Walking with Superman: Day 256

It's a super-sized installment of Walking with Superman when Superboy returns to his old stomping grounds in Honolulu, Hawai'i--and he's brought the whole Superman Family with him! A lot has changed in the Tomorrow Teen's life since he left the Aloha State, and while he tries to recapture his youth, it seems like every rogue he ever faced is trying to recapture him! The Family of Steel has their hands full keeping the islands safe--Power Girl and Supergirl take on the DNAngels, with the help of Honolulu SCU's Inspector Sam Makoa and Det. Roxy Leech! Steel and Starlight help stop Kossak the Slaver's extradimensional attack on S.T.A.R. Labs, assisted by Mickey "The Mechanic" Cannon, the Technician, Tekka the Gadgeteer, Director Serling Roquette--and the Guardian?! Superman and Lois Lane check in on Rex Leech, recently-appointed Chairman of the reformed Superman Foundation, and find themselves up against Kekona the Demolishor--the miniature Menahune menace who nearly ended their Hawaiian Honeymoon! Meanwhile, Conner tries to reconnect with the people and places that made him who he is today, and remembers his friends and lovers he's left behind. If only Sidearm, the Silver Sword, and King Shark were willing to leave him to his quiet reminiscence! And if the Boy of Steel hopes to uncover the shadowy figure pulling the strings behind his rogues' convenient resurgence, he's going to need help from one of his oldest friends, who disappeared during the DNA diaspora, and is believed dead--the DNAlien called Dubbilex!

Walking with Superman: Day 255

Team Superman is headed toward Hawaii, but as they approach the island, Superman and Power Girl pick up a distress call on an old JLI communicator frequency! Descending to an uninhabited volcanic island just east of the state, the heroes discover a fortress, stacked floor to ceiling with mystical artifacts, futuristic technology, and discarded equipment from heroes and villains alike. Superboy recognizes the collection almost immediately--though it's no longer on the moon, this fortress is clearly the home of one of his oldest foes: the Scavenger! Despite the Teen of Tomorrow's trepidation, the only one trapped is the Scavenger himself! The aging cyborg has become a victim of his own collection, pinned beneath some collapsed pile of discarded deathtraps and doomsday devices! The Family of Steel may be able to save him from his collapsed collection, but to really help him, they need to cure his compulsion--and that task may be too much even for them!

Walking with Superman: Day 254

The Superman Family was heading west, planning on a short stop in Galveston Island along the Texas Gulf coast, but something went wrong along the way. Only Steel and Lois Lane awake to find themselves on the island--and under glass! Galveston has been transported to some strange new world, and these two displaced Metropolitans must find a way to restore it to its proper place! Meanwhile, Supergirl, Superboy, and Starlight find themselves forced to live out stereotypical roles on the set of a sinister teen sitcom, and there's no stopping this laugh track! Elsewhere, Superman and Power Girl are trapped in a deadly pinball machine, and one wrong move spells game over! It's all part of the Prankster's deadliest trick yet, but when the suckered superheroes learn the truth, their problems will suddenly seem a whole lot smaller...

Walking with Superman: Day 253

On modern maps, it is called Key West, but the Florida island's original name was Cayo Hueso, which translates literally to "bone key." Historians have developed hypotheses about the reasons for that ominous name, and only a few have even suspected the truth. But today, Dr. Barbara Minerva has finally discovered the Bone Key itself, and when she unlocks the Skeleton Door on one of the remote islands of the Key West National Wildlife Refuge, it unleashes the power of a forgotten animal god--a power that only the Cheetah can harness! As her bestial army advances on the inhabited islands, the Superman Family stands as the only line of defense! Superman and Superboy take on the terrible Turtle-Men! Steel and Supergirl combat the cunning Commandospreys! Meanwhile, it's up to Starlight and Power Girl to face the deified Cheetah! If they fall, so falls the human race!

Walking with Superman: Day 252

The revelers in Miami, FL, are generally more hedonistic than antagonistic, but when inhibitions run low and rival-school tensions run high, sometimes violence erupts. The brawl between some local University of Miami students and a group of visiting teens from Florida State would be enough cause for alarm, but these aren't just any students. These brawlers come from rival chapters of Iota Sigma, the international metahuman fraternity, and so their fight becomes a whole lot more than just collegiate fisticuffs! The Superman Family has their indestructible hands full trying to separate the rumbling rivals and protect innocent bystanders, but the unpredictable nature of the students' sprouting superpowers may make them more than Team Superman can handle!

Walking with Superman: Day 251

EdgeMusic, the cable music station arm of the Galaxy Broadcasting empire, has recently been more known for reality shows like "Gotham Shore" and "Meta Mom" than for actually showing music videos, but their annual Spring Break celebrations always manage to bring out the hottest artists on the Billboard charts, and this year's is no different. Today on the main stage in Miami's South Beach, the headlining band is the up-and-coming "Spellbinderz," whose meteoric rise up the charts has led to unprecedented success and acclaim. The elder members of the Superman Family don't quite see the appeal, but Conner, Linda, and Natasha are drawn into the huge crowd of teenage fans. But when the audience starts rioting at the band's command, it looks like the music has an even greater hold on the teens than anyone suspected! Now, it's up to Steel, Power Girl, and Superman to stop the mob of mesmerized minors--including Superboy, Supergirl, and Starlight! Meanwhile, Lois Lane investigates the source of the hypnotic rock, and finds herself face-to-face with the Spellbinder himself!

Walking with Superman: Day 250

"It'll be fun!"

"It's just...not my kind of fun, Conner."

"Come on, Clark! Linda's already packed, Kara's put together an itinerary, John Henry and Natasha are on-board, and I bet even Lois would be up for it. Besides, we've all had so much drama recently, I think we'd all benefit from a little break. Blue skies, yellow sunshine--"

"'Tanned bodies, polka-dot bikinis.'"

"Okay, maybe some of that, too."

"Like I said, Conner, it's just not my idea of a good time."

"Can't you just picture it, though? 'The Superman Family Vacation'! 'Super-Team Saves Spring Break'! 'S-Shield Swimwear Sweeps Nation'!"

"..."

"See, I knew you'd warm up to it. Look, I even got us matching sunglasses!"

---

The Superman Family is on Spring Break, and their first stop is Fort Lauderdale, Florida! But it's not all sun and fun for the Family of Steel, when Conner and Natasha Irons learn that someone's selling a snake oil super-power serum to unsuspecting students! Now, Lois Lane and the Teens of Tomorrow investigate the source of the elixir, while Superman, Steel, and Power Girl try to protect hundreds of intoxicated teens who think they're invincible!

Ultra-Retconite

I've been buying Power Girl's series out of curiosity. I like Amanda Conner, after all, and I've generally liked the take on the character which has predominated since those first issues of JSA Classified. And in general, I've liked the book (for the two issues I've read, anyway). The second issue even serves to reintroduce the Ultra-Humanite into the DCU. He's popped up a few times here and there in stories like the Lightning Saga, but he hasn't been a major player since he died in the JSA: Stealing Thunder story arc. Unfortunately, Gray and Palmiotti seem to have forgotten that the Humanite has this history, and have decided to give him a new, contradictory, and cloyingly sympathetic origin.

Now, I think I've been pretty good in recent years about not being a continuity wanker. I do my best to not mind the little inconsistencies anymore. But I'm also a firm believer in letting characters and stories live up to their full awesomeness potential, and I think this particular retcon goes against that principle. The Ultra-Humanite is a superintelligent mad scientist and one-time Nazi with a penchant for transferring to new bodies whenever the old ones wear out. He's been, at different times, a decrepit old man, a hot actress, an albino gorilla, and Johnny Thunder. In terms of sheer awesome origins, he's only a few points shy of Marvel's Nazi scientist made of superintelligent mutant radioactive bees.

And in terms of story opportunities, this one's rich. Here's a long-time JSA villain who killed an early member of the JSA, who has once possessed a beautiful woman's body and is looking to possess another, and who is the counterpart of a villain who routinely battled Superman on Earth-2. Power Girl is a one-time JSA chairman, a beautiful woman, and the cousin of Earth-2's Superman. Somehow, though, none of this gets mentioned in the Power Girl issue. Instead, we see that Humanite grew up sickly in what appears to be the modern day (if only because his lab assistant, Satanna, has dreadlocks and a midriff shirt reading "C U Next Tuesday," which would look out of place in the early 1930s, and because another technician mentions PETA, which was founded in 1980) and experimented for a lifetime with brain transplantation so that he could escape the prison of his physical form. Eventually, he was forced by his impending death to transfer his brain into an albino gorilla, and so goes the status quo.

I can't quite decide what the biggest problem with this new origin is. It's problematic in that it reduces one of the DCU's oldest villains to yet another sympathetic, misguided genius (the Nazi gorilla mad scientist quota is becoming dangerously low). It's problematic in that it disregards much of the JSA's history--even their recent history, since "Stealing Thunder" happened only a few years back and set the current status of the Thunderbolt and Jakeem. It's problematic in that it turns a story that should be resonating with the relevant history between the two characters into a story that resonates only with the idea that people only see Power Girl for her body. It's problematic because the story they've told would have worked better if they'd replaced Ultra-Humanite with The Brain and Monsieur Mallah. It's problematic because, aside from perhaps the surgery and the robot assault, the story could work just as well if the villain were Jericho.

But I think the biggest problem is that this is a good creative team, working on a story with a lot of potential. I'm enjoying this story, but I think I'd be enjoying it a lot more if it used the potential it's squandered with an unnecessary and unnecessarily standard supervillain origin.