Ache.

This one is for anyone who feels they have not received their hearts desire, their biggest hope, there loftiest dream...

I know how that feels... it aches, and it just blows my mind how we can survive and sometimes thrive amidst so much pain.

If we don't speak about it, we weep about it... in aisle 7, at Walmart, sitting alone in the basement- air sucked out of our lungs like a punch to the gut, a memory is jogged and stops us dead in our tracks. Oh, I hear you hurt, I feel you pain, I know you ache, we've been here before...

Not every day is like this, not every moment is pain, but grief is never too far away, watching and waiting for that perfect moment to surface and immobilize me. It's hard, it hurts, it's crippling somedays, but it is part of who I am... and it has made me who I am... so I am grateful, I am broken, I hurt, I am frustrated, but I can look up and thank God for the blessings in my life, even amidst the pain...

This song was my anthem during our IVF treatments... and has continued to ring true... these words get me every time....

"Blessed be Your name, On the road marked with suffering,  Though there's pain in the offering -Blessed be Your name"

-Blessed Be Your Name Lyrics by Mark and Beth Redman 

Everyone has grief, and pain, no one gets out of this life unscathed, it is part of life, it's how we deal with it that matters...

How do you deal with your pain? your hurt? your ache?

Share the love,
M.

(PS. I feel I need to share this, because I know I am not alone... and neither are you <3 )

Update: March 12, 2018

I keep thinking of deleting this post, because I feel vulnerable sharing this ... but I can't - because then I'm not being authentic... I keep wondering if this will have a negative impact on how people perceive me- but if it does, does that actually matter?

Being honest is hard, it's easier to put on a smile and say everything is alright- in the grand scheme of things, yes everything will be alright, but in the moments that i shared these thoughts, thing were not alright.

I know I am not alone in how I feel sometimes, I felt very alone when I was going through in vitro, I felt like everyone I knew -and their dogs- were getting pregnant, and no one was sharing anything other than good news...

What I found out later...

One of my friends had had 3 miscarriages... we could have been there for one another -had we been honest...

One friend kept saying they were waiting to get pregnant... but in all reality they were really trying hard and it wasn't happening...

One friend went through IVF, 1 unsuccessful, and then 1 successful (yay!)

I know why we don't share everything, that vulnerability, the thoughts that people's perception of us will change, we feel weak, sad, scared, and alone...

I don't want anyone to feel the feelings I felt, I don't want people to feel so alone when going through something...

So that is why this post will stay up, even though I feel vulnerable... even though every fibre of my being wants to take it down, and be that super stoic woman, who can manage everything with grace... I manage everything with snotty tears, in a heap on the kitchen floor sometimes... and if that ain't managing well, then I don't know what it... (ha!)

So here's to all of the men and women out there, who are just trying to make it through, and who will be honest enough with themselves to know that talking about what's really going on, actually makes us all stronger... it creates a community that cares...

Let's be that,


Share the love,
Missie

LostBumblebee ©2018 MDBN
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For Granted to Gratitude

Throw back to Grandma's house and a time when everybody had one of these signs... I guess I got a little nostalgic there for a minute and really wanted one in my house... couldn't find one that I liked -so I made this one, and thought I'd share it!

What is your mantra, or thought process when you are cleaning your home, tidying up after others, or even yourself (I'm the main messy culprit here for making messes- I get all excited to start a project and then I start, and I keep adding to my collection of supplies, then I get side tracked or have to get back to work work... putting supper on, loading or unloading the dishwasher... laundry - ps, I am still doing laundry from our Uganda trip, can you believe that?! ya, me neither...can you say major side track?)

What are the words you speak over your home are they positive words of appreciation?
I thank you that I have clothes, to put in the washing machine that we are so blessed to own...

or negative;
I can't believe this guy, who raised him- seriously how hard is it to put your socks in the hamper... oh these kids they have so much and they don't appreciate any of it, I hate laundry...

Change your words, speak gratitude and appreciation and see how things will change... After spending 5 weeks in Uganda and brushing our teeth with bottled water because there is no such thing as clean drinking water there... no matter how clean you think it is, if you drink it, you will get sick...
every time I turn on the faucet here in Canada I whisper a prayer of thanksgiving. There is so much stuff I take for granted...

So print this sign, frame it, and every time you see it, whisper a prayer of gratitude for the roof over your head and the people you share it with... Every time you walk by it and whisper it,  He hears...

Share the love,
M.

LostBumblebee ©2016 MDBN God Bless Our Home : 8x10
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It's My Party.

And I'll cry if I want to.
Cry if I want to. Cry if I want to.

The clock of my life has just ticked another year older. June 1, 11:42am, 1978 I was spewed into the world, if my mother had been a blogger, I'm sure there would have been a very poetic account of my birth, but alas she was not... therefore I was spewed into the world in a pile of goop, and probably poop- if we are being completely honest.

For years now, since I turned 29- my birthdays are somber, a little sad, slightly uneventful (except my 30th, we partied like it was 1978- and it was awesome- I'm a sucker for a good costume/theme party- I love them.) 

But in all seriousness, I take (probably) too much time to think about life, what is happening and what isn't happening -that I wish was happening. This year I tried to see things how they are... not how I expected them to be when I was 18. Do you know how much time I've wasted wishing my life away- hoping and praying for things to be different, instead of being grateful for how they are? the lessons I'm learning?  and just how blessed I am?

This year was a turn. Did I have a moment of tears, yes... did my Hubby take time to sit with me and discuss it? yessss... but only after he imitated me, being me, having my own little pity party- and then we laughed until my sad tears turned into the tears of joy. (Psalms 30:5b - ...weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning... )

I wish I could see only the positive in life, I wish I could be the person who always sees life from a higher perspective, but sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I throw a pity party for myself. Sometimes I put my feelings above those of other people. Sometimes people make me want to scream-  and I love people.  I'm starting to believe that seeing the positive in life is a skill that is learned and not something you are born with. A skill that needs to be honed and nurtured, protected and chosen. You can't catch it, like the measles-  You've got to pursue it, believe it in, aspire to it, choose it, live it, and give yourself a break when you fail miserably at it.

So this year for my birthday I'm giving myself the gift of grace. I generally hold myself to a higher set of expectations than I hold other people to, but this year, this year is a year of grace. (Not an excuse to be a sloppy human, who does whatever they want, whenever they want and never puts the hearts of others above their own). But instead grace in the truest sense of the word- Grace that excludes merit. The one that I can't earn, even with myself. A grace that isn't deserved, just given.

So here is to a new year, a fresh start, and a year of grace.
Maybe you need to offer yourself some grace... true grace, one you can't earn, maybe you don't deserve, but you need. Make today a fresh start in your life...

I created this print, initially it was only going to say Grace once (in black)... but then I kept adding more, we need so much grace in our lives- many times in a day. So as many times are you read grace on this print, give that to yourself, to your children, to your coworkers, to your hubby, to your friends and to everyone else and then times it by 7.

Share the love, and the grace...
M.

Just a little reminder: *Please note all free printables and images are free for Personal Use. They may not be used for resale or commercial use without written permission. >> If you are using these images on your website or your blog you must link back to www.lostbumblebee.blogspot.com

Please visit our INFO page.

Thank you :)

M.

All LostBumblebee® Prints ©2009-2015 Melissa Dawn Baker-Nguyen

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Soul Ship

It all started innocently packing my bag with all sorts of goodies and prints, for an upcoming conference away. I wanted to know how much it weighed, so I stepped on the scale. DO NOT DO THIS. It might make you cry. The premise was to step on the scale, read what it said, step back on holding giant suitcase. Try doing this with tears in your eyes and utterly frustrated at yourself, is an entire ordeal in itself! 

Since the hubby and I did our IVF treatments my weight has continued to go up slowly- I mentioned it to my doctor about hormones, he said nah, everything looks normal- and the hormones should be out of your body shortly. That was 3 years ago. 

So I had to give myself a little pep talk. Come on lady... now is not the time to freak out, you've got too much ahead of you to worry about this at this moment, you need to breathe, shake it off and get your thoughts back on track. Who knows just how easy it is to spiral down, down, down, when you step on the scale? Telling yourself you knew better, you did this to yourself, etc. etc. etc. blah!

So in the midst of my very own pep talk to myself, I had to remind myself, my body is the vehicle that carries this beautiful soul of mine. It carries my thoughts, my emotions, my creativity, my giving heart. I had to get out of my own head. If you ever get yourself in a little scale pickle, don't stay there too long. Remind yourself, that this body, this is just the ship, that carries some seriously precious cargo. That cargo, that is you, that is your beauty, that is your light, that is your life. 

Here is a little reminder, if you need to print it off and put it on your mirror, in your car, at your desk, on your fridge, wherever you need to put it, to see it, do it. This body is fleeting, but your spirit and soul will live on forever. They are what truly matters. 

Share the love-  today with yourself and others!

M.

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Sense of Wonder.

Someone reminded me recently that it isn't about the big things, it's about the little things. The sunrise, the sunset, the clouds, the colour, the changing of the sky... it's the little things that happen daily that we just ignore, move past, and don't pay any attention too...

When was the last time you saw a sunset and gave thanks? Thanks that Someone out there (much bigger than you and I)  was thinking about you and painted it just for you... The sky is a daily masterpiece that I miss often... the clouds are works of art, that I don't even see...

Help me to not lose my sense of wonder, gratitude and moments that you send my way God. Help me to be childlike in your beauty.

Share the love,
M.

ooooops, I had your, your... so here is the NEW version :)

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Blessed.

Have you taken the time to sit and write down all of the things you are thankful for from this (soon to be past) year? I have just begun...  this practice is quickly becoming one of my favourite activities ever,  try it - see how you feel.

There is so much to be grateful for, mixed in amongst all of the not-so-lovely-I-would-rather-have-not-had-to-deal-with-it-crap, in 2014.

In the spirit of focusing on our blessings, I've made what might just be the last free printable of the year...

I think it fits,
What do you think?

So here is to a Happy New Year!
See you next year!

Share the love,
M.

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Blessed.

Everyday- I am blessed.

I am blessed because of the people who have gone before me, paved the way for my freedom here in Canada. and I know my Freedom is not free...

Tomorrow is Remembrance Day here in Canada a day where we remember and cherish our Veterans who have fought not only for our freedom but for peace everywhere.  I'm sad that we only have one day- our veterans deserve so much more than one day. 

Share the love,
M.

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