What a Hot Mess: Dancing With The Stars Releases It's List of "Has Beens" and "Never Were" Contestants

Seriously?  What the hell is going on with ABC?  Did they drink a bottle of Jack Daniels, and play a few rounds of strip poker to come up with this hot mess?  No.  Really?  Did they sit around and talk about what slut or ho was going to take the crown this season?  

OMG, and then you ask why Ryan and I stopped watching this god-forsaken show!  Once Julianne Hough left, it became a fucking joke!  Or better yet, an outrageous nightmare!

Image courtesy of Michael K

First you have Carson Kressley - the most flamboyant, loud-mouthed gay on all the planet and Chaz Bono - the first "I'm a lesbian," then "a chick with a dick," and now, a she who made herself a he.  Too fucked up?  Well.... cough, cough... you haven't heard nothing yet...

Next... you have Nancy Grace, the self-appointed former lawyer who can put a laughing-hyena to shame.  If I wanted to watch a screaming lunatic dance for her life (oh wait, that's So You Think You Can Dance..oh well), I would watch Lion King while on crack.  The bitch still dreams and screams of revenge for Casey Anthony.

Okay, okay... I do like Ricki Lake, we all know she's taking that stupid mirrored-disco-ball trophy home.  I mean c'mon... Hairspray, Helloooooo??? 

I also like Chynna Phillips from the group Wilson Phillips but really... did they have to add David Arquette?  What a hot fucking mess!  And why do we need another Kardashian - Rob, really?  I've had enough of that annoying family! 

Finally, JR Martinez, he's an Iraq war veteran, enough said.  Well... he did become a soap star, and that's the only messy thing about him that I could think of.

I don't really know too much about the other "never were" contestants in this lineup, but here you go...  Ron Artest, Kristin Calamaris, Hope Solo, and Elisabeta Canalis.

God bless all of you who are watching this hot mess, because it's definitely a list of "has-beens" and people who "never were."

Yara, Yara, Yara

And the award for 'Creative Genius' goes to.... 

or is that 'Best Dressed?'

Courtesy of blogger, Michael K and RuPaul's Drag Race I bring you this hilarious dress review in regard to Ms. Sofia's ensemble at the New Now Next Awards in Hollywood last Thursday night.

So what's a down on her luck queen to do? Yara ran naked through her hotel lobby in search of the perfect outfit when she slipped on the floor, crashed into a black chiffon curtain (the cape), fell onto a table covered with white sequined coasters (the bikini) and stumbled over the balcony railing before smashing through a chandelier (the necklace) and landing head first on a plate full of carrots (the dreads) sitting on a table in the restaurant. Yara's hand was stuck in a silver bowl of black mashed caviar and after she used it to wipe away a little blood on her eye (the make-up), she turned around to find the entire restaurant gasping at her accidental glamour!
 
Only Yara Sofia can look like a He-Man villainess inspired by Carrot Top without even trying! BAM (wrong queen, I know).

10 Yr. Old Boy from The Woodlands Takes a Joy Ride

Courtesy of blogger Michael K and MSNBC, I bring you this crazy adventure starring 10-year-old Zilan Fitch out of The Woodlands, TX, a town 2 seconds from where Ryan and I live.  Imagine how much we laughed when watched the video (down below) and read this story...

When Zilan's mom, Christi Sanders, punished him last Wednesday morning, he did what any self-respecting bad little shit would do: he jumped in her SUV and drove away. Christie immediately got in her other car and chased after Speed Zilan through the streets of their neighborhood. Proving that he's a better driver than most, Zilan stayed in his lane and even used his signal before turning.

Christie called the police and they want after Zilan too, but their asses couldn't keep up. Even after another car hit Zilan from behind, he put the bitch to the metal and kept driving as though he could see Mexico ahead and Thelma was screaming "DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!" into his little ears. The chase eventually ended when Zilan pulled into a doughnut shop parking lot. The cops arrested his little ass and took him down to juvie. Zilan was released and charged with unauthorized use of a motor vehicle.

When the local news asked Zilan what he learned from this, he answered, "Sitting in jail, we had to sleep on a metal bed."

That's it?! Zilan could've crashed into that store and murdered dozens of doughnuts and that's all he has to say?! He might as well have said, "I don't give a fudge." (Zilan will lose his sleeveless jersey wearing privileges for a whole week if he says the F word). It's official. The 2011 reincarnation of Latarian Milton has been born.