A Singer Must Die, but not yet: Weiland is grounded

Scott Weiland managed to take his flight out the air last night: He suffered a seizure en-route from LAX to MIA, forcing the scheduled American Airlines plane to make a non-scheduled stop at Dallas Fort Worth. Weiland went to hospital; he's fine now. It doesn't say in any of the reports, but we're betting the rest of the passengers mumbled complaints just nosily enough to avoid seeming too harsh-hearted.

Gordon in the morning: Back to reporting Amy Winehouse's movements in intricate detail

How can you make "Amy Winehouse is going to Miami" into a lead story? You can't, but Gordon will give it a go, nevertheless.

Let's just look at the glorious URL in full:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/2592680/Amy-Winehouse-is-heading-back-to-Miami-two-years-a-few-tears-and-a-divorce-since-her-last-explosive-visit-when-she-married-Blake-Fielder-Civil.html

That's quite a web address.

In a bid to try and stretch the thin detail into something that will fill a hole, a "source" is conjured up to give Amy the possibility of a phantom pregnancy:

"All her friends are worried though. She has mentioned she might meet Blake when he leaves rehab in Sheffield.

"Even more worrying is the fact that she has been feeling broody. That would be the ultimate disaster - the spawn of Fielder-Civil."

The Sun is famously cold and unloving, but I think Gordon's made-up quote hits a new low even for that paper: it's condemning a child as an "ultimate disaster" not just before it's been born, not just before it's been conceived, but at the stage of it being a vague conceptual-but-unlikely possibility. I'm confused - what do you want the people of the village to actually burn, Gordon?

Meanwhile, Iceland have dumped Kerry Katona from their adverts, "fearing a backlash" from customers. Which would be understandable, had they not had her fronting commercials for the last four years of one drug-and-addling revelation after another. Iceland have issued a statement:

"We have been working with Kerry for four years.

"She has been a successful part of our advertising campaigns, but has also been through some tough times in her personal life.

"We have always stood by her. However, following the most recent allegations, we feel it is impossible for Kerry to continue to work with us.

"We will continue to try to ensure she gets the most appropriate support, should she require our assistance."

I wonder if that's a legally binding promise, and what sort of "appropriate support" Iceland would offer, given that their expertise is in freezing mini pizzas and discounting Arctic Rolls?

It's impossible to confirm that Iceland dropped Katona this time because they felt her use of a twenty pound note to sniff the cocaine was a distraction from their value message.

2009 Festival cull: Langerado

Miami's Langerado Festival is cancelled, just five days after adding Modest Mouse and Deerhunter to the line-up.

There's an explanation:

“Langerado has always put the fan experience first. Unfortunately, during these difficult economic times, and facing a first year in a new venue, it’s become apparent that we cannot execute a production that lives up to the high standards of our past events. Putting Langerado on hold was the toughest decision we have ever had to make. We are very grateful for the support of the greater-Miami community and the music community during this difficult time.”

The festival was due at the start of next month; the suspicion has to be that it won't be the last festival to drop off the radar this year.

Kravitz croaky, laid up

Lenny Kravitz is, tonight, in a hospital in Miami. He's been suffering from respiratory problems since the start of the year; now, it's turned into bronchitis.

A spokesperson issued a statement:

"Due to extreme dehydration and fatigue, doctors were unable to control it with outpatient treatment and advised the singer to check into the hospital. He was taken this morning to the emergency room at Mount Sinai Hospital in Miami for immediate treatment."

Dehydration? It's a refreshing change for a musician to go and get treatment because they've not been drinking enough.

Been to Miami? Lovely, Miami

Amy Winehouse and her husband Broke Folding-Bicycle are apparently considering a move to Miami. Apparently the advantages over their current Camden home include the better climate, links with their romance, and far, far fewer people taking pictures of Winehouse slurping beer when she's meant to be playing gigs.

Miami police seek Fat Joe

Looking for Fat Joe wouldn't take that much work, you'd have thought - it's not like trying to sport a wren in a cornfield, is it? Apparently they think Joe might have witnessed a double murder following an argument in a restaurant car park:

Two men in their twenties were shot dead after an altercation in a parking lot in the South Beach area. Lessli Paz, 25 was killed instantly while Joey Navarro, 26 suffered three gunshot wounds and died later in hospital.

Police say the rapper Fat Joe may have been traveling in the same Cadillac Escalade and was probably a witness to the murders.

A Miami man, Jermaine Chamberline, 24, was arrested in connection with the incident.

Joe seems to have got away from the shootings pretty swiftly, which is, in itself, quite surprising.

Mark Ronson bumps into P Diddy in a surprising nightclub

No, it's not that sort of clubbing surprise - although that would be priceless ("Uh... hang about, is this a gay club? I didn't know that when I came in..." "No... me neither...") - instead, it's just a rather dull anecdote about how cool Diddy is, and, by implication, how cool Ronson is too:

"Diddy's a man of few words, but he's always up for parties. I once ran into him in this seedy part of Miami really far from all the big clubs. I could tell he was completely fucked.

"We were laughing about exactly what two New York hip-hop stars were doing on a Miami back-street.."

How cool the pair of you are, going to clubs where they probably only have the one sort of champagne. This tale of living on the edge might be slightly more impressive if Diddy didn't travel with a security entourage twice the size of the Dutch navy.