Go Chips!!

Dear Carlsberg

You know as well as I do that if you have a pouch in the morning, you start patting my face at 5am to ask for your breakfast. And you can forget it cos it ain't gonna happen. I must confess to being suspicious. How comes you have just come and sat on my knee AGAIN? Are you even the real Carlsberg or an imposter? I will ask the vet to check your microchip when you go for your next booster.

Anyway, we have more important news now. After 4 years of work, and times of despair, Chips has got her bronze Citizen Award from the Kennel Club. Perhaps I will carry her rosette around in my bumbag so if she gets in a scrap I can whip it out, wave it around and blame the other dog. A special thank you to Gayle, Derrick and Karen who let her into the quieter class even though she wasn't qualified, and who let us work at Chips's pace so she could calm down and chill and, and dare I say it, enjoy herself in class.

Lots of love
TJam

Reply to Letter

Dear TJam

Firstly, I have to say that I was coming home anyway, and your letter didn't make a bit of difference. I am a cat and I will do as I please, as is my feline way.

Please do not think, however, that I am not aware that you are thinking of selling up and leaving the rat race to go and live on a narrow boat. As you well know, boats do not suit cats. You had better stick to your promise that you will not leave until I give sign or signal that it is ok. And please do not think that you will be able to hasten my departure.

Please also do not think that my being extra friendly since I got home and sitting on your knee for the first time this evening is my attempt at winning you round and keeping you on my side.

Lots of love

Carlsberg

PS What about a pouch of catfood in the morning as well as the evening?

Letter

Dear Carlsberg

I am sorry we left you for the weekend and went down to London. I was careful to leave out your favourite food and to make sure someone checked on you (even though the key wouldn't work and they couldn't get into the house). I feel you are overreacting by not coming home. I haven't seen you for 5 days and I am starting to worry, even though I know you pull this 7 day stunt every summer. How am I supposed to know if you are out on an expedition or if you are locked in someone's shed and need rescuing?

It's raining now, so why don't we call it a truce and you can come home, have a pouch of food and we will all be winners. Huh? Waddaya say?

Lots of love
TJam