Gordon in the morning: Winehouse on the catwalk

Gordon leads today with one of those stories in which nobody comes out well. The Gaultier show ripping off Amy Winehouse's style is pretty shabby.

And you can understand Mitch Winehouse being a bit upset:

He said: "The family was upset to see those pictures, they were a total shock.

"We're still grieving for her loss, and we've had a difficult week with the six-month anniversary of Amy's death."

Until...

"To see her image lifted wholesale to sell clothes was a wrench we were not expecting or consulted on.
[...]
But he added: "No one asked us for permission or offered to make a donation to the foundation."

There's a sense that this isn't just the understandable anger at the shock of seeing your dead daughter being ripped off by a fashion house which has clearly run out of ideas; there's an element of 'we should be controlling what happens to that image'. An upset which could have been avoided by the making of a cash payment - whether to a charity or not - doesn't seem to be a totally genuine upset.

Gordon in the morning: Those who fail to learn from Michael Jackson tribute concerts are doomed to repeat it

There's nothing wrong with the idea of a tribute concert from Amy Winehouse. There's nothing wrong with staging it to raise money for the uh, you know, that charity thing.

But surely people have learned by now that the way to destroy an event is to oversell it before it's organised?

THE Amy Winehouse tribute concert later this year is taking shape.
[...]
Mitch is talking to TV companies about airing the show and is considering making it pay-per-view, so it makes as much cash as possible.

[A source said] "Big artists will be booked from both sides of the Atlantic so people will want to see it. It will be a huge event."

I hope it is a huge event; I hope it does raise loads of money. But surely we can all agree that this sort of trumpeting before anything is signed runs the risk of over-hyping expectations and can end up with what would be a great event looking like a shadow of the early promise. Nobody wants that.

Gordon in the morning: Slip them into different sleeves

So the inevitable posthumous Amy Winehouse album bandwagon starts; Mitch and family inviting Gordon to private listen of the unreleased work:

The ex-cabbie could not hide his pride as he listened to the 12 songs, some of which even he had never previously heard.

I joined the family in a West London studio last week for the first listen to the surprise collection.

Not all the family, actually:

Amy's 56-year-old mum Janis listened separately to the collection of unheard material because the emotion of the occasion was too personal to share with others.

Especially the showbiz editor of a tabloid who gleefully recounted and chivvied and exposed and prodded their daughter when she was alive, you might assume.

What the "trove" turns out to be is a collection of covers, recorded across the last ten years or so, along with a few works-in-progress versions of familiar songs and one or two new tracks that sound as if they might be best left to the family:

Between The Cheats, was recorded as the star emerged from her turbulent marriage to Blake Fielder-Civil.

But it gets even more uncomfortable than that:

The most emotional track for the singer's family and fans is her cover of A Song For You, a Leon Russell tune made famous by Amy's favourite artist Donny Hathaway. The song, on which Amy plays guitar, was recorded in a single take at her London home in 2009 as she battled to overcome her addiction to Class A drugs.

Her voice can be heard quaking as she tearfully delivers the lyrics.

The really good news, though, is that this mix of the too personal and the previously discarded is going to be ready for release on December 5th - just in time for the Christmas market.

But it's not totally a cynical cash-in:

The posthumous album will be released on December 5 and £1 from every sale will go to the Amy Winehouse Foundation, which is helping children's charities.

As much as a whole pound? That'll really stop it looking like a record rushed out to maximise the cash take, then.

Amy Winehouse: Squatting in a dead woman's shoes

The plans to start a foundation in Amy Winehouse's name has hit a snag, as someone has stolen the name:

[Mitch Winehouse] said [delays to the launch is] because the name 'The Amy Winehouse Foundation' has been registered by someone else.

"Somebody else pinched it off of us before we could get it registered," Mr Winehouse said.

"All these donations which are coming in - we don't know what to do with them at the moment."

Now, it's obviously sickening that some scumpuppy has tried to steal the name, but I'm a bit lost as to why this is delaying things. Couldn't you just set it up under a name like, say, The Real Amy Winehouse Foundation, and then - at some point down the line - sort out the name issue?

It shouldn't be too difficult, all you have to do is follow the unholy stench that must be rising from wherever the sots who have grabbed the name frolic in their own filth.

In the meantime, Mitch might need to focus on what, exactly, people are donating to. Or for:

"The plan is to help all children - not just rehabilitation, not just substance abuse. It's to help all children in need."

Mitch, I think you might find "children in need" has gone, too. I know it must be incredibly difficult for Mitch to focus right now, but the charity is starting to sound a little "Money For People" at the moment.

Amy Winehouse: The Betty Ford of our generation?

If Mitch Winehouse does pull off his still-fag-packet-back plans to open a rehab place in Amy's memory, there will be something odd about the royalties from Rehab flowing into partly funding rehab.

Arguably, the finest rehab that money could buy didn't do much good for Amy in the end, which would make her a strange figurehead for drying-out clinics.

But it's not unprecedented for someone famous for not being on the wagon to become a beacon for sobriety: Betty Ford managed to turn her name from being a byword for liking a drink into being a brand of addiciton-free living. It might be nice if, in ten years time, people heard "Amy Winehouse" and thought of mended lives, rather than one big wasted one.

Mitch is looking for the government to put up some of the cash, so it's possible it won't ever happen. Notably, the coalition couldn't be arsed to put up a spokesperson to talk about Winehouse's plans on Channel 4 News this evening. But the cost of sorting people's problems with drugs and booze out is a fraction of the price of letting them drag on. Let's hope Mitch's determination and Cameron's love of a photo-op come together for a result.

The Mitch pitch

Nothing says that PRs have confidence in their product like them sending out a press release announcing the imminent release of an album eight days ago.

So it is that an email arrives heralding last week's debut of Mitch Winehouse's album, Rush Of Love.

Mitch Winehouse, former cab driver and father to one of the UK's biggest music exports is about to prove the critics wrong with the release of his debut album 'Rush Of Love' on April 5th 2011.

Well, yes. The critics who said 'he'll never be allowed to release an album' will be proved wrong.

Father to a big music export. Is that really the best way they could think of to introduce the 'he's Amy's dad' bit? Not 'one of the UK's favourite singers', not even 'one of Britain's biggest-selling acts'. But focusing on her appeal to the export market, like she's up there with Rolls Royce aircraft engines and cluster bombs.

At the age of 59, Mitch is turning a life-long ambition into reality, showcasing his in-depth knowledge and sheer passion for jazz and swing music with this 11-track debut featuring a host of rarely uncovered classics as well as four brand new tracks.

Showcasing his knowledge? Isn't that something better done in a pub quiz? You'll note the release doesn't suggest he's showcasing any talent. Just knowledge and passion.

I'm not sure you turn ambition into reality, either - don't you achieve an ambition, or turn a dream into reality? Ambition, surely, is real in its own right - look at people going on Big Brother; they have ambition, and they have reality. But they don't always achieve their reality.

And, no, I have no idea what a "rarely uncovered classic" is, apart from a phrase that you'd have removed if you proof-read the email before sending it out. Surely they didn't mean to boast that Mitch has turned in an album full of songs which are always being rerecorded? ("At long last - the sixteenth cover of Mustang Sally this week...")

"We love singing in our family" Mitch explains, "I was always singing at home. But this is a dream come true and musically, it's a great album."

Again, this is worded oddly. The singer is saying that, musically, it's a great album. What other criteria would you be judging it by? "From a geometric point of view, the circularity is excellent."

Despite his own undeniable music talent, Mitch is also realistic about the assumptions that will be made about his newfound career choice:

"If Amy wasn't my daughter I wouldn't be given this opportunity. I'm not stupid, I know that. But if I couldn't sing I wouldn't have been given the opportunity either."

If Mitch is admitting it as a fact, then it isn't an assumption, is it?

Still, fair play to Mitch for admitting he's got the job on pretty much the grounds that he's famous-by-reverse-injection, although he's on shaky ground with the belief that people only get to make records if they're great at singing. To be fair, he's not bad, but... well, the 'being Amy's dad' swung the project, not the 'able to sing a bit' part.

Teaming up with old family friend Tony Hiller, writer of 'Save Your Kisses For Me' and hundreds of other jazz and pop standards...

Too many others to list, or even mention. Should we assume that Save Your Kisses For Me was the highpoint?

That would be unfair. The man who wrote the England World Cup Squad's Whole Wide World At Our Feet and, erm, rewrote Save All Your Kisses For Me for Pepperoni? He's got a catalogue.

... was another logical step for Mitch who has, quite obviously, had the time of his life researching and compiling his music debut.

That's sweet. Seriously, I might be a cynical old hector but it is clear that this is something Winehouse is really passionate about. It's just a bit like late period Fred Dibnah, though; why do we have to be drawn into his hobby?

Mitch also pays homage to Frank Sinatra with 'Close Your Eyes', "...a beautiful jazz song, but a less known Sinatra song," Mitch enthuses, "Stacey Kent does it, but I've never heard anyone else and it's just wonderful."

According to Wikipedia, it's also been done by Harry Belafonte. Oh, and Doris Day. And Vic Damone. Queen Latifah did a cover, as did Nancy Wilson, Liza Minelli, Peggy Lee, Betty Carter, Tony Bennett, Oscar Peterson, Humphrey Littleton and Ella Fitzgerald. And the Commedian Harmonists had a go, too. Somehow, Mitch seems to have missed all those versions in his research.

The album also features the 1931 Bing Crosby classic 'I Apologize', and 'Day by Day', also later recorded by Crosby in 1946 as well as by Doris Day in the same year.

You know what? I'd pay to hear an album where that sentence was read out loud.

'You Go To My Head' has been re-worked by such fans ranging from Billie Holiday to Rod Stewart.

That one doesn't even make any sense. To be fair, you know what they mean, but you shouldn't have to rework a press release into English.

Finally, the popular 'April In Paris,' taken from the 1932 Broadway musical 'Walk A Little Faster' and later performed by the likes of Louis Armstrong, is given the Mitch makeover.

It's not meant to sound like a threat. Honestly, it isn't.

Mitch Winehouse reckons he could do that album business

How many people who have become famous because of their kids really shown any talent? Edward Enfield, perhaps? And...

Why do I suspect that a collection of Frank Sinatra covers ("and two original songs") from Mitch Winehouse won't change things much?

Griffin done: Mitch Winehouse

Living TV's plans for a web series of interviews done by Mitch Winehouse in a taxi has already picked up a lot of publicity, but Zoe Griffin has her own angle on the story, naturally:

The Hoff is one of the coolest and funniest celebs I have ever met and Amy Winehouse’s dad Mitch is a straight-talking genius so I was really excited to hear that the two will combine for a 3.5 minute show for internet site Liv.

David Haselhoff is really one of the coolest and funniest celebrities you've met? Good god, who are the other famous people you've come across? Tommy Cannon and The Singing Postman?

You might have thought that such an admirer of the Hoff would, erm, be able to spell his name correctly:

If only they added him to spell check, eh?

Let's just pause for a while at the idea of Mitch Winehouse being "a straight-talking genius". Fair enough, it would mean there was more behind the decision to sign him up as a chat show host than "he's related to someone famous", but how does this "genius" manifest itself, exactly? And what would a genius get out of talking to The Bloke From The Programme That People Watched To See The Women In Swimsuits, exactly?

Still, nice to know that it's "3.5 minutes". Hopefully Living will provide a digital clock counting down to the end of the affair.

Amy Whinnyhorse: That explains everything

Crawling round a bar on her hands and knees? She wasn't drunk and out of control, explains Mitch Winehouse, she was pretending to be a horse:

Mitch Winehouse, who has since joined his daughter on the Caribbean island, said the pictures were misinterpreted. "They were taken before I arrived here, but she says she was just having fun, pretending to be a horse," he said.

Oh, that's alright then. It might have looked like she had temporarily mislaid her reality pot-holders, so it's reassuring to know she was merely doing an impersonation of an equine mammal. In a crowded bar.

Gordon in the morning: Get out the way, Gordon, it's the Globes

Gordon's column has been bulldozed this morning, with large swathes of his online column being shoved aside to make room for Golden Globes coverage. Does this - reportage, with actual, checkable facts, really fit in the Bizarre column? If Gordon does have a regular readership for the sort of thing he usually does, why would you suddenly dump some news in front of them instead?

In the paper version of Bizarre, the big story is a claim that Leona Lewis and Justin Timberlake are going to "duet on Whitney's classic song". At least online Dolly Parton is given the proper credit for I Will Always Love You.

Meanwhile, in the latest churning Mrs Winehouse's Holiday coverage, Gordon is forced to embrace the News Of The World:

Amy told our sister paper the News Of The World: “Josh is handsome and clean and that’s what I love about him."

The Sun having to concede that it was scooped by the NOTW? That's going to hurt. Especially since Smart is now having to follow the Screws' line:

[Mitch Winehouse] will comfort Amy, 25, said to be distraught at his departure.

A source said: “She has been calling Mitch every day to tell him she is totally besotted.

Mitch wants him to know he will have their support.”

This is a bit of a swing from the way Gordon confidently informed his readers last Wednesday there was no romance between the pair.

Still, you can't go wrong with Globes coverage, can you? Alison Maloney files confidently:

SACHA BARON COHEN shocked the audience at the Golden Globes with gags about POSH, CHARLIE SHEEN and MADONNA.

Shocked, you say?

The Borat star, presenting the Best Comedy award, drew gasps as he said; “The recession is affecting all of us, even movie stars.

“VICTORIA BECKHAM hasn’t eaten for three weeks, Charlie Sheen has been forced to have sex without paying for it.

“And even Madonna has had to let one of her personal assistants go. Our thoughts go out to you, GUY RITCHIE!”

Isn't that one gag, rather than "gags"? And that really "shocked" people, did it? Perhaps Alison means it in the sense of 'shocked that his material was so thin'.

Gordon in the morning: We've had lots of letters

Mitch Winehouse, Gordon gravely informs us, has a difficult conundrum this morning:

AMY WINEHOUSE’s husband BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL has sent a vile and abusive letter to her dad MITCH.

The six-page poison pen note from prison is packed with violent threats and abuse aimed at the cabbie.

Really? It seems a little strange that this would have come from prison, but carry on.

The letter is now in the hands of the police and solicitors as Mitch weighs up a difficult conundrum — press charges and risk his relationship with Amy or let the waste of space off the hook again.

It's not clear how a letter can be in two very different sets of hands at once; nor, indeed, how Winehouse would have thought that the choice about charges would be his after giving the letter to the police - whether he pressed charges or not, surely - if Smart's descriptions of the letter are true - there'd be more than enough for the cops to move with without Winehouse pressing charges?

And wouldn't Amy be just as - more - upset if the whole sorry saga ended up in the pages of the popular prints, with or without a police investigation? Oh.

And how much truth is there in this tale? There's nothing to substantiate it beyond an odd quote from a "close pal" of Mitch's:

“I could hear Mitch physically shaking when he phoned to tell me about the letter."

You could hear a man shaking down a phoneline? Really? How does that work, exactly?

Even Gordon seems to lose faith in the tale by the end, suddenly switching to discuss how, erm, Sharleen Spiteri's daughter likes Amy Winehouse. For some reason. Perhaps there's going to be a run of 'what pop music the children of 1990s stars likes'. If there's a lot of space to be filled, anyway.

And there is a lot of space. There's no other explanation for this sort of thing:

Alesha turns flirty

Or rather "thirty". Do you see what he... oh, you did?

Amy Winehouse asks for Amy Lame's job - if ET lets her

The NME is dutifully reporting that Amy Winehouse is going to be a "radio agony aunt", something it has extrapolated from the Daily Star, which claims she's "asked" to go on when Mitch co-hosts the Danny Baker show with Gary Crowley.

The NME might want to approach the story with a little more caution, given that the last big Winehouse story the Star broke was this one:

Amy's demise could have inadvertently sparked a link between the human race and life on other planets after new research suggests aliens have been desperately trying to contact the star.

As sightings of UFO'S soared in recent months - with nearly one being reported every week - betting analysts Blue Square have been working out the odds on where the next alien-bod could be spotted.

But researchers were amazed to discover that when the E.T sightings were plotted on a map of Britain they formed the shape of Amy Winehouse's bee-hived head.

Alien watchers everywhere are now convinced that life on other planets is desperate to contact the skinny limbed Rehab singer and help her to change her destructive ways.

"Alien watchers everywhere" are convinced of this, are they? They wouldn't be saying 'why would you try to contact someone by making a massive join-the-dots picture that, if you're half drunk and squint, might look a little bit like you?' Obviously, I'm not expert with matters alien - I did some work experience once summer helping out with their probing, but mostly it was just making coffee for Tharrrg The Mighty Crusher Of Galaxies - but it does seem they'd be better off hovering over house, wouldn't they?

This has to be a first, surely?

Has E! ever shown interest in Danny Baker's holiday fill-in before?

Mitch fills in for Danny

I'm a little surprised at the decision of Mitch Winehouse to take up an offer to co-host a show with Gary Crowley on Radio London. He's doing the show while Danny Baker is on holiday - just one day, mind, but the list of other co-hosts ( Lucinda Ledgerwood, Phil Daniels, Katie Melua, Clare Grogan, Sandie Shaw, Alison Moyet, Toyah Wilcox, Sharleen Spiteri and David Grant) is an awkward slice of company for Winehouse to be rubbing shoulders with. Nobody would deny him the chance of having a spot of fun, but this does look a little like someone using a sick daughter as a stepping-stone to being a minor celebrity. Unless there's some other reason he's been invited?

Mind you, he is a London cabbie so a phone-in show could just be his natural element.

In other Baker-related news: He's going to be doing 606 all next season. Back where he belongs.

Gordon in the morning: With 'pals' like these

And on grinds the public tragedy of Amy and Mitch, with enabler Gordon giving space to Mitch's belief's that Amy's trip to A&E was as a result of someone slipping an E into her drink:

AMY WINEHOUSE’s furious father is convinced a “pal” sparked her string of terrifying fits by spiking her drink with the killer drug ecstasy.

You'll note that Gordon has put pal in quotation marks, so as not to confuse his readers - this isn't the sort of pal who's really a pal, the type of pal who would sell a story to the tabloids, for example.

Meanwhile, almost as if he's noticed that the general level of interest in his doings has slumped since he split with Kate Moss, Pete Doherty is reduced to reminding people that he used to go out with the famous Kate Moss, you know:

“I haven’t shacked up with anyone since. I haven’t shared my life with anyone.”

Speaking about the break-up for the first time, he added: “When you split up with someone you’re seriously in love with, it takes a lot of time before you even realise you’re upset. You know? It just hits you.”

Yes, it's been a year now since Kate Moss moved on to somewhere where the drug taking would be less obvious - sorry, I mean where the drug taking would be less - and Pete hasn't had a serious page in the gossip columns ("a serious relationship") since.

A&E Winehouse

Why was Amy Winehouse taken to A&E - sorry, rushed; one is always rushed to hospital - last night?

No, I don't really know. You don't really know. The BBC reports that her spokesperson says she had an adverse reaction to her medication, and that they'll decide if she is well enough to be released today.

It's an information vacuum, into which the papers have found themselves rushing inexorably. The Sun sets three journalists onto the story:

By GORDON SMART,
CHARLOTTE SPRATT
and ANDY WHELAN

Oh, alright, two journalists and Gordon. It's not, sadly, clear what Gordon brought to the reporting, but we suspect his special job was writing the byline.

The Sun reports how serious it all is:

JUNKIE singer AMY WINEHOUSE was rushed to hospital last night as her distraught father said: "She’s fucked up, she’s fucked up."

An ambulance and fast response car raced to her house after frantic dad MITCH called 999 when she started having fits.

Goodness. That sounds like Mitch was out of his mind with... oh, hang on... according to the Mirror, while Mitch was understandably concerned, everything seemed under control:

Dad Mitch, who dashed into the house just before the ambulance arrived, said: "She’s fine, she just mixed up her medication."

And, by the time you get to the Express:

Winehouse's father Mitch remained with the singer. He asked reporters and photographers to leave the family alone. However, when asked how serious his daughter's condition was, he held up a bag of KFC and replied: "This is how serious it is."

Bloody hell. If her faculties are so damaged she's demanding a bucket of beaks in lard, things must be very bad indeed.

Oddly, there is no mention of the really horrifying part of the story in the papers, and for that we have to return to the BBC coverage:

Police were called at about 2100 BST to clear a path for the ambulance through waiting photographers.

A Scotland Yard spokesman said: "We were asked to assist in the London Ambulance Service leaving the vicinity where a crowd of photographers had gathered."

All the tabloids were aware that the ambulance had "raced" to the scene. None seem interested that the bunch of photographers snapping pictures for them made it difficult for the ambulance to rush away.

Helping out again

Shaking the sand off our boots as we return home, we discover that Mitch Winehouse has once again decided that the best way to help his daughter is by keeping her name in the papers and dissecting her troubles once again in public. Today, it's The Sunday Times to whom Mitch grants an audience, offering a perspective on how far Blake's influence runs on his daughter:

“He didn’t coerce her to take drugs in any way. I wish he had. Because if he had she would most likely have said, ‘I don’t wanna do it.’” That said, Mitch does concede that his daughter’s recent compulsion to self-harm “is more to do with Blake. He explained to me that when they’re going into withdrawal, if they cut themselves, it takes away the pain”.

And constantly reading your father's latest weighing-up of your medical condition in the newspapers - what does that do, exactly? Mitch clearly thinks it's helping - or perhaps has run out of ways to help, and so is now just trying anything - but it's not. Does this sort of thing:

“Whatever happens, we won’t be where we are now in two years’ time,” Mitch observes, grimly.

... really help anyone with their recovery? Withdrawing cooperation from the papers wouldn't stop them running the pieces totally, but without more "Father gives it two years" style headlines, they might start to dry up a little.

Winehouse a model character at last

Madam Tussauds, which is effectively a place designed to introduce foreign tourists to the very British delights of queueing for an hour in order to pay a small fortune to be slightly disappointed, have added an Amy Winehouse waxwork to their collection.

Amy has taken her place alongside other top attractions including thats-probably-Gordon-Brown, is-he-the-bloke-off-Flog-It and if-I-didn't-know-better-I'd-swear-that-was-the-girl-from-the-chip-shop-you-know-the-one-who-got-knocked-up-by-the-windowcleaner-with-the-wonky-eye-oh-hang-on-it's-Britney-Spears-isn't-it?

Her parents were impressed with the blank, waxen visage of their daughter, saying it was spot on:

As she walked round the model, her mother Janice gasped: "Wow. That's her!

"I was checking to make sure all her tattoos were there and they are!"

Without wanting to be too tactless, is it really appropriate to invite Janice and Mitch Winehouse down to identify a lifeless version of their daughter? A little too close to home, isn't it?

Gordon in the morning: Does he read his own column?

There's been a lot of advice offered to Amy Winehouse over the past few months - none of which seems to have had much effect.

But Gordon has come up with an idea that he thinks is going to succeed where all else has failed: showing her a photo of Britney Spears:

HERE’S a picture I want AMY WINEHOUSE to take a long hard look at – BRITNEY SPEARS looking truly stunning.

It was less than six months ago that the American singer was put in hospital for her own good.

Just like Amy today, Britney was a drug-crazed wreck, dogged by controversy. But look at her now.

Yes, Amy: if you get your act back together, Gordon will move you back into his list of 'women who make me a bit squibbly'. What better reason could there be to kick the crack?

Almost aware that comparing a woman with a serious drug problem with a woman who has bipolar disorder could be considered facile, Gordon casts around for other similarities between Amy and Britney. Hey - they've both got Dads, don't they:

As well as Amy taking note, her dad MITCH might also want to read on — as a lot of credit for Britney’s dramatic recovery goes to her father JAMIE.

The chef — a former alcoholic — took charge of his daughter’s life and cut out her binges.

Mitch might want to tighten Amy’s reins after she stole a bunch of flowers from a Camden petrol station in the early hours of Sunday.

And... hang on, they're both heterosexual, aren't they?

Britney’s dad has also kept her troublesome pals at arm’s length.

Her “manager” SAM LUTFI has been served with a restraining order and Britney is only allowed supervised visits with on-off boyfriend, British photographer ADNAN GHALIB.

He is not allowed to stay the night with her.

Amy is claiming hubby BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL will be released from jail later today, under the terms of the sentencing at his trial for assault and perverting the course of justice.

If Mitch wants to get Amy back on track, instigating heavily marshalled visits with her no-good fella would be a good place to start.

Gordon doesn't seem to have noticed that - while Britney mucked about a bit with Adnan, Amy is actually married to Blake. Which is a bit different.

It's also interesting that his suggestions - tightening reins, marshaling visits - seem to be about controlling Winehouse rather than trying to make her better. If only she was like a ventriloquist's dummy, and could be kept in a suitcase between stage shows...

Gordon in the morning: Continuing Winehouse woes

Yesterday, we were worried about Mitch Winehouse.

Today, Gordon is reporting that he collapsed from stress at the end of last week.

This leads to some Simon Bates style croaky-voiced editorialising from Gordon:

And there was the usual two fingers up to her ailing dad too – as she lit up a cigarette on stage.

Mitch spoke this weekend about how even smoking was putting her damaged lungs in serious danger.

But she sparked up anyway in front of cameras and thousands of fans.

Amy does not seem able to change her lifestyle to save herself. Let’s hope she can to save her dad.

Ye-e-s. That'll work.

More worryingly still, Winehouse still seems convinced that Blake is coming home in seven days time, rather than getting a custodial sentence. That's going to be a bit of a crunch, then.

Elsewhere, Gordon offers the prospect of Jessica Simpson faking an orgasm, which, erm, turns out to be a clip from Mike Myers' dreadful The Love Guru, and so was circulating about a month ago when the film was first released in the US.