Imbolc 2018

What inspires me the most at the moment is my witchcraft. When I think about nature, wicca, witchy things and all the little details, I just feel me the most. It is very empowering feeling. This year feels so good, all the vibes are just right and everything seems to work the way I imagine it. All the photoshoots goes so well, my way to working life is doing great, my new meds are working and I don´t just cry all the time.. I have this amazing energy in me which I want to use in creative way. 

Imbolc (pagan Sabbath which you celebrate 1.-2.2.) has inspired me to do more crafts and even decorate my home in Sabbath colors and make some certain mood in our home. To me Imbolc represent white, the white snow is so pure, there is no negativity, it is like new sheet of paper, you can write or draw anything you like. Pinterest came my life again in such a big way and I fell in love with the ideas of minimalistic in decor, just little details that makes the atmosphere. Candles, white, curtains, white. I really love the old jars that has been waiting for some new use for my crafting projects, but actually they look perfect as candle holders. After I took these pictures I washed more jars so now our table in living room will be the same mood.

This sabbath inspires me to white goth style and channel some moon energy. I am so into crystals at the moment, I just wish I have money to buy more. I want to learn more about them and make my home energy to have more flow to it. Also I am interested how to use them in healing or in my own personal life. Any gem fans out there?

I also started few bigger projects I will show you after I am done with them, but the beginning/ test run you can see in the window. Last Imbolc I gathered some wood from the forest and I finally got some string and I want some big witchy decor on my walls that I have made myself. There is also coming some dreamcatchers and paintings that I have been thinking on putting to the walls. I am so hyped about this month, can´t wait to show what else I have been doing! I am so gonna celebrate Imbolc the whole month. 

Blessed be darklings.

Be true to yourself.

Ulvinde

What I have been doing? Where I have been? Well, lately all over. I am super exited about new photoshoots and using my creative energy to photos and new projects. Many of the projects are the ones I have been thinking of doing for years. This year I will do every idea I haven´t in some reason done already. No more excuses.  Can´t wait to show you the new pictures. The first photoshoot I had this year by modeling myself was these beautiful pastel goth pictures which I took with Annielina Stenberg. My hair finally came out like it should have been in the first place.

Also this year I want to try every possible field of jobs I want to do. Just trying and seeing what kind of different kind of jobs are, I think I will find my own place, finally. My rehabilitation is going super well, I can even wake up in the morning and do things the whole day. It hasn´t happen in years. I also started new medication which seems to be working, I don´t cry and I feel very stable and my normal self with all the energy. Now that I don´t cry for hours everyday, I really can enjoy life the fullest. People who don´t want to understand how hard is to live with depression, should try to live someone´s life who has it. All the pain has bring me new ways of thinking. I see way more clearly, I want to people have their own space and opinions. I don´t want to impose my own sentiment to others. Well, best friends still has their part of my emotional break downs and certain strong opinions but I realized I am me, and they are them. It feels so good, it is like I am finally free of my ego´s demand of mirroring others reactions. It still happens some times, but way less than before.

Things that lead to this were few bad arguments with my best friends, I realized how selfish I have been. I really want to be better friend. I really want to be the better me. I don´t anymore want to be anybody else. I am enough, and because I always do the stuff I love at the moment, my own company feels great. I feel happy alone and when I am with others. I hope it comes trough with my pictures, I have this certain mood about silence, peace and moody atmosphere. Altough I am not in the silence at the moment, I am listening one of my favorite albums this year Myrkur´s M. With all the eerie and almost creepy beautiful voice and with the elements of witchy sounds and black metal, I just feel like myself while listening her. I feel like going to some other world or feel like creating something. I am probably going to see her concert in Helsinki next week, If you are there, come and say hi!

"And like a shadow upon the skies fell

my evil child I listen to you tonight

I turn off the day, the storm takes hold

the kingdom of death whispers my name in the long night

they thirst for our pure blood

together we walk in the shadow of what disappeared

the useless creatures fell

but they must honor us by the foot of the tree"

Today´s outfit

Choker: Purple Octopus Jewellery
Necklace: Hongatar Crafts

Shirt: Fleamarket 

Leather pants: Vera Moda

Shoes: Second hand

End of the daylight

Past month has been amazing. Firstly it started with a gig seeing Battle Beast, they were amazing! I was such a fangirl and totally danced the whole thing trough. I remember the waiting and getting super bored, I remember all the new people I talked with, new friends I made, all the cool outfits people wore, how much I wanted to see the band and when they finally came out and everyone started to scream. I felt bad about myself almost the whole day, but when the band started and I felt everyone´s positive vibes, I felt happier than in very long time. It always wonders me how music brings people together so well and how many things you can feel while listening beats and divine sounds. Noora was amazing and now one of my style icons too, she was such a badass.

But mostly I am just happy that I got to share the moment with my love one and new best friend. It never has been hard for me get new friends, I just always find something to say, try to find something in common or just enjoy the differences between our opinions, learning something new from others is always so enjoyable. So, I went to a trip to see my new friend and got even more friends and now I have new nerd friend group which I love so much. We had awesome photoshoot day on a lake, the whole day was sunny and warm but when the sun set, this huge for came and looked super cool. Everything looked so magical and calm. I would have wanted to stay there the rest of the day but it got so cold, it´s autumn after all. Or now it is winter, because the snow has fallen and it has stayed on the ground for 3 days. I love the sound snow does when you walk on it.

Photographer: Annielina Stenberg

Choker: Purple Octopus Jewellery

Necklace: Hongatar Crafts

Stockings: savanni.com

Shoes: Deadfine.fi

So what I am saying here is, the little details I have from this last month, with all the work stuff with beautiful leaves on the cemetery, totally dark mornings when the stars are still shining on the sky, friends, talks that has lasted for hours and hours, all the learning new from my loves, playing everyday Borderlands, playing the first time What remains of Edith Finch (which I hiiiighly recommend to everyone who enjoys good story time and finding out what mystery houses are actually hiding), the game actually made me cry because I enjoyed the playing so much. The music, the backstories, the freaking house! Oh my Goddess, that house is my actual dream house. If you just paint it black I would totally live there. Or I would live there anyway. Although it spooks me a bit because.. well play it so you know why.

"We will fight ´til the end of the daylight

We will stand ´til the dawn of the new day

In the dark times beast awakes inside"

Battle Beast- We will fight

New year resolutions

I am going trough last years pictures and videos, I am making new video diary series, now that I have already shooted everything (episode every week!). I am missing my nails from last spring.. and my long straight red and black hair. My hair is all black now, because I messed up my dyes, damn it! But it will come back soon, I have already bought new silver colors, can´t wait to show you my new style soon!

Last year was very difficult for me, many people left from my life, but I got so many new ones and the old best ones, well they are the best for reason right? I feel the change in me. I am def not the same person I was before. Trust is the main thing these days. I am still super open for my best friends, but other people, opening up is so hard. I can just feel the words and feeling coming up and then.. nothing. I just can´t anymore. Maybe it is a good thing. I am not that type of "normal" finn, I always do what I want, speak everything that comes in mind, I love hugging even strangers and helping is my thing. So maybe, becoming more adult I guess, I can finally understand people who aren´t that open to others. I don´t, still, never want to become cold and selfish, I just couldn´t. If there is so much bad in the world, karma always get its way and there are always someone who´s day you can bright.. yeah, I don´t want become cold, never. So my new years resolution is to become more like me. Again. Love life, love people, love animals, love nature, do the stuff I love the most. I feel better already just thinking about this!

Corset: Sanna Von Steam

Jeans: Spirit store

Jewelry: Purple Octopus Jewellery

Nails: Bella made my nails

What else..

• I want FAM to grow, 
• I want my own pages to grow.. 
• I want to get passport and get at least one time in my life go pass my fear of going further from Finland.
• I will pass one other fear from my never ending list (last year it was the horses)
• I want to go music festival with my friends
• Medieval festival also!
• I will go Tracon with my bestest friends and have uber time
• More concerts and gigs
• I will keep my home clean (haha I wish!)
• We will go more to our summerhouse this summer and I will start my summer garden
• I will start my herb kitchen
• More plants in the bedroom
• Spring cleaning and new balcony 
• BatFit 2017 will be wicked
• I pay my loans, all of them (how adult but they stress me a lot)
• I will full my arms with tattoos (oh yeah!)
• Do things like I want them to do and stop please people
• Start streaming games on Twitch and Youtube
• Do vlogging and Youtube at least once a week
• Blog at least once a week
• Paint and draw more

Anywhere (Every dream’s a journey away )

Last January happened something super special to me. I took my most beautiful victorian style outfit and styled it with my Purple octobus moon necklace, Sanna von steam victorian skirt looked so good I wear it the whole day, even at home. Anyway.. Heidi came in Pori and I had a chance to get on a horse first time in my life, with amazing support from my best friend.

It was so hard to get on the horse, Pihla was so big! I needed a stoole and still Heidi needed to pull me on the other side, with corset, satin skirt and high heels.. and no saddle. It was so amazing to do my first horseback riding experience elf style. I felt like I was on Lord of the rings! After I almost pass out for getting so exited about finally getting on and then get scared about the fact that I am on, I started to grin so much my face almost stayed that way. I soon realized how much muscle you need to ride the horse and stay on it, my butt hurt even the day after.. corset helped a little with the posture but it still needed a lot of work I didn´t forgot that. It was amazing, although I didn´t ride that much and only in little circles because everytime Pihla moved I got freaked out she will throw my over, gladly she just wanted carrots from her owner haha. Pihla was so calm and beautiful, I totally fell in love with her. Earlier

I had just pet horses a little and I have a memory of me trying to get on a little horse when I was a child but got scared so much I started to kick the saddle and crying.. poor horsie, gladly even that horsie didn´t mind. My fear isn´t about that I am scared horses all together, but the fact you need to get on it. I just like to watch big animals, not get killed or force them to do anything. But after my experience, I can gladly say, horsies and ponies loves the riding just as much as human. Pihla would have wanted to ride with me, shoot was so boring for her haha. I bet she was thinking "why are we just standing here, when we can eat or run?".

 After the shoot and now that the time has passed so much, I can truly say, I am not afraid anymore, everytime I even think about doing it again, my heart start racing and I start smiling. It was so amazing, soooo amazing I say. Now that I watch the bts pictures I look so happy and I remember how magnificent it felt to hug Pihla while being on her back. She was so furry and big, I felt all of her muscles and she felt mine too. It was so other world experience to communicate without any words, only with your body. Because I didn´t have a saddle I needed to hold on horse´s mane and bridle at the same time, while I did that I was just thinking was Harry thinking the same thing that I am when he was riding on Buckbeak in third book.

Have you ride a horse? Or is it your hobby, life already? I want to hear all about your experiences!

And the song which starts to play in my head everytime I see the picture.. I listened it so much when I found Nightwish. I had my headphones and cd player in my parents summer house, the whole year went by while listening Nightwish and imaging the world Tuomas have made in my head.

The days were brighter 

Gardens more blooming 

The nights had more hope 

In their silence The wild was calling 

Wishes were whispering 

The time was there 

But without a meaning

Away, away in time 

Every dream’s a journey away 

Away to a home away from care 

Everywhere’s just a journey away

The days departed 

Gardens deserted 

This frail world 

My only rest ?

The wild calls no more 

Wishes so hollow 

The Barefoot Boy 

weeping in an empty night

Away…

Cherish the moment 

Tower the skies 

Don’t let the dreamer 

fade to grey like grass

No falling for life 

A gain for every loss 

Time gathered me 

But kept me flying

“For this gift of dream I must pay the price 

with the loss of life’s pleasures”

September wishlist

Hello sweet darklings! I really really try to blog every week at least once, this is a real try this time haha. At the moment I am totally in love with alternative fashion, Killstar and all. And because I do certain shop posts time to time, it is time to let you know one of my favorites at the moment. As you may know, I love little shops and people who starts with nothing and build their way up with hard work. So, Totentanz has really made me in their regular costumer in good costumer service and very good quality products. I would like to buy everything from the store, but here is few of my favorites.. Just wait, when I get money to buy my autumn clothing, you might see some of these... 

Hot things at the moment (for me), back bags, Wednesday Addams dresses, leggins (what?!), maxi dresses (all around the year), hoodies and some sort of harem pants, pentagrams, moons, capes, different kind of accessories I need to photoshoots. All these with high heels, platforms or chunky heels, I am good thank you. 

Totentanz