Blissful Ignorance

If you look at that tiny black dot on the horizon of the field, you probably won't even be able to make out that naughty dog that followed the scent of a long-gone hare and then decided to eat chicken-poo fertilser. That dog blissfully unaware of the trouble I was in. As they say: ignorance is bliss. Actually, my life is bliss. Ahhhhh.

Second Wind

All was quiet for a little while until Chips got her second wind and decided to see how far down into a can of catfood a dog tongue could reach...

but somehow, I got caught in the photo and somehow I had a guilty looking face, when clearly only Chips is capable of jumping up onto the kitchen unit.

Then, TJam found a half empty box of mushrooms, and Chips licking her lips.

And TJam was shaking her head at dogs getting their second, bin raiding wind at the ripe old age of 10 (Chips is 10 you know!)...

when she saw this. A chest print the size of a 22kg collie cross - as individual as a finger print - up against the kitchen unit. Since Chips makes a clean spring onto any height, and I just go up on my back legs, I was clearly busted.

I know when I'm beaten your honour.

Ornamental Cabbage

When TJam came home from work, there was something very wrong (see exhibit 1). I played dead so she would know it wasn't me...

Exhibit I

TJam said, "Oops, did you knock that over with your tail? I should have remembered to put it back up on the side out of your way!" (at least, that's how I remember it. Or she may have gone, "(*&^% what are they doing on the floor?! but I prefer my version best)

So I pulled my best, "Oops, it's just one of those things right? not a problem?" face... (exhibit II)

Exhibit II

However, on closer inspection (exhibit III), it became apparent that the ornamental cabbages had not only "fallen over", but had most definitely been chewed up. There is only one possible culprit and (thanks to regular video evidence) it is not me.

Exhibit III

So, not only am I innocent, but Chips is very very guilty. Which puts me even higher up the "who's a good dog" scale than she is! Yay!

Kindle Orphans

Us animals are becoming Kindle orphans: Bready, Bamgee and Unliz are all hooked!
(note to Brazil - a Kindle is like a computer that holds all your books, just in case you were wondering)

but it's ok because I chewed up Bready's adapter plug.
Dogs 1 : Humans 1
That'll teach TJam not to ponder the fact that I haven't chewed anything for a while.

Welcome home from wherever you went.
I will only half hide my handy work with this enormous squeaky toy.
And do not leave us alone again...

Busy Weekend

We have had an excellent weekend camping.

We met up with TJam's old friend Cazza. She is in a similar league in the "leave it where you drop it" stakes...

Us dogs were especially happy when Cazza said we should sleep in the middle of the tent, with the humans on the outside, so that everyone could cuddle us! Imagine that!! (TJam says to notice her halo in this picture)

The humans went to the chip shop for their starter, and then to the curry house for their actual dinner.

They didn't take any pans along, so they couldn't heat up the left overs for breakfast. I hoped we might be in with a chance to help, but they just ate it cold.

Then we went for a very long walk, all day long.

We were exhausted when we got back, truth be told. However, today we made up for it. I broke the catflap and Chips ate a punnet of tomatoes and weed on the kitchen floor. Result.

Cheese Slices

TJam occasionally treats herself to some processed vegan cheese squares to make some vegan cheeseburgers (ok, vegan burger in bread with ketchup and onions). She knows some people think it is wrong, but there you go. Now I have revealed her guilty secret. Anyway, no more cheese burgers because she forgot to put her precious cheese slices back in the fridge before going out for the afternoon.

It would have been rude to just leave them on the side.

New Neighbour

= by Beanz

We have got a new neighbour called Echo (pictured here with his owner). Echo is only 20 weeks old and already weighs nearly as much as me...

At the weekend, he came on a walk with us. Here he is off the lead for the first time, following behind Nero and Nerospal.

He even posed for a little photoshoot, overlooking the reservoir...

Amongst all this good behaviour, I accidentally disgraced myself by eating the bread off the fence posts that this woman had left out for the birds.

TJam says I look funny when I go on 2 legs.

Who cares what she thinks?

My back legs are not disporportionately short and anyway, who was full of lovely white bread? Not her that's for sure.

Reminiscing

Today is the day that TJam allows herself a brief moment of unadulterated reminiscing. Every year she has to spell check that word...

Anyway, today, TJam is going to remember a comedy incident involving a certain female tan crossbreed as featured in the following, youthful photo of TJam and Bamgee.

One day, Jump and TJam were staying in London Town with TJam's mum, whom we shall give the Spy Name of "Brazil". Brazil was looking forward to her lunch: two pieces of mackerel on toast and a cup of tea.

When the food portion was put on the table, lunch looked a lot like this:

Jump was nowhere to be seen.

Brazil turned around to pick up her cup of tea, and when she turned back to eat her lunch, lunch looked a lot like this:
Jump was still nowhere in sight. Not a crumb on the table or floor. The only explanation was that a whole piece of makerel on toast had magically and completely disappeared.

A true professional and dog after my own heart. Ladies and gentlemen, I doff my cap to Jump the Dog.

Don't Believe Your Eyes

- by Chips

Although it may look like it, that is NOT the cat's bowl under my bottom. It is... um... it's a... um... yellow.... um... not cat bowl, which I did not steal from the desk and take to my bed to clean.

Baby Chilled

We were recently invited to a very special occasion. It was Baby Chilled (that's his spy name) welcome and naming ceremony. We drove miles to the middle of nowhere.

We were welcomed by Baby Chilled and his mummy and uncle.

Tjam said she would put up the tent. Chips thought she was being helpful, lying on the tent. TJam didn't think that helped very much at all.

Eventually, she got it sorted and I loved the view: sheep! everywhere! I liked to bark at the sheep every now and again when no one was expecting it. It made them jump.

Of course, our tent did not look as cool as our neighbours'. They are professionals and their tent had a proper bed, magic carpet and heater. In fact, I would have gone in there, but for the fact I was tethered to our van.

Anyway, we had the welcome ceremony. The humans said it was beautiful. I was a bit nervous of the popping champagne, but I held it together. Just. That is one lucky baby, I can tell you.

Then, everyone chilled. TJam took us up onto the moors. It was so fab.

In the evening, we had a barbeque. TJam was so proud of us.

Well, she was until I stole a cumberland sausage off an unattended plate. By that time though, she had chilled out herself so I did not get told off too much.

At night, the humans made wishes for the baby and then sent lanterns up into the sky. This is Mummy and Daddy Chilled's lantern, with their wishes for Baby Chilled.


The next day, TJam got up early and we climbed right to the top of the hill. TJam fell into a bog up to her knees. Her life flashed before her eyes but she managed to get out and with both wellies to boot. She had to spend the rest of the morning in her pyjama bottoms though.

Here is the view from the top of the hill. It was a bit cloudy so you can't see much, but the house we were staying at is down there somewhere. It might be that whitish thing that my left ear is pointing at.

Then we came down for breakfast. A little girl fell over in a puddle but she was very laid back about it. She is a professional festival goer I expect.


Sadly, we had to come home. When TJam unpacked, what a lovely surprise! Kathryn (that is not her spy name but we don't know her quirks well enough yet to give her one) had packed us a spare cumberland sausage since we apparently love them so much. No need to steal this one. It was freely given.


Thank you Mummy, Daddy and Baby Chilled for a great weekend!

Accusations

TJam has just come home and found a couple of feathers. And the first thing she said was, "Oh no Carlsberg!" What kind of stereotyping is that? Why does she think that I would know how those feathers got there?





*burp*

Reinstated

Homemade 70s style trifle ............................................£5

Carboard box for transporting trifle to
nan's 90th birthday party............................................. £ free from supermarket

Lifting cover, licking trifle and
regaining Champion's title for eating things................ priceless




(PS don't tell the guests. I was caught in time, My lick was removed and angel delight smoothed over, bowl wiped etc etc)

Competition

- by Chips

It seems my campaign for the Eating Things Champion title is not as clear cut as I first thought. Cousin Xaja is pictured here in his bid entitled "I ate the mouldy pitta bread for the birds off the lawn because mummy didn't hurry up with my porridge."

I'm going to have to put my thinking cap on to top that...

Home Alone 2

Trust Beanz to publish a really boring video of me doing a little bit of counter-surfing.

I am much prouder of my achievement in this film. More ingenuity and dare devilling. I did not use a stunt double. It made my carrot all the more delicious.



Yum yum

Home Alone 1

I don't want to be a tell tale, but you know, when TJam goes out, Chips does not lay quietly on her bed. I want you all to know what I have to put up with.

Love from Beanz the Long Suffering

Lunch Time Capers

-by Carlsberg the Hungry

When TJam called home for lunch today, she was rightly suspicious of this tail wagging dog that did not venture out of her box to run to the lunch bucket. It could only mean one thing...

Yes, that in the kitchen, there awaited a chilling (but not that uncommon) sight, of a half eaten bag of animal food on the floor. Problem is, it was MY FOOD!

Beanz had been loyal to her feline friend, and judging by the size of her belly, had not eaten much, if any. Chips's belly region and general posture of malaise told a different story of her part in the caper...

Not one to bear a grudge, I calmed myself from the thought of dogs stealing and eating MY FOOD with a little yoga posture I invented myself. I call it reclined triangle with dog and cat. It promotes harmony. And good digestion.

Getting Professional

It's been a good couple of days for a professional bin raider. First TJam washed a punnet of cherry tomotoes and forgot to take them off the draining board before she went to work. When she came home, all she saw was this:

One little devil had rolled away from me and I'd missed it behind our water bowl. She put it in the compost heap. Sour grapes I say. She just wailed, "It'll never be clean again!" What a wimp. It was a vain quest for cleanliness that got her into this mess in the first place.

That was the day before yesterday. Did you know, tomatoes make you wee. In the house. You just can't help it. (I haven't googled tomatoes, kidneys or poison because we just don't want to know).

Then today, TJam came home from work, all pleased with herself that I had just taken an empty frozen pea wrapper that was in the "pre-bin" area. She gloated that there was nothing in it.

Then she gave me my tea.

Then she found a couple of mystery crumbs.

It was too late, she had already given me my tea.

I was full of tea, plus 7 moulding garlic and corriander wraps.

Here is my Chips-eye view of my handywork. See? I reached that bag all the way up there!

And here is a closeup for all appreciators of fine artistic interpretation.

It's gonna be a good weekend...

Slacking?

What's that you say? Not enough bin-raiding recently? I hope this semolina makes you as proud of me as I am.

Did I or Didn't I?

Before I ask the question, "Did I or didn't I?" I want to tell you about this cool bed I found. TJam got some liners for some hanging baskets (don't hold your breath, she always gets as far as liners and even plants, but falls down when it comes to putting the two together).

It would seem that 12" is just the right diameter for a cosy cat bed.

I said, "This space is TAKEN. Move along please. There are no hanging baskets to make here."

TJam has been busy making Easter nests for Bamgee, Bready and Unliz. You have to imagine that the Easter hen laid flat eggs in her nest. Tjam didn't get to the shop in time to get small vegan eggs. I'm sure no one will notice.

TJam saved herself a nest to have with her cup of tea before she sets off. When she came into the kitchen, this is what she saw:

I quickly headed in the direction of the door and TJam didn't actually see me touch the cake, I just had my head near it.

There was dribble on the chocolate button, which was lying next to the nest, but since the nest is shiny anyway, TJam doesn't know if I licked the nest or not. Now she has to decide whether to take the chance and eat it anyway, or whether to play it safe and throw it away.

What would you do?