Montenza Jewellery & A New Tattoo

Wearing: Montenza Caja Rings in Silver (sponsored); Montenza J'aime le bracelet de la terre Bracelet in Silver (sponsored). Photos taken by Hai with Canon D70 DSLR.

Hi guys. I hope everyone has been staying healthy and safe. This week I went back into the office full time after working from home since March and rotating into the office occasionally. It's been a journey for me (mentally) but I'm glad to be back. But then this week it was announced we are splitting teams and creating new teams, leaving 20 colleagues (including me) out of 60 spread out into new teams effective next week. 

It's been a shock to my system and I've been experiencing the ups and downs of not being able to work with my original team any more. I was just easing into my team dynamic and workload was easing up then management pulled the carpet from under us. I haven't had time to collect my thoughts but I'm starting to think I'm in a 'shock' and 'denial' stage.

The only thing that has been a constant for me is my music. It does not disappoint me and go around splitting teams up and causing chaos in my workplace :(
So here is a list of my September discoveries that have been on repeat:

Chvrches - Really Gone (Hasa Session); Grafitti (Hasa Session and original)
Johnny Stinson - Vacation
BTS - My Time; Dynamite; Spring Day; Pied Piper
The Weeknd - Save Your Tears; Hardest To Love
Halsey - 100 Letters; Colours; Be Kind
Harry Styles - Watermelon Sugar High
Red Hearse - Everybody Loves You
G-Flip - Lover; Killing My Time
Keshi - 2 Soon

When you get a chance, give these artists a listen. 

I honestly just love putting my noise cancelling headphones on and chilling to music. I often stop what I'm doing and just day dream; staring out the window. It's even better if it's raining. Time stands still. It's like I'm constantly collecting memories to tell myself when I'm older.

I've owned many mp3 players in my lifetime and like to create music playlists. I currently own a Sony Walkman so that is where my eighth tattoo inspiration comes from. In August I got music player buttons on my forearm as a tribute to my love of music. 

Interesting fact: When I inquired about getting some finger tattoos, the tattoo artist advised against it as during the pandemic the over washing of hands will mean your tattoo ink will just come right off in a matter of weeks. Usually you have to take extra care and keep your hands dry while waiting for the tattoo to heal. I wanted to get a moon and sun on my index fingers.

To show off my tattoo I paired it with some delicate jewellery pieces from Montenza. I especially love the Montenza J'aime le bracelet de la terre Bracelet as the world map represents my love for travel. Still patiently waiting for our chance to travel freely again. Keep wearing your masks everyone <3

Introducing: My Mountain Tattoo

Tattoo designed by me, Tattoo inked by Alex from Cabramatta Ink

With just under three months to go until the wedding, I've barely had any time to sit at my computer to edit photos and just do what I do - blog. My life for the past year has been spending hours researching dresses, music, pre-wedding photo locations, ties, wedding gifts, celebrants, Asian ceremonies, stationary..... and I'm burnt out.

Yet fnding the inspiration for my tattoo came to me easily, and it was the easiest thing to do while planning this wedding! Amidst my crazy schedule, I found time six months ago to get this tattoo for my thirtieth birthday.
All I did was think about the hikes I've done and all the time I spent outdoors. The mountains and trees came to my mind easily as I drew it into my art book. Then I thought about freedom, and a bird was sketched.

I then spent the next few weeks hiding it from my mom. Yes I am thirty and engaged but there is still a certain amount of respect my mom expects and no matter what, she would not react well to this tattoo. But as the weeks draw closer to the wedding, my mom and I have been spending more time together as we work out the details of the Asian wedding ceremonies. I'm pretty sure she has noticed it by now but has not said anything. The wedding is clearly the priority which I silently appreciated.

I also was surprised that my mom agreed to walk me down the aisle. Even though she raised me for most of my life (my mom and dad are divorced) I knew that it was important to me, but I didn't realize it was also important to her. It warmed my heart.

These are some of the better moments of this wedding planning. The amount of stress that comes with it is enough to make me want to burn my wedding planner and hop on a plane to fly somewhere (and I have a massive fear of flying)! But... these days I just keep glancing down at my tattoo and try to furiously remind myself that I will see mountains and trees soon. Mountains and trees. Mountains and trees....

And then it will be all worth it in the end. Soon I'll be hiking towards those mountains and trees with my rose gold wedding band and smiling at the memory of my mom walking me down the aisle.

The Sunday Blues

Wearing: Cocolatte Pleated White Dress thanks to Cocolatte; Nasty Gal Faux Fur coat

It's hard to put into words what I am about to say, I find myself typing then deleting, then getting up to make some coffee then sitting back down again to type two words then walk away again. Repeat of such a vicious cycle.

I guess... the right thing to say now is that - I really loved him. I was in love with him for close to four years. However, it fell apart as I scraped to hold on. It ended just this week, on a gloomy Monday.
The words he said that hurt me the most was that I didn't care and I wanted to give up so easily like I had no heart or soul. Those words strike me like a punch in the heart. I never intended for the sadness and the tears and never, had I wanted to end something I wanted just so badly to work.
I feel scared and lonely sometimes, like a hand is crushing my heart and a dark cloud following me. I sometimes think I'm a grade A idiot, for letting him go and for going for the 'easier' option. And when the first few days pass, you realise you have to pack the photos and return items he left in your room. Remove traces of him, forget that you cannot call or text, cast him from your mind. It hurts. Yet I know it was the right decision at the time and not all decisions are meant to be easy.

I know alot of people do not feel sympathy and compassion for the 'One Who Broke it Off' so I keep low key and keep my real true friends close as I mend. I do deserve to be happy and I do deserve a hug and I am allowed to cry. I bite my tongue at work and try not to bring others down. I've been through many a breakup before but this is the first time I've initiated it... and I always thought that those guys that broke up with me were never hurting or felling guilt but I now know that isn't true. It definitely isn't true.

Now, I just want to be alone and stay distracted. I haven't changed anything around my room because I still love that smile. I wish it could've not ended up like this but I truly have to be honest with myself and finally, to be the better person.

These are some of the last photos he took of me - just before our breakup and I know as I look at these, I feel the sadness just radiating off me. Maybe because I felt the end coming and I couldn't hide it on my face.
I thank him for all the help and support he gave me over the past years for my blog. I don't think I would've had the courage to start my blog without him. He was my rock, my best friend, my love. To my dearest, you'll always, always have a special place in my heart. Always and Forever.

A Girl and her Bird Tattoo

A Girl and her Bird Tattoo: Tattoo inked at Burwood's Tattoo Temple

Taking on a love for tattoos, I decided to get inked again. I didn't exactly put much thought into this tattoo, I saw a photo on the internet and thought it would be perfect symbolism for my outlook on life.

As many of you know I like to find the escapism in life and I have a huge appreciation for what I have and for my friends and family. Birds, I associate with freedom. They also have wings, which I desperately wish I had because I have a dreadful fear of flying.

And recently I read this touching article online written by Sina on the website Karenstan (original article here). It really put my life into perspective and made me think about my future.
Sina talked about how as a nurse she worked in palliative care and talked to many of her patients which were sadly sent home to die.
When she questioned her patients about any regrets they had or what they would have done differently in life, top five themes surfaced again and again:

1. I wish I'd have the courage to live a life true to myself, not the lives others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Thinking about these, I would feel exactly the same if I knew I were to leave this earth. Many of these themes resonate with me, like Reason 1, I wish I'd have the courage to live a life true to myself, not the lives others expected of me. I think so far in my life, I did fulfil a dream: become a blogger. Growing up with friends whose parents expected them to get high-paying 'respectable' jobs (i.e accountants, doctors, auditors, scientist) my path in the fashion world isn't exactly what most parents wanted in my generation. But I was lucky enough to have a mum who realised that it doesn't matter what job you had, it was how happy you were and that it was my decision. I hope to continue to live true to myself, even when down the track, I don't have the desire to be a blogger anymore I still have the courage to change that, too.

Reason 3, is another one that I think it's important too:  I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. Even now, at 26 years old I feel this is really important. I once loved someone for a very long time but it took me years to properly express it. I wish I had expressed it sooner to save myself such heart-wrenching nights. Honesty scared me, but when I finally confessed I actually felt relieved. And that relief brought me happiness. I hope to leave this earth with a light heart not filled with regret and the burden of not sharing how I felt. My feelings are just as important as others and I bet many special moments will be created from my sheer honesty.

I wish that I had let myself be happier. Sina writes in her article that most people don't realise that Happiness is a choice until the very end. Sometimes being caught up in life and and letting a bad/sad event bring you down fills up most of the days and hours in the week. I hope to learn from this theme and try to cheer up quicker because life is too short to hold grudges or be upset. People have the misconception that happiness is only adorned to people who deserve it when really, you just have to choose it.

So anyway, I read this article around the time I got inked and now I am reminded of the article when I see my tattoo. This article impacted my thinking so much.
I hope that when I am ready to leave, I have no regrets, grudges or bitterness with my life. And that I live my life honestly and follow through with my own choices. I'm thinking my next tattoo should be the words COURAGE. Courage to live, to be happy, to be true.

Introducing: The Girl with the Dandelion Tattoo

Wearing: Roger + Peach button earrings. 

Tattoo designed by me (Natalie Leung) and tattooed 28th May 2012

Self-reflection and evaluation has shown me some patterns in my life. Although I am a whole hearted, happy and (mostly) content person, I like to escape from my reality or - to runaway. I like to listen to music, watch movies, draw, use my imagination and spend time with certain people in my life to escape. 

I've had moments of waking up at 2am to go to the park to see the stars; waking up at 4am to spend time with a special person, stare out the windows in between important stuff or jump onto a plane to Melbourne just to eat.

I used to turn off my phone and walk to special places to dwell in my old memories. Now that I drive I like to go get myself a bubble tea and roam the city streets or sit on the grass. I am still planning to drive to the beach cliffs to watch the sunrise on my own. I love those sort of moments.

So when I see the dandelion flower, I see myself. Little parts of the dandelion fly away to wherever the wind takes it. I am like that in many ways.

From @lucyrunaways instagram

xx Natalie

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