Smokes and Mirrors

- by Beanz

TJam has been reading the first blog she ever followed. They have been having a really tough time. If we are going to have something good out of the black cloud, then it is lots of cuddles. We do what Kerrio tells us. When Kerrio says cuddle, we cuddle. When Kerrio says lay in front of the fire together, we get straight down on the floor.

When Kerrio says forget the ironing and hoovering... we're waaaaaayy ahead of her!

This one's for you, Meg, QB, Cleo and Boots, and for you Tealeaf and Kerrio and Brian. A big blogging cuddle for us all to share.

Plus hopefully it will detract from the fact that I accidentally nibbled the corner off a parcel waiting to be posted. (Don't worry, no chocolate was involved, only a small webcam).

Security Services

SERVICES OFFERED:

SECURITY CAT GUARDING SERVICES

DECEPTIVELY SMALL AND CUTE CAT WILL GUARD YOUR PRIVATE OR VALUABLE PAPER WORK FOR SMALL FEE. CATNIP DROPS ACCEPTED AS PART PAYMENT. RATES NEGOTIABLE DEPENDING ON COMFORT OF PAPER.

A3 SHEETS PREFERED BUT WILL CONSIDER A4 SIZE.

EXAMPLE OF WORK BELOW, (ACTUAL GUARDING POSITION MAY VARY)

DISCRETION GUARANTEED

INTERESTED? EMAIL CARLSBERG AT JUMPTHEDOG.COM

Absent Mindedness

- by Chips

Thank goodness for human absent mindedness and distractability and for a dog's innate ability to seize the moment.

I'm not sure at which point between making a cheese toasty and walking to the fridge to put the marg and cheese away, TJam got distracted. Then she went out. If you look in my bed, you will see some very clean evidence.
Yum.

Cup of Tea

Dear TJam

When you are making a cup of tea, be sure to put the tea and milk in the SAME cup you will be drinking from, and not in two separate cups (one of which was waiting to be put away) like you did this morning. What were you thinking?

love from Beanz

PS Unnlizz- (that's your spy name), if you are reading this, doesn't the reindeer cup look good? :))

Cat Tree

- by Carlsberg

What happens when a dog waits until the humans go out and then tries to climb up a cat tree to eat a cat's breakfast?

My food, my tree. Paws OFF. Do NOT try it again.

(and put my crinkly paper back in the box where it came from)

(and wash my bowl once you've licked it with your smooth doggy tongue)

Co-operation

- by Beanz

When they thought I wasn't looking, there was a moment of interspecies co-operation in front of the fire. Almost brings a tear to your eye.

Weetabix

- by Beanz

Other whole weat cereals are available. We don't have any complaints about this type though. TJam left it out on the counter while she went to work and we ate the whole lot. The floor has been lovely and crunchy and we can revisit the crime scene. There should be no problem with our bowels for a couple of days.

We do recommned that plenty of fresh drinking water is available.

Plenty.

Fog

- by Chips

It has been so foggy here that when we went for a walk, I got fog on my ears and eyebrows and I looked about 100 years old. What is going on?

PS I'm still gonna look cute when I'm old, aren't I?

Nostalgia

- by Chips

Today we are going to allow TJam a moment of unashamed sentimentality and nostalgia, and she can tell one fond story about the original Jump The Dog.

2009's story goes:


"Jump was no stranger to public transport, as we didn't have a car for the first year of her life. In fact, she never really settled into private transport and could yelp non-stop for a 4 hour journey. (So annoying that one time I lost my temper after a solid 90 minute session and screamed at her to shut up while doing 40mph on a dual carriage way and the people in the outside lane all turned their heads to see where the noise was coming from. Of course I am not proud of this now, but at the time I didn't know any better.)

Anyway, today I am fondly going to remember that we were going across town from the train station to the bus stop, and as we crossed the busiest tram stop in town, Jump got down and did the world's most gigantic poo right there on the platform. In front of the 50 people waiting for the tram. I had plastic bags, and I scooped that poop as fast as I could, but it didn't stop the dirty looks."

Thank you for that story TJam. I hope you realise that it makes me and Beanz look like saints. Oh, apart from that time I had an accident in training class ...

Happy New Year!

The bloggy slate of 2008 is cleared as we look ahead to 2009...

I am pretty sure TJam has been watching too much TV over the holidays. Today she looked out of the window as she closed the curtains and said, "That's a good picture!"

Happy New Year everyone!

Index of 2008

In January Chips was poorly, Carlsberg was allowed out onto the porch and there was flooding.

In February, TJam ran "What is it Wednesday", Carlsberg got her cat tree and we celebrated 6 years of our 2nd life with TJam.

In March, TJam and FlipTop wint to Crufts, Beanz got a bespoke collar and TJam got some novelty wellies. Chips fell in the canal and got back out again. We went to visit TJam's family and it was TJam's cousin's 40th.

April saw Fliptop turn 21. Beanz got lost and found and then chewed up a kitchen roll. Chips won a new bed in a caption competition.

In May we went camping in Wales during the gales and we went to the beach. We got rejected by You've Been Framed and Chips & Beanz got accepted as PAT dogs.

June was quiet and a little bird at school had chicks in the hanging baskets. July was also quiet. Carlsberg got the run of the garden and Chips survived another batch of chocolate when Mum came to stay.

In August, everyone apart from Carlsberg went on holiday (not camping this year) and TJam met up with Towny Farm and her family. There was a continuing problem with rain in September.

Sadly, regular contributer, Dizzy died in October. Chips and Beanz got in trouble with stealing a ham shank (and MORE chocolate. I know, I wouldn't believe it either) and TJam had some diabolicle knacker sausages. It snowed and the dogs shook mud all over the washing.

In November, Carlsberg caught her first mouse in ages. Chocolate featured. Chips weed on TJam's work bag and sat on the washing. In December, there was another mouse, the humans went skating and then it was Christmas.

Merry Christmas

HO HO HO

Merry Christmas from all of us.

If you've kept up this far, for all these years, you should be really proud of yourselves!

(or see a doctor)

Have a fun filled, live for the moment kind of day, and eat as much turkish delight as you can manage (we know we will)

love from TJam, Chips, Beanz and Carlsberg

xxx

Cat's Christmas

- by Carlsberg

This week I have been very helpful with the wrapping. I love to jump underneath all the paper. TJam loves it when I do that, especially when she is trying to get everything done before Christmas.

Beanz has not been helpful at all. She has been sleeping in front of the fire.

The humans had Christmas part 1. I helped Bamgee decorate the tree.

I put the tinsel in its place by boxing it playfully.

I found time to practise my indignant look.
GREEN tinsel?!?!
Whatever were they thinking?

I investigated the decorations and made sure they were up to scratch.

I got in the decorations box to make sure TJam hadn't missed anything and while I was there, I had a little bite on those long dangly decorations that TJam won't use any more because I try to eat them and she has to pull them out of my throat.

Then the humans had their Christmas dinner and I got some extra catnip drops for keeping out of the way.

Merry Cat's Christmas to you all!

Getting Christmassy

- by Chips

The humans left us at home last weekend, while they went off to get into the festive spirit. TJam, Bamgee and Hatty (that's her spy name) went into the town and got their blades on. There was only one fall in the whole hour and no blood was spilt. Bones remained intact too.

Then they went to the European Market, which was jam packed, and had mulled wine and bought some Christmas presents. TJam says she is not getting us dogs anything, as we have her blood, sweat and tears (and money) all year round. I'm sure she must be joking though. They met Lamb Chop (that's her spy name) for a second glass of wine and then rolled home. They weren't too far gone to feed us, thank goodness.

Squirrels - the Rematch

- by Beanz

So near yet so far, they tantalise me. Those bushy little tails, cute little chase-me eyes. This one clung stock still like that for AGES. So still I didn't even SEE it. Luckily TJam got in with the camera and I have to put up with taunts of, "Beanz the Squirreller? You're RUBBISH" and other such subtle ribbing.In other news, I have been wearing a new collar. It is a little bit heavier than my normal one but other than that, there doesn't seem to be any difference...

Snowmen

- by Beanz

The local kids built a snowman on the common.

TJam let me have a look at it. She did't let me eat the carrot for a nose.

Bamgee walked me. She is not so experienced in thinking ahead on my behalf to avert disaster.

I was very gentle.

I took the carrot and dropped it on the floor.

I ate the carrot.

I love snowmen.

Busy Night

23:00h Settled down for the night on TJam's shoulder. She has been away for the weekend so I was glad to see her. Plus there was a frost and it was cold.

00:23h TJam disturbed me for a bathroom break. I moved onto the warm bit so she had to get back into the cold side of the bed.

03:57h I felt nocturnal and went out in the garden.

04:20h I brought my little mouse up into the bedroom to welcome TJam home properly.

04:23h I gave my best, "I've got a little present for you" call.

04:24h TJam clipped my claws the other day and because of this, I could not hold my prey securely and it ran under the bed. I ran after it.

04:25h Chased mouse from out of my playtime paper bag.

04:26h Mouse ran into the folded up plastic Christmas tree which is now out of storage and waiting to be put up. Distinct lack of help from TJam.

04:27-04:34h TJam started to come to and say something that sounded to me like, "Oh Carlsberg! You are so clever! You've brought me a lovely present! Thank you!" She came over to look more closely at my gift. I patted it so she could have a go at catching it herself.

04:35h TJam went for the humane mouse trap. I went into the other bedroom.

04:37h Mouse ran into trap (no bait needed, it was glad to run into a dark space).

04:38h Mouse deposited into garden.

04:39h Garden too frosted up to use for toiletting purposes.

04:40h TJam returned to bed.


04:44h Still experiencing thrill of the chase, so stalked around bedroom jumping on paper bags and all my toys.

04:57h Went on pre-going-to-sleep patrol of the house.


05:13h Settled back down on the bed again. Purred contentedly.

05:23h TJam's adrenalin levels returned to normal and she settled back to sleep.

05:24h House quiet again.

1st Rule of the Playground

- by Carlsberg

Rule 1: If you've licked it, it's yours.

Temporarily Forgetting Yourself

- by Beanz

This morning I was innocently lying on my bed and TJam was making a call to the bank, on behalf of a (hitherto) reputable organisation. TJam got her diary to check something and put it on the windowsill.

Chips thought she heard a noise outside and forgot temporarily that she is not allowed to jump on the windowsill. Such activity is forbidden since Chips jumped clean through the window in 2002 and the police had to ring TJam at work for her to come and get her dogs off the main road.

Anyway, the automated person on the phone announced that the call would be recorded when TJam (also temporarily) forgot herself and shouted, "Get of my F***ing diary you stupid dog" as Chips put her muddy paw all over Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and ripped the page right out and skidded it up the ledge.

The call wasn't taken for another 90 seconds, so we are hoping the recording also didn't start until 90 seconds after the incident. If she heard anything, the operator didn't let on. TJam got stuff sorted with the bank.

TJam did take a comedy photo of the diary for evidence, but it had confidential information on it so I can't post it. I will leave it to your imagination.

PS I am not pointing the finger at others in this post because I have done so so very wrong that I am creating a diversion.
PPS Besides which, we have not told the person concerned about what I did so we can't publish it til we have sorted it out face to face with the wronged party.
PPPS Yes, this does mean that we might owe YOU an apology. If TJam phones you in the next few days, you should probably worry.

Just Like Old Times

- by TJam

This evening I was sitting innocently by the computer, when I heard that past and distant "mraaawl" that Carlsberg used to do when she brought a mouse into the house.

Of course it is nearly a year since Carlsberg was incarcerated provided with a spacious yet secure environment, and therefore nearly a year since the last mouse incident. Surely there are no mice in our garden. They wouldn't dare.

So I didn't hurry to the front door. When I got there I wished I'd gone a bit slower. Force of habit, I took my camera with me... (you might need to click on the photo to enlarge it for full view)...

Mr Mouse ran behind my shoes! Horror. I dug out the old mouse trap from under the sink and Mr M is now back in the garden. Whether that is with a body temperature of 37C or with rigamortis set in by now I couldn't rightly say, but Carlsberg seems to have lost her touch and couldn't put it out of its misery. Let's hope she doesn't decide to practise any more this evening.