The world in which we live

I don't know why I feel compelled to write about this on here; it seems more of a private matter.  I'm also not naive enough to think you are exempt from situations like this in your families, so this probably isn't news to anyone, but wanted to record my thoughts anyway.  I think this is just another example of why we need to be lionesses and protect our families.

I've heard mentioned several times the manual, A Parent's Guide, but have never read it before now.  It's the LDS Church's 1985 guide on how to talk to your kids about the body and sex.  Sure, some of it may seem a little out-dated, but there's a lot of good stuff in it.  We started reading it just in time.  When we finish reading  it, I'll probably share a few more thoughts.

Yesterday, my 6 year-old girl said something like, "Is it true that a boy and a girl who aren't married sleep in the same bed without their underwear?"  Gasp!  Deep breath.  "Where did you hear that?"  She'd been at a friend's house and a friend of that friend came over and was talking about it.

Sometimes, I don't know why, but I don't feel bold in calling a sin a sin -- I tend to say "bad choices," so it doesn't come across so judgmentally and meanly.  Luckily, though, we'd recently read this in the manual:

Your role as a parent requires that you pass judgments on your children and correct them as necessary. Some reports are not about accomplishments but about failures. Here you can be most Christlike. Without excusing or minimizing the problem or sin, you can react with concern, candor, and practical steps to correct the error or help your child repent of the sin.

Now the quote was clearly in reference to correcting a sin of a child, which obviously was not our situation, but the word "sin" was fresh on my mind.  Six year-olds also easily understand the word "sin."  I told my daughter something like, "Well if someone did something like that, it would be sinning."  Then we continued to have a little discussion on how our bodies are like temples and when we are married we can share our bodies that way, but if we do things like that when we are not married we cannot have the Spirit with us. . . .

Then, talk about a double whammy -- the kids had been outside tonight playing with some neighbors and my little 6 year old comes in and says, "So-and-so said, what if a girl was naked and someone took pictures of her and put them on iPhoto?"  I said, "Well that would be pornography.  Why was so-and-so talking about that?"  I then told her, yes, people do that, and it is wrong, and so-and-so shouldn't be talking about things like that.

I then asked my husband (I was nursing) to go tell the kid (another 6 year-old) that he shouldn't be talking about things like that, and it was time for him to go home.  I asked my husband if we ought to call the kid's mom.  My husband looked a little surprised at first, but really, he likes things like that.  So, he called the mom and told her what happened.  She was pretty upset and hopefully wasn't too hard on the kid (the manual talks about this).  It's not like they were looking at pornography, he was just talking about it, but I'd think she'd want to know.

When we had family prayer tonight, we again talked about the situation and told our kids that if other kids are talking about things like this to please let us know so that we can know what kids are talking about, tell them if it's true or not, and also answer any questions they have.  We told them it's okay to talk about these things with mom and dad (and we have had discussions in the past on the topic), but they don't need to go talking to their friends about this.  Our 8 year-old son seemed almost relieved to hear that it was okay to talk to mom and dad about when other kids talk about these things.  He seemed to like that he didn't have to keep it inside him and that he could let it out and that mom and dad could actually do something about it.

So, I guess I just write this to reenforce that it's never to early to talk to your kids about the body and sex in an age-appropriate way (the manual gives ideas on this, too).  I'm afraid, though, that the kids are getting more and more details at younger and younger ages these days.  I also want to say how grateful I am that we've been reading A Parent's Guide which has put the topic fresh on my mind and has given me some really good tactics in how to confidently talk about the body and sex with my kids.

Have They Been Taught?

I thought this post on "Sexual Misconduct in Dating -- and what it does to the mind of the woman" was rather interesting.  Here's an excerpt:

President Hinkley was once asked something like, “The unmarried of the church are unclear about what it means to stay morally clean.”  President Hinkley replied with something like, “Oh they know (the rules), they know.”

Unfortunately, I have repeatedly been told stories of behaviors that cause me to believe that either some of my brethren out there either don’t know the rules, or need to be reminded of them and the effects of not following them.

I, too, believe, for the most part, the unmarried know "the rules," but the tendency to justify breaking them must be huge.

Falling Divorce Rates

CNN reported in Divorce Rates Falling, Report Finds just what the title states.  I wondered before reading the article if it's because people typically live together first before marrying; therefore, if they do decide to marry later, they're more sure about it, and they end up sticking together.  That's basically what the article said, but I've also heard that people who do live together, have the "test the waters" mindset and tend to continue to "test the waters" with people other than their spouse after marriage.  Maybe things have changed though; who knows.

<sarcasm> I do know, however, that female and male bodies are meant to fit together; people have been proving this for thousands of years successfully (post-marriage). </sarcasm>

On a related note, LAF/Beautiful Womanhood just linked to an article today stating that Kids Can Do Abstinence, Data Shows.

Teaching Girls to Say "No" in Britain

Saw a link to this on LAF/Beautiful Womanhood:  Teaching Girls to Say "No."  I also liked the comment afterward: 

As well as educating our girls on how to say 'no', we ought be educating our boys 'not to ask'. In fact, I'd argue the educating should start with our boys first and foremost - then our girls won't find themselves having to make a decision either way, until the time is right and the son-of-a-gun is on bended knee, proffering a ring.

More on Modesty

I wish I had time to further develop this thought here, but here are three points to drop into my modesty/chastity file.  Enjoy:

1. 195 Dresses:



2.  From a LAF/Beautiful Womanhood review of the movie Soul Surfer:

Mom, I don’t understand. Parents tell their daughters they’re supposed to dress modestly, and then they go crazy over this movie [Soul Surfer}, proving that modesty isn’t really all that important to them. It’s like girls at church are supposed to be modest, but it’s OK for boys at church to watch girls who are practically naked, as long as it’s in a movie. Modesty is either important or it’s not. If boys aren’t moved by a girl in a bikini, then what are they moved by? And why do I have to dress modestly?

3.  From President Monson's talk at the Priesthood Session of General Conference, April 2011:

Many movies and television shows portray behavior which is in direct opposition to the laws of God. Do not subject yourself to the innuendo and outright filth which are so often found there.

How the Sexual Revolution Killed the Common Date

I just stumbled upon How the Sexual Revolution Killed the Common Date by Erin McBride.  I've read up a bit on this topic in non-LDS circles, but it's interesting putting the LDS twist on it.

It Pays to Wait

Study:  Couples who delay having sex get benefits later, BYU News Archives, Dec 22, 2010

Body Power

A while back I read Kathryn Soper's Why Standard's Night is Substandard.  She suggests that when we teach intimacy to young people, we tend to focus on young men bridling their passions and young women trying not to ignite that flame in young men.  She feels that we also need to discuss why some young women let their standards down:  the need for acceptance, love, joy, fulfillment, and one I hadn't thought of -- power.

I can't say power has been a huge factor in my life. I tend to fall in the Wendy Shalit camp where I'd rather be known and respected for my intellect than for my body (p. 30 Girls Gone Mild). However, I think Soper had a valid point that affects a lot of girls and women.

For example, I was at the grocery store on a busy day last December.  A woman was walking toward me wearing a tight, see-through, lacy, long-sleeved top with a skimpy tank top underneath.  The man walking in front of me noticed her, too.  I can't remember if he turned around after she passed to check out her back side, but I did notice the look of satisfaction on the the woman's face after she'd noticed she'd caught the man's attention!  I tried hard not to laugh!  Soper was totally right!

I believe Shalit would agree with Soper's point (p. 107, Girls Gone Mild), but she would also add more to the discussion regarding modesty in general.  After I finish Girls Gone Mild, I'll share some of her quotes.