Gordon in the morning: Uncle festering

While the Liberals and Labour and the Tories are busy having meetings, other great minds are coming together:

FORGET live gigs - MARVIN HUMES has the scariest moment of his life fast approaching.

The JLS star is steeling himself to meet ROCHELLE WISEMAN's uncle - former Manchester United hardman PAUL INCE.

Oh yes. Impressing your girlfriend's uncle is the most important thing you ever do. (Thank God the Uncle was fairly famous, otherwise Who Do You Think You Are researchers would have been deployed to find someone, anyone, who Sun readers might have heard of, to power-up the pedal-power couple.)

Also, I know you'll have been worrying about this:

[Chanelle Hayes] insisted that she won't sleep with her new fella Jack Tweed until after the baby is born, out of respect for her ex Matthew Bates - the father of her unborn child who she split from last year.

Now we can all breathe again.

Gordon in the morning: Mrs GaGa's Summer Holiday

Worrying news from Lady GaGa's camp this morning as Gordon suggests she's about to crack:

Lady GaGa goes lala

EXHAUSTED LADY GAGA has been given a month off as record label bosses fear she’s about to burn out.

The double chart-topper’s ferocious work rate — added to her love of a good old tear-up — is taking its toll.

Uh-oh - a woman on the very edge of a breakdown, you say, Gordon?

So it’s still GaGa by name and very nearly GaGa by nature.

The sensitive approach to mental health is one of the things that The Sun is known for, of course.

It's so serious, though, Gordon gets through an entire piece her without mentioning hotpants or bra tops. So, tell us more about this emergency intervention, Gordon:

“Her management have spotted the warning signs and do not want her going off the rails.

“They’ve scrapped all her commitments in August to give her time to get her head straight.”

Oh. So, this story is actually 'woman looks forward to a nice summer holiday in a few months', then?

And it's hard to know exactly who this story reflects worst on:

JAILED Jack Tweed turned tail and ran from the showers in prison — after THREE encounters with naked gay star Boy George.

Probably the person who made it up in the first place.