Cerys Matthews: The fur and the spitting feathers

Can you tell what the story is from this Sun headline?

Yes, it's 'idiots complain because they can't tell the difference between a fake fur hat and a real one'.

Although The Sun might give the impression that it's 'Cerys Matthews wears rabbit hat for piece on Watership Down'.

To be fair, if you scroll far enough down through the online Sun's new layout, you do get to the truth of the story:

Last night a BBC spokeswoman insisted the hat was not real fur.

She said: “We have just spoken to Cerys to double check and it 100 per cent was not a real fur hat.”

She added: “Cerys has confirmed she would not be seen wearing real fur.”

I say "to be fair", what I actually mean is "although the Sun ends its piece with a paragraph that proves the complaints to be spurious, it still dresses the story in a great big furry implication that they aren't."

Woot-ton: Dan takes a nuanced position

These days, you'll be aware, Dan Wootton, once of the News Of The World is now sitting in Gordon Smart's old chair at Bizarre.

He's really keen that people keep things classy:

Stephanie has now plummeted in my opinion again, calling the boyfriend she cheated on a "knob head". No class. Poor @SamReece #CBB

— Dan Wootton (@danwootton) February 4, 2016

Perhaps Dan could show us one conducts themselves with his required degree of class?

Well that went well pic.twitter.com/6wK6Nafu7Q

— Peter Robinson (@Popjustice) February 3, 2016

Thugobit: Ronnie Biggs

Ronnie Biggs, who was part of a gang who beat an elderly train driver with a metal bar, has died.

For years, Biggs lived in Brazil and performed a canary-in-the-coalmine role in British music, outing the more dimwitted stars of the scene and removing any lingering doubt that they might be admirable.

The fawning of The Sex Pistols is well-known, but let's also take a couple of moments to remember this:

Ah, what larks - that's got it all: Shaun Ryder, a criminal, being brought together by Rupert Murdoch's Sun in a stunt organised by Piers Morgan. Even Hercules would have trouble cleaning that one up.

Biggs also helped push his son into the music business. Michael was a member of child band Turma do Balão Mágico, who did things like this:

Of course, Biggs wasn't the only member of the train-driver beating gang who was taken to the hearts of the more low-wattaged amongst British musicians: Phil Collins played one of them in the film Buster, for example.

Tonight BBC One is showing yet another programme about the train robbery, but you don't need to waste your time as Paul Hardcastle did the same thing, faster, and also found time to include the St Valentines Day Massacre:


Jack Mills died in 1970. Although the violence meted out by Biggs' gang was never officially linked to his death, he had never recovered full health following the attack.

Gordon in the gloaming: Smart career move

Bad news for fans of Kasabian minutiae, odd promotions for golf computer games and the overuse of the word "bangers": Gordon Smart is stepping down as King Of Bizarre.

He's going to Scotland to edit the Scottish edition of The Sun. Dan Wootton, from the News Of The W... sorry, Sun On Sunday, will take over editorship of showbiz, and if the Bizarre column retains its 1980s name and remit, someone as-yet-unnamed will take over.

Will we never again get to hear about that wrestling sitcom pilot?

Gordon in the morning: Praise for Gordon

There's a big campaign - designed to promote the idea of newspapers' role in a digital era - which is keen for the people who make papers to come into the limelight. It's been put together by John Lloyd, who met some of those people as part of his research:

Gordon Smart, editor of The Sun’s showbiz column Bizarre, was “well-read, with a great personality”

Didn't John Lloyd used to promote a different view of Sun journalists when he was working on Spitting Image?

Gordon in the morning: Hair piece

Behind Gordon Smart's paywall this morning, those readers who have dipped into their pockets to get in will discover that Lady GaGa has worn a crazy wig.

You could have spent that money on sweets, you know.

Gordon in the morning: Jessie J votes for modesty

Gordon Smart has an interview this morning with Jessie J, where she attempts to bring the sort of 'let's keep things positive, everything's for the best' approach she used for judging on The Voice to the vexed question of Islamic dress.

"As an artist I try and be controversial and I have been a bit offensive at times. I have a view on the burka and I'm sure a few of the Muslim girls and their families would have a view of me on stage in next to nothing!"

Some of the families have a view of Jessie J writhing half-naked on the stage. The others bought cheaper seats and only had an obscured view.

Jessie, can you solve the problem of centuries of religious injunctions about the modesty of women, perhaps by pulling a statement that sounds like it's been lifted from a Disney song out of the air?

"I remember while I was at school some of my Muslim friends talked about a handful of people spoiling things in every culture. Hatred or hurt or pain isn't specific to a religion.

"I think it's a matter of acceptance. The one thing the world has to accept is everybody is different. What is normal to us is different and unusual to somebody else."

Expertly swerving the question at the heart of the issue - is it a choice, or is it enforced - Jessie J has just moved us straight to the hug at the end.

More interesting, surely, is the quote that kicks off the piece. Let's look at that again:

As an artist I try and be controversial

Wearing crop tops; making Top 40 pop; doing shows for charidee and tea-time telly. Yes, I can see the Vorticist influence there.

Gordon in the morning: Ending JLS

Is it worth paying the money to ease behind Gordon's purple rope, into the payzone, to discover how JLS intend to mark the end of the band?

Drinks and high jinks for JLS farewell

Some sort of party, then? I'm surprised insights like this can be contained behind a wall.

Gordon in the morning: Maradona praises Noel Gallagher

Tucked behind the paywall this morning, Gordon Smart has a strange story in which Diego Maradona, out of the I, Ludicrous song, has hailed Noel Gallagher as "God".

Just as you process this, remember Maradona was so fond of mind-altering substances he drugged himself out of football and into hospital, so it's not totally impossible that he's seen the face of God at some point.

However, I'm not sure that this claim is quite the good news Gordon seems to believe it is. I know precious little about football - I'm from Brighton - but even I know that Maradona claimed that it was God who had handled the ball in the World Cup. In effect, he seems to be blaming Noel Gallagher for putting England out the competition.

Gordon in the morning: Paid-for advertisements

What news are you treated to today, should you pay to sneak past The Sun's paywall into Gordon's garden?

You'll read about how Rita Ora is going to do adverts for Rimmel.

Yes, you pays your money, and, er, get to read about other companies' promotional campaigns.

Gordon in the morning: Tinie on the wrong side of history

Behind Gordon's paywall, but not far enough behind to protect him, Tinie Tempah is "frolicking with" Page Three Girls.

This might be a good day to sign the No More Page 3 petition. It's a fair bet Tinie hasn't.

Gordon in the morning: A dog of a story

If you're curious as to what stories are bubbling away behind Gordon Smart's paywall this morning, you might want to find the cash to read a story about James Arthur getting a puppy.

James Arthur.

Apparently he won the X Factor last year.

This is one of those 'man gets puppy' stories where the celebrity glitz comes from the puppy.

Gordon in the morning: Push-button acting

Behind Gordon Smart's impregnable paywall this morning, he's got a story that claims Jenson Button reckons he'd be pretty good if he took up acting as a career.

True, he wasn't the worst thing about this:

But unless he's thinking of making movies with Rory McIlroy as a sidekick to make him seem relatively alright, he might want to stick to his skillset. Jenson, people will always need driving about.

Gordon in the morning: Young man uses technology to keep in touch with girlfriend

Behind Gordon Smart's unreakabale paywall today, there's the story that Zayn Malik is using Skype to talk to his girlfriend. Coming tomorrow: Harry Styles uses water to feel less thirsty.

Gordon in the morning: GaGa's had her chips

Behind Gordon's dog-patrolled paywall today, he's got the story of Lady GaGa turning up in the UK. She headed, with grim determination, to the nearest cameras ("the nearest chip shop"):

The queen of quirk popped to a chippy in latex waders, pink bra and killer heels with shells and a starfish in her hair. Lady Gaga.

Did she? How refreshingly eccentric she is, right? And in no way desperately screaming "look at me" to try and stop everyone talking about Miley Cyrus' younger and more newsworthy bottom.

Gordon in the morning: Pants

Behind Gordon's impregnable paywall this morning comes the news that One Direction are going to appear at some sort of Victoria's Secret event. Or, in other words, all lingerie models ever can expect to start receiving evil tweets from One Direction fans warning them not to push their busts up in Harry's general direction.

Gordon in the morning: Robbie Williams shock

This morning, those paying for The Sun's website will be nodding at each other, and agreeing they were acute to make such an investment. For they can read this story:

Robbie Williams in unironed shirt

...while those on the outside can only wondered about the details.

Every penny spent on The Sun+ is a penny wisely spent, clearly.

Gordon in the morning: Cover story

What do you get for your money if you pay to read Gordon's column on the Sun website today?

He'll tell you about Victoria Beckham's photo on the cover of Australian Vogue.

But you can see that for free on the Australian Vogue website.

The choice is yours.

Gordon in the morning: Evening special

He's not all bad. This is a lovely gesture:

Chantelle and Julie from Great Yarmouth. I had a spare ticket. One happy Directioner! Mum off to pub #ThisIsUs pic.twitter.com/uHi6Ust9XV

— Gordon Smart (@gordonsmart) August 20, 2013

Unclear if anyone had to sign up for The Sun+ first.

Gordon in the morning: Money well spent

As you know, Gordon's excellent coverage has been taken, along with the rest of The Sun's business, behind a mighty paywall.

So, what does your money get you this morning?

Gordon's big story is that he went on televison and then he played football with his friend James and then James did score a goal and so Gordon lost but he had fun anyway and it was on the television.

Could there be any more compelling argument to dig into your pockets than knowing you can see someone burbling on about their part in a light spot of TV filler that anyone who might have given a half-hearted honk about would have seen on Saturday anyway?