Damon Albarn gets an OBE

Damon Albarn will shortly be heading to the Palace to meet the Queen*, as he's accepted an OBE.

I wonder if he had a well-connected chum who put in a good word for him?

Apparently Alex James hates that photo.

If you're feeling a bit glum that Albarn is these days so firmly in the belly of the establishment, maybe this, at least, will cheer you up. In a rare tweet that isn't misunderstanding that everyone knew Tim Hunt was joking and that that was the problem, Louise Mensch has clambered onto the wrong side of history:

Damon Albarn? I hope they offered Noel one and he turned it down, is all I'm saying. Oasis >> Blur

— Louise Mensch (@LouiseMensch) December 31, 2015

Blur hanging around

The real disappointment about Damon Albarn having to be dragged off stage is that nobody actually pulled him off stage with a giant hook, along these lines:

On the other hand, as Blur have just launched an own-brand ice cream which you can buy in actual shops, maybe a gentle hook is too good for him.

Actually, judging by the unimpressed reaction to his Alice musical, it's possible a gentle hook is beyond Albarn these days.

Damon Albarn not quite the troll he's been presented as

It sounds like a fairly obvious attempt at annoying former Blur fans when seen through the headline prism:

Even the BBC were pushing this line, as that was the line being pulled for the front of the BBC site yesterday.

But... it's not quite what he said, is it? He was jumped at the end of a Newsnight interview and asked the question; first he dismissed it as "not a very grown up question" for the programme (he clearly hasn't seen Newsnight much recently) before answering.

Yes, he did say that Oasis were better. But then, as the film ended...

... he explained that he was saying this in the context of "communicating who they were". Which is actually a pretty clear dig at Oasis' one-dimensional nature rather than a capitulation that the shoddy plod of Be Here Now was of higher cultural value than, say, 13.

Note to the BBC: next time, you should try stipulating what you'd like to know what Oasis might have been better at.

Bookmarks: Damon Albarn

It's a pity that Damon Albarn's grumpy-old-manning about the internet is the bit that The Quietus are pushing on Twitter (ironic, given that he's mostly moaning about Twitter). The whole of Jude Rogers' interview with Albarn is a sublime piece of writing and observation:

We didn't film outside my actual house. I’d been there quite a few times before we filmed, just to see it. It's such a personal, strange thing to do...to just stand outside, trying not to get noticed by anyone. And then the day we were filming, the door opened, and I thought, "Oh God"... and this very elegant, conservatively-dressed Muslim girl in her mid-20s came out. And straightaway she went, "Hello Mr. Albarn". And I went, "Oh!" She said, "I know you used to live here," and I went, "How do you know that?" Then she told me that when she was a little girl, around 1995, another film crew came round and she remembered her Mum wouldn’t let them in. "And she won’t let you in now," she said. [laughs] Which is understandable! Then at the end she went, "Good luck, I know you’ve got a new record coming out" – she knew everything, basically, about me. I thought that was really, really nice, so I said, "Give my love to the house", and she said, "I will do." In that little moment, I felt that connection with the house and the people in there...I was really pleased about that.

The Daily Star has something to say about Lily Allen

POP star Lily Allen says she could not work with Damon Albarn because she found him “too irritating”.

The 28-year-old singer spilled the beans on the pair’s doomed collaboration attempt in 2008.

Damon, 45, had said at the time: “She’s a talented kid but it was just a bad idea.”

Given that that's the entire Daily Star story, is it fair to describe two words as "spilling the beans"?

Also: if you're not expecting 2008-period Damon Albarn to be irritating, you've not really prepared, have you?

Blur/Oasis: If they bury that hatchet any deeper, even Tony Robinson won't be able to reach it

Well, it's a happy ending of sorts: A Blur/Oasis crossover edition marking the end of the Britpop wars:

Former Britpop rivals Noel Gallagher and Damon Albarn have buried the hatchet and performed together at a charity concert.

Oasis guitarist Gallagher joined Blur singer Albarn and his bandmate Graham Coxon at a Teenage Cancer Trust gig at the Royal Albert Hall in London.

At long last, they've buried the hatchet.

Except... hadn't they already done that?

According to The Onion's AV Club, the pair buried the hatchet last May, when Albarn offered Noel the chance to sing along with soem Burundian drummers:

Blur's Damon Albarn, Oasis' Noel Gallagher bury the Britpop hatchet, finally

Albarn says he'd be happy to collaborate with the onetime brains behind Oasis who's since gone solo. "Well, why not?" Albarn says. "He should come on the Africa Express train [an Albarn-formed music collective] in September." Self-serving, sure, but a nice sentiment all the same.

Bit harsh to call Noel Gallagher "onetime brains". I'm sure he's used them on at least three occasions.

But hang on, surely the hatchet was buried before that? In February of 2012, when Albarn announced the cessation of hostilities at a post-Brits party:

Gallagher, 44, kissed both hands of Albarn, 43, before planting a smacker on his lips in front of shocked guests including Professor Green, Cesc Fabregas, Adam Deacon and Coldplay's Chris Martin.

Albarn, who had earlier collected the lifetime achievement award with his Blur bandmates, said: "It's funny to think Blur were last here 17 years ago when we were big rivals. Isn't it funny how we've both mellowed after all these years? We've buried the hatchet."

No, hold on. It was back in October 2011, wasn't it? The hatchet was buried back then, when Noel was generous in a Shortlist interview:

"Funnily enough, when I was out last night, I bumped into him," Gallagher told ShortList of Albarn. "I literally haven't seen the guy for 15 f**king years and I bump into him in some club.

"We both went, 'Hey! F**king hell!' and then he said, 'Come on, let's go for a beer'. So, we're sitting there, having a beer, just going, 'What the f**k was all that about 15 years ago? That was mental'.

"Then he said, 'It was a great time, though', and I was like, 'Yeah, it was a f**king good laugh'. It was cool, man."

In fact, Blur and Oasis have been burying the hatchet now for the best part of a decade. Here's The Guardian in 2004:

Just over nine years later, it looks as though Blur frontman Damon Albarn and Oasis songwriter Noel Gallagher will finally bury the hatchet - both have signed up to perform on the new Band Aid charity record, due to be released in time for Christmas.

The Britpop feud might have been a great marketing scam. But, boy, the hatchet-burying is proving to be something of a strong pension scheme.

Damon Albarn's endless cycle

Damon Albarn doesn't bother locking his bike - he just pops into the bike shop and spends a few more hundreds on a new cycle each time one gets stolen. Which is frequently, because he doesn't lock his bike.

It's a bit like the Boris bike scheme, only reimagined by someone who has so much money he doesn't understand the value of it anymore.

[Thanks to KarlT for the tip]

Blur: No distance left to run (well, a little bit)

John Harris catches up with Damon Albarn for the Guardian, and discovers that we might just about be at the end of the Blur reunion period:

So no more Blur records?

"No, I don't think so."

And will you play live again after Hyde Park?

"No, not really."

This is even bigger news. So that's it?

"I think so, yeah," he says. A little later, he goes on: "And I hope that's the truth: that that's how we end it. I don't know: you can write scripts, and they always end up going… [pause]… well, one thing I've learned, and I'm sure you're exactly the same, is that everything I think I've got totally sorted out, and I know exactly what's going to happen – it never works out that way…"

So how should I put it? That in all likelihood, this is the end of Blur?

"In all likelihood, I would say. [pause] Oh, God…"

This isn't a very clean declaration of an ending - it's a 'ooh, footsteps going near the waterfall'-cum-'well, we never saw the body fall into the canal' conclusion, with a door clearly left open. Albarn is too shrewd - perhaps too realistic - to say 'never again'.

Harris is also very, very good at getting Albarn to talk about drugs, and in particular the extent to which 13 is Blur's smack album. John's honest enough to admit that there's a massive spoon of hindsight to his insight:

But even though Frischmann's drug problems were becoming well known, nobody who wrote about Blur – myself included – seemed to cotton on (much like, perhaps, when Britain averted its eyes from the fact that YMCA by the Village People was a joyous hymn to the gay lifestyle).

Read the full piece, though, it's an excellent interview in a lovely piece of writing - and it explains why Albarn is now friends with Noel Gallagher, but less so with Jamie Hewlett/

NME goes cold on Olympic anthem story

Paste are running a story based on an NME piece, trumpeting that Chris Martin, Damon Albarn and Matt Bellamy would be writing an anthem to open the Olympics.

It does sound unlikely, doesn't it? To be fair, the NME didn't make it up, and were just churning something they'd read in the Mirror, but they had joyfully run the story as fact without showing any critical thought at all.

Someone seems to have finally got round to reading what they were telling their visitors, though, as the news story has since vanished, leaving only a version in Google's cache:

Coldplay, Muse and Damon Albarn have reportedly been approached to write the official anthem for the London 2012 Olympics.

According to the Daily Mirror Chris Martin and co are the organisers' top pick for the job, and have been asked to write "something inspirational" for the official song of the event.

A source told the paper: "Chris is at the top of the list to front the official record. We're pulling out all the stops to get Chris, ideally with the rest of Coldplay involved too."

Joss Stone has also reportedly been approached to take part in the games' opening ceremony, as well as Coldplay - should they agree to write the song.

For god's sake, did nobody even twig when typing that Joss Stone was being lined up for this? Joss Stone? Were they thinking 'well, that makes sense, they probably left it too late to book Alex Parks'?

Gordon in the morning: Liam does something good

Liam Gallagher is arranging a benefit for Japan:

Liam and his BEADY EYE bandmates will headline a benefit gig at Brixton Academy on Mother's Day, Sunday April 3.

The singer has persuaded Modfather PAUL WELLER, GRAHAM COXON and THE CORAL to join the bill.

What a good-spirited and generous act. And there's no need to try and cram some sort of 'massive chart battle' overwork onto the story to make it interesting, is there, Gordon?

[A source said] "Graham has mentioned the gig to Damon Albarn. It could be the end of one of the most famous British rock 'n' roll feuds ever if he shows up."

Oh.

New Gorillaz album? There's an app for that, apparently

Damon Albarn is claiming to have recorded the next Gorillaz album on a iPad in hotel rooms around the world:

"I fell in love with my iPad as soon as I got it, so I've made a completely different kind of record," he said. "It's ironic, being the sort of technophobe and Luddite that I am." He also offered a few vague clues as to its direction. "It sounds like an English voice that has been put through the vocoder of America. More American-sounding than Blur ... I'm going to try and put it out before Christmas."

Now, it's not impossible - but you've got hope that alongside the final product, Albarn also releases the things exactly as they were recorded onto his iPad, as - surely - for a sound that Gorillaz audiences look for is going to require quite an extensive bit of post-production?

If Albarn has been able to record a proper, produced album using only an iPad and tables in Hampton Garden Inn, that would be quite a feat.

Albarn bars Glee

Damon Albarn hasn't been asked to let Gorillaz tracks be used on Glee, but he's busily telling everyone he wouldn't let the programme use them even if they did turn up. Even if they begged:

"We wouldn't let that happen," Albarn said in an interview with The Associated Press last week.

"And not that they've asked us because they haven't, and now they definitely won't," he continued with a laugh.

There's something incredibly self-regarding about telling everyone that you wouldn't take up an offer than hasn't been made - it's like a teenager going 'yeah, and even if he did ask me out I'd say no, and he probably hasn't even asked because he KNOWS I'd say no'.

Other bands with Gorillaz pedigree - including The Archies, and Animal Kwackers - have also indicated they wouldn't let their art be polluted by a Glee adaptation.

Streaming now: Gorillaz

I'm not sure the world actually needs another Gorillaz album, but as pointless exercises goes, it works. The Guardian is currently streaming Plastic Beach in full.

[You can buy Plastic Beach if you like it. And haven't hijacked the audio.]

Helping Haiti: Damon offers a tune

Let's just absorb the announcement this morning that Simon Cowell's Downing Street-mandated Haiti single will feature JLS and Leona Lewis struggling against REM's Everybody Hurts (because if you've got a building fallen on your head, being told that everyone gets a bit upset at times will make you feel so much better).

Absorbed that? We're building a machine in our back garden that will measure just how toxic an idea has to get before the "it's for charity" goodwill protective cover rips to shreds.

A more interesting way to raise funds - albeit one that won't raise quite so much - comes from Damon Albarn, auctioning off a song. Yes, if you win the auction, he'll write a song all about.

Current bids stand at £770, which is a lot less than it cost Justine Frischmann - but she did get a whole album's worth.

Blur heroin story has no distance left to run

Yesterday, you might have spotted, the press were all over a story about Blur and drugs which took references Damon Albarn makes in new Blur movie No Distance Left To Run and inflated them to make it sound like it was heroin what did for the band.

Today, if you try to visit those pages - such as the Daily Telegraph page at http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/music-news/6993617/Damon-Albarn-admits-Blur-were-affected-by-heroin.html - you'll just get a 404 error page. If you try the 3AM Girls' story which was yesterday at http://www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/news/2010/01/15/​damon-albarn-heroin-tore-blur-apart-115875-21968690, you just get dumped at the front of the Mirror website without any explanation.

Surely it wouldn't take a stiff legal letter before editors untangled their confusion at a man talking about the subject a song he made up in 1997 with the causes for a band splitting in 2003?

Gordon in the morning: A kinder, gentler Gordon

Hold the front page. Or at least the top of the page... Gordon's updated his byline picture:

Gone is the awkward suit - described by Gordon, of course, as "gay" - and the strange holding of the hand as if shielding the ring finger stance.

In comes... what is that, exactly? Harry Cross on a public order charge? "The sociology teacher was relieved to have got through the Ofsted inspection without year 11 asking questions about same-sex marriage or race?"

You've got to love that strange, ethereal glow around him - is that the protection of a loving god? A recent bowl of Reddy Brek?

Otherwise, it's business as usual: NME Awards coverage with this:

Blur are no longer NMEs

NME/enemy? I first saw that used in a Smash Hits letters page in 1979, and I suspect it was whiskery then. It doesn't even make any sense, does it? As - last night, at least - the Blur reunion was NME's. "NME's - not enemies" you might have got away with.

But, tell me, Gordon - where was the ceremony?

London’s Brixton Academy.

London's Brixton Academy. Not, you'll note, the Brixton Academy in York or Brixton, Alabama.

The Enemy had a great time:

THE ENEMY’s TOM CLARKE told me: “It’s nice not being nominated ’coz there’s no pressure. We’re just gonna have a laugh and get pissed.”

How brilliant it is not having to be worried the whole time that we might find the public love us and value our records. Ooh, the sweet joy of having the pressure of being popular lifted from our weary shoulders. You know what? We might make another underwhelming record next year, so that we don't have to worry about anything other than getting drunk at the 2010 awards.

Who left whom, Albarn?

The most interesting aspect of the latest in the never-ending waves of 'ooh, maybe Blur will reunite' ponderings is the way Albarn is starting to tweak history:

"The truth be known, Graham and I have been hanging out together a bit. We had lunch the other day," Albarn told BBC Radio 1 on Wednesday. "It's very possible I'll go back to Blur, it really is very possible ... it's fantastic to get my old friend back."

It's subtle, but there's just a hint that he'd like us to forget that it was Coxon who bailed out of the band when Albarn was busily pushing ahead with what, by then, was a played-out idea.

Still, lets hope that this time the reunion will be on. It might not be that good, and it's unlikely to be as interesting as anything that Coxon has done solo, but at least it'll stop the pair of them mooning about like an indie-pop version of Ross and Rachel from Friends - 'we're on a break/ we might get back together/ it's over/ we're on a break' on and on and on...

Hands turns EMI round. Sort of.

Lots of back slapping and no champagne corks popping as EMI manages to make a profit in the three months to the end of June.

Guy Hands - one of the men who, in another role, put money into the movie Nine Dead Gay Guys - has been trumpeting his success:

Earnings before interest, tax, depreciation and amortisation were £59.2m, compared with a loss of £45.1m in the same quarter in 2007.

Mr Hands told staff: "The bulk of the dramatic improvement in our performance was down to the transformation we have been carrying through in the way we work."

Yes. That'll be it, Mr. Hands. And nothing whatsoever to do with the smart timing of the Coldplay release so the massive sales came just before the close-off of this period's sale figures, then.

Meanwhile: Albarn and Hewlett have turned their backs on Damon's long-time EMI home to offer Monkey: Journey To The West to XL recordings instead. Gossips suggest that Albarn is less-than-thrilled with the Hands regime.

Damon Albarn: 18th most important

While Noel Gallagher is complaining about the young folks' music taking over Glastonbury and deciding it's wrong to go to go to gigs by boat (despite having once bought Mike Oldfield's old yacht), his former nemesis Damon Albarn is being lauded by the Telegraph as the 18th most important person in British Culture.

Without ever having played Knebworth, you'll note.

Gallagher doesn't make it on the list - no, really - even although by the end they're so desperate to fill the slots they're flinging on Helena Bonham-Carter, although surely if she were that powerful all images of her in Planet of the Apes would have been removed from the internet?

Overall, the person who dictates our culture the most is, surprisingly, not an IPC sub-editor, but Nicholas Hynter at the National Theatre. It's not clear if his importance was decided before or after he agreed to give a lengthy interview to the Sunday Telegraph.

With Andrew Lloyd-Webber at five and Simon Cowell at six, the highest-placed popular music-related presence is still Damon Albarn at 18.

Albarn: celebrity culture is bad

Damon Albarn has launched a stinging attack on celebrity culture:

The current celebrity culture "sends out all the wrong messages", he said.

"I think it's creating a mindset that suggests you can get something for nothing and that it's easy to acquire status and fame."

The power of his message might only be slightly weakened by his platform, which was an edition of Today which he had been invited to edit due to, erm, his celebrity status.