Thankful Thursday 2

Look at this...Thankful post #2.  I'm on a roll. :)

Today I am thankful for little tender mercies from the Lord. 

We have had a few of those in our home this past week.

If you have read my last post, you know that we had to say goodbye to our sweet dog and I am really surprised at how hard it has been~ especially for me.  I knew that I loved her even though she drove me crazy sometimes.  But I have been really surprised at the emptiness that we have felt with her being gone.

I spoke to the vet (not the one we originally saw a couple weeks ago) on Monday and she confirmed the thing that I had been wondering about.  Mei Mei most likely died from some form of cancer.  There it is.  The ugly "C" word again.  I am tired of hearing about and talking about that word.  There is no way of knowing where the cancer started or how long she had been suffering from it.  I just hope that she wasn't in pain for too long.  That is the part that hurts me the most when I think about it.  

Now that we know that cancer was the culprit, a few things have come to my mind.  I have already mentioned the fact that Mei Mei stayed by my side the day I was diagnosed.  That was the beginning of a deeper connection with her on a spirit to spirit level.  I know that may sound weird, but I truly believe that our spirits connected in some way.  Now I understand why.  We were fighting this disease together.  There were many times when I couldn't sleep and came out to the living room where she, once again, sensed that I was in pain and was right there to comfort me.  

Tender mercy.

I can see other tender mercies as I look back on the week or so before her passing...

*The first vet not reading her blood results right.  Telling us that some of her levels were a bit elevated but nothing to be concerned about.  If we would have met with the other vet (the one who was there when Mark took her in), it would have been a different story.  She was concerned with her temperature being a bit too high and she said that her white count was really high.  She said that she definitely would have wanted to do more (expensive) testing and it probably would have come down to us having to make the heart wrenching decision to put her down.

*I had thought about taking Mei Mei with us to St. George that weekend.  I am so glad that I changed my mind.

*Having Mei Mei die while the kids were not at home was another tender mercy.  They have had a really hard time, Josh and Emma especially, but I think it would have been more traumatic if we had been here. On the other hand, it is hard because we weren't able to see her and get some closure.

The Lord has given us these little tender mercies to help to ease our pain and for that I am truly thankful.  It has been a rough week, but I can already see that time is helping us heal.  I can talk about it without immediately bursting into tears.  My first morning walk without her was hard, but it is getting easier.  Just little things like not having her greet us when we get home, hearing her tags jingling when I open the back door because she wants to go outside with me, tripping over her in the middle of the night or having to move her out of the way when I sweep (because for some reason she had to lay right in the middle of the kitchen floor when I did that).  These things have all been missed, but I know that time will continue to heal our hearts and we will always have a special place in our memory for this sweet puppy.

A Bittersweet Beginning

Well, it's been an interesting weekend to say the very least.  I am going to start out with the "sweet" portion.

We decided to begin our summer vacation with a little weekend getaway down South.  I was dying to be with Brittany and see baby Kaiden and we haven't been "home" since December.

On Saturday, we grabbed Brittany's kids and Chantelle & Haiven and went swimming at their pool.  The kids were all in heaven.  It was a beautiful day, although Abbie complained that it was too hot.  :/  Guess what dear...it's summertime.

We had a fun time with cousins and Josh and Emma went to a movie with Grandpa.

I was able to spend a little time at the hospital with Mr. Cutie Pie.

The newest superhero....Super Kaiden!

Here's the latest on the situation.  They have discovered 2 small holes in his heart and he is still having some problems breathing.  Just a case of being taken out of the oven a little too quickly.  :(  But we are glad that he is here and in the good hands of his wonderful doctors.  He ended up being a little bit jaundice too so he is getting a little bit of fake sun to clear that up.  That's why he is wearing the superhero mask.  :)

I love the top picture.  He looks so comfy and I couldn't resist taking a picture of his cute little diaper bum and feet.  I can't wait until he can break out of that hospital and we can all snuggle with him.

Now on to the very bitter part of our weekend.

In the midst of our swim time, I got an urgent text from Mark.  I called him back and he had to give the horrible news that our sweet dog, Mei Mei had just passed away.  

We are in a state of shock at the moment.  She was only going to be 6 this year.  We were expecting that she would be with us for a good 4 or 5 years more at least.  

We are not sure why she died.  She had been favoring her right hip for a little over a month so I took her to the vet last week.  They gave her a full check-up, took blood and everything.  They said that she had probably developed a little arthritis in her hip, sent me home with some pain medication and glucosamine and wished us luck.  They called me back with the blood results a few days later and said that everything looked okay.  So we put her on a diet because she was a little overweight and gave her the meds.  I almost took her back to the vet earlier this week because she was not eating and seemed very listless.  But as soon as I would decide to call and make an appointment, she would perk up and go eat a little bit so we thought she was okay.  Mark took her for a walk on Saturday morning and started to do some things around the house.  He let her outside about 11 am and went into the garage to grab something.  As he came out of the garage he had the thought to check on Mei Mei.  She was lying on the grass, which was one of her favorite things to do.  Mark said she took a really deep breath, her chest expanded quite a bit, and then she let it out.  She shuddered as she let her breath out and then she stopped breathing altogether.

Our friend, Blaine, came over to help Mark take her from the grass to his car and he took her to the vet.  So that is where she is now.  We are still waiting to hear back from the vet.  They were going to review her chart and take a look at her to see if they could figure out what happened.  

I did not tell the kids until we were on the way home today.  I didn't want to spoil their fun weekend and to tell you the truth, I was avoiding it.  One of those moments where I really hated being the parent.  I hate breaking my kids hearts and that is exactly what we are all suffering from at the moment...broken hearts.

Mei Mei was such a sweet dog.  We brought her home as a puppy when I was 8 months pregnant with Ellie.  She and Ellie have been the best of buds.  She loved anyone and everyone.  She loved to be outside as long as someone was out there with her.  Her favorite thing was to run and chase the kids when it snowed.  She would stay out there forever eating the snow and rolling around in it. 

I guess the risk you take when you own a pet is that one day you will have to say goodbye.  I feel like our time with her was too short, but the time that we did have with her was great.  She lived a good life and brought a lot of happiness into our home.  

I would get really annoyed with her sometimes because she would follow me around the house and had a knack for lying right in the most inconvenient spot.  I will always remember one of the times she would not leave my side though~ the day I was diagnosed with cancer.  She seemed to sense my sadness and knew that something was wrong and she just stayed with me the whole day. 

It was really hard to come home from our trip today and not have her jumping all over us because she was excited to see us.  It's going to be a rough start for this summer vacation. :(

We love you Mei Mei and will miss you!

A Night to Remember

What an interesting day I had yesterday.
I taught preschool for about a 1/2 hour then turned it over to my sweet neighbor and friend, Jenn, to finish it up for me.
Then it was off to Chemo treatment #2. I have decided that I am splitting the chemo treatments so that means I am halfway through with this nasty stuff. Only 2 more to go! Hooray!

You have already read about my "hair pulling" experience so now I will move on to the party of the night....
"Playing with Mommy's hair"

 
Everyone was ready to go...even Mei Mei joined in on the fun.
But Ellie, however, chose not to join us. That was the part that broke my heart. She came out of her room with a blanket over her head and when I told her to come out with us, she ran into her bedroom and slammed the door. There were immediate tears on her part and mine. I tried to go in and talk to her, but there was no budging. She did not want to participate at all. So I shed a few more tears and then sucked it up so we could get this over with.


 
The kids did a great job of shaving my head. We decided to not do the fun things that we had planned- a mohawk, old man's hair. My hair was just so dead that it did not want to participate in any of those fun things. So we did the best we could. And shed a few more tears.


 
Before we knew it, the pile had been made. I now join the ranks of those who have no hair. I still have a little stubble for now which may or may not fall out. We will see. As you can see by our red faces- it was an emotional night, but I am so thankful that I could share this moment with the ones I love most. I wouldn't have had it any other way. The girls each saved a few pieces of my hair- some brown and some pink.
Then I threw the rest in the garbage.


 
I had been teasing Josh for a few weeks now, asking him if he would shave his head with me. He loves his longer, shaggy hair and kind of laughed off the suggestion. He was in no way going to participate. But when he could see how emotional I was about doing my own hair, this sweet boy of mine said, "Mom, let's give me a buzz cut." So off we went with the clippers. Didn't take him as short as me, but I so love this boy. He takes such good care of me and I love him for his sweet attitude and for the way he treats me. I am a very lucky mother.


 
Then it was my cute hubby's turn. Can I just tell you again how much I love this wonderful man? I in no way expected him to shave his head with me, but he did it because he loves me and wants to help me in any way that he can. And ya know what? I like the new look on him, a lot. We had his mom come over to even things out a bit. Mine does not need to be blended, but his does.

 
So- here we all are. Together with no hair. I even received this picture of my cute dad today. He wanted to do something to help. He knew that last night was tough for us and he wanted to help, so he went to his hair cutting place and long story short, he came out with no hair. Love ya Dad! That means so much to me and I thank you for your love and support.



Just a couple more cute "no hair" pictures. This is me and my beautiful Aunt Cheri. She is my inspiration. She was diagnosed with uterine and lung cancer back in May (I think). She started some very aggressive rounds of chemo. She finished that chemo about a month ago- had a scan this past week and is in remission! Oh and she also just ran the St. George Marathon a couple of weekends ago. Ok, it was more like jogging but she finished it. I want to follow in her footsteps. (Except for the marathon part- I am NOT a runner). I can't wait until I get that paper that says, "You are in remission", and it will happen.

So as hard as this night was for me, I still feel so very blessed.
Shaving my head has made it real for everyone around me.
I now look like a cancer patient and some days, I feel like a cancer patient.
*But I am still Des.
*I am still a mom of 4 amazing and beautiful children.
*I am still a daughter of a loving Father in Heaven who has allowed many guardian angels to be with me through this process.
*I am still a wife of one amazing husband and best friend.
*I am still the daughter of two amazing earthly parents who have taught me to choose the right, to never give up, and to trust in my Father in Heaven when the going gets tough.
*I am still me with this little thing called cancer.
And soon, I will be free of the cancer and I can be just me again
and that will be a beautiful day.

*Just a little note- Ellie is fine with my hair now. By bedtime last night she was able to look at me with no hair and today she has even rubbed my head. Thank goodness.