5 Popular Movies & How They Should Have Ended

5. Man of Steel
The recent superhero blockbuster "Man of Steel" drew a lot of criticism for its unexpected ending. A lot of people offered their own ideas for how it could have ended instead, but they all got one thing wrong.

How it SHOULD have ended: "Man of Steel" should have ended with a closing credits roll acknowledging all the people whose hard work made the film possible, from the writers, actors, and director to the catering staff and stunt doubles. Despite the criticism, this is exactly how it did end!

4. Flicka
The 2006 feel-good film "Flicka" told a touching story about a girl and her horse, based on the 1941 novel My Friend Flicka. In it, main character Katy and her wild mustang Flicka both help save each other's lives. But is that the way it should have gone?

How it SHOULD have ended: A movie as animal-intensive as "Flicka" should have ended with the note "No animals were harmed in the making of this picture" in the credits. Unfortunately, two horses died in the process of filming "Flicka," forcing the statement to be left out.

3. She's All That
"She's All That" was a popular 1999 teen romantic comedy featuring Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Rachel Leigh Cook. Its classic plot about giving an unpopular girl a makeover was an update of stories like "Pygmalion" and "My Fair Lady." In the end, Cook and Prinze's characters get together, but is that the way it should have gone?

How it SHOULD have ended: "She's All That" should have ended with me and Becky Holt making out and dating for the rest of freshman year instead of her saying "no I don't want to go to the movies with you, loser."

 

2. Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The third installment in the blockbuster Transformers film franchise by director Michael Bay continued the story of Optimus Prime and his Autobot warriors and their battle with Megatron and the evil Decepticons, with humanity--and Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf)--caught in the middle. In "Dark of the Moon," we learn that the Apollo missions discovered alien technology on the moon, which leads to an epic battle and ultimately the destruction of the Transformers' home planet, Cybertron. It's a tragic blow to the Transformers, but that ending could have been very different!

How it SHOULD have ended: With a fire on set, tragically killing the director and star.

1. Back to the Future
Everyone knows the classic movie about teenage time traveler Marty McFly and his exciting adventure trying to return to his own time without accidentally breaking up his parents' marriage and preventing his own birth! We all know Marty was successful in his quest, but what you don't know is how it should have ended!

How it SHOULD have ended: Wait, hold on, Michael J. Fox? Two sequels? No, no, this is all wrong. "Back to the Future" was supposed to be a singular cult classic, the movie that led to the Eric Stoltz geek TV renaissance! Something happened, something changed the timestream! I need to set this right, before... before...

Blasting from the Past

I'm conducting a minor experiment, to see if anyone ever bothered to change the most annoying things about the Internet. I mean, animated gifs are experiencing a renaissance, far beyond what we might have imagined back in the days of:

and:

(and on my old homepage):

But I found myself wondering today: do blinking text tags still work? Those were always loads of fun.

(Answer: apparently not in my browser)

Of course the best kind of tag was the
SCROLLING MARQUEE

Oh! What about rainbow text effects?

THIS IS WHAT THE INTERNET IS FOR!

Frustration

I

really

wish

people

would

stop

making

fun

of

Superman's

"underpants."

The

joke

is

as

tired

and

juvenile

as

"hurr

hurr,

Batman

and

Robin

are

totally

gay"

and

other

inane

clichés.

Can

we

please

finally

put

it

to

rest?

Seriously, it's a component of costume design. It has been since before there were comic book superheroes. Steve Ditko used it, Jack Kirby used it, Dave Cockrum used it, Neal Adams used it, Jim Lee used it. In most cases, it's a way to break up the colors of the lower body; in some cases, it's just to add seams, apparently. What it emphatically is not is uncommon, or even necessarily a sign of bad costume design. Check out lists of the best costume designs, and you'll see some consistent entries: Blue Beetle, Green Arrow, Wolverine--all dressed in external underwear. Can we all please stop acting like Superman's red briefs are some terrible and unique crime of fashion?

I mean, Moon Knight wears white all year long. Seriously.

Well, there's your problem

In the latest Superman issue--which is overall quite good--the Man of Steel visits the great state of Nebraska. Apparently his itinerary originally included a trip to Omaha, but Omaha.com reports that he skipped over the city to visit Lincoln instead. From the article:

“We could joke here that Superman took the wrong exit off of Interstate 80, but we won't,” said Bob Harras, editor-in-chief of DC Comics. “We sincerely apologize to Omaha fans and retailers for our editorial oversight.”

In an e-mail to The World-Herald, Harras didn't offer any explanation for why Superman got lost.

One possible explanation may be that Superman is using a map that places Kansas adjacent to Iowa. Seriously, Kal, get an atlas.

The Recent Snafus

If you're the kind of person who follows this blog through a feed reader, or if you're checking here every day promptly at noon for the latest installment of "Walking with Superman," then you may have noticed that this week has been a shaky one for the feature. Thursday's post was late by 50 minutes or so, today the post changed dramatically at one o'clock, and now you might be thinking "there he goes again, Tom's going to flame out on yet another promise. Yet another series of posts is going to go the way of Black History Month and Blue Prints and Fridays with Freakazoid and Silverhawks Sunday."

Not so, faithful reader. It's true that this week has been a tough one, but it's only through my stupidity (and a cold I appear to be catching, and a general lack of sleep). I accidentally scheduled Friday's post to appear on Thursday--which wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn't specifically filled it with details to commemorate hitting the 1/3 mark on Friday. The post that hit at noon today was initially going to be today's post, but after I tweaked the following posts and my basic ideas quite a bit, I decided to push it back to Monday. Unfortunately, I swapped the titles and timestamps on the posts, and the rough Monday post appeared today. I've corrected the error, but not before people got that ugly look at how the "Walking with Superman" sausage is made.

I'm not out of ideas or time yet, ladies and gents. And I've got some big plans as we get into the next year. I'm working this weekend on getting ahead of where I'm at, and that'll give me a little more buffer as we get into the season of holidays and certain bloggers' impending weddings.

But hey, you know what would be a real non-denominational holiday miracle would be to have a few more comments on these posts. I'd continue doing it until the end even if I didn't receive a single comment from here on out, but it sure would be cool to have a bit of feedback, or even some buzz on some of those big ol' comic news websites. That would be totally awesome.

Finally, since the movie came out this weekend and all, something else that's unauthorized and totally awesome:

A penny for the old doc

Remember, remember, the fifth of November:
Capacitors, insights, and Doc.
He came to unravel the key to time travel
By falling while hanging a clock.

Walking with Superman: Day 103

Clark Kent's Metropolis University classmate Loretta York is running for the U.S. Senate in Delaware, and Superman must stop her at all costs! What strange circumstances would cause Superman to subvert the political process? The answer lies in the Secret Treaty of Oblivion, signed by President Martin Van Buren in 1838. Van Buren was the last President descended from Homo Magi, and during his political career helped defend the Union from three separate attempts to overthrow it through dark magic. Meeting at the Oblivion Public House on mystically neutral ground, he signed a treaty with leaders from all the ancient orders of magic, ensuring that the government would be protected from magical influences, and only the consensual will of the people could remove such a protection. Nearly two centuries later, and Loretta York is campaigning on her history as the Yellow Peri, and promising to use her magical powers to end the gridlock in Washington. What she doesn't realize--and what Superman has just learned--is that her election might open the floodgates to any warlock or wizard with aspirations of national conquest! Can the Man of Steel change the course of a mighty electorate? Will Loretta York bow out gracefully? And why does Superman have the strangest feeling that things might be even worse if her opponent, media mogul Colin Thornton, takes the office?

Excerpt from If on a winter's night a monster

[1]

Hello everybodeee! You are about to begin reading the latest book starring your furry pal Grover. It is called If on a winter's night a monster. Relax. Have a cookie. Wait, do not relax! Does that say "a monster"? It does! I am so scared of monsters, and I am not very fond of winter nights either! Close the door! Turn up the heat! Put on some fuzzy slippers! I will not put on fuzzy slippers, but that is because I am already very fuzzy. It is important that you keep warm, because winter nights can be very cold. You should find a comfortable chair, and perhaps you should make a mug of hot cocoa with marshmallows.

Why are we drinking cocoa again? Oh yes, it is because you want to read the newest book starring me, Grover. What is the title of the book again? If on a winter's night a monster?! This book has a monster in it! Maybe it would be best if you did not begin reading the latest book starring your furry pal, Grover. Get up, go for a walk. Be sure to take a coat, because you would not want to get cold. And you should not wear your fuzzy slippers to go walking outside. Make sure you have an adult with you, and that you do not cross the street without looking both ways first. That would be a good way to avoid the scary monster that is in this book. It is also a good way to get exercise, and you should get lots of exercise to stay healthy.

Yes, that would be much better than reading If on a winter's night a monster, which I remind you has a monster in it. Put the book back up on the shelf. Drop it behind the shelf so that no one will accidentally find it. Tape the cover shut, or tie it with rope. Better yet, have an adult help you with some paste or glue, and make sure that no one will ever make the terrible mistake of reading this book and finding the scary monster inside!


I notice that you have not yet stopped reading. Do you realize that there is a monster in this book?! A monster that lurks out in the cold winter night, possibly with sharp teeth and shaggy fur to keep it warm in the snow?! I know I am afraid of monsters, aren't you?

I know, you think that I, Grover, am playing a game with you. You must think we are playing a game of Simon Says. I do not know why you think this, because I am not named Simon, but I, Grover, will play along. Simon (or Grover) says to shut this book, put it away, and never look at it again.

You are not very good at playing Simon Says.

The way that you play Simon Says is that one person says "Simon Says do something" and the other person then has to do it. So let us try again: Simon Says to close this book and tie it up with shoelaces so that no one will ever meet the scary winter night monster in this book!


I am beginning to think that you are not listening to what I am saying. I did not want to have to do this, but now I am begging you: please stop reading! It is getting very dark and cold here and there are no more marshmallows in my hot cocoa and every word you read brings us closer to the winter's night monster that is in this book! And I am very scared of monsters, if you have not heard. I will ask you, one last time, please stop reading! Or at least put the book away until it is not so cold and dark here! I think the monster might be less scary on a summer's afternoon than on a winter's night. So please, listen to your lovable, furry pal Grover, and STOP READING!!!


Boy, if this is how you treat your pals, then I would hate to see how you treat your enemies! We are nearly at the end of this first chapter and I am afraid that the next chapter will have that terrible winter's night monster in it, especially since the title of that next chapter is, in big bold letters, "If on a winter's night a monster." This book certainly likes to repeat itself. I have tried and tried to get you to stop reading, to save us from the very scary monster, but nothing has worked. So I, your furry pal Grover, finally give up. If you are going to force this poor monster to continue reading on this cold winter's night a book where...

Wait! I am a monster! And it is a winter's night! That means that I must be the winter's night monster! Of course! It was all so simple!

And you wanted to stop reading. Well, hurry up, I want to find out what I am going to be doing on this winter's night! I hope I will be getting more marshmallows for my hot cocoa.

---

References: If on a winter's night a traveler by Italo Calvino, The Monster at the End of This Book starring lovable, furry old Grover.

Superman SD

The DC Source Blog recently revealed some pages from the upcoming J. Michael Straczynski/Shane Davis OGN "Superman: Earth One." The story is another retelling of the Superman origin, and it's clear that they're building on themes that have become popular in recent versions. I'm thinking most specifically of how Mark Waid's "Birthright" gave Clark inhumanly blue eyes that betrayed his alien heritage, but were masked and dulled by his glasses, justifying their presence. Davis has gone a step further:

Yes, it's going to be a struggle for Superman to hide his true identity, given his disproportionately large head and stumpy upper legs, but when he slicks his hair back and slouches, no one will no the difference!