And Babies Make...5

This past couple of weeks have been getting somewhat better for us.  Probably more so for everyone else, as I am still struggling.  I'm not having more bad days then good, but I think I am more effected by this than the rest of the family.  Rob is still recovering, but is doing better than me.  Work keeps him busy, but I know he still hurts.  Men and women recover so differently when a tragedy happens.  Women have these dumb brains that just put us through so many mind tricks, it's ridiculous.  If I could turn my brain off for a couple months knowing that when I turn it back on, I won't be going through it all over again, I would totally do it.  My brain (and myself) are my worst enemy right now.  I struggled in the beginning with worrying how everyone else was going to be and think.  I felt like everyone was going to be thinking that I needed to be over this already and that I was dumb/lame for taking so long to grieve and get through this.  I worried so much about what

Things are still sad and very different around here.  No one said it was going to be easy, but boy do I wish it was going to be quick.  On Saturday, I had a very rough depressing day.  I can't pinpoint what specifically put me in my mood, obviously all that has happened, but from the moment I woke up, I pretty much hated the world.  Rob suggested that I take off the leggings that I had been living in for days and put on some regular clothes in hopes it would make me feel better. (Don't worry, I have showered every day, just enjoyed my leggings).  It did briefly, but I still had it out for the world.  I really didn't want to do anything or eat, just wanted to do nothing and be with no one.  I attempted to go to lunch, but I was not the best company.  So when we got home, I kept to myself and then I took a very long nap.  When I woke up, I felt so much better.  I actually got up, took a shower and even dyed my hair.  We even stopped by our neighbors house for a little drink