#440

MY LAST POST HERE (:

if you're still wondering why my blog is dead, it's because.....

I've been posting somewhere else (:
Happy searching :D
If I tell you, be honoured (:

Goodbye carbonxide.bs, you hold many un-erasable memories (':

#439

today sucked, but oh well nevermind.
---------------------------------------------

ms loo (to aidi and me): CAN YOU GUYS NOT GRADUATE!
aidi and me: HUH? hahahahaha
ms loo: because i'm so used to you guys already! in sec one you all like monkey like that, now -gasp- sec four already! GO FAIL ALL YOUR SUBJECTS HAHAHAHA

i'll miss you when i graduate, ms loo ))):

---------------------------------------------
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHANG AIDI. MAYBE WE DON'T SAY IT OFTEN, BUT WE LOVE YOU FOR BEING SUCH AN INTERESTING PERSONALITY, AS WELL AS BEING ONE WHO IS SO FUN TO TALK TO, AND OF COURSE, ONE TO LOOK UP TO. HAPPY TURNING 16 AND YOU ROCK (:

---------------------------------------------
sigh this post is so disjuncted. anyway, mug lit now.
sometimes i really cannot stand life. I come home, sit down, think about things, and come to conclusions such as:

1) life sucks.
2) I suck too.
3) life sucks because I suck.
4) ARGH! SUCKS.

on the whole, i think i've not been achieving things to the best of my ability. sigh. sometimes i wish i had 8 limbs even though i'd look slightly weird, so that i can like, you know, write 4 essays at once, hold a pen + a piece of bread + notebook + book/ lit text! + highlighter at the same time, and become the epitome of multitasking.

LIFE SUCKS.

#438

wah oms we have 85 days left!!!! -hyperventilates-
anyway zhao you were so, so brave you ought to be proud of yourself. rambutan too :D and mich!

my mind is now like an open book and the wind blows the pages such that it flips backwards backwards backwards, so now i'm thinking of what ms ong said during board camp.
"what would you want to be remembered for?"

Hmm, what would i want to be remembered for?
And in the end, what would i really be remembered for?
Or will i even be remembered?

oh the memories.
the seniors. yes, i remember. i do.

#437 (4+3=7 wow)

thank you for always trying to bash up my ego, which is currently on the brink of nonexistence. the more you try to kill my spirit, the more my spirit will retaliate. I Will Not Let It Die.

screw off
i'm very tired and unhappy (no surprise) as usual. i want to be happy ): i want to find my optimism, where has it gone to ):
haiiiii... but thanks to the people who make me feel like i'm not really alone at the loneliest of times (: thank you you!

PRAC TOMORROW I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO PRAC.
XIANYUE, WE CAN DO IT YO, SUCCESSFUL CONCERT 2010! :D

87 days left and counting.

//edit OHMYTIANZ i must reply tags nao.
dengyue hoho didn't know i could write nice poems eh? haha joking :D
sarah WHAT CCA ARE YOU IN NOW! i realise i don't know much about you peeps' lives alrd ): catch up soon! ((: oh and i'll let you listen to our arrangement soon! :D
crys NOPE they are SO NOT fangirling over me.
ahma jiayous ahma! <3>
crys i realised this was so long ago oops so i shan't reply :D i think i replied on your tagboard
tiff see you tomorrow mango hubby :D
crys do you still hate apples? they keep your docs away
xinyuan macabre indeed - haha i took so long to reply this omt
hongjie MEEP!
jiemei yupyup the mulan scores are so eggciting :D haha jiayou for your solo it's an awesome solo! :D wheee~
dengqing hahaaha LOLL why is yiheng an apple anyway o_O does he look like one? O_O
angelicLOVE hello i replied yall now y'all never reply me :O
dengqing haha jiayou qingdeng :DD watching rjco concert! ^^
dengyue hello! :D haha two 'deng's
CHULEEVOON#2 ROAR :D
xinyuan have fun mugging too :D
huiyi well done for ssef too :D haha this is so long ago omg
xiaohan I LOVE CLASSIC! :D <3>
POHGINTENG you are so weirdly hilarious HAHA. anyway jacket!!!!
hongjie hahahaa! eeeeep
dengqing don't know when jacket is coming :O
shona that's interesting, INTP :D
yunan HAHAA TOTALLY NOT AMAZING LOR.
yue done!
jiemei haha i'm aiming to be less emo :/ whee jiayoujiayou! :D

WAH DONE.

#436

sometimes i wish you'd just leave me alone and stop annoying me to the max.
you seriously annoy the crap out of me. stop all that nonsense please, i didn't come for you to release all your angst. want to release all your angst? release them somewhere else. like for example, climbing to the top of bukit timah hill and screaming 'i hate life' because that's what i wish i was doing now.

i don't want _____ to die in my hands. it's a very bad feeling. ___ says that ______ dropped, but she also says that i can do it. I don't know what to believe. as much as i would love to successfully _____, i know that it's gonna be a long way there because the ______.
(don't worry if you can't fill in the blanks, you probably half-know what i'm talking about.)

deep down i know there could be something i can do. and i'm already trying to do something to ______, but currently _____ is very worrying.
i basically hope that when the 5 of us leave, we would have made a prominent/permanent mark.

why does ____ have to leave.

okay enough blanks for now. sarah chang's concert was rather impressive, i liked the concerto. but i personally love her interpretation of the carmen fantasy when she was younger ((:

#435

Okay I realised that i'm getting very lazy to post detailed min-by-min blog posts.
So I shall say everything in a nutshell (:

I discovered that I'm ENFJ! yay same as dawne and zhuoning (: and ms ong when she was younger! (she said so, hahaha!) awesome. i think i never took the MBTI before, so this is my first time. did the quiz on fb and it said i'm ENFJ too! guess i really am ENFJ then. I seriously agree with the 'F'.

pohginteng, you should totally be an 'F' please!

okay, basically, in my very last board camp, I discovered how much pb actually means to me. i'm not going to elaborate much, except that I'm so ever grateful for the presence of FEDELE in my life (: and i love the awesome fedelicious hoodie thanks ariel! :D

(on a side note, rgco jacket coming next week! oh the anticipation :D when it does come finally, I'll probably wear fedele hoodie on odd weeks and rgco jacket on even weeks :D yayyy then i'll never suffer from the shiver-due-to-weird-aircon-that-blows-arctic-winds-syndrome! :D)

okay so basically i currently miss board camp ): but conducting symposium was really boring. nanny would agree with me...

had huamulan dazu yesterday omg, it sounded weirdly dissonant O_O but ahwell haha not tooooooo bad for the first dazu considering it has what, D G Bb Eb F A C diaos ._.
but it's okay, makes it exciting :D juniors jiayou for your awesome syf'11 choice piece :D oh and wenyun amelia nina dengqing and shiyun came back!! hohohoho (:

it's raining!

#434

I miss board camp!
awesome few days with rgspb, fedele, and CLASSIC! hahaha I think CLASSIC is a really awesome group yay yay and especially since the word "CLASSIC" has double meanings. awesomez!
I shall list the people in classic who came!

ariel rachel dawne xiaohan joanna abhi ME melfoo gen zixin zhuoning and BRENDA!
yay classic is really awesome!

this is all I'll blog about board camp for now, will blog more soon! (:
love you rgspb/fedele/classic, and thank you brenda and facils! ((:

#433

surprise surprise. i'm sad again.

Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one To build me up and tear me down, Like an old abandoned house.

don't worry, I didn't like break up with somebody please -.- you refers to ssef.
okay well, congrats to those who won something, you guys are really good (: I'm not going to be a sore loser, but I must say that well I'm really disappointed. Screw judges who raise our hopes and let them plunge down once again.

But MH10, thank you for being a really awesome team (: thanks for being dependable and entertaining team mates (: i'm glad that we had fun together! :D fruity labs are healthy for the heart! oh and yuann and tingwei too, we sure had fun together (: I think I'd miss going down to singapore poly, doing the ATPase assay and antioxidant assay and GRINDING FRUITS haha. Possible extensions, team? hmmm. But I still think our project is beneficial to mankind okay, just wait till we come up with a very clear conclusion that directly relates to everybody's lives (come on man, you ALL eat fruits what!) and then we'll make big bucks.

OKAY KIDDING.
I think it'll take awhile for disappointment to disappear. ahwell.
and claripok don't worry, if anything you have me and yvonne! :D hopefully that's somewhat comforting :D CHUpaCHUps forever yes? <3>

and yvonne:
thank you for being a friend and staying with me all the way even when i was being anal and struggling to hold back tears. You don't know how much it meant to have somebody by you when you don't know whether to cry or laugh. thanks (:

oh and to hongjie xD :
yes we know your tarts are tarty tarts, fruity tarts, awesome tarts and whatever else you could come up with xD thanks for being entertaining omg, haha Natural Science is Not So scary hopefully, hope you don't feel so NauSeous anymore! bleh lameness :D

okay so, time to get back to work. felt weird going back to school yesterday though, it was like, going back after a very long time. Actually yes, since i haven't been back for 3 days straight. okay social studies beckons and here i go to the land of white rocks!

TATA.

#432

lately I've been thinking quite a bit about sec3, and missing sec3 quite a bit as well :/ maybe it's knowing that I'm leaving soon, but yet not that soon. But then again, how do we define soon?

nevertheless, I'm missing sec3.

SSEF! omg judging was today I'm so relieved it's finally over! our judges took like SUUUPER long to come to our booth so we ended up stoning till noon. I think our 1st judge turned up at exactly noon, or around there haha. anyway I think we did quite well, and the judges seemed quite interested in our project :D ATPase assay+antioxidant assay+heatiness+TCM stuffs ftw :D
oh and HLM (haitong leevoon maria) ftw too, maria and haitong make extremely wonderfully awesome partners to have, and we were all amusing each other while stoning today omg. and not to mention maria has an addiction to snake ex on my phone, but in the end she still failed to beat my high score nyeh :D

I hope for good results ohman don't want merit/participation ): which reminds me, when yvonne claripok and i were walking to jurong east mrt today, clarisse said something which I heard as "can we not get marriedddddd...." and i was like, HUH until she clarified hahaha omg married vs merit -.- but yeah i guess nobody wants merit/participation, DUH.
but gold is like, far :/

being at the science centre gives good excuse to have unhealthy lunches/tea breaks because macs is "near when we are not in court shoes" (quoting maria) and "far when we are in court shoes" (quoting maria again) but ahwell we had this rgs mcflurry party inside annexe today, awesomez.

okay i totally don't really understand bio at all, I feel so phaillll now and seriously, exams in a week's time?! please lahhh, my math is already dying and my ss come on lah. chinese, xuan ci tian kong fail ):

someone save my sanity ):

okay I shall end off happy.
results for ssef tomorrow :D -crosses fingers- okay ahwell.
byebye :D

#431

of stupid headaches, math worksheets, and chem assignments.
oh and 3 chinese mock papers!
THE JOY!!

haha something that was hilarious and made me laugh for one minute HAHAHA
(on yahoochat with the chenweiting..)
-------------------------------
AWESOMEZ.
okay hope my headache goes away. LJ week does not look very appealing ):
but the HOLS do :D
conducting symposium sounds so eggciting :D and and prac and and board camp! :D wheeee speaking of prac, can CHENWEITING kindly post the nice (part of) xianyue photo at CCO concert up on fb asap! i want to see it I think it'd look awesome (: we took photo with linlaoshi, and then I had to go off ): but apparently they didn't get to see wls either, so I guess I didn't miss much xD hahaha. but throughout the concert tiff, weiting and I were doing some very funny nonsense which i shall not post here otherwise people will shake their index fingers and say ORH HOR very loudly to their monitors :D

okay chem assignment, here I come.

#430

oh my sky I feel like going to swim the weather is so hot.
woke up as usual around 7am (okay maybe not usual)... gosh the CNY holidays made me so lazy I think even though they're so far away already. being able to wake up at 8am on weekends is a luxury D: PFFT.

So, my last SLI is gone!
okay it's not like I have any emotions WHACKING me in the stomach or something, but goodness me, last SLI. Hmm idk if it's just me, but I think the feeling of being sec4 has finally kicked in. well maybe it's no longer only because the sec4s'09 aren't here anymore, maybe it's the feeling of having many more worries and many more instances of being upset and really just in despair. I just it's just another stage in life perhaps.

we had a rgco dialogue yesterday! thanks nanny and mich for that dialogue, it was... I guess.. rather useful in the sense that people got to speak up and say what they had to say about rgco for now, and i think it was really good "let-out-all-that-angst" time. I wanted to request for everybody to start shooting daggers at the SLs but in the end I decided against it because... well maybe we SLs wouldn't be able to take it hmm idk, but all it takes is ______ and i cannot tahan anymore. So i guess.. wise decision heh.
but i really want feedback ):

but rgco dialogue... okay nevermind I won't say anything else here.
we had huibao too! people whom I really wanted to have huibao didn't turn up for very amazing reasons, actually probably invalid reasons/ reasons they didn't bother to tell me at all until I ASKED, and i think you get the general idea that i'm pissed. YES I AM, so if you guys read this (which I don't think you will) please do reflect. A section is not made up of just you, you cannot be absent and be present as and when you please. Thanks.

huibao was okay i guess, in the sense that I got a clearer picture of where the section is now. It's not like we're extremely bad, because people who underperformed were very obviously shaking away (oops haha) and I actually heard some of them before. And people who didn't play mangchun kuaiban as fast as you normally do, BANG BANG BANG. you were supposed to xD BANG AGAIN.

ahwell back to rgco dialogue i guess. I realised how much some of my dear friends were suffering and all, and i guess i know more problems they face now. But it's just this general sense of helplessness because I know i can never be enough to help them, and at the moment it seems as though nothing i think of is good enough. And furthermore, i have my own load too, and thinking about 3 (?) persons' loads is just killing me.
but i want to help.

SO BADLY.

#429

hmm... today was uneventful except for fire drill :D
411 owns everyone seriously, we were like so enthu about the fire drill and we reached the field first okay. and then we made mr ng say "WELL DONE FOUR ELEVENNNN~" into the mike so everybody would turn and gaze at us in envy. and then we started singing "pass it on" (it only takes a SPARK to get the FIRE going) which was omg super amusing :D damn funny watching the ku1 xiao4 bu4 de2 faces of the tchers walking past our class HAHA omg 411 owns! and our neighbours (410 and 412) and many other classes started to look at us like we were Exhibit A in the ancient civilisation museum.

which made us feel rather proud :D
we are always proud of strange things, which is why i love us <3>

punching bag! omg i need a punching bag! (as in the real punchable type. but then again it might not work out after all because after punching my pillow/bed i apologise to them.)

#428

Once upon a time, in a little white fridge, there lived an apple and a banana. They were very different fruits. Banana crumbled easily under pressure. Apple only collapsed under very great pressure, and was incredibly obstinate.

Banana didn’t like Apple very much, and Apple didn’t like Banana very much. However, they decided that it was not very nice of them, and they tried to like their counterpart. It was no use, for eventually Apple thought Banana was too much of a softie, and Banana found Apple inflexible and stubborn. Apple also felt that Banana was too naïve, while Banana felt that Apple was too hypocritical.

One day, a new friend arrived in the fridge!

Orange arrived!

Orange was different.

Orange was relatively hardy, and collapsed only under an substantial amount of pressure. Both Apple and Banana liked Orange.

Orange was strong and extremely persevering. With a little proding, Orange would give his best. Orange was Orange, both inside and outside.

Orange could not understand why Apple was so stubborn, and why Banana was so overly vulnerable, but Orange still gave in and made friends with Apple and Banana.

One day, there was a fire. Orange immediately jumped off the fridge in search of a towel, but Apple pleaded with Orange for immediate help. Orange knew it was not the best choice, but Orange stayed behind, only to catch Banana, for Banana was very vulnerable. Apple had to push Banana down. However, instead of letting Banana fall, Apple fell with Banana, right onto Orange. Apple was so heavy that he crushed poor Banana, and Banana lost his life as a result. Orange suffered bruises, but nothing was worse than losing his friend.

The next few days passed in agony and remembrance of their lost friend.

This afternoon, Orange woke up from his nap sweating.

“FIRE! FIRE!” screamed Orange. Apple refused to budge. “it’s comfortable and snug in here, stop disturbing me!”

Orange knew he couldn’t wait. He grabbed Apple and jumped down most unfortunately straight into the fire, perishing although not smashed by the impact. While all these happened, Apple, bouncing off Orange’s hard back, promptly fell asleep once again.

Orange died as a result of his genuine love for his friend, and saved his friend due to his bravery.

Or, we could say, Orange died while being stubborn about saving his friend, and his love for his friend made him all the more vulnerable.

So in the end, the overly stubborn and the overly vulnerable was the Orange himself, he who was genuine, and he who died for a friend.

-The end-

#427

I'm sorry if this post sounds depressing.
(but something made me happy today, wls is back!!! ((: )

i have absolutely NO idea why, but sometimes i feel just like a floating feather in the air, something insignificant, something left alone and out of the way. and at the same time i also feel that i've been trying my best at so many things but no, nothing really is working out.

like, sometimes i find myself not being a good senior, my sec ones are so impressionable and yet i'm like what kind of sh*t and like wth, some people actually think i dislike them and all? argh idk what is going on but i have bloody tried my best. yes i have, and i don't konw what makes me fail when perseverance= 100%.

on a slightly happier note, congrats mr ng! :D (haha not my ft...)
whooo~

and crystal,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY (5MIN EARLY!) :DDDD I LOVE YOU MY EX-SEATMATE, BIO LAB PARTNER, AND AWESOMELY DEAR FRIEND (:

#426;

Sec1s came in yesterday.
Chengyin, jingyin, nicole, mary, yanling, huiling, huiqing, welcome to xianyue (:

to tiffy:
don't know if you'll see this, but i'm so ever grateful for having a batchmate like you who's willing to listen to my incessant ranting, yes, tyvm for listening. we'll work together yes (:
to vivian:
thanks so much for staying back to dig scores with me, though you totally could have gone home earlier (:

I was just complaining a whole load of sh*t to tiffy (and vivian who had to listen while trying to find scores xD) yesterday, about all the struggles and everything, and I'm so glad both of them are willing to listen to me even though I can get so irritating. But what I realised yesterday was how tiffy and I actually had quite similar thoughts... don't bother asking because I won't type it anywhere here NYEHNYEH.

I guess being a senior is overall really tough. Maybe it's really how the previous batches felt when they were passed the baton, but it sure isn't easy. There are so many things to consider, so many things to worry about, and even if you tell yourself to cut yourself some slack, all it takes is a small little trigger to make you start worrying all over again. It's a vicious cycle. Not trying to say that when you become a senior you should become worrisome, but I guess... let nature take its course.

I used to be naive, always thinking that others could feel the same as I do, others would have a conscience, others would care enough to do certain stuff instead of pretending the responsibility isn't theirs. I think 3 years are enough to tell me that I'm wrong, and leading others really isn't as simple as it seems. You might say "duh", but well it just seems so easy sometimes for people with the courage and the attitude. But no, it takes more than just that. Sometimes I feel that I have to be a superhuman, maybe it's because I care too much that I feel that way. Well, even if I care too much, it doesn't mean I'll stop caring so much from now on, because it's really really impossible for me due to the strong emotional attachment and all that memories that keep flooding back into my mind.

I really admire how jiahui, jasselyn and yifei used to do things. It all seemed so organised, so well-planned, so well done, and now, well, it's not that things are getting horrible and all but still. I really wish wls would come back like now, because once she's back almost everything is solved. really, everything and my worries would just diminish. They'd vanish one by one. BUT, that's if she returns soon ): I really miss wls, and it isn't only because I miss her being here to help whenever koshae and I and the section need help, it's also because she was really nice, and she's the only one who really really understands xianyue's situation. She'd know what to do, and she'd give the most appropriate advice. And now it's not like wangjinglaoshi or linlaoshi aren't nice. They're nice! but they don't understand our history. And they probably don't really know how much the sec4s worry after every xiaozu.

There are times that I wonder if I wanted too much at the start. There seems to be so many things on my plate now, it's getting into this situation of li4 bu4 cong2 xin1. I never ever 强求for anything, and I really appreciate all the chances given to me, but I'm the type that wants to do whatever I can, so it's really not a nice feeling when I want to something that I don't have the time to do. Not to mention Mr Homework is sitting on my table and being annoying. Huge, fat, lumpy, irritating Mr Homework. GRAWRS.

anyway.
well done chuida for longteng :D everyone looked really impressed okay, I'm so proud of all of you you gave me a pleasant surprise (: especially rei and ginteng, you guys OWN.
411 made cards for mr leeyangngtoh (: I think our class is really thoughtful sometimes, so sweet. we put mr ng's card on his car :D and passed mr lee his after celebs in the hall (he went:" IT'S PINK!!!!") and gave mr toh his during english. ms kum very kindly helped us put mr yang's on his table :D

I think our class decor totally pwns everyone else (maybe it might not be as pretty, but there was a lot put into it, and almost everything is made of recycled materials we're so cool right.) and even if we don't win it's okay we win in our hearts (:
chenyan's so funny!
"WE WIN! WE WIN!!!! -does a little dance-"
but thank you so much chenyan for all your effort (:
and of course, denise, for everything you've done (:

if anything, I'm grateful for this class, because it's really unlike any other class I've had. Something that happened today during math- it was probably such a small thing, but yvonne and I personally think it says something about us. Ms kum was letting us play the trigo game, and 2 groups didn't have their sets yet so everyone got a headstart and ms kum went down to get the other sets (3 fastest completers of the game get to eat twisties or cheezels omt hahaha whooo). Then shawna was like "eh don't start yet we don't have our sets!! eh UNFAIR!" (haha she was saying in this very amusing shawna voice!)

So I said: "can everyone like MASH up your trigo cards now, they don't have theirs yet leh!"
-411 mashes cards-
no complaints. Yvonne and I were like, -smile- (:
plus we wrote little cards for friends in the class- little vday notes! it was so sweet because at first there was only one box of cards and nobody was forced to write anything, but in the end 411 finished up 2 whole boxes of cards.
we are awesome yo.
sometimes it's things like this that cheer me up enough to face the rest of my reality.






do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know that
the lock to the door has changed?

sometimes i miss how easy it used to be to complain to you guys.

tag replies:
(from very very long)
yue: yes i posted about chalet hahah (this is how long i haven't replied tags...) i know i'm awesome right!
xinyuan: so have you watched avatar? think you did (:
passerby: why so mysterious D:
yunan: wheeee boinggggboinggg thanks for the 7 (:
yvonne: i don't mind playing the elements song for y'all (:
wenyun: wheee hopefully jc is still treating you well (: see you soon yo!
yunan: i have become more OCD than you. I told mr toh his alignment of desks wasn't straight after he spent 5 minutes arranging them in line
viannnnn: WHEEEE WOMANNNN HAPPY CNY GET ANGBAO MANYMANY
WJ: yup mr toh is awesome! (:
zhengxi: heyhey! how's rj? (: hope you're doing well too!
passerby: yes i was at orchard road, how do you know O_O woah.
shengyi: hey hope you're alright.
crystal: hello awesome lab partner!! plasmid extraction FTW :D
LEEVOON NUMBER#2: hello there my clone (: I'm so proud of you, and the rest of chuida too! longteng was awesome :D
vian: what background from windows?
yue: yeshh i like hot milos!
chinhwee: hello senior!! how're you doing now? what plans? (:
rachel: yo fatimaria, thanks :D haha birthday post x)
crystal: yesh totally, but the wasabi was SHO CUTEE
xinyuan: wasabis look like.... wasabis.
huiyi: happy 3months minus 1 day early birthday!!! :D
rachel: hahaha why don't YOU have a blog!
yue: tagged back!!
xiaohan: haha thanks (: zouyin sometimes :/
shengyi: welcome (:
orangeglitter: hello (: haha who are you!
dengqing: thank you so much qingdeng <3>
yuqing: thank you dear batchie (: <3>

i'm done~!

#425

sometimes I'm pretty nasty hahaha.

Esther: I realised that too much work and too little time essentially translates to A LOT OF POWER!

Me: but that's work DONE.

Esther: -inner struggle not to punch me-
(haha this is what I'd expect of esther considering I was so mean :D)

anyway. weekends suck big time, gone are the days I used to be able to go out on weekends, out meaning further than the market near my house for breakfast, out meaning a few hours spent in a leisurely manner-
now the no life person typing this spends her weekends chionging homework.
ack.

alright I really shouldn't be complaining considering some people have much more rubbish to deal with :/ truckloads of sh*t ._.
rawrr but I wish for a better life. what ever happened to my new year resolutions!

manz february already, and we're towards MID-feb. what does that say? 9 months till out of rgs?
haha I want to cry.

#423

omgosh somebody tell me how lousy my molihua solo sounds ://
argh I hope everything will get straightened out soon omgosh. URGH.

to some special people:
get well soon! D:

#422

I don't feel very much different though i'm now 16, wow.
thanks to everyone who cared and wished me (: what would I do without you guys.


on a side note:
i'm sick of always being the one who initiates, the one who gives first. It's so sickening that every step that I take I see your reactions and it seems to just say, "Dude, you're wasting your time."
A friendship depends not on only one person to make her sacrifices. Maybe you understand that, but I'm just not the one you'd sacrifice for, right?

on a lighter note!
104 makes me happy (:
but I feel I still need to learn how to be a really good senior. Really good, as in really good.

why is it so tough to let go of something when I know the wind will blow it away anyway?!
and, can you be nice to me only on my birthday? if so, can it please be my birthday everyday?

#421

How can we be...
worried yet not paranoid
confident yet not arrogant
helpful yet not spoonfeeding
obliging yet not weak
polite yet not fake
calm yet not stoic
fun yet not a joke
disciplined yet not rigid
concerned yet not intrusive
innocent yet not ignorant
passionate yet not obssessed
careful yet not timid
brave yet not reckless
childlike yet not childish
responsible yet not overworked
assertive yet not rude
truthful yet not hurting
trusting yet not naive
direct yet not blunt
opinionated yet not obstinate
controlled yet not restricted
optimistic yet not too hopeful, or
right yet not wrong?

-penned down on 27.01.2010, when I was musing.

this pretty much sums up my feelings now. Or does it?

#420;

and it is at times like this that I feel incredibly small and vulnerable as if I were wrapped up, or hidden within my shell, and yet I feel so bad for feeling so small and... alienated.

I cannot find the right words.

When reality never does seem like reality, it appears as a dream, like something floating in the air, like a feather. My feather hasn't touched the ground yet. Maybe it will soon, but definitely it seriously hasn't been properly processed and I find myself in a daze nowadays (nowadaze!) even though I don't know why. A cup of hot milo does nothing to help things, and headaches are definitely not my friend when my pile of 'do-or-die's resemble the next mount everest.

goodbye to flowery convoluted sentences.
I hate migraines, Mr Migraine, you are Not My Friend D:

CRASHBANG ♥
280194
rafflesian
411'10 (:
104'10 classic!
rgco(huuz)!
rgspb;fedele/HR!
richardson!



When I look at you I wonder why
there has to come a time when
we must say goodbye;
I'm alive when we are together ♥



On top of nice GPAs,
brilliant looking marks,
successful concerts,
(& more Yakult,)

I want a
Fully Happy Day (:


Last Orientation
Last SLI
Last founder's day
Last board camp
Last MYA (hahahaha)
Last ORA@rgs!
Last PFT in rgs -.-