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Last Tango In Timbuktu

by Tim Schaefer

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DEEP THOUGHT # 17

Imaginary 

garden With Real Toads

FRIENDS DON'T NEED TO BECOME LOVERS

TO CONTINUE BEING FRIENDS

BUT LOVERS NEED TO BECOME FRIENDS

TO CONTINUE BEING LOVERS

ONE MORE DAY

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads

In the shower
the soap slipped from my hand
it was a new bar
and heavy
and it struck my toe
and a sharp
intolerable pain
throbbed through that sucker
for 30 seconds or so
along with the sudden epiphany
that what we woefully lack
as a species
is the animal instinct
that might have forewarned me
(not to mention Janet Leigh)
to steer clear of the shower
'stead of standing there
clueless
and letting it happen
(as with most things that happen)
cuz ya know
I'd have been okay
with being dirty for one more day
but we never know
so
we stand there
proverbial lambs off to slaughter
looking like Goofy
at Disneyland
and let it happen

DEEP THOUGHT # 21

So often
the mind has deserted the premises
long before the body
as the body stands there 
robotically mouthing the words
"YES, DEAR"

DEEP THOUGHT # 14

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads

I HATE YOU
is a more honest emotion
than
I LOVE YOU
and less subject to change
on a whim

U

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads

She says that U owe her
now
in her decrepitude
cuz she carried U
and popped U out
and later on applied the rod
in her blind and righteous way
and U've got the scars
as a badge of honor to prove it

She didn't know nuthin'
'bout raisin' no babies
but then she was a victim
of her old world culture

And now U owe her

I never even met mine
'cept briefly
on that first day

I wonder if she even looked in my eyes
or just said take him away
my fate already sealed beforehand

She didn't owe me a thing
save to hand me off to someone
who would pick up
where she left off

But U owe her
don't U know
for reasons
only the angels can fathom

And U will go
and do your duty

As if there were some conceivable way
this late in the game
to kiss it and make it all well

CAPTIVE AUDIENCE

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads smage CImaginary redit: Paper Man Toilet Roll Comic Characters Rolled from vector.me (by nicubunu)

- 
He only had time to read
while sitting on the can
stolen moments here and there
for a minute or two...
but one day
when he was really "backed up"
he nearly finished
War And Peace

All things even out in the end

BOOBY TRAP

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads

I remember at age seven or so
sneaking peeks through these girdle catalogs
my mom had around the house
and being slightly titillated
by the models in there.

She was a local rep for some of those companies--
ya know, kinda like the Avon lady,
only she sold girdles.
And back then business was booming.

Yeah, it was all about being the best
you could be,
even if it wasn't the real you.
And girls wore "falsies" too,
which were bras that made you look
bustier than you really were.
And it was all okay because
most of those bouffant beauties
were't going to let it all hang out
with anybody until after the guy
had signed on the dotted line
and then he got what he got
and too bad if he didn't like it.

And then the girdles went the way of the Edsel.
(And if you've ever negotiated a girl
out of a girdle
in the back seat of an Edsel,
then buddy you've got a whopper
of a classic tale to tell!!!)

Yes, the smell of weed and liberation was in the air,
and ladies were only too happy to slip free
of the bonds of their latex booby traps,
though it caused many to have to come to grips
with who and what they really were,
and furious dieting commenced throughout the land.
And some overdid it, and that gave rise to Twiggy,
who ate like a piggy
but brought it all back up again
and that was the rise of the "supermodel."

And now, back to our young boy and his story!

A few years later I discovered what
the primary function for the girdle really was,
on a blind date where she was tucked inside
one of those things (I knew she was in there somewhere)
and she let me touch her up top all I wanted,
but though I tried, there was no way in  hell I could have ever
peeled that second skin off her--it was so tight--
and that was just the way she planned it.

So I don't mind tellin' ya, son,
that in The Battle Of The Sexes,
I was on the front lines!