Paolo Nutini doesn't understand mental health issues

There's something interesting about the way Paolo Nutini seems annoyed that people who pay money to hear him play his songs get upset when he doesn't play them that well:

Tracks from his earlier albums, such as Jenny Don't Be Hasty and New Shoes are almost unrecognisable - verging on an all out metal assault.

"We're trying to get people into our atmosphere for this new album. I don't want to be like, 'We, owe people hits and we can't do too many new songs in the set, the idea is to draw them into our headspace which is more challenging.

"In the UK people are coming to shows with more of an expectation, they want to jump around to the old brass lines. In Bournemouth, some bloke shouted out, 'Play the songs properly,' 'cause we've reworked the old tracks. but I've got no desire to go over old ground.

"It feels like starting out again, it's a challenge trying to win people over again."

Given that being a Nutini fan makes you already more likely to be fairly conservative in your tastes, it's both impressive and cruel to suddenly dump Metal Machine Music on their heads, in the gap between Pizza Express and calling the baby sitter to warn them you'll be home an hour early.

But that isn't the reason Nutini has caught our eye this morning. It's this:

Acoustic tracks jostle for space with short sampled musical interludes in the vein of artists like DJ Format, David Holmes or 2ManyDJs.

"It's interesting because I've heard this a few times," he says. "But for me the last album that we made was far more schizophrenic in that sense, we were moving from ska... ish tracks to an accordion and fiddle song to a Dixieland theme."

No, Paolo. Your last album wasn't schizophrenic in any sense at all. You could have called it eclectic, which would merely have been making it sound more exciting than it was; instead, you've managed to add insult to misery.

Here's a hint, from the Guardian style guide:

schizophrenia, schizophrenic
should be used only in a medical context, never to mean in two minds, contradictory, or erratic, which is wrong, as well as offensive to people diagnosed with this illness.

It's 2014, Paolo. Why are people still misusing this word?

The sort of headline that could turn Pangloss into a misanthrope

from NME.com

The Four Nations

The grim attempts to force us to have fun connected to the Olympics grind on. (I've checked, by the way, it really is the Olympics we're hosting and, sadly, not the Laffalympics - the hope that we might get to see Yogi Bear and Muttley racing each other to climb to the top of Big Ben was the one piece of hope to which I was clinging.)

So, as part of the kick-off, there's going to be big concert with a band representing each of the home nations. The line-up has just been announced:

The gig will feature acts from all four nations of the UK, with Duran Duran representing England and Snow Patrol appearing for Northern Ireland.

Stereophonics will represent Wales and Paolo Nutini will play for Scotland.

Holy plodding ponies; if Damian Green's two-hour waits at Heathrow don't put people off coming to the UK, this is going to.

Three of the grimmest acts ever to find their way into the back of a Transit Van and Duran, who are great but hardly a shining example of 21st Century English music.

Let's hope the sportspeople aren't being picked on the same basis, otherwise Team GB is going to consistent solely of badminton players and Daley Thompson.

Q is 25 years old

And to celebrate, it is producing 25 different covers - which is one for every reader they have left, I think.

Quick hint, Q - if you're looking to mark a quarter century of taste and discernment, this...

... might not be the way to flag that message.

Q Awards: Paolo Nutini, you say?

Obviously, you'd expect the response from this corner to be fairly cynical about the Q Awards, handed out last night. And, true enough, the would-have-been-interesting-twelve-months-ago Mumford & Sons best "new" act prize; the award for Bryan Ferry to promote the new album; Kasabian crowned 'best band in the world today' and the belief that Paolo Nutini is not just an artist, but the best male artist; all this conspires to suggest that Q is a cold and confused place.

So let's instead praise them for what they got right: one of their sixteen or seventeen lifetime achievement awards going to Neil Finn - making him the first man in history to pick up an award from a national magazine and be an answer on BBC Four's Only Connect on the same evening. It's nice to see someone who hasn't been lifetime-achievement-awarded to death getting a bit of stage time.

Those winners in full, then:

Breakthrough Artist Plan B

Best New Act Mumford & Sons

Hall Of Fame Takes That

Best Track Florence And The Machine - You've Got The Love

Q Classic Songwriter Neil Finn

Q Inspiration Suede

Best Live Act Green Day

Best Video Chase & Status - End Credits (ft. Plan B)

Q Next Big Thing Clare Maguire

Q Idol Madness

Q Hero The Chemical Brothers

Q Best Male Paolo Nutini

Q Best Female Florence Welch

Q Innovation In Sound Mark Ronson

Best Album The National - High Violet

Best Act In The World Today Kasabian

Q Icon Bryan Ferry

Q Classic Album Band On The Run - Wings

Thos

Gordon in the morning: My dinner with Paolo

Gordon Smart enjoyed a supper with Paolo Nutini and - aside from something about Nutini missing a doctor's appointment, what do you suppose the main interest was?

We were sat at a table next to RONNIE WOOD and his Brazilian girl Ana Araujo.

Ronnie must have smoked 20 cigarettes, getting up from his table every five minutes, but he wasn't drinking much. They woolfed down oysters then fish and chips before heading into the night.

Clearly, Nutini is such glittering company Gordon spent the whole night staring at Ronnie's table instead.

Nutini's appointment was at Harley Street to have his voice checked out; he'd managed to miss the first one. It sounds like he's about as bothered about his singing career as most of the world are.

Glastonbury 2009: View from the sofa - BBC 2

Ah, the senior service on BBC 2 gets a full complement of presenters - Radcliffe and Laverne sharing main duties, but throwing to Zane Lowe down in front of The Ting Tings, and Jo Whiley off in the studio.

Jo presents an acoustic performance from Paolo Nutini as if it's some sort of treat, although she does use the phrase "it's the same thing, year after year" so perhaps she was trying to be knowing.

They're currently showing a short film explaining who Neil Young is, rather than showing Neil Young playing live. Is there anyone alive who doesn't know who Young is, who is going to go "oh, if this chap David Crosby says he's worth hearing, maybe I will listen to him?"

Oh. Having spent five minutes of their time talking about Neil Young, Radcliffe is now promising they'll show him "in the next show". After - I kid you not - a Newsnight Michael Jackson special.

Isle Of Wight: Hide! Hide!

Last year, we reckon, was the peak oil year for festivals.

Now, then, we're in the long, slow, steady decline. As if the prospect of Status Quo AND Tom Jones at Glastonbury didn't prove it, here's a headline from the Daily Mail's RSS feed which, I think, shows just how broken festivals have become:

Time to go back to gigs with two, maybe three acts, and no jugglers or felafel stands in a two-mile radius.

In these shoes? Paolo Nutini's feet bought by Puma

Wasn't this supposed to be an exciting world of cross-media brand synergy deals funding musicians? Only we fail to recognise any of that sort of thing in the news that Paolo Nutini has signed a deal to promote Pumas.

Puma, the plimsoll company formed when the slightly-more-enthusiastic-about-the-Nazis Dassler brother Rudolph split from his brother Adi; not Puma, the big cat. Although we'd actually pay good money to see Paolo Nutini sharing a stage with a large feline. It wouldn't have to be a puma, either. We'd be quite happy if it was a clouded leopard, really.

It's hard to see what's in it for Puma:

In the new Puma campaign, Nutini will appear in advertising around the world performing the song New Shoes from his multi-platinum debut album, These Streets, across television, mobile, radio and online campaigns. He will also be featured in Puma stores around the world, and make a documentary for the brand and personal appearances.

A documentary about pumps presented by Paolo Nutini. Perhaps they're hoping that we'll all buy shoes to throw at him?

Paolo Nutini: A Leon Rosselson for our times

Paolo Nutini is not a happy man. Personally, if we'd managed to get so many glowing column inches despite a fairly slight talent, we'd figure the press has given us more than an even break, but Nutini feels somewhat hard done by, and has decided the best way to express his anger at a certain tabloid is to write a song about it.

You'd have thought he'd have learned by now that isn't his metier - he'd have been better off making an angry clay pot, or doodling on a pad by the telephone. But, no, song it was - titled The Sun Can Kiss My Ass:

They say things that are meant to bring you down
they put you up on your high horse and rock you til you're down
They say I hate the Pope and that I love dope
These things are meant to bring me down but The Sun can kiss my ass

We seem to have missed the coverage of Nutini's alleged marijuana-fuelled anti-Papist behaviour, but it's duly noted; we're more worried by Nutini's poor grasp of the English language, confusing "a pedestal" with a "high horse". Is it even possible for someone to put another person on a high-horse?

And, if he isn't even bovvered, why write a ditty about it?

Nutini defends Live Earth

Before he'd even taken the stage, Paolo Nutini was declaring what a success Live Earth was:

"Some people are being cynical for the sake of it," Nutini told the Daily Star. "Of course the carbon emission will be high after the gig but the pay-off is lots of individuals and companies will want to make a change as a result. That's what's important."

Well, perhaps there are some people who would react with kneejerk cynicism. On the other hand, is it not valid, if one of the ideas of the Live Earth is to make people aware of our impact on the planet, for people to question the impact of the event?

And, more to the point, can Nutini explain clearly for us why some musicians playing songs would make a difference? We really, really don't understand why - when awareness of climate change is already pretty high - people who hitherto haven't seen the need to change their behaviour would do so simply because Paolo Nutini asks them to and sings four songs? Isn't this, in a nutshell, the arrogant heart of the event exposed?

Footballers attempt to drown Paolo Nutini

We're not quite sure why Paolo Nutini was sneaking down into the Celtic dressing rooms in the first place, full of sweaty, athletic men cleaning themselves off. But when they found him there, the footballers asked him to sing (or perhaps, to stop singing) and, when he refused, Nutini was thrown in the bath.

What shall we do with him?
Chuck him in the pool

It does seem, though, they forgot the bit about filling his pockets with heavy stones first.

Paolo ponders plonk

Paolo Nutini - ironically for someone who may or may not have been drunk on stage the other night - is reported to be considering opening his own vineyard. It's not like he's trying to cut the overheads of performing or anything.

Well, that's us told

Paolo Nutini has been stung, it seems, by criticism of his singing:

After performing Alloway Groove [at his Brixton Academy gig], the Paisley soulman asked: "Does that sound like an old woman to you?"

The audience apparently thought not - although half a dozen people did turn to each other and say "oh... he's a young bloke, is she?" - but then asking people who've lashed out to come and see you live "do you agree with people who say I'm a bit rubbish" isn't the most honest way to conduct a survey, is it?

Paolo gets nod from Rod

What would you consider to be the "ultimate seal of approval" for a singer? Three nights at Wembley? Madonna trying to eat your brains? The ghost of Johnny Cash silently enjoying your gigs?

Or, maybe, some lukewarm praise from Rod Stewart.

If you're Paolo Nutini - a man whose own management appears to claim always sounds like he's drunk - you'll take what you can get:

In a BBC documentary to be shown next month, Rod said: "He's got a great career ahead of him. I really mean that, a great career."

He doesn't actually say doing what, though.

Nutini 'always talks like he's drunk'

We'd have thought that Paolo Nutini's management might have come up with a better explanation for his Swindon nightmare - he appeared to be so drunk fans walked out during his set on Sunday - than "he always talks like that", which has now locked him into having to slur his words every time he speaks in public for the forseeable future. Still, here's the official line:

Nutini's manager, Brendan Moon, said his client was just mumbling as he sang, and that the set was subject to several technical problems that made him difficult to hear.

He said last night: "Him being drunk is absolute nonsense.

"Anybody who has seen Paolo before knows it's just the way he speaks.

"He has never claimed to be an orator and he is not a brilliant public speaker, but he doesn't pretend to be."

Mr Moon said Nutini, whose debut album These Streets is now multi-platinum, had enjoyed "a couple" of beers as he listened to Sunday's [Celtic] match.

Mr Moon added: "Paolo probably had a couple of beers.

"There were also a few technical problems during the gig, but at the end everybody went mad - they loved him."

We're still amused by the idea of Swindon Oasis Centre being considered a natural venue on a "world tour", to be honest.