Five way-too-early playoff scenarios we should all be wishing for

It’s December, which means it’s time for the grownups to get serious about their holiday shopping, and time for the kids to get serious about their wish lists. That latter one is way more fun, and it’s what we’re going to play with today.

Dear hockey gods: I have been a very good boy this year, and would like you to bring me these five playoff scenarios.

OK, yes, I hear you – it’s way too early to start thinking about the playoffs. But that’s the whole point. When it’s way too early, that means we can still wish for pretty much anything. Once we get close to spring, most of the cool stuff will be off the table, or at least feeling like a longshot. When you’re still months away, reality hasn’t kicked in yet and there are way more options are in play.

This is all about the anticipation of the night before. There will be time to find out we actually got socks and underwear later. So today, here are five vaguely realistic scenarios that I’m really hoping we get to see at the end of the year.

Oilers vs. Flames

We’ll start with the most obvious pick. This year marks three decades since the last time we had a Battle of Alberta in the postseason. That’s bizarre, given that the two teams are always in the same division. We finally got a long-awaited Leafs/Habs meeting last year – I’m only halfway through on PVR, don’t tell me how it ends – and it doesn’t look like Rangers/Islanders is in play this year. That means that Flames/Oilers is pretty much indisputably the best long-term rivalry option on the table.

It would be a fascinating matchup. You’d have Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl, the two best offensive players in the world, going up against the system of defensive mastermind Darryl Sutter and a goalie who might be in the running for the Vezina. Speaking of Jacob Markstrom, remember that he shunned the Oilers’ offer to sign with Calgary. We could get a Milan Lucic or James Neal redemption arc. How about a seven-game war of attrition between Zach Hyman and Matthew Tkachuk? On paper, the series could be great, even without the history.

All that said, the history is the best part here. There’s just something about these two teams sharing the ice that always feels like we’re back in the Smythe Division days. Even if the game isn’t all that important, eventually somebody goes for a big hit, the fans start buzzing, and the next thing you know the goalies are throwing haymakers. Imagine doing it with everything on the line in the postseason.

And yes, I know I’ve been trying to will this series into existence for years now. It has to work some time, right? Maybe not, but I’m going to keep trying.

How realistic is it? The good news is that the two teams are battling for first place in the division, so they both look like safe bets to make the playoffs. The bad news is that we’ll need some help to see a matchup in the first round, either through one of the teams dropping into the wildcard mix, or both being passed some other team for top spot in the Pacific.

(We could also just wait until the second round, which would guarantee that one would win the division. I have my reasons for hoping somebody else takes that crown, for reasons we’ll get to in a bit.)

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

(Want to read this post on The Athletic for free? Sign up for a free trial.)

Ranking the best playoff openers of the cap era

Among hockey fans, it’s become almost cliché to say that the first round of the postseason is the best time of the year. It’s also indisputably true. With 16 teams in action and hockey on pretty much all the time, you can be virtually guaranteed that something wild will happen somewhere. The first round is pretty great.

In fact, I’ll go one further: My favorite time to be a hockey fan is during the first 48 hours of the playoffs. Every series is a blank canvas at that point, and it feels like anything can happen. You don’t know which of the favorites are for real, and which are about to be exposed. You don’t know which of the underdogs might be starting their miracle run. It’s early enough that nothing feels like a total disaster for anyone, but everything is important. Add on to that, the several-day waiting period between the end of the regular season and playoff puck drop, which increases the demand. It’s so much fun.

This year’s postseason is going to be unlike anything we’ve ever seen before, and there’s no guarantee we’ll even get to see it finish. But we’re going to get an opening 48 hours that has the potential to be absolutely amazing. In just two days next weekend, on (man this feels weird to write) Aug. 1 and 2, we’ll see all eight play-in openers, plus two bonus games as part of the round-robin, with the action starting early in the afternoon and going all day long. There’s still confusion over whether any of this formally counts as the “playoffs” or postseason or something else, but I’m not sure that’s going to matter to fans once the puck drops. Mix in more uncertainty than we’ve ever had heading into a postseason, and the seemingly endless drought of four months without hockey suddenly coming to an end via a firehose, and next weekend might end up being just about the best thing ever.

Or maybe it will be a bust. You never know, especially these days. As we count down the days to the NHL’s return, let’s get into the right mindset with a ranking of the best opening 48 hours of playoff action in the cap era.

To qualify for this list, there are a few factors that I’m looking for to be considered a great first 48. You want to have every series starting, without any weird stragglers that show up a few days late and throw off the rhythm. I want to be surprised by a few upsets. It goes without saying that you want as much overtime as possible. And ideally, you’ll have a few intriguing storylines pop up that will pay off down the road, even if you don’t quite know it yet.

Give me all of that, and I won’t regret the fact that I didn’t leave my couch or speak to my family for two straight days. Of course, some years have been better than others, so let’s dive into the ranking.

14. 2009

The Bruins and Sharks went in as the top seeds, with the Wings and Caps also looking strong, and young teams in Chicago and Pittsburgh lurking. The playoffs started on April 15 and 16 with all eight series openers.

Upsets: Maybe none? Home teams won six of the eight openers, and the only two who lost were the Capitals (to the Rangers) and Sharks (to the Ducks). Remember, this was back in 2009, so seeing the Caps or Sharks choke wasn’t really anything you’d consider a surprise.

Overtime: Just one game, and it only lasted 12 seconds thanks to Martin Havlat’s quick winner for the Hawks over the Flames.

Emerging story: That Hawks win was their first in a playoff game since 2002 and just their second since 1997, and served as a signal that this young team might be for real. Meanwhile, Pittsburgh and Detroit both posted impressive 4-1 wins to start their road to a Stanley Cup final rematch that eventually happened.

Overall: No real upsets and just 12 seconds overtime? Pass. The only good thing about this opener was that they gave us eight games. Then again, how can you screw up something as simple as having every series open over the first two nights? Let me take a big sip of water as we scroll to the next entry …

13. 2013

The playoffs start late due to the lockout, with games on April 30 and May 1. Even worse, the first two nights saw just six games, as Sens/Habs and Rangers/Caps had to wait on the sidelines. Six games! This was, it goes without saying, completely unacceptable.

Upsets: Only one, and it barely counted, with the visiting Sharks beating a Canucks team that finished two points ahead of them.

Overtime: A pair of games on opening night, with the Hawks beating the Wild on a Bryan Bickell goal and the Blues beating the Kings on a rare overtime shorthanded goal by Alex Steen that Jonathan Quick would like to forget.

Emerging story: The Maple Leafs made their return to the playoffs after nearly a decade, but they lost to the Bruins by a final score of 4-1 because that is an insurmountable lead.

Overall: Some of the moments were fun, but come on, only six games over the first two nights of action? Don’t ever do this again, NHL.

12. 2008

The playoffs began on April 9 and 10 with four games each night, but there was a twist: the Flames and Sharks double-dipped with two games, while the Flyers and Capitals sat out.

Upsets: Visitors took three of four on opening night, with only the Penguins holding serve against the Senators. The favorites did better on night two, with only the Stars pulling off the only road win with a 4-0 decision over the Ducks.

Overtime: Just one, with the Avs beating the Wild on a Joe Sakic winner.

Emerging story: The openers featured three shutouts, and none of the games had more than five goals. Wait, I thought we fixed scoring back in 2006?

Overall: Another weird schedule, low-scoring games and only one overtime add up to a pretty lackluster start.

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

(Want to read this post on The Athletic for free? Sign up for a free trial.)

How I’d fix the NHL’s playoff format

Last​ week, we had​ some​ fun​ with​ the​ NHL’s​ playoff format.​ Since everyone likes​ to complain about​ today’s​ system, I pointed​​ out that the league has never been able to get this right. For over 100 years now, through dozens of different systems, there’s always been something wrong.

Lots of people told me they enjoyed the post. They learned something or at least had a good laugh. But then, inevitably, came the follow-up: OK then, smart guy, can you come up with something better?

Yes. Yes, I can.

When Gary Bettman retires and I’m named his replacement, I already know what the new playoff format will look like. If you want to be surprised when that day comes, stop reading now. But I took my shots at the league’s century of playoff format failure, so it’s only fair that I make the case for what I believe would be the correct answer.

It’s an idea I first floated over five years ago, and I’m sure I’m not the only one to come up with it. And in a few minutes, you’re going to be on board too.

The setup

The first step in building our new format is that we’re going back to using conference-based seeding for the first round. The top eight teams in each conference will make the playoffs, regardless of division, and they’ll be seeded one-through-eight based on standings.

I’ll stop here to acknowledge that we’ve already got a problem, because conference seeding means we’re going to reduce the chances of seeing those divisional rivalries the league loves so much. It’s one of the main reasons we have the current division-based format – because the league wants to see matchups like Boston/Montreal or Los Angeles/San Jose as often as possible. Those pairings are still possible in a conference-based system, but they become less likely. Some fans won’t care, but I happen to love those rivalry matchups. I think they’re part of what makes playoff hockey great. If you do too, and you’re disappointed that my format will feature fewer rivalry matchups, I’m going to ask you to hold that thought for a few more paragraphs.

So yeah, we’re back to conference-based seeding. This is basically how the system worked from 1994 through to 2013, although we’re throwing in a new wrinkle: We won’t be automatically giving the top seeds to the division winners. In fact, the division winners won’t matter at all. If the best three teams in the East are all in the Atlantic, then they’ll be the top three seeds. If the Central has six of the eight best teams in the West, then all six make the playoffs, in whatever order they’ve earned based on their regular season records. No automatic seeding for division winners.

That will strike fans as odd, since we’re used to the league always rewarding division winners with a top seed. But there’s really no need to. I’m not going to get into whether or not we’d use a balanced schedule for this format because it really doesn’t matter. But if the schedule is balanced, with all the teams in a conference playing each other an equal number of times, then the divisions don’t really matter. And if its unbalanced (like it is now), then a team that wins a weak division has played an easier schedule and already had an advantage. There’s no reason to reward them with another one once the playoffs start.

So we’re seeding each conference one through eight, without regard to division winners. And yes, that detail turns out to be important in a moment.

The first round has each conference playing the typical matchups: 1-vs-8, 2-vs-7 and so on. In Round 2 we re-seed, so the highest-ranked team left plays the lowest. This ruins the concept of filling out a bracket, which some fans enjoy, but it’s a sacrifice we’re willing to make. All of this means that the two best teams in the conference or even the league can’t end up playing in the second round, like happened last year with the Jets and Predators, and could happen this year with the Lightning and Leafs.

So far, so good. We’re two rounds into the playoffs, and there are four teams left, two from each conference. A few minor wrinkles aside, this isn’t all that different from what fans were used to a few years ago.

And then, something very simple yet beautiful will happen.

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

Grab Bag: Expanded playoffs, personal goal songs, and a visit from Adorable Hockey Grandpa

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- Should the NHL expand the playoffs? I'm not sure, so I looked at both sides of the debate.
- A word about players getting their own individual goal songs
- An obscure player who bounced around the NHL for a decade but did 77% of his scoring in one season
- The week's three comedy stars
- And a classic YouTube video in which young American players are visited by an adorable old man who wants to teach them about hockey while insulting them and yelling about taxes

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

Which playoff matchups should fans be rooting for?

We’re now down to 10 days left in the NHL schedule, which means we can start looking ahead to the postseason. Sure, we’ve all secretly been doing that since mid-January, but now we can admit it. The playoffs are almost here. And it’s time to start figuring out which matchups to root for.

That’s going to be a little bit challenging, since unlike in years past, there’s no absolute sure thing looming. This time last year, we were already 99 percent locked into matchups like Montreal–Tampa Bay and Los Angeles–San Jose. This year doesn’t bring anything even close to that level of certainty.

Still, it’s important to start preparing early, since some of these matchups are better than others and we need to know what to root for. So here’s our list of the 10 most likely first-round matchups heading into last night’s action, as provided by the number crunchers over at hockeystats.ca, and ranked in increasing order of potential awesomeness.

10. Canucks vs. Kings: 48.2 percent

While this would be only an OK matchup on its own merits, it holds one key selling point: It’s by far the most likely matchup that involves the Kings actually making the playoffs.

You may or may not view that as a good thing. After all, the Kings have won two recent Cups, and have a nasty habit of barely squeezing into the playoffs before transforming into an unbeatable powerhouse. Maybe you’re tired of that act and would prefer to see somebody else get a shot.

But maybe the defending champions deserve a chance to go out on their shield, and that means they have to make the playoffs first. Besides, Kings playoff runs tend to be fun. Remember, the last team they beat in the first round was so crushed by the loss that it went completely insane and provided us with a good year’s worth of entertainment. And a long run could even get us a rematch of last year’s Hawks-Kings conference final. So even though this wouldn’t be an especially great matchup, there’s still good reason to root for it to happen.

As for Vancouver, the Canucks have had a surprisingly strong season and probably want no part of a first-round meeting with the defending champs. And that’s fine, because there’s a better matchup looming for Vancouver that we’ll get to down below.

Random old YouTube clip to get you fired up: Jarret Stoll scores in overtime in 2012, eliminating the no. 1–seeded Canucks and starting the Kings’ first Cup run.

9. Canadiens vs. Red Wings: 32.6 percent

This one would certainly have some appeal for history buffs. You’ve got a meeting of two Original Six teams, with all the nostalgia those matchups come preloaded with. And in this case, the pairing is a relatively unique one: These two teams haven’t met in the playoffs since 1978. It’s also two great hockey markets, with lots of championships between them.

You’ll notice I’m not really saying anything about the actual teams. That’s because, on paper, this doesn’t feel like a great fit as far as matchups go. For example, the Canadiens have the best goalie in the league in Carey Price, who’s going to win the MVP. The Red Wings don’t even seem quite sure who their starter is right now. Your gut tells you that that edge alone would be enough to turn this into an easy Habs win.

Your gut is probably wrong, though, since goaltending is voodoo, as this year has taught us. In the year of Devan Dubnyk and Cam Talbot and the Hamburglar, “Carey Price gets badly outplayed by Petr Mrazek” would fit right in as a story line. And there would be more to this series than goaltending, with plenty of star power to go around and the whole “Is this the end of Mike Babcock in Detroit?” subplot.

It’s an OK matchup. I’m sure it would be fine. But there are better possible opponents lurking for both of these teams. The Wings one is coming up a few spots down our list. As for Montreal, the matchup we all want to see is clearly the Boston Bruins — the two teams hate each other, and just about every series between them ends up being memorable. Unfortunately, that matchup isn’t looking likely, thanks in part to the NHL’s weird double-crossover system, which makes it possible for the Bruins to finish fourth in the Atlantic but get shipped off to the Metro instead. Hockeystats.ca has the Habs’ chances of playing the Bruins at only 17.2 percent, just a little better than their odds of getting the Islanders. You suck, crossover.

Random old YouTube clip to get you fired up: A vintage highlight reel of the 1954 “World Series of hockey” between the Wings and Habs.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

What we got wrong in the 2014 playoffs

Kings over Rangers? I think we all saw that coming.

Well, maybe not all of us. But while the Kings certainly followed an unusual path to get their hands on the Cup, nobody who was paying attention would call it a shock that they ended up as champions. And even the Rangers’ unlikely run was a possibility that plenty of smart fans had been whispering about for much of the season’s second half.

But even if you weren’t surprised by how the postseason ended, you probably got to enjoy a few unexpected twists and turns along the way. That’s because there were several points we all seemed to agree on in the playoffs’ early days, and which turned out not to be such a sure thing after all.

So here are a half-dozen things that, in hindsight, we were wrong about when it comes to the 2014 playoffs. And yes, it goes without saying that “we” doesn’t mean everyone. Hockey fans are never unanimous on anything, and some of us surely turned out to be right on a few of these. But I do think it’s fair to say that there was, at the very least, a strong consensus on these points.

(Except for you, of course; you knew that all the stuff would work out exactly the way it did. You just forgot to tell the rest of us.)

The Penguins’ chances all came down to Marc-Andre Fleury

What we thought: The Penguins cruised to the top seed in a weak Metro Division. But the regular season didn’t matter in Pittsburgh; they’d be judged by how they did in the playoffs. And no player would be under the microscope more than Fleury, their much-maligned goaltender with a history of playoff struggles. If he played well, the Penguins would head for the conference finals or beyond. If they fell short, he’d be the reason why.

What actually happened: Fleury was fine, putting up his best playoff numbers in five years. The Penguins still lost, and it cost lots of people their jobs, but the blame couldn’t be directed Fleury’s way.

Where we went wrong: For the Penguins, plenty. They blew a 3-1 series lead to the Rangers, with the offense drying up to the tune of just three goals over those final three games. Sidney Crosby slumped, James Neal all but disappeared, the defense struggled, and the team’s lack of bottom-six depth was exploited. Once the playoffs ended, GM Ray Shero and (eventually) head coach Dan Bylsma were fired, and we could be on the verge of major roster changes in Pittsburgh.

Fleury, meanwhile, largely escaped any blame for the team’s disappointing postseason. He wasn’t great, outside of posting back-to-back shutouts early in the Rangers series, but he wasn’t the story. In fact, he seemed to be about as much of a nonfactor as a goaltender can be under the playoff spotlight.

In a sense, that puts the Penguins in a tough spot. If Fleury had struggled again, there’s a good chance the team would have moved on from him via trade or buyout. Instead, there’s a good chance they go into next year with him as the starter, and face many of the same questions once their 2015 playoff run starts.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

Playoff preview and predictions

"We’ve got to roll four lines."

Expect to hear a lot of that in the next few weeks during the Stanley Cup playoffs, which open tonight. This time of year, every coach is overcome by an almost fanatical desire to roll four lines. And they’ll be quite happy to tell you all about it, even if that’s not the question you asked.

We figured that if it was good enough for the playoff teams, it should be good enough for a playoff preview. So for each series, we’re going to roll four lines, too — by using one sentence to break down the old-school narrative, the fancy stats indicators, the key question, and a player to watch. (And we even got some graphics help from Dan Gustafson of 16 Wins.)

Will we really be able to analyze complex playoff matchups using single sentences? Of course! Will we use cheap punctuation tricks to make that happen? Almost undoubtedly. Footnotes, too? Maybe.¹

Let’s get started quickly, before the first night of games comes along and leaves all our predictions in ruins.

Central Division

The Central was probably the NHL’s best division, producing three of the league’s top seven teams. It was also the only division to send five teams to the playoffs; the Dallas Stars will temporarily shift over to the Pacific as a wild-card team.

No. 2 St. Louis Blues vs. No. 3 Chicago Blackhawks

Dan Gustafson/16 Wins

Series starts: Thursday night in St. Louis

Season series: The Blues took the first three meetings (two of them in shootouts), but the Blackhawks beat them twice in the season’s final weeks.

Line no. 1: The old-school narrative

The Blues are in free fall,² collapsing under the weight of their season-long status as Stanley Cup favorites, and now face a humiliating first-round exit at the hands of the defending champs.

Line no. 2: Professor Fancystats says …

The Blues’ losing streak has been driven largely by PDO, so it’s no great cause for concern — but a matchup with the Blackhawks and their excellent 55.2 percent Fenwick sure is.³

Line no. 3: The key question

How could a Blues team that was fourth in the league in goals scored on April 1 manage to score just seven times in its final eight games?

Line no. 4: One player to watch

It’s not a hard pick here: The Blues paid a ransom to acquire goalie Ryan Miller with the expectation that he’d be the final piece in their Stanley Cup puzzle, and now it looks like they’ll need him to win this series.

Prediction: Miller gets it done, the Blues win in six, and everyone goes back to considering them Cup favorites.

No. 1 Colorado Avalanche vs. No. 4 Minnesota Wild

Dan Gustafson/16 Wins

Series starts: Thursday night in Colorado

Season series: Colorado took four of five, including all three that ended before the shootout.

Line no. 1: The old-school narrative

The Avalanche were a young team drifting without direction until Patrick Roy showed up and sprayed a winning attitude all over the dressing room like a shaggy dog shaking off bathwater.

Line no. 2: Professor Fancystats says …

It’s hard to overstate how much the analytics crowd hates the Avalanche, a terrible possession team that’s spent the whole year riding unsustainable percentages and would have been eaten alive by the Blackhawks if the Blues hadn’t collapsed.⁴

Line no. 3: The key question

The Avalanche are an inexperienced team that’s spent most of the season having the breaks go their way, so how will they respond the first time they get punched in the mouth in the playoffs?

Line no. 4: One player to watch

Ryan Suter spent almost 200 more minutes on the ice than any other player in the league, and against the high-flying Avalanche he may play well more than 30 minutes every night.

Prediction: The Avs win in five, earning the right to have literally everyone on the planet pick them to lose their second-round matchup with the winner of the Blues-Hawks series.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

A look at the NHL's playoff bubble teams

As of today, we’re officially down to one month left in the NHL regular season. And that means it’s time to start figuring out the postseason picture, with our annual look at the playoff bubble.

Most teams have about 15 to 17 games left, so it’s a little early to definitively declare anybody in or out — nobody has actually mathematically clinched anything. But I think we can all agree that a few teams are locks. The Ducks, Blues, Hawks, Sharks, Kings, Bruins, Avalanche, and Pens are in. The Oilers, Flames, Sabres, Islanders, Predators, Panthers, and Hurricanes are done. Everyone’s on board with that, right?

That still leaves 15 teams, which seems ridiculously excessive for a so-called bubble. Then again, this is the NHL’s Age of Fake Parity, where Gary Bettman & Co. pretend that every team with a pulse is still right in the thick of things even though we all know most of them really aren’t. (For example, here’s last year’s bubble piece, written with a quarter of the season left; note how absolutely nobody actually moved in or out of a playoff spot.) If that’s the image the league insists on projecting and fans want to embrace, who am I to argue?

In that spirit, let’s take a look at each of the 15 teams fighting for the eight remaining spots.

♦♦♦

Group 1: Should Feel Pretty Safe

New York Rangers

Current status: IN (35-27-4, 74 points, three points up for wild-card spot or Metro berth)

Remaining schedule: The Rangers play 10 of 16 on the road, including five of the next six, but their record away from MSG is actually better than it is at home. In terms of opponents, they have one of the easier schedules of any bubble team; they’ll have 12 games against teams that are currently below them in the standings.

The optimist’s view: They have an easy schedule, they’re relatively hot, they’re just about completely healthy, and they just added a reigning Art Ross winner with a chip on his shoulder.

The pessimist’s view: Well, they just lost Ryan Callahan, so … intangibles? Sorry, I got nothing. They’re in.

Worth noting: It’s unlikely, but if the Lightning end up as a wild card, they could face Martin St. Louis and the Rangers as soon as the second round.

Montreal Canadiens

Current status: IN (35-25-7, 77 points, six points up for wild-card spot)

Remaining schedule: It’s all over the map, bouncing back and forth between top teams and also-rans. Overall, call it medium difficulty.

The optimist’s view: After a tough stretch in January that had coach Michel Therrien on the hot seat, they’ve steadied the ship. The current three-game losing streak is a concern, but they’ve probably banked enough points to weather it.

The pessimist’s view: Goalie Carey Price is still hurt, and at this point we’re not sure when he’ll be back. The Canadiens are not the same team without him, and if he can’t return soon, their cushion could vanish pretty quickly.

Worth noting: If the playoffs started today, they’d face the Leafs for the first time since 1979. And it would be awesome.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

Canucks or Senators: Who should be Canada's Team?

The NHL season wraps up tonight, but we already know the 16 teams that will be advancing to the playoffs. That’s bad news for Canada, because the Vancouver Canucks and the Ottawa Senators will be the only two teams from north of the border taking part in this year’s post-season.

And you know what that means. Yes, it’s time for the annual blitz of stories about who gets to be “Canada’s Team”, the one NHL team that will carry the flag into battle and represent the hopes and dreams of a nation that hasn’t seen one of its teams capture a Stanley Cup since 1993. Diehard fans of the Canadiens, Maple Leafs and the country’s other teams will abandon their squads en masse to unite behind one remaining contender.

Has any actual hockey fan ever switched allegiances at this time of year? No, of course not. But with four days off between the end of the season and the start of the playoffs, we need something to fill air time and newspaper space.

So if you find yourself being chased down by a media member holding a microphone and frantically demanding to know which “Canada’s team” bandwagon you’ll be jumping on, you should at least be prepared to make an informed decision. Here are some of the points in favor of each of the two candidates.

Canucks – The entire roster shares a team-wide commitment to finding ways to lift the spirits of society’s least fortunate, we assume, since it would explain this week’s loss to the Calgary Flames.

Senators – Jason Spezza would probably really enjoy having the whole country cheering him on, and if we make him happy then maybe we can get him to do that creepy giggling thing again.

Canucks – If you decide to become a fan you can get up to speed on team history really quickly, without getting bogged down trying to memorize a bunch of Stanley Cup winners or Hall of Famers.

Senators – They’ve earned a reputation as a team that’s capable of doing the impossible during the postseason, in the sense that they have a history of losing to the Maple Leafs.

Read the rest of this post...

Signs your second round is not going well

Pictured: The Flyers' best goaltending
option. Also pictured: Sergei Bobrovsky
and Brian Boucher

After a first round that many agreed was among the most entertaining ever, it's perhaps no surprise that the second round has seemed like a letdown by comparison. That's at least partly due to Stanley Cup favourites struggling badly.

The top-seeded Capitals are already out, victims of a stunning sweep at the hands of the upstart Lightning. The Flyers find themselves facing a 3-0 hole against the Bruins, and the Red Wings are in the same hole against the surging Sharks. Even the powerhouse Canucks have had their share of scary moments thanks to Nashville goalie Pekka Rinne.

While an unexpected playoff collapse may seem stunning as it happens, in hindsight we can often find subtle clues that we missed at the time. And in fact, if you know what to look for you just may be able to detect some indications of impending doom for your own favourite team.

Here are a few key signs that things aren't going well for your team in round two. Don't read any further if you want to be surprised.

• When reporters ask your head coach how he got that mysterious scar on his face, he answers "About an hour ago, when the owner came after me with a broken off tequila bottle."
  
  
• After every bad game your goalie disappears into the video room to spend hours studying tape, but you just found out the "tape" is labelled "Tips and techniques from Philadelphia Flyer goalies, 1992 to present".
  
  
• The only "upper body injury" your team has suffered recently was when the goal judge behind your net went down with carpal tunnel syndrome.
  

Read the rest of this post...

Mind your manners: Playoff etiquette for hockey fans

Despite his guarantees, Daniel
Alfredsson's place setting had no cup.

The NHL's regular season can sometimes feel like it drags on forever, and fans can be forgiven for getting excited when the playoffs finally arrive. Every hockey fan, and especially those that root for a contender, has been waiting for months for the real hockey to start.

But that excitement is no excuse for losing sight of the rules of basic etiquette. After all, when the games matter the most even a simple faux pas can unintentionally ruin the moment for one your fellow fans.

So with just days to go before the post-season starts, now would seem like a good time to brush up on the list of do's and don'ts for courteous hockey fans at playoff time:

DO: Be respectful of your fellow hockey fans' desire to remain focused on the playoffs, free of needless distractions.
DO NOT: Interrupt this focus by scheduling unnecessary and annoying events during this time, such as birthday parties, weddings, or federal elections.

DO: Assure the dejected Toronto fan at your office that you were all rooting for the Leafs to make the playoffs, they showed a ton of heart during the stretch drive, and you're sure they'll be even better next year.
DO NOT: Feel the need to wait for them to leave the room before the rest of you break out the party hats, confetti, and giant "1967" banner.

DO: Stake out your "lucky spot" on the couch before the first game, making sure that you have a good view of the big screen TV, easy access to your beers in the fridge and all your post-game celebratory music loaded onto the stereo.
DO NOT: Be overly rude when telling the manager of the electronics store that his security guards are blocking your view.

DO: Listen politely as jealous Capital haters tell you that the team never won anything before Alexander Ovechkin came along.
DO NOT: Condescendingly inform them that it would have been hard to win anything when Washington didn't even have a team before 2005, you're pretty sure.

DO: Assure your spouse that yes, even though the playoffs are even more important than the regular season, you will still make time for your family just like you always do.
DO NOT: Follow up by asking where that tiny one in the diapers came from.

DO: Agree with your Canadien fan friend that there's no reason to think Carey Price can't lead the team on a long playoff run.
DO NOT: Add "Well, other than his entire playoff career up until now" if you have anything important in your car that's flammable.

DO: Consider placing a friendly wager on a game that you're not otherwise interested in since your team isn't playing.
DO NOT: Consider placing a friendly wager on a game that you're not otherwise interested in since you're the backup goalie.

DO: Politely explain to your non-hockey fan friend that while you appreciate him inviting you over to watch the game, it's generally considered quite rude for anyone to walk near the television while play is underway.
DO NOT: Hesitate to add that, fine, you'll buy him a new cat if he's going to make such a big deal about this.

DO: Remember to periodically spout that old playoff cliché that "In any series, the toughest game to win is the last one".
DO NOT: Immediately turn to your friend who cheers for the Bruins and add "That would be the fourth one, by the way, just in case you guys forgot again."

DO: Listen respectfully to your Canuck fan friends when they tell you that the team is absolutely stacked this year, is built for a long playoff run, and should have an easy time making it out of the Western Conference.
DO NOT: Ruin the moment by quietly humming "Chelsea Dagger" while they're talking

The signs of the hockey zodiac

Now a locker room Gemini.

If you've been around a water cooler recently, you've heard the apparently stunning news that's rocked the astrological world: thanks to a shift in the earth's axis, many of us now have new zodiac signs.

Does any of that matter to you? If you're a hockey fan, no, it doesn't. That's because diehard fans have long had their own unique set of astrological signs. Forget Scorpio and Capricorn; hockey fans have a better system that more closely aligns with the ups and downs of the NHL calendar.

On the off chance that you're a new fan or could use a quick refresher course, here's a rundown of the hockey world's zodiac signs.

Sign of the Opening Night (October) - You're an optimistic spirit who chooses to see the best in people. You're willing to let the mistakes of the past stay in the past, and you believe that everyone deserves a fresh start. You know that you'll never be perfect, but you also understand that you can't obsess over every little thing.

Sign of the Long Season (November) - You obsess over every little thing. You spend hours staring at yourself in the mirror, noting every flaw and wondering how it's possible that you didn't notice them until now. You're haunted by a nagging sense that you were a fool for thinking things might actually work out for once. You probably drink too much.

Sign of the World Juniors (December) - You're a shining example of the power of youthful exuberance. Emotional and excitable, you enjoy sprinting around and jumping into a wall whenever something goes well. You like to travel the world, even though everyone agrees that you'd probably be better off if you just stayed in Canada. You're really mean to Norwegian kids.

Sign of the All-Star (January) - You're constantly reinventing yourself in an attempt to stay cool. Rich businessmen and small children love you, although everyone else finds you sort of tedious. Every time you hold a party, everyone spends weeks arguing about one or two friends that you forgot to invite. People often fake injuries to avoid you.

Sign of the Olympics (February) - You're a world traveller who doesn't come around very often. Everybody loves you, even though you occasionally have an annoying habit of showing up at 3:00 in the morning. Whenever you attend an event that ends up being a huge success, you like to pretend you're not going to come back even though nobody believes you.

Sign of the Trade Deadline (March) - Everybody is endlessly fascinated by you, and they love to watch and analyze your every move in excruciating detail. Friends describe getting incredibly excited at the mere thought that you're near. But when you finally arrive, everyone feels strangely underwhelmed and mutters "Wait, I faked being too sick to come in to work for that?"

Sign of the Stretch Run (April) - Forget fun and games; you believe that it's time to get serious. You can be unpleasant and even downright cruel, and you've been known to break a few hearts along the way, but nobody wants to be left off of your dance card. Deep down, though, you can't shake the feeling that everyone is just using you to get to something better.

Sign of the Playoffs (May) - You have a beard, and you enjoy shaking hands. You're intense and unpredictable, with exhilarating highs and excruciating lows. You can be almost unbearably difficult, but for those willing to persevere through the tough times you offer the possibility of unmatched happiness that makes it all worth it. You don't hang out with Maple Leaf fans.

Sign of the Draft (June) - You're a long-term thinker who likes to plant seeds for the future and watch them grow. You have pimples, a bad haircut, a cheap suit and a disturbingly gigantic neck, and you absolutely will not put on a hat without bending it for five minutes first. You also don't hang out with Maple Leaf fans.

Sign of Free Agency (July) - The good news: You're a shopaholic who loves the thrill of the hunt. The bad news: You usually make terrible financial decisions that will take you years to fix. Everyone warns you about this, of course, but you just can't seem to help yourself. You would probably be a lot better of if you avoided talking with Russian people.

Sign of the Offseason (August) - You are incredibly dull and nobody likes you.

Sign of the Preseason (September) - You are full of the inner peace that can only come with a new beginning, and you believe that a brighter future may be right around the corner. You trust in the power of youth and feel that all things are possible, even for people that you just met. You embrace hope, you dream big dreams, and you eventually make the cutest little whimpering noise when reality inevitably comes along and mercilessly stomps little holes in your soul.

The Habs eulogy, with full "Felt like 93" lyrics

After several false starts, rewrites, and accusations of being cursed, the Habs eulogy is live at Puck Daddy. You can head over and read it there now.

Included in the post is the latest Bloge Salming masterpiece, "Felt Like '93". You can watch it below, along with the full lyrics. (But go watch the original first if you've never seen it.)

Felt Like '93 - The lyrics

I believed it was meant to be
And it felt a little bit like 93
With flailing hands we held them high
But then the Flyers came along and they made us cry
We used to talk about Stanley Cups
But now the conference finals is good enough
So if we just won a game in the second round
Then let's burn this city right to the ground

Here's a rap from the rubble of Montreal
Where we used to expect that we'd win it all
The cigars got lit and the champagne flowed
But I guess you could say that was a long time ago

These days the forum ghosts have got pretty quiet
So when we win a round then it's time to riot
I thought we used to brag about 24?
Guess it don't take as much to impress us anymore

"Because we were the eight seed, that's the reason."
Well, yeah, because we sucked for most of the season
From October through March it was losing streaks
But then we got hot for three whole weeks.

Now we're all in love with Jaroslav Halak
Going to pay big dollars now to bring him back
But you're a Hab for life, bro, we got your back
Of course we said the same thing to Georges Laraque

You have one bad game and when you leave the ice
You're going to hear us chanting loud for Carey Price
But don't blame us it's just how we roll
We can be a little tough on the guys in goal

We might be hard to please but now we're rubbin'
One or two out to PK Subban
We know that his defence can be pretty bad
But he's still the best prospect we've ever had

You see we don't draft guys who can help win games
But we do draft guys who have got french names
And that's why this year will always make us smile
Cause we're not getting this close again for a while.

I believed it was meant to be
But instead we got sent home in round three
Our flailing hands are held up high
While the cop sprays pepper spray in our eyes
We used to talk about Stanley Cups
But now the conference finals is good enough
So if we just won a game in the second round
Then let's burn this city right to the ground

So here's a little shout out from around the league
From the fans out there of the other teams
Let's raise a glass and send up a call
And make sure they can hear us out in Montreal

This is for the Habs fans with the attitude
For the guys getting drunk and acting rude
For the US anthems that you booed
For the tiny little hot dogs you call food

For the fans who act like they think they're better
For making our school kids read The Sweater
For the pomp and the hype and the made up curses
For the punched out linesmen and the stolen purses

For the nightly pre-game banner raisings
For the nightly post-game frat boy tasings
For the loudmouth fans and their ole oles
For the loser rubbing shoe polish on his face

For the centennial and for your barber poles
For your ghosts and your luck and your waived off goals
For the dives and the faking that made us sick
For Too Many Men, and for McSorley's stick

For the non-stop talk about 24
For the knowledge that you're never going to win one more
For the broken windows and the burnt out cabs
Shout it one more time y'all, [bleep] the Habs

I believed it was meant to be
But our forwards look a little like five-foot-three
So let's find some old guy
And raise another number up to the sky
We used to talk about Stanley Cups
But now the conference finals is good enough
So if we just won a game in the second round
Then let's burn this city right to the ground

I believed it was meant to be
But instead we got a Puck Daddy eulogy
So let's watch the police helicopter in the sky
And party on the streets and try not to die.
We used to talk about Stanley Cups
But now the conference finals is good enough
So if we just won a game in the second round
Then let's burn this city right to the ground

Visit Bloge Salming to download the MP3.

The horrible truth behind Montreal's miracle run

Oops. My bad.

The Montreal Canadiens are on one of the most stunning playoff runs in NHL history. After beating the Penguins tonight, they've now eliminated both the #1 seed and the defending champ, not to mention both of the game's biggest stars. Nobody can figure out how this is happening.

I think I know. And I think it's something I did. Let me explain.

The background: On April 21, the Caps beat the Habs 6-3 in game four of their first round series. It was an easy win, and it gave Washington a 3-1 lead in a series that everyone agreed was over.

The next day I got an e-mail from Greg Wyshynski at Puck Daddy, asking if Bloge Salming and I would be willing to write the 2009-2010 Montreal Canadiens eulogy. I agreed, and immediately started working on a thorough curb-stomping of the Habs and their wreck of a season. Oh, it was going to be glorious. It had a joke about riots, a Carey Price joke, a slightly different joke about riots, a shoe polish joke, and a joke about riots that was the same as the first one but used slightly different words. There was a good chance that once it was published, the Canadiens franchise would simply fold from the shame.

Three games later, the Caps had been stunned and Montreal was on their way to round two.

So I shelved the eulogy. No point, right? I'd have to rewrite it, but I had plenty of time. The Habs had earned four more games. Maybe even five. So I waited until Sunday, the day after the Penguins pushed Montreal to the brink of elimination. Then I fired up the eulogy and started reworking it.

Two games later, the Penguins are done and Montreal is in the conference finals for the first time since 1993.

Do you see what's happening here? Montreal is 5-0 when I'm working on their eulogy, and 3-6 when I'm not. Somehow, some way, my unfinished eulogy is changing the course of hockey history. It's become the official good luck charm of the 2009-2010 Montreal Canadiens. And if I don't put a stop to this now, it's going to single-handedly win the Habs a Stanley Cup.

Now, I've just entered my fourth decade of being a die-hard Toronto Maple Leafs fan, so I think it goes without saying that the hockey gods hate me, and high-five each other when ever they notice I'm sad. That much is a given. But are they punishing me? Is this their twisted idea of redemption? Could I have really wielded this awesome power all along?

I don't know. And I'm really not sure what to do. Should I delete the file? Do I have to set my computer on fire? Should I keep writing, just to see what happens?

I've been burdened with an awesome responsibility, and as Wendel is my witness I do not know what to do next. Help me, DGB readers. What should I do now?

A few other thoughts on the Habs:

• I tweeted this during the game, but the two guys who calls games for the Habs on the radio are the biggest homers I've ever heard -- and this is from somebody who grew up listening to Joe Bowen and is exposed to Dean Brown on a regular basis.
  
  Apparently it's Rick Moffat and Murray Wilson. And here's an actual transcript of them calling a Montreal goal: "YAAAYYYY!" These guys make Rick Jeanneret cringe.
  
  Look, I understand that local guys are allowed to wander off the path of strict objectivity from time to time. I'm fine with that. But is this some southern US market that desperately needs to sell the excitement of the game, or is it Montreal? Do Habs fans really go for this sort of thing? I really thought they'd be the last ones to need this sort of act.
  
  
• Since the last time the Leafs played a playoff game, we've seen the Red Mile, the Blue Mile, the Sens Mile, the declaration of "Canucks Day" after just one round, and now downtown Montreal being shut down before every playoff game.
  
  So... we can all just admit now that the whole "Leaf fans are lame because they honk horns on Yonge St after playoff wins" thing was BS, right? The idea that there was something wrong with being happy that your team won in the playoffs was stupid all along, but like so many media cliches it was an easy way for dumb people to get in a few shots at Leaf fans. But the gig is up, right? We all agree that we're never going to hear about this again? OK, just making sure.
  
  
• Speaking of my passive-aggressive persecution complex... The Habs have now won two seven-game series to advance to the conference finals. Nobody saw this coming. It's been an exhilarating and borderline ridiculous ride, the kind of thing that most hockey fans only get to experience once in a generation.
  
  I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's a part of me that sincerely hopes they lose in the next round after an obvious penalty goes uncalled by a referee staring right at it, just so I can spend the next 17 years feigning confusion over why Habs fans don't just get over it.
  
  
• Finally (with a glove tap to Jeffler), this happened. Who says Twitter isn't a valuable tool for finding out what's truly important in the world?

Signs your team is not making it to the second round

Now close your eyes and imagine back
to a time when you were still good.

We're about halfway through the first round of the playoffs, and while nobody has been eliminated yet several teams are starting to emerge as clear favorites. By this time next week, eight teams will be through to the second round.

Of course, that also means that eight teams are going home in the next few days. And it's not hard to figure out which ones, as long as you know the subtle signs to watch for.

Spoiler alert: Don't read any further if you want to be surprised.

• When a reporter asks if the star player's injury is day-to-day or season-ending, the coach replies "yes".
  
  
• Your team looks so small, slow and fragile that fans have been inspired to start a twitter campaign called #ThrowTheSnail.
  
  
• Your Canadian players are already thinking about what kind of injury to fake when Mark Messier calls about the world championships.
  
  
• Your fans' racist blackfaces all include little frowny mouths.
  
  
• The mounting pressure has left your starting goaltender so mentally unstable that he now ends every sentence with an invitation to come chat with him on spiffbox.
  
  
• Daniel Alfredsson just guaranteed that your team is making it to the second round.
  
  
• Around the team, the tension is running so high that Daniel Carcillo has already pretended to get hit in the face with it.
  
  
• At the end of the game, your PA guy announces "Last minute to play in this god-forsaken waste of a season... um, I mean period."
  
  
• Your local golf course has received reports of two weird guys in green spandex dancing next to the first tee.
  
  
• Mike Murphy and Ron Maclean just spent twenty minutes arguing over whether or not your team has demonstrated a distinctive choking motion.
  
  
• Toronto Maple Leaf fans have started describing your season as "incredibly successful".
  
  
• Sidney Crosby has already decided which of your players he won't be shaking hands with.

The Top 20 Maple Leaf moments of the decade - Part 1

What has four eyes, no rings and one brain?

Oh, the 00's. What a terrible god-forsaken soul-crushingly awful interesting decade you were.

We had good times (cough, Quinn, cough), bad times (cough, Ferguson I hope you get run over by a cement truck in front of a daycare, cough), and cautious optimism. The decade had a little bit of everything.

Well, except for that big trophy thing. Can't remember what it's called. The Stanford something? It's probably not important.

So here's part one of a look a back at the top 20 Leaf moments of the decade. To keep it simple, we'll limit this to moments that happened on the ice. (Or, in limited cases, in the opponent's bench.)

20. Luke Schenn vs. Evgeni Malkin and Tyler Kennedy - Jan. 31, 2009

This wasn't the biggest hit of the decade, or the most entertaining fight. Not even close, really. But the moment did come to symbolize Schenn's potential, and his status as the centerpiece of the Leafs long-awaited rebuild. Finally, after years of JFJ-induced misery, there was hope. There was a future.

Of course, that was before Schenn regressed into a seventh-string press box denizen. But it was fun for a few months.

• Watch it on youtube


19. Owen Nolan wins the "flu game" - Feb. 5, 2004

This game was one of the most bizarre NHL games in recent memory, featured the Leafs greatest comeback of the decade, and marks the first of approximately 18 appearances by the Senators in this list.

The game started off as a typical Leafs/Sens regular season matchup, which is to say the Senators were on their way to an easy blowout win. Midway through the second period, Ottawa was cruising with a 4-0 lead.

Cue the comeback! Oh, and also the explosive diarrhea.

Both teams were battling a severe flu outbreak, but the Ottawa strain was apparently worse. Halfway through the game, the Sens bench began emptying as players were making between-shifts sprints to the restrooms. This marked the first time the Senators had ever soiled themselves during a game that didn't involve Tie Domi making eye contact with somebody.

By the end of regulation the Leafs had tied the game, and Nolan ended it in overtime with a long range slapshot. Afterwards, when reporters went to Nolan looking for a sympathetic quote on the Senators illness woes, he responded with an infamous quote: "boo hoo".


18. Cory Cross scores in OT to beat Ottawa - April 16, 2001

This was probably the least memorable of the (many) overtime goals the Leafs managed against the Senators, since it came in the middle of a fairly easy four-game sweep in 2001. But it was actually a critically important goal.

The Leafs had won the opening two games, shutting out the heavily favored Sens twice in Ottawa. In game three, Curtis Joseph took yet another shutout into the third period as the Leafs lead 2-0. But then a potential series turning point: the Senators scored twice, including the tying goal in the dying seconds. With the game headed to overtime, Leaf fans had to wonder if this was the beginning of an epic collapse.

It wasn't. Journeyman defensive defenceman Cory Cross drilled home a rebound to win it, and in the process became the worst player to ever score an overtime goal for the Leafs (sorry, Gary Valk).

• Watch it on youtube


17. Belak vs. Janssen - March 20, 2007

This just seems appropriate for #17, no?

Everyone remembers the circumstances leading up to this epic battle. Weeks earlier, Cam Janssen had sidelined Tomas Kaberle with an obvious cheap shot. Everyone knew that payback would be coming from Wade Belak, and everyone was right.

I'm not saying this was a long fight, but they dropped the gloves in March of 2007 and it just ended a few minutes ago.

• Watch it on youtube


16. Travis Green's OT winner against the Flyers - April 21, 2003

A lot of fans have forgotten this overtime winner, and with good reason. The 2003 playoffs were the only ones of the Quinn era that saw the Leafs make a first round exit, and most fans have saved precious space in their long-term memories for the longer runs that marked the first half of the decade.

Here's a depressing thought, though: this happened in 2003, and the Leafs haven't had an overtime playoff win since.


15. Kaberle quiets the Devils - May 5, 2001

Sometimes, hockey games seem destined follow a predictable storyline. Game five of the 2001 series between the Leafs and the Devils was one of those times.

This was the first game after Tie Domi's elbow had sidelines Scott Niedermayer, and the Devils were vowing revenge. Every hockey columnist on the continent had already agreed on the storyline: Domi's cement-headed cheapshot had robbed the Leafs of their momentum, woken up the sleeping Devils, and all but handed them the series. The Devils were officially the good guys, the Leafs were the hated villains, and game five would be a lesson in hockey karma.

Apparently, somebody forgot to tell Tomas Kaberle.

In the dying seconds of a 2-2 tie, Kaberle managed to sneak one by Martin Brodeur for the game winner. (By "sneak one by", I really mean "shot the puck into a wide open net because Brodeur had been blatantly run over in his crease seconds before", but let's not get picky.)

The Devils would still get their revenge, winning the last two games to take the series in seven. But for one night, at least, Tomas Kaberle and the Leafs gave the hockey world a nice big middle finger to go along with their blindside elbow.


14. Daniel Alfredsson's hit from behind on Darcy Tucker - May 12, 2002

OK, this one will seem like a strange pick. But stay with me.

Until the moment that Daniel Alfredsson blindsided Darcy Tucker (then scored the game-winner seconds later), you couldn't really hate the Ottawa Senators. Oh sure, the "Battle of Ontario" was well into its third playoff matchup in as many years. But it was meaningless rivalry, one that only mattered to insecure Ottawa fans who spent their time hating everything related to Toronto (when they weren't desperately trying to move there).

If you were a Leaf fan, you couldn't hate the Senators. You could feel sorry for them, maybe. You could be bored by them, probably. You could go weeks at a time without even remembering they existed, certainly. But hate them? Why?

Alfredsson provided a reason to, if not "hate" the Senators, at least be mildly annoyed by them. And that made the rest of the decade a lot more fun.

Man, what a cheap shot. I sure hope somebody gets that guy someday.


13. Mark Bell kills Daniel Alfredsson - April 3, 2008

This hit not only served up some long-overdue payback for the Tucker hit, it resulted in the only highlight of Paul Maurice's stint in Toronto: his observation that Senators reacted to the utter destruction of their captain with nothing but "some purse-swinging".

• Watch it on youtube
• OK, now go watch it again on youtube, you know you want to


12. Darcy Tucker's kamikaze bench dive - April 20, 2004

This is the moment where Darcy Tucker went from "Hey, this guy is crazy in a wacky and fun sort of way" to "Slowly inch away from him while staring at the floor and avoiding sudden movements".

• Read more about this moment


11. Sundin and Kaberle beat the Flyers in overtime - April 14, 2003

Much like Green's goal, this one hasn't really stood the test of time as being especially memorable. That said, it has to be on the list just based on the names involved. Mats Sundin executes one of his classic drives to the net, and Tomas Kaberle is in the right place at the right time. The two longest serving (and probably best) Maple Leafs of the decade combine to win a thriller.

• Watch it on youtube

Coming early next week: The top ten. Feel free to speculate in the comments, name something I completely forgot about, and make me rewrite the whole thing.

Great Obscure Moments in Leafs History - Markov Salutes Jagr

Great Obscure Moments in Leafs History - An ongoing series to honor the greatest, completely meaningless moments in Toronto Maple Leaf history.

For a few months now, I've been diving into my old Leaf tapes and posting clips on Youtube. It's been fun to hear from fans who remember some of these moments and hadn't seen them in years. And often, I get requests for memorable clips that have never found their way online.

But there's one clip that's easily the most wanted, accounting for almost half the requests I get. And it's not a goal, or a hit, or even a fight. It's the Markov Salute.

More specifically, it's Danny Markov's mocking salute to Jaromir Jagr, delivered moments after Gary Valk ended the 1999 Leafs/Penguins second round series. This was back when Jagr was making a big show of saluting after every goal, and Markov decided to throw one right back at him.

I finally found the clip. Watch for it, right at the end:

A few thoughts.

• Danny Markov was probably insane.
  
  
• No, scratch that. Danny Markov was definitely insane. This is the same guy who once attacked a mascot, shot a puck at a referee, and trash-talked the Senators bench after getting hit in the face with a slapshot. He was definitely insane. God I miss him.
  
  
• Markov actually salutes Jagr three times. The first two are with a glove on. At that point he starts yelling down the ice, presumably to get Jagr's attention, and then gives him the glove-off version. I loved Danny Markov.
  
  
• Um, is that Keith Olbermann?
  
  
• You know, for a guy who never passed, Sergei Berezin assisted on a lot of Leaf overtime winners. He set up Garry Valk here, as well as Steve Thomas and Cory Cross. Those were presumably the only three assists of his career.
  
  
• A great underrated hockey tradition: when a team wins in overtime and their goalie makes the lonely skate all the way down the ice looking for someone to hug. Curtis Joseph gets completely ignored for 190 feet, then Mike Johnson comes out of nowhere and flattens him. Good times.
  
  
• Nice play by Jiri Slegr on the goal. One of the first things they teach you in defenceman school is "When there's a loose puck in the crease, always deliver a sliding dropkick to your goalie's groin."
  
  
• Fans of other teams like to say that Bob Cole is secretly a Leafs fan. Maybe they're right, because apparently he also refuses to acknowledge the Leafs' 1994 Conference Finals loss to the Canucks ever happened.
  
  
• Tough call for "Most Obscure Guy in the Pile" here, but I'm going to go with a 20-year-old Adam Mair, who makes an appearance a full three years before his rookie season. It's either him or Ladislav Kohn, who was always fantastic in Facts of Life.

So Leaf fans, here's your homework assignment for this week. Find some annoying mulletted dink who makes ten times as much money as you do, and give him a Markov Salute. You'll feel better about yourself. Trust me.

Maple Leafs Overtime Heroes: Gary Roberts vs the Senators

Maple Leafs Overtime Heroes is an ongoing series where we'll look back at memorable Leaf playoff overtime goals. Today's goal is Gary Roberts' triple overtime winner against the Senators in game two of their 2002 playoff series.

In the opening game of their 2002 second round series, the Ottawa Senators handed the Maple Leafs their most lopsided playoff loss of the modern era.

Oh sure, there have been games with a bigger margin of victory than that night's 5-0 Sens win. But anyone who saw the game would know that it could have been much worse. The Senators scored all five goals by the midway mark of the second period, and then shut it down. If they'd wanted to, they could have won 10-0 that night. It was that bad.

So heading into game two, the Leafs were already facing a must-win. With a long list of injured players that included captain Mats Sundin, it would have been all but impossible for Toronto to come back from a 2-0 series deficit. After all, they would be playing the next two games in Ottawa in front of 19,000 rabid fans, almost half of whom would have been cheering for the Senators.

No momentum. No captain. No hope. And no choice but to find some way, any way, to win.

Hmm... what would Gary do?

Let's review the tape:

The goal
Not much to talk about here, since the goal takes exactly two seconds. Let's just saw it's awful, and move on to everything that happens after.

Patrick Lalime's reaction
When we looked at the Mike Foligno overtime goal, I credited Tim Cheveldae with one of the great overtime "losing goaltender sprint off the ice" moves of all-time.

If you've ever wondered why goalies do that, here's Patrick Lalime to show you the alternative. As soon as the goal goes in, he does everything short of put a gun in his mouth.

Now I always thought Lalime got a bad rap from Ottawa fans, since we would have need a GAA of -1.00 to outduel Curtis Joseph or Eddie Belfour. But dear lord, Patrick, pull yourself together and get off the ice. The Sens were a young team, and nothing says "we don't really think we can win" like a goaltender who responds to one bad goal like my two-year-old realizing the Dora DVD has ended.

Of course, Lalime would later top himself in game seven of the 2004 series when he reacted to Joe Nieuwendyk's second goal by slumping to his knees, screaming something, then crawling over the zamboni and wrapping his lips around the tailpipe.

Still not the worst thing a Senator has
ever put up their nose

Wade Redden
The clearcut highlight of the entire video is the shot at 0:30 of Wade Redden sitting on the bench with his finger up his nose, reacting to the goal by saying something that looks vaguely like "that's freaking great". Don't read lips, kids!

By the way, "Wade Redden sitting on the bench with his finger up his nose" was the title of the New York Rangers 2008-09 year in review DVD.

Ken Dryden clapping
I need to get this off my chest: What the hell was the deal with the way Ken Dryden clapped? This always bothered me. It was always the same: angry face, way too much intensity, hands held uncomfortably high, and just slamming his palms together with no coordination at all.

How is it possible to look so uncool when you're clapping? Are we sure this guy was one of the greatest players of his generation? Is it possible he died in 1999 and the Leafs replaced him in the press box with a badly made life-sized puppet?

You're with me, pleather.

Rod Bryden's jacket
I don't even have a punchline.

But I do have questions, such as: Where did he get that jacket? Is there some sort of "custom made novelty leather jacket" store that only rich people have access to? Has anyone other than Rod Bryden and Michael Jackson ever appeared in public wearing a bright red leather jacket? And where is that jacket now, is it for sale, and how much do you want for it?

Walter Gretzky?
Wait, is that Walter Gretzky appearing for a brief moment in a crowd shot? This guy is practically hockey royalty. Quick, everyone be on their best behavior! And for god's sake, don't let the mascot try to hump anything!

Carlton the Beat humping the glass
Yes, OK, so Carlton humps the glass at 2:00. Look folks, he's a bear. He has instincts. If you're going to hire a bear to be part of your game day marketing staff, this is just part of the deal. If the Leafs didn't think that was acceptable behavior, they shouldn't have let him walk around wearing a jersey and no pants.

The Most Obscure Guy in the Pile
I'm launching a new feature: "The Most Obscure Guy in the Pile", where we look at famous celebrations and try to pick out the most insignificant player involved.

Our inaugural winner is... Anders Eriksson! He's the guy wearing #44 and giving Roberts an extended head rub. This completely useless defenceman played 38 career games for the Leafs, recorded no goals and two assists, was once traded for Chris Chelios, and recently won the coveted "Most Swedish Name of All-time" award. There's at least a 90% chance that Roberts has no idea who he is.

Congratulations, Anders! Now get off the ice. And, um, you may not want to brush up against the glass on your way out.

Wendel Moment #12 - Curtis Joseph takes a Wendel Clark slapshot to the face

On November 22, Wendel Clark's #17 will be raised to the rafters as the team honours its former captain and arguably the most popular player in franchise history.

In the lead up to that night, Down Goes Brown will feature a countdown of Wendel's Top 17 Greatest Moments.

Imagine you're Curtis Joseph.

It's May of 1993. You're the toast of the hockey world, after leading the Blues to a shocking round one sweep over the heavily-favored Blackhawks, and following that up with several spectacular games against the Leafs.

But now it's game seven, and you've run out of magic. The Leafs have jumped out to a 4-0 lead after one period, the Gardens is rocking, and you know that your dream season is about to come to a crushing end. Also, Mike Foligno recently roundhouse kicked you in the head. So these are tough times.

But take comfort. At least you know that now, at probably the lowest point of your career, things can not possibly get any OH SWEET JESUS HERE COMES WENDEL CLARK.

I think we all remember what happened next.



A few thoughts:

• Let's face it, we all know Wendel did that on purpose.
  
  
• On a related note, this was the only actual slapshot Wendel took in his entire NHL career.
  
  
• If you listen closely, I think you can actually hear Cujo's goalie mask say "fuck this, I quit" as it leaps off of his head and makes a break for the exit.
  
  
• Joseph's attempt to shrug it off as no big deal is actually sort of badass, or at least it would have been if Curt Giles hadn't completely ruined it by rushing over to give him a hug. That part kills me.
  
  
• My favorite part of the entire sequence is the MLG crowd reaction: an excited buzz as they realize Clark has a chance at a hat trick, followed by momentary confusion when they see that he didn't score, followed by delirious cheers when they realize he's chosen to murder the other team's goalie instead.

I assume this incident was meant as a warning to Kelly Hrudey to not make any saves against Clark in round three -- a warning he wisely took to heart.

Why doesn't the NHL have a playoff tie-breaker?

The big story in sports tonight was baseball's one-game playoff to determine the winner of the AL Central. The White Sox won a 1-0 nail-biter over the Twins thanks to great pitching and a late home run by, not surprisingly, Luke Schenn.

Here's a question: why doesn't hockey have one-game tie-breakers to settle ties for the last playoff spot?

Currently, the tie-breaker is totals wins. That's not a terrible way to break a tie, since it's the only small acknowledgment the league makes that three-point games and points for losing in overtime are stupid ideas that most fans hate.

But wouldn't it be exciting to see two teams, tied for eight place at the end of the year, play a winner-take-all game? Think you might get some ratings for that matchup?

It wouldn't be a completely simple idea; sometimes multiple teams tie for the last spot, and you could also have a scenario where three or more teams tied for two playoff spots. But all of these cases could be accounted for, perhaps by using the total wins tie-breaker to narrow down to two eighth-place teams first.

Now I realize that Gary Bettman, in his infinite wisdom, has decreed that there must be a five-day break between the end of the season and the start of the playoffs, in order to allow for all the momentum and excitement to completely disappear. But surely we could somehow find a way to squeeze an extra game or two into that gap.

Just a thought.