Battle for Voice judging seats more interesting than The Voice itself

With Jessie J having better things to do, and Danny From The Script having other things to do, there's some excitement at the question of 'who will be the judges when the third series of The Voice happens, as it surely shall, for it is foretold in the Bible'.

No, there really is some excitement. So much so that Paddy Power - the bookies that think kicking a cat is hilarious - have started offering odds on who will be spinning around.

The two incumbents who have yet to quit, Tom Jones and Will I Am, are both 3-1 on.

Beyond that, it's a mix of the plausible and the questionable. So, sure, you could see Olly Murs (10-1) turning up week-in, week-out, but the chances of Adele signing up are surely slimmer than the 12-1 odds suggest.

Likewise, you could perhaps see a world in which an 80-1 punt on Grace Jones could come off (for a couple of shows)... but the same odds on Shane McGowan?

Also: apparently Madonna is as likely to turn up on a Saturday night light entertainment show as Dannii Minogue. Srsly?

[Thanks to Michael M]

Gordon in the morning: Chipper Williams

The only thing more crushing than Robbie Williams launching a Robbie Williams themed poker site is the amount of over-excitement it has created in Tessa Munt:

Ms Munt said: "I am absolutely outraged by this. I think it is deplorable.

"Robbie Williams of all people should be sensitive to the problem of addiction.

"I don't believe there is anything harmless about gambling in this way. The problem is escalation, and he must know what this is like.

"There's no excuse for doing this. Young people are hugely susceptible to this sort of advertising and I am totally opposed to it. It directly targets his fans, including a new generation of children."

I'm not sure it entirely does - it's more a playing-for-matchsticks type gambling, where you can win Williams tat; there's an element of paying for some virtual chips, which is tacky but hardly justifies the reaction of Munt:

She said: "If he wanted to be generous with his time and merchandise surely, with all his enormous wealth, he could visit his fans in his home town and sign posters for them?

"I hope he puts every single penny he makes from it into addiction charities or to help victims over this kind of problem.

"I'm very surprised he is doing this. I think it is awful."

It's tawdry, but is it worse than any other site which offers free games that you then find you have to pay for. I'm all for attacking Robbie Williams, but it hardly seems fair to pick on him for what is a fairly common practice. That much, anyway.

Britney Spears is dead...

...likely to be the subject of a false death claim on the internet. It says here.

Paddy Power are apparently taking bets on it:

Now bookies Paddy Power are betting on the next celebrity to have a hoax death story written about them and the 8-1 favourite is Britney Spears, which surprises me.

Why would you take bets on that? Okay, take bets on white Christmases, because it's unlikely anyone would bother going to the effort of building a machine to change the weather just to win a few quid.

But you're offering the chance to put a bet on, seed a made-up story, and trot down to pick up the winnings? At 8-1? Have you really thought this through, Paddy Power? Have you any idea how the internet works?

Tom Morello makes web stunt look tacky/tackier

There was something to be said for the Rage Against The Machine Christmas campaign - it felt like a genuine, grassroots attempt to organise people into a 'none of the above' vote for a Christmas number one.

Sure, it was utterly pointless and contained a nub of self-defeat about its very existence, but anything that was making people hyperventilate and send emails saying it makes you seem "like a grouchy spoil sport" couldn't be all bad.

But today, Tom Morello has joined in, squishing the last specks of joy out of the campaign:

Morello has lent his support to the campaign, using Twitter to voice his approval.

"Rage's 'Killing In The Name' & The X Factor's goofy Christmas single are neck and neck for num one spot on UK chart," he wrote. "England! Now is your time."

Oh, for god's sake, Tom, it's not about you. The point was meant to be it's 'anything else', not your specific song. On the same label as the goofy Christmas single.

There are a few moments joy to be wrung from wondering how Fearne and Reggie on the Christams Top Of The Pops would cope with the awkward gear change from the Christmas number one to warming up audiences just switching on for the Queen's Christmas Message, but that's about as far as the joy goes.

Meanwhile, in a room somewhere in London...
- You mean our plan worked?
- It worked.
- People really are talking about it as a battle?
- They really are.
- And buying loads of copies of Rage...
- In similar quantities to the number of copies of Joe, thereby doubling Sony's Christmas sales? Yes.
- And it looks like a real race?
- It does, yes.
- Well, it's true. Just a couple of weeks after we were putting articles in the paper bemoaning how nobody voted on the Christmas number one any more, this has totally changed things. People are rushing through our doors to make wagers.
- We're selling double singles, when Joe wins the number one he'll look like someone winning a battle rather than a gameshow contestant who's won a prize... and...
- ... we're making millions on wagers.
- Everyone's a winner. All for something I got one of my interns to knock up on Facebook in a lunchtime, and a couple of calls to the press
- You, sir, are a genius, Mr. Cowell.
- And, you, sir, are a pleasure to do business with, Mr. Ladbrokes.

[awkward pause]

- You know that I'm not actually called Mr Ladbrokes, don't you?

Gennaro Castaldo Watch: Simon Cowell has ruined Christmas for bookies

Oh, boo hoo - Simon Cowell has ruined Christmas for Fred from BetFred, William Hill and their friends. They're talking about stopping running a book on the Christmas number one because The X factor has taken the guesswork out of it. HMV's gambling-entertainment vizier is on hand to mark the occasion:

And Gennaro Castaldo, of retailer HMV, said: "It's almost impossible to be among the best sellers at Christmas these days without either being a product of the X Factor or going on the show to promote your album.

"It gives you access to a huge family audience and we see an instant impact on sales as soon as an artist goes on. The only challenge to total Simon Cowell domination is coming from the equally potent Twilight New Moon franchise, which is driving book, calendar and T-shirt sales."

You've got to love the odds on a Twilight calendar getting to number one in the singles chart, thought.

Interesting that the worry is that Cowell has ruined the gambling at Christmas, and not that he's TOTALLY RUINED CHRISTMAS MUSIC FOREVER. Which you might have thought was more pressing.

Gordon in the morning: Can I use this to buy fireworks and ciggies, too?

Yes, that is what it looks like. Someone's tricked up a fake Brits Access All Areas pass for Gordon. I think it's some guy at school's brother who makes them with his computer, and he can do really convincing student ID, too; you can hardly tell the difference.

Which is lucky, given that Lady GaGa asked him for a birth certificate:

I had an odd conversation with the pouting pop star at the Universal Music bash after the Brits.

She said: "I just wanna thank you for all your support, Mr Scotsman. Brits really are the coolest people. Can you help me forge a birth certificate so I can get a British passport?"

Asking someone for the Sun for help to be in the UK illegally? That's poor research, surely?

Yes, Gordon's back from Earls Court, where a combination of poor tube service and newspaper print cycles means he's only just getting round this morning to telling us what he didn't already know had happened on Wednesday night.

Strange world we live in, isn't it? I know that a few seconds ago Kristin Hersh was taking requests on-stage at San Francisco, but the Brits aftershow news takes thirty six hours to come out.

The Kings Of Leon were fighting at the aftershow. Matthew and Caleb. It's a brother thing. Apparently, though, serious, band-threatening violence isn't good enough for Gordon:

Mind you, with the lead singer in bed around midnight I hope they’re not becoming the Kings Of Yawn.

Meanwhile, John Kay - "chief reporter" - looks into the alleged Weller betting scam:

William Hill bosses told how seven men toured their shops in the Guildford area of Surrey — close to Weller’s Woking birthplace — backing him with bets of £20 and £25 to avoid suspicion.

Near where Weller was born? You're not implying... are you?

Hill chiefs stressed they do not think Weller, 50, placed any wagers himself.

Although having seemingly spent about four days waiting until Adele could finish the presentation video, you could understand if he wanted to make a few quid off the deal as well.

Seriously, though, the bath the bookies have taken this year does mean they're considering not doing bets on the event next year:

A spokesman said: “It was our music department’s worst night for years. It’s highly unlikely we’ll be betting on the Brits again as there is no doubt the results are circulating up to a week before.

“The fact Paul’s interview was pre-recorded suggests people had been tipped off.”

As we said when this story first broke, it's a bit unlikely that an industry that can't keep its core assets from leaking the moment recording finishes would be able to keep a hat on something like this.

Cerys life now little more than a punt

There might be a growing suspicion that her appearance on I'm A Celebrity hasn't exactly done much for Cerys Matthews' gravitas. Indeed, now her sideshow romance with comedy figure Marc Bannerman has turned into something akin to a game of Totopoly. Bookies are taking bets on the chances of her getting married.

Oh, and divorced:

Marc, who dumped his long-term girlfriend to hook up with Welsh singer Cerys Matthews, has odds that he will marry the Catatonia star next year are 9/1. And there are similar odds for a subsequent divorce - at 8/1.


"The jungle drums haven't stopped beating since Marc ditched his girlfriend and started looking for a house where he could set up a love nest with Cerys," said Dave Metcalf, from Betfred.

So, in effect, Betfred's odds are suggesting that Matthews and Bannerman are more likely to divorce than they are to get married. We're not sure that's entirely possible.

Malcolm Middleton wortha punt?

A PR mailout has reached us with the heartening news that, not only has miserablist Malcolm Middleton decided to do a Christmas song, but he's even gone out and put a bet on himself getting to number one:

Putting him in direct competition with this years X Factor winner and the Spice Girls, William Hill have given Malcolm odds of 1000/1 in what the bookmakers say is 'the longest ever odds we’ve given on a Christmas number 1!' The title of the single is We’re All Going To Die.

Which is all somewhat amusing, but also a little puzzling: Williams Hill had previously announced they were closing the book on the Christmas number one. Surely it's slightly fraudulent to take Malcolm's money when they'd refuse wagers on, say, The Spice Girls? Or is the bookies just losing track of its publicity puffs?

Lashes pick up from Winehouse crash

Bookmakers are reporting (okay, "press-releasing" might be more accurate) that support for Amy Winehouse as likely Mercury winner has collapsed as fast as, erm, she has: Bat For Lashes are now pulling ahead as the clear favourite.

Curiously, the trailers for the BBC Four coverage are focusing on the Arctic Monkeys and a 'can they do the double' approach.

It's noticeable, though, that Bat For Lashes' label are currently spending squillions on advertising Fur And Gold in high-profile slots at the moment. And that's probably not aimed at the back-to-school market.

Winehouse favourite for no-show

William Hill are now taking bets on Amy Winehouse not turning up for gigs, although the odds of her not showing are so short - 2-1 on - that it's hardly worth the gamble.

Of course, with the likely real cause of Amy's "exhuastion", the odds really should just be 2-1. (We're now doing the jokes in tic-tac, by the way.)