Magic Weapon History Tables

In honour of Glamdring and Orcrist, two of my favourite characters in The Hobbit. To be used when identifying magic weapons, for a more interesting result than just "this is a +1 sword",  also potentially providing future plot hooks. In my game, I plan to have identification be performed by sages, long-lived elves, dead spirits, ancient golems and other NPCs who are likely to know the history of such things.

1. The Weapon's Name
1. Providence
2. Calamity
3. Eye-Gouger
4. Freerazor
5. Heartsblood
6. Cruelty
7. Usurper
8. Grass-Cutter
9. Gut-Render
10. Limb-Eater
11. Freedom
12. Pallbearer
13. Thrice
14. Dreamer
15. Marrow-Dancer
16. Clamour
17. Fang-Breaker
18. Thunderhead
19. Guts
20. Antechamber
21. Cumulonimbus
22. Final Destination
23. White Out
24. Potato
25. Cigar
26. Hot Tramp
27. Spiderface
28. Real Horror Show
29. Adam Kadmon
30. Crying Game

1a. Paired Weapons
1. Sunlight & Moonshadow
2. Frenzy & Contemplation
3. Northbite & Southfang
4. Terror & Misery
5. Wolf & Polecat
6. Pox & Malefice
7. Liver & Lung
8. Youth & Beauty
9. Seizure & Fugue
10. Drunkard & Hierophant
11. Rib-Chewer & Sphincter's Worm
12. Death By Drowning & Life Behind Bars

2. Its' Former Owner
1. Drouse, a dwarf lord whose bloodline vanished under mysterious circumstances
2. Rhiatha, a princess renowned as a master tactician
3. Tanith of Llor, a prince exiled for terrible crimes
4. Bloody Rose Kenneck, the pirate king's daughter
5. The Boudixhain, ten generations of warrior-queens
6. The Farnoes, three squabbling brothers
7. Croab, the shaman of the renowned Golgangr Orcs
8. Manos, a notorious bandit operating out of an abandoned keep
9. Tremulere, an elvish king who fell in love with a human
10. Homon, a monk who was spontaneously enlightened with a new form of weapon arts
11. Vernoth, a weaponsmith who would not let his creations be given to anyone else
12. Memodes, a ghost who guarded a remote tower
13. Tryvarg, a viking seacaptain
14. Qalloq, a paladin from a distant land who died without ever returning home
15. The Blue Company, an anarcho-syndicalist mercenary band who shared their weapons equally
16. Prelemor, a fat judge who was proud to hang the weapon on his wall and never use it
17. Sturga, a widely loathed inquisitor for a violent regime
18. Chasmesis, a spirit who possessed the weapon for a time before moving on
19. Knobbs, a greasy peasant who found the weapon by accident
20. Freya and Frenka, weapon-juggling ninja sisters extraordinaire
21. Rathus, a mighty warrior who either died or ascended to another plane of existence
22. Gharl III, undead king of the lowlands
23. Asppago, ancient emperor of the serpent-men
24. The Fighting Norns, who shared one eye, one tooth and one blade between them
25. Theliel, an angel of vengeance sent to smite a wicked king
26. Sebekim, a wandering golem created along with the weapon
27. Atropos, a silver dragon whose hoard consisted exclusively of weapons
28. Caulbach, a legendary assassin who possessed ninety-nine weapons that he referred to as his 'wives'
29. Yrvander, a sentient mountain - what it was doing with a human-sized weapon is a mystery
30. Satan

3. Its' Past Deeds
1. Shattered the gates of a besieged city
2. Slaughtered dozens of orphans
3. Lay dormant in an enchanted pool for decades
4. Shattered a much older and more valuable magic weapon
5. Assassinated a bridegroom on his wedding day
6. Destroyed a bridge, turning the tide of a battle
7. Wielded in the last great war fought by the owner's people
8. Tempered in the blood of a dragon
9. Concealed by refugees when their city was sacked
10. Slew the last member of a now-extinct race
11. Sacrificed victims to a dark god
12. Lopped the left head of the Great Ettin, which turned out to be the voice-of-reason head
13. Broke the first chains of a slave uprising
14. Used to execute the King of Thieves
15. Used to carve out a new barony in the depths of the wilds
16. Associated symbolically with a certain city
17. Buried with a knight who later emerged from his tomb
18. Blessed by a saint just before she left this world
19. Was married to a sentient sword to sate the sword's steely lust
20. Turned upon its owner and devoured his/her soul
21. Transformed into a fair maiden and then back again
22. Wandered the land on its own two feet
23. Slew one member of the toughest class of monsters in the campaign world (dragons, mecha, sorcerer-kings - depends on your setting)
24. Cut off the hair or fingernail of a god, which became a powerful relic in its own right
25. Arrived in this world from a parallel timeline
26. Thrust into a dimensional breach to seal an eldritch abomination
27. Divided into over a dozen copies due to time shenanigans
28. Cut the chain that held the moon to the earth
29. Cut off the eighth syllable of the second line of the haiku
30. Smote a hole in the fabric of reality

4. Where It Was Last Seen
1. Stolen by goblins
2. Fell into a river
3. Lost in a storeroom of a collapsed keep
4. Teleported away to a random location
5. Lost in a battle
6. Hidden by the owner, who died before retrieving it
7. Traded to the faeries in exchange for a lost hour
8. Passed on to an heir of staunchly unadventurous character
9. Pilfered by a burglar
10. Paid in tribute to a giant king
11. Swallowed by a whale
12. Buried in the flesh of a beast that later escaped
13. Sealed inside a pillar of a new building
14. Hurled into a volcano
15. Taken away across the sea by a fading race
16. Deliberately dropped into the ocean
17. Absorbed into a gelatinous cube
18. Buried under a collapsing mountain
19. Sealed in a temple that was never to be opened again
20. Destroyed utterly, but prophesied to return
21. Dropped into a crack that opens on the Underworld
22. Carried away by a flight of ravens
23. Lost in the frozen wastes of the south pole
24. Turned to stone along with its owner
25. Dropped through a crack between dimensions
26. Lost in outer space
27. Sent back in time
28. Taken by a unicorn to replace its horn
29. Sacrificed to a dark oracle
30. Carried away by angels

(Note: I'm trying a new thing here where each table gets more gonzo as it goes on, roughly divided into groups of 10, so you can roll a d10, a d20 or a d30 depending on how much variety you want. Or if you only want gonzo stuff you can roll d10+20 or whatever. In this case, higher numbers also generally correlate to more powerful magic weapons.)

(Note #2: Some entries provided by the inestimable Shoe Skogen.)

The Golden Bough

"O goddess-born of great Anchises' line,
The gates of hell are open night and day;
Smooth the descent, and easy is the way:
But to return, and view the cheerful skies,
In this the task and mighty labor lies.

...

If you so hard a toil will undertake,
As twice to pass th' innavigable lake;
Receive my counsel. In the neighb'ring grove
There stands a tree; the queen of Stygian Jove
Claims it her own; thick woods and gloomy night
Conceal the happy plant from human sight.
One bough it bears; but (wondrous to behold!)
The ductile rind and leaves of radiant gold:
This from the vulgar branches must be torn,
And to fair Proserpine the present borne,
Ere leave be giv'n to tempt the nether skies."

- Virgil, Aeneid

 When the soul is not long gone from the body, it may be recalled with the spell Raise Dead. Once the soul has passed across the river Styx, however, the only way for the dead to be brought back to life is to stage a rescue in the depths of Hades.

Fighting all the guardians of the underworld is an almost impossible task. Those brave few who would tread the darkened way are advised instead to seek the Golden Bough - a branch of gold that  grows in a secluded grove far from civilisation. The quest for the Bough itself is not without dangers, but once one has acquired it the passage into Hades becomes easier. The ferryman Charon is bound by duty to convey anyone who carries the Golden Bough, but only if they promise to present it as a gift to Proserpine, who is queen of the underworld. 

As for the return journey - Charon will not ferry the spirits of the dead back to the land of the living. The enterprising resurrectionists must find a different path back to the surface.

Armour of Valour

'You'll never been cold in it, either by sea or land. You'll never be tired when swimming, never hurt by fire, never troubled by hunger, and no iron will bite you. It will protect you against everything, with one exception.'
'What's that?' said Odd.
'Iron will bite you if you run away,' she said, 'even though you wear the shirt.'
'I've better things to do than run away from battles,' said Odd.

- Arrow-Odd, (Anon., 13th century AD)

The Armour of Valour is a chainmail shirt woven together by secret sorceries. It grants the wearer an immunity to hunger and exhaustion, gives a magical bonus of +4 to armour class, and also a +4 bonus to saving throws against fire-based attacks. However, all of these abilities (except the immunity to hunger) are negated whenever the wearer is fleeing from battle. In such a situation the armour becomes angered by its owner's cowardice - not only is the magical bonus lost, but the chainmail will allow attacks to penetrate as though the wearer had no armour at all. After such a flight, the armour will refuse to be removed as though it were cursed. The normal functions of the armour will only be restored when the wearer enters battle once again.

Thorstein's Marble

The dwarf took this bit of marble from his purse and with it a steel point. The marble was triangular in shape, white in the centre and one of the sides was red, with a yellow ring around it.
The dwarf said, 'If you prick the white part with the point, a hail-storm will come, so fierce no one will be able to face it. When you want to thaw out the snow, you only have to prick the yellow part and the sun will shine and melt it away. But when you prick the red part, fire and flames and a shower of sparks will come flying out that no one will be able to bear. Besides that, you can hit anything you aim at with the point and the marble, and they'll both come back into your hands when you call for them.'

- Thorstein Mansion-Might, (Anon.,14th century AD)

Well, so I don't really need to expand on this quote at all for it to be clear that this is an awesome magic item. But there are two things to take away from this as general principles of magic item design:

1. There are very specific ways to activate the item's powers, which are tied into the physical properties of the artefact. This instantly makes it much more interesting than just "control weather 1/day, burning hands 1/hour, +5 bonus to hit". It's also more gameable because, for example, the item requires two hands to activate, and requires you not to lose the needle. Now, you can summon the needle or the marble back to your hands, but only if you can speak... thus, there are weaknesses to be protected if you own the item, or exploited if your enemy has it.

AD&D had some things like this, with trigger words to activate magic items, playing music on Heward's Mystical Organ, etc. However, it does open the gateway to DM dickery where the players have to fumble around for ages to work out what a magic item does (or worse, discard it without realising that it's magical). This could be mostly remedied by making sure that Identify spells/sages/skills/whatever are affordable and comprehensive.

2. The marble has a lot of different powers - three separate spells and one combat function. In AD&D terms, it's reaching the border between Magic Item and Artifact. I think it's possibly more flavourful to have a bunch of powers tied up in one item, and it could reduce the dreaded 'Christmas tree effect'. The only problem would be if this made magic items proportionally rarer, so the PCs might spend ages searching for even one worthwhile item, and then whoever gets to use the item will be much more powerful than everyone else.

Grim the Good, Sapient Mead-Horn

'He'll have his great drinking horn brought into the hall, called Grim the Good, a magnificent treasure, ornamented with gold, and with magical powers. There's a man's head on the narrow point, with flesh and a mouth, and it can talk to people and tell them what the future holds for them and warn them when there's trouble ahead. It will be the death of us all if the king finds out that we've a Christian with us. We'll have to be very generous to Grim.'

- Thorstein Mansion-Might, (Anon., 14th century AD)

Grim the Good is an enormous drinking horn, taller than a man, owned by the giant king Geirrod. It has a face that speaks and predicts the future, making it a potent tool for Geirrod to ensure his safety and power. However, Grim is somewhat capricious and open to being flattered by others. Some men give gifts to Grim in order to gain his allegiance, but the greatest honour one can do to Grim is to empty him of mead in one draft. So far, none but King Geirrod have managed to do this.

From the Classics: Glammad's Halberd

At Svia Skerries they fought a berserker called Glammad. He had one excellent weapon, a halberd, which could pick out any opponent as soon as the bearer knew his name.

Egil and Asmund, (Anon., 14th century AD)

Glammad's Halberd is a magical weapon that gains in martial prowess by knowing its enemy's name. The wielder must speak the name of the enemy he wishes to attack. The halberd will then gain a +3 bonus to hit and damage rolls against that enemy. Only unique, given names can be used in this way, so the halberd's power is useless against most animals.

Glammad's Halberd can also be introduced to the name of the opponent's weapon, if such a name exists. This grants the wielder a +3 defense bonus against the weapon's attacks, as the halberd moves with uncanny swiftness to block the enemy's blows.

12 Ways to Craft a Magical Artifact

1 - The shirt must be woven by women from six different nations in turn, and never may they lay eyes on one another or the power is lost.
2 - The cloak must be pieced together from the mustaches of twelve kings sent in tribute to the wearer.
3 - The sword must be forged in the fire of a dragon's breath, and cooled in his life's blood while it still pours from his body.
4 - The armour must be forged by the dwarves from metals freely given to them by the elves.
5 - The helm must be made by those who trust the wearer with their lives; should he lose their trust, the magic will fail, but should they die trusting then the power will remain eternally.
6 - The spear must be made by those it was designed to slay; and those who make it must die by it before it can be wielded.
7 - The gem must be swallowed by an owlbear and then cut from its stomach.
8 - The dark idol must be made by one who has faith in god, but to complete the process, the faith must be broken utterly.
9 - The shield must be hung in the sky above the highest mountains and held there for three days.
10 - The sword must be dissolved in the lava pits of Phoenix Mountain, and like the phoenix, it will rise anew when the volcano erupts.
11 - The dagger must not see the light of sun nor flame while it is being forged.
12 - The scroll must be written by an illiterate under the guidance of a blind man.

The first two entries are from Arrow-Odd, although the mustache cloak in that saga doesn't appear to have any magical properties, it's just to show everyone how awesome you are. Interestingly, Arrow-Odd's magic arrows gain their properties simply by virtue of having been made by dwarves. Sometimes I feel a bit sad about how dwarves and elves have gone from being rare and inscrutable spirits to basically humans with pointy ears or short legs.

From the Classics: Gusir's Gifts

"Ketil Trout took these arrows off Gusir, king of the Lapps," said Grim. "Because dwarfs made them, they bite anything they're told to."
...
Then Odd took one of Gusir's Gifts and shot it like the first one. The giantess put up her hand, but the arrow went straight through it into her eye and out through the back of her head.

- Arrow-Odd, (Anon., 13th century AD)

The three legendary arrows known as Gusir's Gifts have the ability to pass through almost any object, whether it be stone, flesh or armour. As such, they ignore any AC bonus granted by armour, tough skin, etc. but not by dexterity. Each arrow can pass through up to 5 feet of any solid object before it becomes bogged down. Furthermore, the wielder can whisper to the arrow before firing it and exhort it to bite one thing and not another. If the arrows are not given any specific instructions, they will tend to pierce flesh and armour but not walls or other objects.

Gusir's Gifts will never break after firing and thus can usually be retrieved and reused, so long as they do not land in some inaccessible location. The arrows can still be destroyed if a person or creature makes a deliberate effort to snap them in two.