It is as the title says....
I have no modesty left...
Believe it or not, there actually was a day when getting my skirt caught up around my waist tucked into pantyhose after a visit to the bathroom would have caused me absolute mortification...
(and no, I am not admitting that actually happened-I am much too classy for that...(snort))
and if...Heaven Forbid....I actually had a "costume malfunction" and lost part of a bodice to a dress while at a public affair, I probably would have burst into tears...(if that had actually happened....)
I would have been horribly embarrassed if say...my SIL..in a moment of evil insanity announced to our entire wedding reception that she and I had to leave for a while because I needed help with my dress while I went to the bathroom... (that might have happened...)
And it is even entirely possible that I was so shy that I was embarrassed to kiss my groom in front of the whole room..(although after the announcement I had to pee-it may just have been a bit much)...
BUT
I did finally find a cure for modesty.
It was having children.
Maybe it was the endless poking and prodding during pregnancy,
or the fact that during delivery they pretty much display your goods for every practicing student in the hospital.
Or maybe...it was the well meaning nurse who having seen lots of boobies grabbed my chest without asking...to show me how to nurse my baby....in case I couldn't figure out that item A (babies mouth) attached to Item B (my nipple)
It could have been the attendent who decided I needed my "post partum" checkup with family standing in the room....
But no...
It was actually none of those things.
It was the children themselves...
Every mother knows, they are repayment for how we treated our parents...
so...
It was actually the time my daughter Brandy told the manager of a restaraunt that his bald head shone.
and the time my oldest daughter told a black man his teeth were so white...
Oh...wait....It could have been the time when one of the very dignified elders at our church grabbed my cute little girl Brandy, lifted her above his head, turned her over so that her dress fell over her head.....
Only to discover that somewhere between my house, and that minute she had shed her underwear in an undisclosed location...
and it could have been the shocked gasps...and silence as mortified I said....
"she really was wearing underwear..."
and the time that all three of my oldest daughters went knocking on the doors of the apartments we lived in and told them that their mommy didn't have enough food for their lunch (which by the way..they had just rejected...)
They were able to scam sandwhiches, soup, and hot dogs before a neighbor who actually didn't believe their story came to tell me what my inventive little urchins were doing....
or again at the same apartment when my little entrepeneurs drew a bunch of really crappy pictures and went to the same houses selling them for cold hard cash...cause wouldn't you know it, I didn't ever give the little darlings money...
It was also the time I found out that they were putting string across the sidewalk and tripping people as they walked by....
and the time my oldest locked out the other two, while I was coming home from work...while daring them to run around the apartment in their underwear....
And now that I have had a boy...
I am discovering there are new ways for them to embarrass me...
and it is only just beginning...
This morning? My little angel came up to me...gave me a kiss and a hug....said he loved me....
peeked inside my housecoat...
pointed
and said
Boobs! and started laughing...
Thanks son....
There gos what was left of my modesty...
-
I have no modesty left...
Believe it or not, there actually was a day when getting my skirt caught up around my waist tucked into pantyhose after a visit to the bathroom would have caused me absolute mortification...
(and no, I am not admitting that actually happened-I am much too classy for that...(snort))
and if...Heaven Forbid....I actually had a "costume malfunction" and lost part of a bodice to a dress while at a public affair, I probably would have burst into tears...(if that had actually happened....)
I would have been horribly embarrassed if say...my SIL..in a moment of evil insanity announced to our entire wedding reception that she and I had to leave for a while because I needed help with my dress while I went to the bathroom... (that might have happened...)
And it is even entirely possible that I was so shy that I was embarrassed to kiss my groom in front of the whole room..(although after the announcement I had to pee-it may just have been a bit much)...
BUT
I did finally find a cure for modesty.
It was having children.
Maybe it was the endless poking and prodding during pregnancy,
or the fact that during delivery they pretty much display your goods for every practicing student in the hospital.
Or maybe...it was the well meaning nurse who having seen lots of boobies grabbed my chest without asking...to show me how to nurse my baby....in case I couldn't figure out that item A (babies mouth) attached to Item B (my nipple)
It could have been the attendent who decided I needed my "post partum" checkup with family standing in the room....
But no...
It was actually none of those things.
It was the children themselves...
Every mother knows, they are repayment for how we treated our parents...
so...
It was actually the time my daughter Brandy told the manager of a restaraunt that his bald head shone.
and the time my oldest daughter told a black man his teeth were so white...
Oh...wait....It could have been the time when one of the very dignified elders at our church grabbed my cute little girl Brandy, lifted her above his head, turned her over so that her dress fell over her head.....
Only to discover that somewhere between my house, and that minute she had shed her underwear in an undisclosed location...
and it could have been the shocked gasps...and silence as mortified I said....
"she really was wearing underwear..."
and the time that all three of my oldest daughters went knocking on the doors of the apartments we lived in and told them that their mommy didn't have enough food for their lunch (which by the way..they had just rejected...)
They were able to scam sandwhiches, soup, and hot dogs before a neighbor who actually didn't believe their story came to tell me what my inventive little urchins were doing....
or again at the same apartment when my little entrepeneurs drew a bunch of really crappy pictures and went to the same houses selling them for cold hard cash...cause wouldn't you know it, I didn't ever give the little darlings money...
It was also the time I found out that they were putting string across the sidewalk and tripping people as they walked by....
and the time my oldest locked out the other two, while I was coming home from work...while daring them to run around the apartment in their underwear....
And now that I have had a boy...
I am discovering there are new ways for them to embarrass me...
and it is only just beginning...
This morning? My little angel came up to me...gave me a kiss and a hug....said he loved me....
peeked inside my housecoat...
pointed
and said
Boobs! and started laughing...
Thanks son....
There gos what was left of my modesty...
-
