
2009: They Should Put This Scent In A Candle. I’d Have One Lit In My House Every Night!
2008: After All
2007: I’ve Been Everywhere Sunday
2006: Who My Baby Daddy?
2005: South Siiiide Education

Once You Get It, Pass It On

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2017: The Shadow Knows
2016: Do What Now?
2015: Minot Storage
2014: Famous For Its Crabs
2013: Detour Narrated By Wiki
2012: Say It Loud! Say It Proud!
2011: Stitch Me Up Something Fancy
2010: Hot Dogs Are The New Coitus
2009: Better Than A Five Dollar Foot Long
2008: Isn’t This Grate??
2007: Eddie Gives Me That Smoldering Look Friday
2006: Bringing The Good Stuff
2005: The Road To Sin City

What Surfing Produces

When you surf the internet more than any human should, you are bound to come across little gems like this.

And FYI:  this happens to avocados, too.



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2017: How To Make A Girl Feel Like She's On Top Of The World
2016: Resting Bitch Face Is Real
2015: No Rooms To Let
2014: Beautiful Brutalism In A Bucolic Bourg
2013: Have A Little Faith In The Romantic Comedy
2012: The Perfect Volunteer
2011: The Men Who Stare AT Goats
2010: A Peek At A Working Team
2009: Alligators Are Not A Girl’s Best Friend
2008: Forget Your Cholesterol. Get A Hearing Aid.
2007: Sizzling Good Time
2006: Amarillo May Smell Like Cow Shit, But They Have Some Pretty Tasty Steaks
2005: List Of Fives

Squeezing It In

While I was home this week, I squeezed in an appointment for a mammogram.

See what I did there?  

They had a new machine.  It was super vise-like.

Good times.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2017: You Are The French To My Toast
2016: Junk In The Trunk
2015: Clean Panties In The Corner Pocket
2014: Total Throwback Thursday
2013: Attack Of The 50 Foot Chicagoan
2012: The Art Of The Merge (And Other Simple Courtesies Of The Road)
2011: Montana Fluff
2010: Stop The Presses!
2009: Fiesta Ed Friday
2008: Crotchety Old Woman
2007: One Side Of A Coin
2006: Why Oh Why
2005: Sign Of The Times

Good Answer!

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2017: A Really Big Shoei
2016: Spatchcock!
2015: Completely And Utterly In The Pink
2014: Hammer Down Thrifting
2013: Does Anyone Have One Of These I Can Borrow?
2012: Built Like A Mack
2011: Luxor-ious Seating
2010: Sharing A Moment
2009: When Sunny Gets Blue
2008: Putting The Friendly Back In The Skies
2007: White Squall
2006: Free As A Bird
2005: The Heat Is On

Comfortable Love

This is the practical route for sure, but this year I bought Ed two cards and he bought me three.

Our first Valentine's Day as husband and wife.

After we read the cards, we watched a movie.  Win-win.



~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2017: I Heart Cats
2016: Sweet And Undefineable
2015: Grand And Important
2014: Winter Is A Table Set With Ice And Starlight
2013: The Romance Of The Road
2012: Celebrate With A Wild Desire
2011: Powerful Stuff
2010: Falling In Love With Ugly 
2009: A Love Like This Can Know No Death 
2008: Peace To This House
2007: The Sultan Of Love 
2006: It’s Even Better Than Arbor Day
2005: Sorry, no post on this day. The blog didn’t start until May 2005!

Laugh Out Loud

The following quips are from my favorite Instagram account, Sarcasm Only.  The posts on this account make me laugh out loud at least once a day.  I promise you that you'll find something that makes you laugh. 

Go on, click on the link above and scroll through the account.  You're welcome.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2017: American Power
2016: I'd Rather Be Listening To This All Day
2015: North Shore Surfin'
2014: Calling It A Day
2013: Eight Ways To Take It Easy
2012: Dinner With Friends
2011: This Is What Sheer Joy Looks Like
2010: I’ll Have The Tootsie Rolls And The Butterfinger And The Lollipop And The Gummi Bears And The Hershey Kisses And The Snickers Bar And The M&M’s And…
2009: Meals On Wheels
2008: Mercury Dropping
2007: James Cameron For $79.99 A Night
2006: The Town That Big Tobacco Built
2005: Sorry, no post on this day. The blog didn’tstart until May 2005!

Hot Monkey Sex

Source

Today I was scrolling through Instagram and noticing the many pictures of snowy locales - scenic mountains, ski resorts, cabins in the woods, almost all of the Canadian posts - and telling Ed how I just love the snow.  

Then I came to a picture of a beach on Bali.  I said to Ed, "I'm looking at all these pictures of snow and then I come across this picture, and you know what?  This just doesn't appeal to me at all.  Boing.  Beach and water.  Nothing else.  I'd rather be at any of those places with snow than on that beach."  

Scroll.  Scroll.  Scroll.

"Ooh!  He's cute."  I stop on the photo above and show it to Ed. 

"I might go there if I could see that little guy.  He's in Sumatra."

"Is that where they have that hot monkey sex?" Ed said.

"What??" I said.

"Hot monkey sex.  Sumatra," he said.

"No. No. Noo.  That's not Sumatra." I said.  "You're thinking of Kama Sutra."

He started laughing at himself.

"Kama.  Sutra." I said.

"Oh."




~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2016: Early Warning
2015: Palm Trees And Ocean
2014: Good Morning, Newport
2013: One Very Happy Sloth
2012: Overnight In Ohio
2011: If It Ain’t Sweet, It Ain’t Southern Made
2010: Portland Bound
2009: Dear Blog Santa
2008: The Trees Help Guide The Way
2007: Just In Time For The Holidays
2006: Eddie Leans On A Barrio Door Friday
2005: Glowing Reminders

Giving Thanks For The Internet

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2016: Table For Four, Please
2015: Annoying People For Eight Hundred, Alex
2014: Eddie Needs A New Tuque
2013: Quickly Losing Count
2012: Opposites Don't Always Attract
2011: Shit Eating Grins. And Giggles. And Shits And Giggles.
2010: Waiting It Out
2009: My Life According To Sugarland
2008: EPCOT On Fire
2007: Eddie Full Of Turkey Friday
2006: Crouching Poultry, Hidden Turkey
2005: Is It Really A Sandwich?

Unfortunately, The Joke Is On Us

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2016: Oh, Joe.
2015: Birdwatching Saturday
2014: Flashback Friday
2013: The Best Kind Of Mob

2012: Who Needs A Guy In A Three Piece Suit When You Can Have This Guy In A One Piece?

2011: Stop And Smell The Turkey And Sweet Potatoes

2010: How Do You Spell Relaxation? B.V.I.

2009: Green Velvet

2008: Eddie Lost In Space Friday

2007: Have A Happy Thanksgiving And Choke On A Turkey Bone For Us

2006: When You Can’t See The View Because The Hooters Are In The Way

2005: Stealth Monday

It Spells *Some* Things Correctly

My mother and I were texting about wedding stuff and I was telling her what I thought I wanted to do with my hair - a rhinestone headband or maybe a flower thing.  I've been combing through Pinterest (it's a damn black hole) looking for ideas.

We probably should have talked on the phone because it's clear by her text (in gray) that spellcheck was giving her fits.

Although it doesn't seem to have trouble with all the words.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2016: A Night Out
2015: Hustle And Bustle In Ancient Guatemala
2014: The Flakes Got Up Early And Stayed All Day
2013: Headed For A Slow Boat To China
2012: A Roaring Forties Tasmanian Devil Of A Blue
2011: Waiter! There’s A Beer In My Soup!
2010: I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Wolf
2009: Eddie Getting His Licks Friday
2008: The Place Is In Ruins
2007: Winter Shadows
2006: The Angels Of The New York D.O.T.
2005: Sorry, no post on this day. The blog didn’t start until May 2005!

Of Course

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2016:  This Butt Is No Joke
2015:  A Day Of Amusement On The Lake
2014:  法拉盛華埠
2013:  The Pumpkin Master
2012:  Prime Viewing
2011:  Still Flowering
2010:  Wishing I Could Trade My Feet For Wheels
2009:  And The Winner Is…
2008:  Palm In The Dirty South
2007:  Ed Makes Out With Fair Fluff Friday
2006:  Blue Light Special
2005:  Blue Collar

It Might Take A Minute

Ed and I were cleaning up the cab one day after we had takeout for lunch.

"Hand me your cup and garbage," Ed said.

"What about all your wrappers?" I said.

"You can't reach those?" he said.  "Seriously??"  I was strapped in my seat and could only move so far without unbuckling.

"No, I can't reach them," I said.  "Whadya think, I have snake arms??"

"No one has snake arms." he deadpanned.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
2016: Couple In Selfies
2015: From The Top
2014: If Your Name Is Tinsley, You Probably Use A Fountain Pen
2013: British Invasion
2012: Splendid Fantasy Road Trip
2011: Hard To Get Close To
2010: Lunch In Fossombrone
2009: Taking Carving To A Whole New Level
2008: Is There Enough Yellow In THIS One For Ya?
2007: I Didn’t Realize Railway Workers Were So Frisky
2006: Individuality
2005: Text Me