The Happy Wife

I'm enjoying my life as being a wife so far! Enjoying making breakfast or dinner for him, enjoying cleaning things and keeping them tidy, enjoying arranging his outfit/wardrobe, enjoying working out with him, enjoying watching TV Series that we downloaded for hours with him, enjoying doing things for him or with him....well basically I am just enjoying my married life so far! hehe. People say I look glowing after marriage. They thought I'm pregnant already! haha. Well I'd say, probably it's my husband who make me happier by the day! ^__^ Being married to my dear husband has been such a fun ride. Mashaallah, I'm so blessed to have someone like him to accompany me on this journey of life. He's such a beautiful man, I'm lucky alhamdullilah. 

We've been married for almost 3 months now, but it felt like it has just been a week! We never get bored of each other. We laugh a lot. And we definitely enjoy each other's company. I know we're newlyweds, and sometimes they get a little overexcited on this matter! hehe. But I've known him for 2 years plus now, and it still feels the same...and I hope we will always stay this way forever, inshaallah :) 

Sometimes when I look at him while he sleeps, I could cry...thanking God for this little gift that He gave me and for lending this kebahagiaan to me... and thinking what have I done right to deserve someone very nice to me.. :') Thank you Allah. 

I love mix and match the outfits with my husband. But only to weddings! Otherwise people would think we're that mengada couple! hehe

And I also love working out with him. He says he wants me to follow him for his weekly badminton session soon. Oh no....jogging je cukup laaaa. heheheh

Anyways, I'm not working right now...well at least not at the office! hehe. I work from home and at the same time happily being a part time maid! ;p

Anyone wants to hire me? hehe. Man...I love cleaning! (If you let me use some clean and nice tools that is! Read: Pink! haha)

Those are half of the pink tools he bought me to let me be a good maid ;p

Some brushes, sponges, wipes, dusters, brooms, you name it...I have it, just to make sure my sink looks squeaky clean and shiny! hehe. Yes, I'm partially an OCD

Oh! And I cook too. hehe

...but only simple things. Like this for instance! 

For the appetizer: Mushroom + Asparagus soup, Main Course: Beef burger served with beef bacon, sausages, salads and vege chips. Dessert: Apple Crumble with Vanilla Ice Cream. 

If you ask me to cook Gulai Masam Tempoyak Ikan Patin, sorry but I will send you to my mom's house! And you can learn from her! hehe. Ok, talk soon! It's husband and wife time! ;)

XOXO,
Shazzy.

Of Ears and Earrings. The Dilemma

Man I love my ears. In fact, I actually love most normal ears in this world. By saying normal, I meant those perfectly shaped earlobes! I just find ears are cute to look at, and nice & fun to hold and play with! You may find me weird when I say all this, well probably I am, but....really, I just find people's ears are so attractive and irresistible! haha - Of course, the nicely shaped ones lah. (I don't really like those very long ears...or those who don't have the earlobes as I call it...or as they called, the attached earlobes...or whatever it is that didn't look that normal to my eyes)

For me, the detached earlobes is nice and pretty. I don't really like the deep scapha structure like I show in the first picture above, and the attached lobes especially! Simply because I can't really play with it, and they don't really look that pretty to my eyes. hehe. Alhamdullilah,  God granted me with a pretty set of ears. At least I think so! ;p

Anyways, I had this serious ear fetish since I was born. Yes, I developed this weird habit ever since I was born! - As in few weeks just after I was born in this world! And until now, I still can't seem to get my hands off my ears! It's kinda like a self-soothing or something, I guess! I just feel so calm and nice when I'm holding and playing with my ears. Macam khayal or something...can't really describe the exact feelings! haha. 

Mom told me that just after few days that I was born, she said I started putting my two fingers (the index and middle fingers) inside my mouth and started sucking it..and then when I have started to lift up my hands, I used the other free hand that I have (which is my left hand), to play with my ears pulak! So back then, it's kinda like a must for me to do these two habits at the same time; sucking my fingers while playing with my ears! haha. What a weird kid I was ;p

Like this!

Sorry, bad quality picture! But that's me.. the one that my mom's holding. 

My mom is the one in hijab of course!  The other women is my mom's arab friend

Anyway, I would do that every single day of my life.. But I had stopped sucking my fingers at 7 years old, and I thought I would stop playing with my ears as well. But no, this odd habit of mine, has been here for like 25 years already...and God knows when will I stop playing with my ears (pulling, twisting, flipping or whatever I can do with it!)  >__<

"Man....ears are so cool!"

"Yumm...yummm this feels so good mama! I don't need my bottles or anything else. I just need my two fingers and my ear!"

Sucking my fingers like nobody's business!

Oh look at that... She's sooo calm. LOL

Well, playing with my ears is kinda like a love-and-hate feeling/relationship actually. I mean I love to play with it, but because I've been playing with it for 25 years already, my ears aren't that crispy as they used to be! Cuz I would do this every day without fail - whenever I watch TV/movies, while reading, while blogging..while writing...while studying...while trying to sleep or any activity at all that let my hands to be free, I'll grab my ears without me realizing it! 

However, these days it's no fun playing with it anymore because it's too soft now as compared to like, 10 years ago! (But regardless, I still refused to stop this stupid bad habit of mine! >__< ) So sometimes, without me realizing it, when I play so hard on my soft ears, I made my earlobes bleed! Eeek....  O__o

Well, they're only small cuts actually. But the weird thing is, I'm kinda addicted to get my ears bleed a little nowadays. Which worries me. Because now, I don't just play like how I used to, but I'm like....wanting it to get hurt and bleed a little, because that little pain I get on my earlobes, is kinda nice somehow!!!! 

And at this point, I'm kinda worry what will happen to my pretty ears in the next few years?!! 

When will I stop doing thisssss??!

So I think, this ear fetish has gone too far now... That's why I think, I needed to do something about it! - I need to pierce my ears! Yes, I've never been pierced before. Never. I don't like pierced ears. They just don't feel like the normal ears I play with! - I have played with lotsa pierced ears before...and it's not the same feeling I get! hahah

So....in taking control of myself, and hoping that I will stop playing with my ears consciously or unconsciously, and just be a normal human being who don't feel the need to play with her own ears or her friend's ears everyday, I'm thinking of getting my ear pierced for the first time! 

So no more wearing clip-on earrings like kiddies, like that! ;p

However, I'm reaaaaaaally afraid that I don't like my new ear when I have pierced it..... :( Even if the holes have closed up already one day. Because it won't feel the same to me. - I have touched so many pierced ears before..and blearghhhh I don't like it at all! The feeling is not there! haha. Plus, if I have piercings done, I knowww I will be itching to get all the latest styles, colors and trends of the earrings for my new ears, to add on my over-flowing accessories collection. Pfffft. And that would incur my cost of living some moreeee. And I'm sure my future husband would hate those unnecessary expenses! LOL

And I know I'm not gonna wear that kind of styles forever. I know I will cover fully and properly in the next few years. So having my ear pierced without wearing any earrings by then, would totally depreciate my ear's value! haha.. ;p

And the thought of having to put on the earrings every now and then...and especially before bedtime, I must remove any dangling earrings I wear on that day, just make me quite skeptical about this whole piercing thingy. Because....it seems kinda troublesome and leceh to me lah. I still prefer my naked ear. (My naked ear which I abused that is! ;p )

Man....I sound like a 2 year old kid, giving a lot of excuses not to get the needle near her ears. haha. Well it's not about being afraid of getting my ears poked or what. But it's about me.. physically, emotionally and mentally prepared for losing my normal ears that I love so much! I'm so used to it be this way...unpoked.

Hmm....I don't know. Should I get my ears pierced? Or should I not? What if I hate my pierced ears and can't live with it? And what if I can't stop playing with it until I'm old? Is it normal to have this weird habit?? Do you guys have any weird habit that you still do after many, many years? Is this normal?? Hmmmm....... =/

XOXO,

Worried.

Truth hurts.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..


Salam everyone..
I never thought I would be writing this post.. But here I am, writing it right now, today.

I know that this blog of mine is not like some other blogs where they blog about their thoughts or talk about some personal stuff and etc. Yes, I rarely do that here..

My blog is supposed to be happy and fun. A place for me to post things that interests me. And not something that's too personal. But today, it's different. I just have to write this. As much as I hate to do it, I really have to be a grown up and face the world and end the assumptions people have made about me. I was told that the sooner I say it, the sooner I'll recover and be better, inshaallah.

________________________________

Please know that this entry has been the hardest post that I have ever done in my entire life. This dugaan that I have to face is the biggest test that has ever occurred in my life. Only Allah knows just how deeply hurt I am. I have been keeping this for quite some time and I don't quite know just howwww to write about thisssss, or even to tell people without feeling so low. Especially those who know me.... Even right now, I'm still not sure how to write this. It took me a few hours to think what exactly should I write in here..
Sedih, malu, geram, marah, bersyukur, benci, semua ada. Macam-macam perasaan wujud dihati.. :(

I have tried writing it a few times before. But it all ended up with a blank page as I just can't proceed with my writings when tears began to stream down my face.. And I ended up pressing the "Delete/Backspace" button each time, and started to channel my sadness and anger in a different, and happy post, like my beauty and travel entries instead.. heh.  But I know that eventually, at some point..I will have to tell people and to stop abstaining myself from facing the truth and the situation. =/

So here I am today, holding back my tears...writing The Truth. The truth that so many people wanna know about. (I know some of you have even Googling about me and about it! Pffft.) The truth that I hate to tell. The truth that I can't believe that it's happening to me. The truth that hurts me so damn much. ='(

Oh well...some of you may have probably know about this by now.. Or maybe already sensed something about me and my engagement right? - Because I have heard stories that people have been talking about..and I even got a few comments/messages/SMSes asking me about my personal love life from people that I know, anddd strangers! Thank you for your concern, honey.


Well yes, my engagement with that man (I can't even say his name now) has ended. It happened for a few months back. But only now I have the courage to tell everyone here since the engagement is officially terminated. - I figured, it would be easier for me to write a post in my blog rather than telling each and every one who knows me  either personally or through my blog.. Because I've had enough of people congratulating me and asking me questions about my engagement, about my wedding, about the dresses, about the colors & themes, about the date and stuff like that... Sigh. I know they meant well but it's too much pressure for this girl. T___T

I NEED to stop being stressed out by spilling the truth here, so that I can start open a new chapter of my life. Because I deserve to be happy.


Truth be told, my November wedding is off, and my engagement that was held last January has come to an end. We were engaged for a very very verrry short period of time! It was only for a few weeks. Yes, it was that pathetic. And that was the reason why I was extremely down. I don't know how can anyone could face what I have faced before. And I sure hope no girl would ever have to face this kind of thing ever ever everrrr! Only God knows just howwww deeply hurt I felt when it happened. I felt like running away. I felt like screaming. I felt like my world is over..and that it's hard for me to get up again. I felt stupid. I felt extremely down and depressed. I felt really really EXTREMELY guilty towards my parents, knowing that they have spent a lot of time, money and effort to make it happen for me. (Sorry mama, and abah! tskk) And I especially felt extremely guilty towards myself too, for letting this thing to happen to me! :(

Part of me hates that it happened to me..but another part of me is somehow glad that it happened.. Because it made me realized something..and it has made me more mature I guess.. This is like satu tamparan yang sangat hebat for me. And I've learned my lesson!

Well I am not going to get into details of what happened between us, because I need to jaga hati a lot of people, even though I feel that I deserve to have a say in this.. But I'm not really here to blame anyone or talk bad things about anyone..or berniat nak memalukan siapa-siapa kat sini. Especially his family, when they did nothing to me. So yes..I'm not here to salahkan siapa-siapa. I'm just here to end the assumptions people have been making. Sigh. God, I hate pressure.. It's not healthy.

Of course, I was really really brokenhearted. I have never ever imagined I would be facing this kind of phase. (Of course, no one would!) And until today, I keep on asking myself, whyyyyy did it happen to me?? Whyyyyy did I proceed when I know it's going to be bad?? Whyyyy did I ever get engaged?? Whyyy did I let that thing happened?? Whyyyy didn't I speak up and be the brave girl?? Whyyyy did I let him abuse me mentally and emotionally?! I should have known my values and my rights. Whyyyyy I was so weak and so afraid to stand up for myself??!! Whyyyyyy did I even meet him in the first place?! Yes, I have come to a point where I regretted the day I met and know him. It made me think just how weird it is that the person who used to be your number one priority..becomes the last person you want to meet...if you ever have to!  Sometimes love can be blind and make you do stupid things (like continuing a relationship when you already know it's not going anywhere or it's bound to cause major catastrophes. Haihh). I am not really the kind of person who likes to hate other people. But with him, I just can't stop myself from feeling like this! Cuz things are still fresh in my mind. And it still does affect me up until today..although it has been about half a year now. - Sedikit sebanyak, benda ni does affect me today....and that's why I hate it so much! I want to be ME again! =/


I was depressed. I was shocked. I was traumatized. And I was miserable when it happened.  I didn't sleep. I didn't eat. I didn't go out. I just couldn't do anything. For a month! Sebulan duduk terperap dalam bilik..thinking howwww can I face the world! Thinking how stupid and blind I was! But as much as I hate that this thing has happened to me, I know that I can't fight fate and destiny. Ini semua takdir dan ketentuan Allah. And I have to accept it. I have to. Ia sudah tertulis..  I always tell myself, "ada hikmah atas apa yang berlaku" or "Allah has so much better plans for me", to keep myself sane again. But, deep down inside, who am I kidding right? I'm just a normal human being with feelings. I'd be lying to myself if I say I'm okay and this thing does not affect me at all. Because it does. Or at least...it did.

______________________________________

Anyways... I'm all better now. Alhamdulillah, syukur! Thanks to all the support I get from my parents, my very best friend who has helped me A LOT throughout my hard times. (I love you so much for that! hihi), my Along, my brother, the articles I've been reading, my friends, my cousins, my maid, etc, who were there for me when times were so hard back then. Well honestly, I am not 100% healed yet, but I'm almost there, insha allah. Maybe another 10% more. haha.. - Every now and then, whenever something triggers the button, I wouldn't lie that I don't feel anything.. (Like Cheryl Crow said, The First Cut Is The Deepest! hehe) That is the reason why it's kinda hard for me to just let go of it already, although I know he is SO not worth it..but I just can't help myself. I'm only a human being... Cuz the sakit hati and pain is still there.. (Tell me how does a girl recover and being 100% normal and happy again, when she was being abused mentally, emotionally, financially and almost physically?? TELL ME. Sighhh..)  Hmm.. but for what it's worth, I know all this feeling is just temporary. I know I'll be 100% okay again, inshaallah.. Let's hope that this healing phase would be fast! And I'll meet my soul mate who would love me just how I wanted to be loved..and adore me just the way that I am... soon! Amin. Inshaallah! :)


So I'm free now.. Alhamdullilah.. I thank God that I see it sooner rather than later. Like my parents said, nauzubillah...kalau kahwin dengan dia.. Daripada anak dia hidup bahagia, tiba-tiba nanti jadi sengsara just because tersalah pilih pasangan hidup.. So, saya berasa bersyukurrrr sangat, Allah telah tunjukkan dan selamatkan saya dari lelaki sebegitu. Seram sejuk bila difikirkan kalau saya ditakdirkan berkahwin dengan dia. Thank you soooo much God, for stopping it and made me realize! I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU! Thank you for saving me! *sujud syukur*

Now..I just wanna be happy again, like I have always been! It's time now for me to let go of the past and time to embrace all that awaits me! I can't wait! I KNOW, ALLAH HAS SO MUCH BETTER PLANS FOR ME! I KNOW HE WILL DEFINITELY REPLACE THIS FEELINGS WITH SOMETHING SO MUCH GREATER THAN THIS! INSHA ALLAH. :)


Lastly, I hope and pray no girl (or guy) would ever have to face this emotional and mental abuse.. And don't ever have to face a "putus tunang"/ "putus cinta" situation. The pressure is so great I tell you.. Sigh. But thank God it's over now! Syukur!!


And here's a little advice from me, if you’re already in a bad/unhealthy relationship (even if you’re engaged) and you don’t think it’s going to get any better, act fast! DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP! You should know your awesome values! Because like my sister said, no guy is worth your tears..and the one who is, won't make you cry - And she was SO right! :) So if you know that your relationship is not healthy and you're not happy, jangan biarkan ia berlarutan sampai ke jinjang pelamin! Think about your future. Jangan takut apa orang lain cakap atau fikir sebab orang memang tidak akan berhenti bercakap. What people think about you is none of your business. What matters the most is you and your life! Because when you’re already married (to the wrong person), it would be too late! Marriage does not solve the problem; it will only create more of what is already there! So my advice is, jangan bercinta 100% mengikut hati dan perasaan. Bercintalah guna otak! haha.. Dan 40% lagi, baru guna hati. LOL - Boleh ke nak guna mathematics in relationship & love? Hahah.. Maybe? ;p
Oh well...you know what I mean, right! hehee ;)

Anyway..I think I have spilled enough. Time for me to stop now... Phewwwww!! Finally..I did it! I've let it out!  - It took me months to write it in here! And only now I have the guts to publish it?! haha. And boyyy....That was easy?! heh ;p
Now let's start a new chapter! Boleh bukak buku baru dah! Yeay! hehe. It's time now for me to let go of my past, and embrace all that awaits me! ^___^

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.....


P/S: What is meant to be, will find it's way. Insha Allah :) 



Wassalam.



Yours Faithfully,
Shazwani.

It's Seventeen Again! :)

Today's date is January 17th, 2012.

It's a happy Tuesday for me. Today is my day. Today is my birthday. A little girl named Shazwani Hamid was born on this date, years and years ago - at 11.26 am to be specific, in the heart of Kuala Lumpur... She used to be so tiny. And now...she's a grown young lady! Oh, how time flies!

I was only a few months when this pic was taken...and now...I'm a big, biggggg girl already! O__o

From wearing diapers, to wearing bibs, to wearing rompers, to wearing dresses and skirts, to wearing t-shirts, to wearing baju kurung, to wearing jeans, to wearing blouses, to wearing school uniforms, to wearing scarf, to wearing robe,  to wearing dinner dresses, to wearing working shirts, to wearing heels! hehe..

Oh, I'm a grown young lady.

Welcome to the club of being a grown-up, Cik Wani! Next on the list would be: "to wearing a white dress, to wearing maternity clothes, to wearing mommy's outfit, to wearing....err... kain batik?" LOL. We'll see what I'll be wearing as an old lady! hahahah.. ;p

Well.. Happy Birthday to me. 

=')

XOXO,
S.

Hi! Still remember me?

Tee hee. I knowwwww.....

Hello world! Err...err... I'm a lost blogger who lost her Blogger password and forgot where she put her Mac? haha ;p Okay okayy.. Let me just say my same old same old lame excuse now;
I'm. Busy. Lah. ;p

Oh well, these days I'm just so tired that I got not much time to blog anymore. Sobs. Hmm...actually I do have it, but I prefer to use that sweet time of mine to relax and chill..and live life like normal people do. hehe. Ya laaaa, it's tiring you know having to work all day and night. - I normally would blog during night time cuz that's when I really have all the mood. So yes, blogging is kinda like a "job" now, more than a hobby. hahaha. Nah..kidding. Blogging is my passion/hobby, but these days I rarely have time for it. Too. Tired. =(

So...when I'm at home, I prefer to just sit in my room, looking at my clothes or or trying them on or rearrange them..etc... or play around with my face & body products. Or just talking on the phone and lying around on bed. Awesome. hehe

Anyways, I just wanna keep you updated while I was missing (and this is just a summary of 40% of the things I did while I was away for I don't know how long alreadyy... See, I told ya I ain't got enough time to update everythinggg! What can I say, I love living my real life rather than spending tooooooo much time on a virtual world! heheh ;p)

Okay. Tomorrow I have a meeting. Good night all!
Will update some more, when everythinggg is normal again! hehe. Okayy toodles! ;)



XOXO,
S.

Bzzzzzt... Bizzzyyyy.. Here's a Re-Cap of What this Busy Young Lady did!

I've been so busy with my life lately. Busy having fun. Busing working. Busy finding time for myself. Busy with my loved ones. Busy thisss...Busy that. The word for today is, BUSY.

Yes, I'm a busy young lady... Always got things to do. Dunno doing what....but I'm BUSY! haha... Well...most of the time, busy being tired actually. And that explains why this blog looks like it's almost dead already! ;p

Well well well... here's a little summary of the activities that made me away for a little while...

Busy meeting up with my best friend. Busy being kepochi like achi

Busy taking care of my self 

(I look crappy these days! T_T)

Busy going here and there... Busy collecting some things. Busy buying some things. Busy attending some things. 

Haihh.... Busy Body betul aku ni... =_=

Busy having lunch with friends

Busy doing this.

Busy crying over this.

Busy smiling over this.

;p

Busy eating some more.

=_=

Busy getting my Gong Cha Signature Milk Tea for the day at the office before starting to be busy working

Busy going to a spa, after being busy feeling fat and lousy

Busy wandering and wondering around when will I ever be skinny and hot. And skinny. And hot. And slim. And hot. And skinny. And skinny. And skinny. And HOT. And thinnnnnn??!!! *cries*

And busy thinking when will I ever stop thinking about food??!! >_<

Busy hunting for Shark Fin Soup

(yes, makan lagiiii..... Patut laaaaaaaaa. Haihhhz =_=')

Busy this.

Busy car hunting with A'ai and Aizat. 

Busy dreaming driving awesome cars. 

I caught my eye on this by the way. 

But I got no marney to buy lorhh. Just sit and cry and dream on and pose beside it, also can oneee! Hahaha ;p

Busy making love to my hair, at Raymond Choon

Busy melantak Japanese food

(Sushi Zanmai is superb!!! - First time trying it! Love it!)

Busy jalan-jalan, sambil posing dekat signboard/advertisement. PFFFFT! haha..

(No la...actually I got a reason whyyy... Kan awak, kannn? heheheheh ;p)

Busy trying out some natural things on my face

(White egg yolk, yogurt, papayas, milk, etc etc. It's fun!)

Busy main try-try baju dekat kedai. Haha :p

And lastly, today...

 Busy doing this! hehe

Yeahhh... I'm a very busy young lady. Busybody that is! ;p

XOXO,

S.

What a Life I Have! T..T

Life....isn't perfect! Sob...sob....

Morning: Stuck in jam everyday for almost 2 hour. I know! Crazy right?!

(If I go as early as 6.30, I'll arrive so early - 30 minutes drive, and the office is still close! But if I go out at 7 and above, I'll be stuck in traffic for 1-2 hour! Grrrr...)

Then, arrived office with some workload that keep on coming in non-stop, every hour, everyday. 

*wipe tears*

Evening: Rush to KLCC for Marie France Bodyline treatment (if there's any). And stuck in jam for another one hour.

Or...If I choose to cancel my appointment at MFB, and go back 'early' instead, I'll stuck in jam for another 2 hours or so..

*cries*

At 9-10 pm, after I'm done with the treatment or work or dinner. The traffic is STILL as bad! Stuck in jam for 1 hour more...

*sob...sob...sobbb*

Arrived home.

11 pm-1 am:  Mandi. Solat. Do some of my usual stuffs for a bit.

2 am: Sleep.

6 am: Wake up.

Repeat!

Grrr.... >_<

PFFFFFT. What a life! Thank God this will soon end!!! :D (I got a helicopter. LOL ;p)

Haihhh... I. Cannot. Wait! Now only I value my schooling days. Hmm...maybe I should take Masters! haha ;p

Anyway, the conclusion for this post is: I HATE TRAFFIC JAM THAT IS MORE THAN 50 MINUTES OF MY PRECIOUS TIME! Sikit-sikit dah la..bukan sampai berjam-jam habis masa on the road, pagi petang siang malam! It's annoying! KLites, please take LRT from now on and let the Selangor people like me to drive happily everyday! hahaha ;p 

P/s: I. Freaking. Need. A. Vacation! Kaki aku sakit, dowh!!  >_<

XOXO,

Drama Queen ;p