Groundhog Day

Nothing of any real interest to talk about. I have been too busy to seek out the current events of the day and when I have not been busy I have been sleeping. Trying to do three peoples jobs right now as they try and rotate out. It a challenge but that is what makes it fun.
TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD

A Hitchhikers Guide to the Middle East Part V

I have made it back to home plate... WOOOOHOOOOOO! Five days of traveling just to attend a thirty minute meeting, it boggles the mind. I was so glad to leave that last camp, as I had mentioned previously, it was an Air Force camp. I usually enjoy going to visit the Air Force because they always have the best stuff and are great hosts. Not at that camp. It was not so much that the facilities are poor, they are not, in fact they are rather good. The problem is everyone posted there (well just about everyone I dealt with) was a jerk. Lousy customer service all around. I have a theory as to why. They are used to being pampered and comfortable. Throw a little character building hardship at them and they just get bitchy. Very disappointing.

Got a C130 outbound going to my camp. It was a Texas Air Guard bird. I was pleased that I was in the company of Texans. When I boarded the plane I greeted my fellow Texians and was shocked and dismayed to find out the flight crew was from Nevada. Right then and there I demanded to know if our govenor new they had our plane! They just told me to sit down, strap in and shut up. I complied.

Made it back to home plate at about 1500 today. It is good to be home. Wandering around this AOR I visited 4 countries, 5 different camps and facilities and I have to say it make me appreciate how nice we have set ourselves up here in our little African paradise.

He 1st Texas. How did the defense of Washington Arkansas go? Kick some blue belly butt? Major Fred redeem himself for getting us all captured at 140th Gettysburg?

TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD

A Hitchhikers Guide To The Middle East Part IV

Well I made it out of my destination country to yet another Middle Eastern garden spot. I arrived in this anti-chamber of hell at about 1700 monday evening. I was immediatly herded into a pen with the other unsuspecting cattle...uh I mean travellers and the indoctrination began. The customs and immigrations lecture, the Ramadan Lecture... after about 20
Me (after about 20 minutes of the this Air Force Staff Sgt reading verbatem from a loose leaf biner): Uh... Sergeant, I'm just waiting further transport can I check and see if I have a flight out and bypass this.
Staff Sgt: No Sir, this is mandatory you cannot leave the terminal until you have been indoctrinated and have signed the immigration paperwork.
Me: Sgt I don't want to leave the terminal, I want to get on the list for the flight out.
Staff Sgt: No Sir I have to complete this brief now. You can check for flight later. If you couldn't get flight then you will have to briefed anyway.
Me: Fine, what if I miss my flight because I am listening to the brief so I can stay in a country I want to leave as soon as possible
Staff Sgt: Huh?

Of course I got briefed, the beer brief, the porn brief, the dress code brief, the disco belt brief, and the ID Card public exposure brief. I think there might have been more briefs but after about 30 minutes I was in a persistent vegetative state. Finally, I made it the 25 yards to the outbound terminal and low and behold there was indeed a flight out to Africa with a showtime of 0240 and a go time of 0540. Well that was only about 10 hours away and I had only been on the go for the last 15 hours it was a bargain by military hitchhiker standards. Anyway, the universe was out of balance because of the good deal lodging I got in the last country so it had to punish me with a long layover. I mosied around the local camp, it was primarily an Air Force installation, took in the sights, the odors and all the other assorted joys of expeditionary warfare. I went back to terminal at about 2200. I dropped my boots and took my socks off, pulled some chairs together and tried to take a nap. No sooner than I had reached sleepy land I was awakened by the damn Staff Sgt again. She wanted me to leave because she had to brief another group. I left, I don't think my system could stand hearing her read that book again.

After what seemed like hours and hours and hours, which in fact, had been hours and hours and hours my flight was called. My elation soon turned to ashes as the Airman informed us that he had spoken to C-20 Operations and they were not taking any PAX (passengers) on this flight only FF&V (Fresh Fruit and Vegetables). This was not wholly unexpected, FF&V does have a higher priority for transportation than people do. That is actually a good thing because I would rather have a fresh apple anyday than see another stinky person in my camp. Of course there is a but, ther is always a but, my Bride can attest to the fact that sometimes I just don't know when to leave things alone. You see, I know my previous good deal left an inbalance in the fabric of the universe. I knew the universe must punish me for my good fortune (fifth law of thermodynamics: No good deed or good fortune goes unpunished) but I felt the uncomfortable lay over was punishment enough. The universe had other ideas. I asked the Airman the question that I suspected I knew the answer to but really shouldn't know the answer to:

Me: Airman, how long have you known that that they wouldn't take pax.
Airman: It was on the schedule
Me: So since about 1800 yesterday
Airman: Yes Sir, why?
Me: I was just wondering why y'all let me and these three other folks sit here all night when you guys new we wouldn't get our flight.
Airman: Oh, Sir, well you see it's not official until show time. Were not allowed to pass any word on a flight until it is official
Me (inwardly seething with uncontrollable wrath. In fact I was imaging this poor Airman's head exploding like an over ripe watermelon. It wasn't this kids fault. He was just doing what some jackass told him to do. Procedure over customer service. I smiled disarmingly and said) Thanks Airman was just curious. When is the next flight?
Airman: None today sir, check with us after 1800 tommorrow.

I arranged for my billeting and was placed in what was supposed to be a transient enlisted tent O(nothing open in officer country, no big deal, I could rough it) but was being used for permanent parties. I showed up at the tent at about 0500 and was too exhausted to think about anything except making my rack and going to sleep in it. The tent was filthy, these guys lived like animals. Never ever bring food into a tent, it just invites critters. There was all kind of food debris and the appropriate level of infestation. Well, one of the tent residents had to be a jerk. I understand that it sucks to have transients coming in and out of your home at all hours of the day and night, but sometimes life sucks even if you did joing the Air Force, DEAL WITH IT. Well this kid (A Tech Sgt) wasn't paying much attention to my uniform, thinking I was some smuck he could boss around smarted off that I had better find some other tent to sleep in cause I wasn't staying there. I became a little miffed and expressed my feelings to him. My Bride can probably enlighten you as to the effects on my emotions of volital combination of irritation and exhaustion. It was the first time I have ever seen a sgt cry, well I guess he was an Air Force Sgt.

I slept until about 1300 in the afternoon then paid homage to the three S's (Shit, Shower, and Shave) and greated another fine Navy Day

Now I had

TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD

A Hitchhikers Guide To The Middle East Part III

I am a hobo. I have literally been thumbing my way around the Middle East. Remember how last Thursday the powers that be said get on that plane and go. Figure out how you get the rest of the way there and back on your own. Well I have been doing just that! I made it up to the base I needed to get too after waiting in the PAX movement tent for just over six hours and a 45-minute bus ride. I made it to the shop that supposedly was hosting this meeting, and true to form, they had no useful information whatsoever. They called over to billeting to try and get me a tent for the night and I mentioned I was on Per Diem. The civilian that was detailed to help me exclaimed “Oh, that changes things, let me call over to the hotel where our contractors are staying!” They drove me out to the Hotel, which is really a resort, and I went to check in. The gentleman at the desk explained that they did not have a room ready for me so they would put me in a chalet for the same price. I thought this was just fine and dandy. The bellhop loaded my gear and myself into a golf cart and we were off. The hop opened the door and I just about pooped my drawers. I had scored a three-bedroom townhouse, with a maid’s quarters, that was at least 1500 to 1800 square ft. It had 3 full bathrooms and a half bath, a dining room, fully equipped kitchen, living room, 3 bedrooms, the master with a giant king size feather bed, and two lanai (one up stairs one down). The floors were marble and it has a beautiful sweeping curved staircase. It rocked!!!! I had gone from tent to palace in less than 48 hours. I was happier than a pig in shit! I might add that in my marble master bath, I had another of those “Fanny Flushers”. This one was considerably more user friendly in design. I actually tried it out and I still believe it is a messy poor second to a wad of the worst American made 40 Grit toilet paper, by the good Lord I do declare it so!

On Sunday I went into the main office to meet with the team coming in for the meeting. In true military fashion, I waited, waited, and then waited some more. Finally, at 1700 I gave up and started to try to get a ride back to my “villa”. I had just made it about a block away when the civilian who was given me a ride got a call on his cell. The team had finally arrived and it was back up to meet them. Of course they had no game plan whatsoever. I agreed to meet with them a 0700 this morning so I made arrangements to check out of my palace and got a ride in. Got up at 0430 packed up, checked out, and met my ride at 0615. Once again true to form. I was there, they weren’t. They finally diddy-bopped in at about 0830 still without any coherent plan. Met with them, did my part to further the cause of freedom and then waited around again. The team had agreed to drive me back to the aforementioned pit camp. So here I sit in an extremely hot tent waiting for a flight to yet another Middle Eastern country from which, I might, I stress the I might, be able to get a flight back to my African paradise in a day or two. I had to check in with an Air Force AMC Staff Sergeant who looked and acted like a young bald Telly Savalas. “Who loves ya Baby, where you wanna go!” His undershirt could barely conceal the giant gold chains around his neck holding up something that was the size of a Mercedes hood ornament. Is the Air Force still a military service?

Note for my Bride: If our kids ever want to serve in Uncle Sugar’s military (lord I hope they are smarter than I am) we need to take them out in the middle to the badlands of West Texas along I-10 and drop them off there with a pocket full of Canadian Money. Tell them to meet us in Dallas in 4 days. If they make it they are definitely military traveler material.

TO THE TYRANT NEVER YIELD