Which player had the single worst playoff game in NHL history?

Who had the worst playoff game ever?

I don’t know. You don’t either. I’m not sure the question even has an answer, because “worst game” is such a subjective category. We’re looking for performances here – i.e. not factoring in injury or tragedy, because come on – but even that’s still pretty broad.

But if I know hockey fans, I know there’s not much we love more than reliving terrible games. So as we make our way to the midpoint of the first round, let’s look back and see if we can conjure up some miserable memories while hoping your favorite team doesn’t add anyone to the list in the coming days and weeks.

Let’s remember some sighs.

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

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What your favorite Battle of Ontario moment says about you

With less than a week to go before the playoffs start, there remains a good possibility that we’re going to see a series between the Maple Leafs and Senators. That would be a great matchup – one of the best possible – and would feature two underdog teams that few expected to be in the playoffs at all.

But more importantly, it would mark the resumption of the Battle of Ontario, the rivalry that dominated the province for a good stretch of the pre-lockout years, and continued to simmer after that even though one of the teams decided not to make the playoffs anymore. It was a great rivalry, one that alternated between dramatic playoff showdowns, legitimate bad blood, and goofy “Wait, did that really just happen?” scenes.

But which Battle of Ontario moment is your favourite? And more importantly, what does that choice say about you as a person? Let’s find out, as we run through 12 of the most memorable moments in the rivalry’s history.

Moment No. 1: Daniel Alfredsson’s hit from behind on Darcy Tucker

A rarely acknowledged fact about the Battle of Ontario is that it didn't always involve all that much bad blood. In 2000 and 2001, the two teams hadn't built up much in the way of animosity, and the matchups felt like more a geographic novelty than a real rivalry. Even the two fan bases largely got along.

But it's not hard to pinpoint the exact moment that changed. It came in the final minutes of game five of the 2002 matchup between the two teams, with both the game and the series knotted at 2–2.

You really couldn't draw up a better playoff controversy. Tucker was a divisive player, beloved as a gritty warrior in Toronto but viewed as a pest and diver by Sens fans. Meanwhile, Alfredsson was considered a virtual saint in Ottawa, but the moment transformed him into the rivalry's arch-villain in the eyes of Leaf fans.

Having Alfredsson escape a penalty for drilling Tucker into the boards was near-perfect; having the Senators' captain score the winning goal seconds later was downright diabolical.

What it says about you: You are a Senators fan, and there's a 90–per cent chance you remember this moment more fondly than your wedding day or the birth of your children.

Moment No. 2: Ricard Persson boards Tie Domi

Domi was front and centre throughout the rivalry's heyday, and normally anything that left him bloodied would be just fine with Ottawa fans. But that wasn't the case in game six of the teams' 2002 second-round matchup, when a hit from behind worked against the Senators just two days after Alfredsson flattened Tucker.

The Senators were looking to close out the series on home ice, and had jumped out to an early 2–0 lead that Leafs coach Pat Quinn later admitted had him worried the final might end up being 10–0. Ottawa fans were already breaking out the mocking "goodbye" chant. That's when Persson decided to drill Domi from behind, cutting the Leafs' enforcer and earning a five-minute major.

The Leafs scored twice on the power play, and went on to win the game 4–3. The two teams headed back to Toronto, where the Senators went out meekly with a 3–0 loss.

The hit led to one of the rivalry's most memorable quotes, when Alfredsson told reporters that they'd be going on to the next round "if Domi had better balance".

What it says about you: You're a Leafs fan, and your life goal is to someday meet Domi and personally thank him for not having better balance.

Moment No. 3 The first shootout

When the NHL emerged from the year-long lockout that killed the 2004–05 season, it was with a full slate of 15 opening-night games on Oct. 5, 2005. But only one, featuring the Leafs and Senators in Toronto, went to a shootout, marking the first time in league history that the tie-breaker gimmick made an appearance.

Alfredsson got the honours of taking the first shot and scoring the first goal. Three current Hall of Famers were involved in Dominik Hasek, Ed Belfour and Eric Lindros. Dany Heatley ended it by scoring the first-ever shootout winner. And yet somehow, the most memorable moment from the whole thing has become Jason Allison's slow-motion attempt, which is rumoured to still be going on to this day.

What it says about you: You still think the shootout is cool. Hi there, Mr. Bettman, thanks for reading.

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

10 of the NHL's strangest goaltending records

Ottawa Senators goaltender Andrew Hammond has become one of the season’s best stories. The 27-year-old rookie has come out of nowhere to post one of the best starts to an NHL career we’ve ever seen. After last night’s 2-1 overtime win over the Hurricanes, Hammond now boasts a career record of 11-0-1, and has tied Frank Brimsek’s record by starting his career with 12 straight games allowing two goals or fewer.

Now that Hammond has started writing his name in the record book, he’s in some elite company. When it comes to goaltending records, most fans know the basics. It’s Martin Brodeur for regular-season wins and shutouts. Patrick Roy for playoff wins. And, of course, Glenn Hall’s 502 consecutive games, which stands as probably the most unbreakable record in all of pro sports.

Those records are fun, but as regular readers know, I like to go a little more obscure. So today, in honor of Hammond’s miracle run, let’s take a look at 10 of the more unusual goaltending marks in the NHL record book.

Most Games Without a Loss at the Start of a Career: 16

This is one of the records that Hammond is chasing, kind of, or maybe not, since in today’s NHL an overtime or shootout loss only sort of counts. But in any event, Senators fans hoping that they’ve somehow stumbled on the next Ken Dryden probably won’t be thrilled to be reminded of the man who once started his career by going 16 games without losing: Patrick Lalime.

Lalime set the record with the Penguins in 1997, topping the 14-game mark held by Dryden and Ross Brooks. He cooled off, but still ended the season with an impressive 21-12-2 record, and finished fifth in rookie of the year voting. Oddly enough, that would be the end of his time in Pittsburgh, and his NHL action at all for more than two years. He finally returned to the league in 1999 as a member of the Senators.

It was during his time in Ottawa that Lalime established a reputation as a solid regular-season goalie who couldn’t win the big game in the playoffs. We’ve covered this before, but it’s worth repeating here: that reputation is nonsense, because Lalime had excellent playoff numbers. But a handful of bad games, including one memorable Game 7 meltdown against the Maple Leafs, sealed his fate.

Lalime ended up playing for five teams over 12 seasons, earning an even 200 regular-season wins. Andrew Hammond would probably be thrilled with that sort of career, even if it’s not quite Drydenesque. In any event, Hammond can at least know that Lalime is rooting for him.

Most Penalty Minutes in a Season: 113

Goalies occasionally get mixed up in physical play, and every now and then they’ll even drop the gloves and square off. But only one goaltender in NHL history has ever cracked the 100-plus PIM mark, and you’ll never guess who it was.

Wait, did literally everyone just guess Ron Hextall? OK, in that case everyone is right.

Hextall topped the century mark for three straight years in the late ’80s, peaking with 113 PIMs in 1988-89. Those seasons give Hextall the top three spots on the all-time list, and while he calmed down in later years, his name still appears three more times in the top 25. More impressively, his 1988-89 total doesn’t even include his most famous meltdown from that season, since that occurred during the playoffs.

The record for most PIMs in a season by a goalie who wasn’t Ron Hextall is 70 minutes, and the owner of that mark actually is a bit of a surprise. It’s not a noted crease defender like Billy Smith or Eddie Belfour, or a slugger like Sean Burke, Ray Emery, or even Patrick Roy. No, the non-Hextall title goes to Tom Barrasso, who set the mark during a 1988-89 split between those oddball Buffalo Sabres and the Penguins.

Most Points Scored in a Game: 3

Hey, speaking of guys getting KO’d by Ron Hextall …

>> Read the full post on Grantland

Everything you know is wrong: Five more hockey myths

Hockey fans don’t agree on much, but every now and then we let our guard down and a consensus forms. Unfortunately, just because we all agree doesn’t necessarily mean we’re right.

A few months ago, we set the record straight on five common NHL myths. No, Andre “Red Light” Racicot wasn’t terrible. Yes, the Senators’ decision to keep Wade Redden over Zdeno Chara actually did make sense. No, Ulf Samuelsson’s knee-on-knee hit didn’t end Cam Neely’s career.

It was a start, but there’s more work to do. So in our continuing quest for the unvarnished truth, or at least for slightly more accurate fallacies, here are five more facts that every hockey fan already knows … and that every hockey fan is dead wrong about.

In the Beginning, There Were the Original Six

Every fan knows about the fabled Original Six, because the NHL really gives you no choice in the matter. The Hawks, Wings, Leafs, Habs, Bruins, and Rangers are the six oldest teams in the league, and for many years they made up the entire NHL. The league’s marketing department rarely passes up an opportunity to remind us of that legacy, and to this day, any matchup between two Original Six teams is treated as something special.

But despite what the name would suggest, the “Original Six” weren’t really the league’s original teams. The league had plenty of other franchises come and go during its first few decades, and spent most of that time operating with more than six teams.

The NHL was founded in 1917, following the demise of the National Hockey Association. It started off with four teams, and when the Montreal Wanderers disbanded halfway through the season after their arena burned down, the league was left with just three: the Montreal Canadiens, the Ottawa Senators, and a nameless Toronto franchise that would eventually become the Maple Leafs.

As the years went by, the league saw teams appear in Quebec City and Hamilton. The Bruins were the first American team, joining the league in 1924. The Rangers and Blackhawks followed in 1926, as did a Detroit franchise that would eventually be renamed the Red Wings.

So it took almost a decade for all six of the “Original Six” franchises to wind up in the NHL — and even then, the league also included teams like the Pittsburgh Pirates and St. Louis Eagles at various points. It wasn’t until 1942, a quarter century after its formation, that the NHL finally settled into the six-team league that fans have become familiar with. It would stay that way until 1967, when the league increased to 12 teams to begin what would become known as the expansion era.

Those 25 years were by far the longest stretch of time that the NHL featured the same group of teams, and it was the era that set the stage for everything the league would eventually become. It just wasn’t all that original, no matter what the marketers try to tell us.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

A brief history of NHL playoff goats

The Maple Leafs react to the announcement
of that night's starting goalies

The second round of the playoffs has already brought its share of surprises. And while that has some fans looking forward to the conference final matchups, others are dealing with bitter disappointment.

Many in Philadelphia are pointing fingers at the team's trio of underperforming goaltenders. Capital fans watched so-called superstars like Nicklas Backstrom and Alexander Semin disappear for much of the team's shocking sweep at the hands of the Lightning. And despite his team still leading the series, struggling Sharks' star Patrick Marleau has been labelled "gutless" by former teammate Jeremy Roenick.

Of course, assigning blame after a tough loss is nothing new, and the NHL has a long history of fitting players for goat horns. When the pressure is at its highest, it doesn't take much -- one bad game, one mistake, one momentary lapse can be all it takes to change a reputation forever.

Let's take a walk through the history books and spare a moment to mourn some of those in the hockey world who may never live down their moment of postseason shame.

April 21, 2003 - Philadelphia goalie Roman Cechmanek gives up an embarrassing goal while struggling to retrieve his trapper, leading the Flyers to vow to never again employ a goalie with a functioning glove hand.

June 7, 1994 - Pavel Bure fails to score against the Rangers on a critical penalty shot in the Stanley Cup finals, partly due to a great reaction by Mike Richter but mostly because Gary Bettman had snuck onto the ice and flipped the net over.

Read the rest of this post...

The Top 20 Maple Leaf moments of the decade - The top 10

This is the second half of the Top 20 Leaf Moments of the Decade list. If you missed it, the first part of the list can be found here.

10. Stumpy wins it - April 22, 2000

Game Five of the 2000 first round series between Ottawa and Toronto was a strange one. The first 55 minutes were deadly dull, with the Leafs mailing in a half-hearted effort and the Senators nursing a 1-0 lead by playing a perfect (i.e. boring) road game.

Then Steve Thomas scored with five minutes left to tie it. And then all hell broke loose. The two teams turned up the tempo to close out the third period, and then went on to play an end-to-end overtime period that featured a dozen scoring chances.

That's when the Leafs unveiled one of the most dastardly trick plays in recent sports history: Sergei Berezin passing.

As an added bonus, Thomas and Berezin reacted to the game winning goal by performing a WWE-style double clothesline on each other.

9. PING! - April 13, 2001

You already know what goal it is just from the headline, don't you?

In the four-pack of Leaf playoff wins over the Senators, the 2001 series was actually the only one where the Senators had home ice advantage. Well, not so much "home ice advantage", since that implies that you get to play some games in front of fans that are actually cheering for you. But the Senators were the #2 seed in the East that year, and were expected to beat the lowly #7 seed Leafs.

Didn't happen. In fact, it didn't come remotely close to happening, as Curtis Joseph shut out the Senators in each of the first two games and the Leafs completed a four-game sweep back in Toronto (giving the Senators the distinction of not scoring a single post-season goal in their own arena). And it all started with a tight Game One that was tied 0-0 midway through the first overtime.

Don't worry, Sens fans. There's brighter days ahead in this rivalry. (I'm sorry? What's that? Oh. I've just been informed that there are, in fact, not brighter days ahead.)

8. Tie Domi fights a Flyer fan in the penalty box - March 29, 2001

I wrote about this one back in September as part of the Top 10 Leaf Fights of All-Time post. I included a transcript of what's going through this Flyer fan's mind:

"Hey, Domi just sprayed water on me, which technically ends my month-long streak of not bathing! I think I'll bang on the glass and try to look tough when I know he can't reach me. Hm, I wonder if this glass can support 300 lbs of cheesesteak and loneliness? No, apparently it can not. Oh god, I'm going to die. Also, I just soiled myself on national television. Go Flyers!"

Domi never really got the credit he deserved here. While he did enough to defend himself, he somehow resisted the urge to go Rob Ray on the poor slob. And that should count for something, shouldn't it?

By the way, how perfect is the "Dunkin Donuts" ad placement in the penalty box?

7. Sundin's milestones - October 14, 2006 and October 11, 2007

Mats Sundin was so good that he actually broke Darryl Sittler's all-time Leafs scoring record twice in the same game. He was credited with a second period assist against the Islanders and held the record for about a half hour before officials revoked the point (Sundin hadn't actually touched the puck).

No problem. Sundin came out in third period and scored a goal of his own. That gave him 390 goals and 917 points as a Leaf -- breaking both of Sittler's franchise records with one shot.

While the moment was clearly important in terms of history, the goal came in the late stages of a blowout against the Islanders and was a fluke shot that wasn't really worthy of the moment. Then again, what's the guy supposed to do for a major milestone? Score a short-handed overtime hat trick goal on Hockey Night in Canada? Fine, if you insist:

(And in case you're wondering, I combined these two moments because they both represent similarly memorable milestones in Sundin's great career, and certainly not because I realized I still had 11 moments that needed to fit into a top 10 list. I don't know why you'd even think that. Look, why are we arguing? Let's change the subject: Hey, who wants to see a Finnish guy get his brains scrambled?)

6. Darcy Tucker destroys Sami Kapanen - May 4, 2004

This hit from the 2004 playoffs was undoubtedly the most vicious hit of the decade by a Maple Leaf, and quite possibly by any NHL player, period. Kapanen was so decimated by the impact that officials immediately whistled the play dead, and the rest of the shift never happened. Did you hear me? THE REST OF THE SHIFT NEVER HAPPENED!

No penalty was called on the play, although technically you could make a case for charging, boarding, and second degree manslaughter. The league reviewed the hit, and promptly suspended the Maple Leafs from ever participating in the playoffs again.

Um... is that guy in the front row wearing a bathing cap,a helmet, or amateur wrestling headgear?

5. Gary Roberts scores in triple overtime - May 4, 2002

Hey look, the Leafs and Senators seem to be involved in some sort of crucial post-season game. I wonder how this will turn out?

Wade Redden with his finger up his nose still makes me laugh every single time.

• Read more about this moment.

4. Sundin returns - October 14, 2008

Let's get this out of the way first: I wasn't a fan of the way Mats Sundin left Toronto. I stand by that. But that's history now.

But when Sundin made his return to Toronto as a member of the Canucks, everyone got it right. The Leafs, who honored their former-captain with a classy video. The fans, who gave him a loud and long ovation. The players, who refused to take the faceoff until Sundin had had his moment. And finally Sundin himself, who composed himself (barely) and then went on to score the shootout winner.

The only way this moment could have been better would have been if the fans had had the chance to thank Sundin when he was still wearing a Leafs uniform. Speaking of which...

3. Thank You Wendel - April 27, 2000

While you don't really associate Clark with the current decade, his last stint with the Leafs came at the end of the 1999-2000 season. He played 20 mostly forgettable regular season games and was scratched for the team's first playoff games. Pat Quinn inserted Clark into the lineup midway through the first round, and he scored the series-clinching goal against the Senators.

And then game one against the Devils:

• Read more about this moment.

2. Mats Sundin's last second goal against the Hurricanes - May 28, 2002

In the final minutes of Game Six of the 2002 Conference Finals, the Leafs found themselves trailing Carolina 1-0. For reasons nobody has ever been able to fully explain, Arturs Irbe was unbeatable in this series, and the Hurricanes were choking the life out of the Leafs on their home ice. As the seconds ticked down, the Leafs' miracle playoff run seemed doomed.

Well, not so fast.

This goal is notable for being the only known example of that horrible "behind-the-net" camera view that directors fell in love with in the first half of the decade actually working. It also gave us not only a memorable Bob Cole call ("... and the place goes crazy!") but also a legendary Joe Bowen meltdown that included him infamously screaming "You talk about heart and dedication!"

It all ended up being futile, of course. The Hurricanes won in overtime, eliminating the Leafs from a series they absolutely should have won. But for a few seconds at least, I doubt there was a goal during the decade that had Leaf fans screaming any louder.

1. Lalime's meltdown - April 20, 2004

It's probably fair to say that by the time the Leafs and Senators met in a 2004 first round series, the two teams hated each other. The Leafs were the corporate behemoth that kept kicking the smaller kids around the playground. The Senators were the small-market underdogs who were supposed to be scrappy and valiant but usually just wound up wiping snot from their noses while the sobbed about being picked on.

So with Daniel Alfredsson guaranteeing victory, Eugene Melnyk running his mouth, and the Senators vowing to finally "slay the dragon", the two teams met for the fourth time in five years. And with nothing settled through six games, it was on to Toronto for a final game seven showdown.

The hockey world was expecting a classic. Instead, they got a classic meltdown.

The Kilger goal was excusable. The first Nieuwendyk goal was awful. The third was almost impossibly bad, the kind of disaster you need to watch over and over again just to convince yourself it was real. And that's the goal we're going with as the #1 moment on the list.

There were probably more important goals scored this decade. There were certainly much better ones. But whether we like it or not, the Battle of Ontario defined the decade for both franchises, and no moment captured the rivalry more perfectly than this one: Leaf fans cheering; Leaf players celebrating; and a Senator slumped on his knees, defeated, and ready to quit.

Honorable mentions

There were a few on-ice moments that didn't make the final list, but deserve a mention. In no particular order:

• The Leafs/Islanders bloodbath in 2002 - This was perhaps the most vicious series of all-time, but it's hard to pick an actual moment that stands out. Maybe Tucker's low-bridge on Peca?
  
• The Leafs/Habs season finale in 2007 - Definitely one of the most memorable games of the decade, but it was rendered moot thanks the Devils laying down for the Islanders the next day. Besides, the only moment from the game that stands out was Andrew Raycroft giving up a horrible goal, getting pulled, and then not caring.
  
• Ricard Persson hits Tie Domi from behind - But if Domi had better balance, the Senators would have won.
  
• Alexander Mogilny scores his 1,000th point in the Leafs comeback against the Sabres in 2004 - Confession time: I have absolutely no recollection of this happening. Was I in a coma? This is bothering me. (Update: robviper to the rescue with a newly posted youtube video.)
  
• Mario Lemieux returns to the NHL and scores three points against the Leafs - Hard to pick a moment where the Leafs got lit up, but any hockey fan had to enjoy this game.

And I'm sure I missed a few. Let me hear about them in the comments.

Maple Leafs Overtime Heroes: Gary Roberts vs the Senators

Maple Leafs Overtime Heroes is an ongoing series where we'll look back at memorable Leaf playoff overtime goals. Today's goal is Gary Roberts' triple overtime winner against the Senators in game two of their 2002 playoff series.

In the opening game of their 2002 second round series, the Ottawa Senators handed the Maple Leafs their most lopsided playoff loss of the modern era.

Oh sure, there have been games with a bigger margin of victory than that night's 5-0 Sens win. But anyone who saw the game would know that it could have been much worse. The Senators scored all five goals by the midway mark of the second period, and then shut it down. If they'd wanted to, they could have won 10-0 that night. It was that bad.

So heading into game two, the Leafs were already facing a must-win. With a long list of injured players that included captain Mats Sundin, it would have been all but impossible for Toronto to come back from a 2-0 series deficit. After all, they would be playing the next two games in Ottawa in front of 19,000 rabid fans, almost half of whom would have been cheering for the Senators.

No momentum. No captain. No hope. And no choice but to find some way, any way, to win.

Hmm... what would Gary do?

Let's review the tape:

The goal
Not much to talk about here, since the goal takes exactly two seconds. Let's just saw it's awful, and move on to everything that happens after.

Patrick Lalime's reaction
When we looked at the Mike Foligno overtime goal, I credited Tim Cheveldae with one of the great overtime "losing goaltender sprint off the ice" moves of all-time.

If you've ever wondered why goalies do that, here's Patrick Lalime to show you the alternative. As soon as the goal goes in, he does everything short of put a gun in his mouth.

Now I always thought Lalime got a bad rap from Ottawa fans, since we would have need a GAA of -1.00 to outduel Curtis Joseph or Eddie Belfour. But dear lord, Patrick, pull yourself together and get off the ice. The Sens were a young team, and nothing says "we don't really think we can win" like a goaltender who responds to one bad goal like my two-year-old realizing the Dora DVD has ended.

Of course, Lalime would later top himself in game seven of the 2004 series when he reacted to Joe Nieuwendyk's second goal by slumping to his knees, screaming something, then crawling over the zamboni and wrapping his lips around the tailpipe.

Still not the worst thing a Senator has
ever put up their nose

Wade Redden
The clearcut highlight of the entire video is the shot at 0:30 of Wade Redden sitting on the bench with his finger up his nose, reacting to the goal by saying something that looks vaguely like "that's freaking great". Don't read lips, kids!

By the way, "Wade Redden sitting on the bench with his finger up his nose" was the title of the New York Rangers 2008-09 year in review DVD.

Ken Dryden clapping
I need to get this off my chest: What the hell was the deal with the way Ken Dryden clapped? This always bothered me. It was always the same: angry face, way too much intensity, hands held uncomfortably high, and just slamming his palms together with no coordination at all.

How is it possible to look so uncool when you're clapping? Are we sure this guy was one of the greatest players of his generation? Is it possible he died in 1999 and the Leafs replaced him in the press box with a badly made life-sized puppet?

You're with me, pleather.

Rod Bryden's jacket
I don't even have a punchline.

But I do have questions, such as: Where did he get that jacket? Is there some sort of "custom made novelty leather jacket" store that only rich people have access to? Has anyone other than Rod Bryden and Michael Jackson ever appeared in public wearing a bright red leather jacket? And where is that jacket now, is it for sale, and how much do you want for it?

Walter Gretzky?
Wait, is that Walter Gretzky appearing for a brief moment in a crowd shot? This guy is practically hockey royalty. Quick, everyone be on their best behavior! And for god's sake, don't let the mascot try to hump anything!

Carlton the Beat humping the glass
Yes, OK, so Carlton humps the glass at 2:00. Look folks, he's a bear. He has instincts. If you're going to hire a bear to be part of your game day marketing staff, this is just part of the deal. If the Leafs didn't think that was acceptable behavior, they shouldn't have let him walk around wearing a jersey and no pants.

The Most Obscure Guy in the Pile
I'm launching a new feature: "The Most Obscure Guy in the Pile", where we look at famous celebrations and try to pick out the most insignificant player involved.

Our inaugural winner is... Anders Eriksson! He's the guy wearing #44 and giving Roberts an extended head rub. This completely useless defenceman played 38 career games for the Leafs, recorded no goals and two assists, was once traded for Chris Chelios, and recently won the coveted "Most Swedish Name of All-time" award. There's at least a 90% chance that Roberts has no idea who he is.

Congratulations, Anders! Now get off the ice. And, um, you may not want to brush up against the glass on your way out.

Bob Gainey interviews Jacques Martin: The secret transcript

Second round? Never heard of it.

The Montreal Canadiens have named Jacques Martin as their new head coach. And while this announcement has caught many off guard, it's no surprise to my top-secret DGB sources who tipped me off about it over the weekend.

In fact, I was able to obtain a full recording of Martin's interview with Montreal GM Bob Gainey. I think this explosive transcript will shed a lot of light on how Martin managed to land one of the most coveted jobs in sports.

Bob Gainey: Jacques, I want to thank you for coming in for this interview. Do you have any other commitments on your time today? As you can imagine, the interview process can be quite daunting for a job as prestigious as this one.

Jacques Martin: No problem, I'm willing to spend all day here if I need to.

Gainey: OK, great. First question: do you speak French?

Martin: Yes I do.

Gainey: Great. You're hired!

Martin: ... Um, sorry?

Gainey: You're hired. You nailed pretty much every qualification we have.

Martin: Oh.

Gainey: Is there a problem?

Martin: I just thought we were going to spend some time talking about my experience.

Gainey: Oh. Well, sure, I suppose we could do that. If you really want to.

Martin: Well, my coaching career began with the Blues. Then I spent nine years as the coach of the Ottawa Senators. And for the past five years I've been with the Florida Panthers.

Gainey: I don't remember you coaching the Blues.

Martin: Nobody does.

Gainey: OK, so let's skip that part and move on to Ottawa.

Martin: Well, with the Senators I was best known for accomplishing something that virtually no other active NHL coach has managed to do.

Gainey: Which was?

Martin: Losing to the Toronto Maple Leafs in the playoffs.

Gainey (nodding): Yeah, I think we all saw that one coming.

Martin: We lost to them four times, but the toughest one was in 2004. We made it to game seven, but then Patrick Lalime had an epic meltdown. We really believed that he was the guy who could backstop our team to a championship, but then he just imploded.

Gainey: So you're saying you have experience dealing with over-hyped goalies who choke in the playoffs?

Martin: Extensive experience.

Gainey: (Makes a big checkmark on his notepad)

Martin: Yeah.

Gainey: And what about your playoff experience since 2004?

Martin: You heard the part where I said I worked for the Florida Panthers, right?

Gainey: Sorry. My mistake. What about in St. Louis, what was your playoff record like there?

Martin: No idea. Like I said, nobody remembers me coaching the Blues.

Gainey: Fair enough. As you know, the media here in Montreal can be difficult. What sort of experience do you have dealing with the media?

Martin: Well, in Ottawa they were very difficult to deal with. They were constantly asking me for autographs, bringing me coffee, or just offering me random hugs and back rubs. But they could be nasty, too. Sometimes, when we choked in the playoffs against a team we should have easily beaten, somebody would actually write a negative article. They'd always apologize the next day and print a retraction, but still, it was pretty rough.

Gainey: And what about dealing with all the hockey media in Florida, was that difficult?

Martin: (Laughs)

Gainey: (Laughs)

Martin: So anyways, I'm sure I could handle the Montreal media. I have a well-tested strategy for working with the press.

Gainey: Which is?

Martin: I'm so incredibly boring that they all quit after fifteen minutes of listening to me.

Gainey: Well Jacques, I think you're our man. Do you have any questions for me?

Martin: Just one: Any update on the ownership situation?

Gainey: We're expecting an announcement soon, but I can't really say more than that.

Martin: Understood.

Gainey: You like Celine Dion music, right?

Martin: Um...