The Ghost of Christmas Present was arrested last night for incandescent exposure after Villain Union Leader, Miss Muffet, complained that while she was sweetly sitting on her tuffet, he came down and sat beside her, scaring her nearly to death.
A bowl of unturned curds was the only evidence left at the scene.
Showing posts with label Villainous Union. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Villainous Union. Show all posts
Fire in Greenwitch Villiage Kills Two
By j.a. kazimer
Pyrotechnic Beat New Never News
A freakish four alarm fire broke out overnight at the headquarters of the villain's union in Greenwitch Village costing the lives of two henchmen. The fire burned the first two floors, causing over twenty thousand dollars in damage. VP of Union Affairs, Miss Muffet stated, 'I just sat on my tuffet, eating my curds and whey, when along came a fire...'
Police suspect the fire started when a non-union employee jumped over a candlestick.
Pyrotechnic Beat New Never News
A freakish four alarm fire broke out overnight at the headquarters of the villain's union in Greenwitch Village costing the lives of two henchmen. The fire burned the first two floors, causing over twenty thousand dollars in damage. VP of Union Affairs, Miss Muffet stated, 'I just sat on my tuffet, eating my curds and whey, when along came a fire...'
Police suspect the fire started when a non-union employee jumped over a candlestick.
New Never City's Top Villain Contest
by j.a. kazimer
Are you evil to the core? Does your own mother cringe when you call? If so, the Villainous Union wants you. You will travel to far and a way kingdoms, seeing the world one evil deed at a time, while unhelping others.
Join the Villainous Union and be as evil as you can be!
*Do-gooders need not apply.
Call 1-800-PRINCE-CHARMING-ASKED-FOR-IT to apply.
Are you evil to the core? Does your own mother cringe when you call? If so, the Villainous Union wants you. You will travel to far and a way kingdoms, seeing the world one evil deed at a time, while unhelping others.
Join the Villainous Union and be as evil as you can be!
*Do-gooders need not apply.
Call 1-800-PRINCE-CHARMING-ASKED-FOR-IT to apply.
Be All You Can Be in the Villain Union
by j.a. kazimer
Classifieds New Never News
CLASSIFIEDS
Villainous Help Wanted
~ The New Never City Villainous Union is now hiring. Positions include henchman, villain, mad scientist, and janitor. You must complete a full background interrogation that includes a cavity search, as well as pass a drug test. We are an equal opportunity employer, expect for heroes. We really hate those guys. To learn more about the positions, or to receive an application, email us at Bad_Guys@VU.com.
Classifieds New Never News
CLASSIFIEDS
Villainous Help Wanted
~ The New Never City Villainous Union is now hiring. Positions include henchman, villain, mad scientist, and janitor. You must complete a full background interrogation that includes a cavity search, as well as pass a drug test. We are an equal opportunity employer, expect for heroes. We really hate those guys. To learn more about the positions, or to receive an application, email us at Bad_Guys@VU.com.
Mysterious Fire at the Villainous Union
By j.a. kazimerPyrotechnic Beat New Never News
A freakish four alarm fire broke out overnight at the headquarters of the villain's union in Greenwitch Village. The fire burned the first two floors, causing over twenty thousand dollars in damage. VP of Union Affairs, Miss Muffet stated, 'I just sat on my tuffet, eating my curds and whey, when along came a fire...'
Not surprisingly, the fire is under investigation. The sheriff has released this sketch of the suspect, described as a short man with dark hair. Anyone with any information, are asked to contact the NNPD.
Villainous Union Repeals Don't Ask, Please, Please, Please Don't Tell
By j.a. kazimer
New Never News Staff Writer
The Villainous Union has repealed the Don't Ask, Please, Please, Please Don't Tell policy that barred gay henchmen from serving in the union in a 7 - 3 vote.
In protest of this bold action, heroes everywhere are vowing to stop wearing tights, and instead, will only wear skinny jeans.
President Ogre refused to comment, other than to say, "Ask not what you can do for your country. Just do it."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)